Chapter 13 - spy

I don't know how long I've been here. A day? A week? A year? I haven't just lost track of time. I've lost my physical and emotional strength. I've lost my dignity. But so far, I've won. They've tortured me in every way possible, physical or emotional and they haven't been able to get a single word out of my mouth.

Every now and then someone brings me a glass of water or a tray with something disgusting they call food. I haven't touched any of it. I don't feel hungry or thirsty anymore. I only feel pain. Not the physical kind, the cold numbs me enough for that. No, the pain I feel comes from having no idea where my sister is. Or Posy, or Gale for that matter. It comes from not knowing whether they're alive or not.

At some point they lead me to the back yard of the school. Three people were standing against the wall and six soldiers were aiming their weapons at them. I was forced to stand there and witness the execution of those people. The brilliant, almost blinding, sunlight of that cold winter morning did not keep me from seeing Finnick's expressionless face, before they covered it with a pillowcase, a bullet find his chest and him fall on the ground in a pool of his own blood. It didn't keep me from watching them throw his body unceremoniously in the freshly dug hole.

As much as his death hurts me, I'm glad that he's out of his misery. I can only hope that they'll decide to put me out of mine soon.

I don't even bother looking around when I am awake anymore. I am very well aware of my surroundings. Did I pass out again? Oh, well, it seems to be the only way to find some peace these days, anyway.

"Thank you." I hear someone say right outside my door. "I only want to see her for a few minutes."

I hear my door open and close very quickly, but I don't bother looking up. I remain curled up on my favorite spot, staring at the wall.

"Oh my God! Katniss!" Peeta says in a low voice. "What have they done to you?"

He kneels by my side and gently touches my shoulder, to make me turn and face him.

"What have they done to you?" he whispers again, when he sees my face.

"What's the matter, Peeta?" I ask, barely able to maintain a steady voice. "You hadn't realized what your friends were capable of?"

"Good to see you haven't lost your spirit" he chuckles as he helps me get up. "Your hands are very cold… you must be freezing!" he observes.

Before I have time to say anything he unbuttons his long coat, pulls me in his arms and wraps it around me.

I'm thinking I should pull away, but like I said before, I have no dignity left. I'm starved for warmth and human closeness, even if that human is Mellark, so I just rest my head on his chest and my hands on his waist. I take a deep breath, inhaling his scent. This is probably the last memory of anything good I'll ever have.

"Wow, prison has really changed you." he mutters.

Any other place or time a comment like that would have won him an insult, but there's only one thing I'm interested in.

"Prim?" I ask.

"They asked her some questions and she gave them fake answers. They assumed you grown-ups lied to the kid to protect her so they sent her to Enobaria's, along with the Hawthorne baby. She couldn't stand them for more than a day so she let the doctor take them."

Good. At least they're safe for now.

"Why did you come?" I ask again.

"To get you out" he whispers in my ear. He pushes me away enough to reach into an inside pocket and hands me a small gun.

"I hear you have a pretty good aim." He smiles. "Stay behind me."

In a matter of seconds I find myself hiding behind him, while he knocks the door. He says something in German and the door flies open.

Peeta's bullet finds the Nazi's skull and he pulls me out in the hallway.

"More will be coming for us, so if you have to kill, kill." He tells me quickly.

We run down the corridor, towards the exit.

"Gale" I say.

"Not now, Katniss!" Peeta says pushing me to a corner.

He shoots at the two soldiers that are approaching us. His bullet grazes one in the arm and they fire back. Peeta tries to protect me with his body, but I go around him and shoot. My bullet finds the other one in the chest, at the same time Peeta's finds the first in the leg. The soldier falls to the ground, next to his dead friend. He keeps firing at us but we manage to avoid getting hurt and soon enough we are out of his sight. We keep running for what seems like an eternity and then I stop.

"Peeta" I croak. I can barely breath.

"Come on, Katniss, we don't have time!" He puts an arm around my waist and pulls me forward. On our way to the exit we come across five more soldiers, all of which end up lying on the floor. It is a miracle that we're still alive.

On the ground floor we hide behind the staircase and Peeta replaces the weapon in my hand.

"This one's full." He explains.

"How many…" I begin to ask.

"Hopefully enough to get us out of here." He interrupts me.

We walk quietly towards the main door and he opens the door slowly. I'm ready to fire, but all I can see is two bodies lying on the ground.

Peeta walks up to them and kicks them hard. They appear to be dead.

"Good." He mutters. "They're here."

I want to ask who "they" are but he's leading me to the trucks on the side of the school so I decide to remain silent.

We check every single vehicle to make there aren't any hidden surprises and all of them turn out clear.

"That's not a good sign." Peeta mutters.

"What?"

"No one is outside. That means they're all in there." He points at the school.

I stare at him, confused, but he just shakes his head. He takes off his coat and hands it to me.

"Thanks" I say as I wrap myself with it. I realize that I'm freezing.

He's now unbuttoning his shirt and just as I'm about to ask what he's doing, I realize he's wearing another one underneath, very similar to the kind the Nazis wear. That, however, is not what attracts my attention.

"You're bleeding." I point at his leg.

"Yeah, I guess it's had a rough time these past couple of weeks. Don't worry, it's just a graze." He shrugs.

I still take the shirt from his hands and tie it around the wound.

He opens the door of the truck we've been hiding behind and holds out a hand.

"Ladies first" he says, helping me climb inside. He follows me and sits on the driver's seat.

He takes a key out of his shirt's pocket.

"They should be done by now." he mutters as he turns the key and the truck roars to life.

He tells me to hide and I'm more than happy to slide in the empty space in front of my seat.

Without a visual I can only guess what is happening. He drives for a minute, he stops and I hear people climbing on the back of the truck.

"Go, Peeta, they're coming!" I hear a female voice. It sounds familiar but I can't quite place it.

"Is she ok?" Johanna asks. Johanna?

"Yes. Katniss, you can get up now." Peeta tells me.

Very slowly and very aware of my sore body I rise to my seat.

"Johanna, what are you doing here?" I ask.

"No time for small talk, girl."

It's dark outside and I'm not sure I know exactly where we are. Somewhere in the dead zone, I assume.

When we are about to reach the forest, Peeta stops the truck. "This is where you get off." He smiles at me.

I look at him with uncertainty. "What about you?" I ask.

"Good to know you're worried about me." He says.

"Good to know you have a soul." I wink at him.

When I shut the door behind me and Peeta leaves, the only thing that allows me to see anything is Johanna's flashlight. I can see her figure along with two others.

"Gale? Annie?" I ask hesitantly.

"Did you think we'd leave him in there?" Annie asks.

"We're free, Catnip." Gale says with difficulty.

God it feels good to be free. Unless I move too fast. Or stand for too long. Or breathe.

It takes us so long to get to the shelter that Annie has to practically carry me for the last few yards.

"Annie…" I say weakly.

"I know about Finnick." She tells me quietly. "I know you were there."

"How do you…" I begin to ask.

"Peeta" she explains. "I'm glad he had a familiar face with him until the end." Her voice breaks but I pretend not to notice.

We finally reach the place and find ourselves surrounded by Effie, Haymitch and Prim. Posy is sleeping in a corner.

Haymitch turns his attention to Gale, who seems to be in a much worse condition than me.

Johanna helps me change and I can see her eyes widening once I remove whatever is left from my dress.

"That bad, huh?" I ask.

"It sure isn't pretty…" she mutters.

Effie gives me a dress but I'm not allowed to put it on before my sister takes a good look at me.

They make both Gale and me sit by the fire and throw blankets over our shoulders. We're sipping some soup when Peeta walks in.

"Ditched the truck and they're off my trail!" he announces proudly.

"Good job, Peeta." Annie pats his shoulder.

I have so many questions but not the energy for conversation so I just lie by the fire and drift off.

I can't believe I get to see the light of the day again. As soon as I open my eyes I wrap my blanket around my shoulders and go outside. I notice Peeta sitting on a rock, not very far from the hut.

"Good morning." I say and sit beside him.

"Oh, hey!" he smiles at me. "How did you sleep?"

"Well… I slept… that's a first after…" I can't finish the sentence.

"They didn't let you sleep?" he asks, but I can tell he regrets the question.

"I mostly passed out, I think. Haymitch said I have a concussion."

"Oh…"

"Peeta?" I ask. "How long was I in there?"

"Four days."

"And how were you involved in all this?"

"I've been working with Annie since before she approached you."

"What?" I say a little too loudly. "How?"

"Well, I overheard some guys talking about something weird going on in the woods. I decided to check it out and I came across her. She had difficulty trusting me, but I was in the perfect position for information. She couldn't pass the opportunity." He explains.

"So, you've been some sort of a double agent?"

"You could say that, I assume."

"Did you know I was involved in this?"

"I did."

"Why didn't you say anything? Why did you let me call you a traitor and treat you the way I did?"

"Well… I didn't want to blow my cover, for one thing… I wasn't exactly a saint either, I mean I did originally become friends with them… and I like it when you're being feisty. It's very inspiring." He smiles at me.

"Why the change of heart?" I ask, reluctant to address the compliment.

"No change of heart. I never understood their way of thinking. I just followed my family's example. My mother likes them. My father does whatever my mother tells him. So do my brothers, on some level. And so did I for a while. I can't say that I'm not going to miss some of them, but I know if I go back, I'm dead."

"Aren't you going to miss your family?" I ask.

"You ask way too many questions today…" he chuckles. "I'll miss them, I guess. My brothers, mostly."

"If I may ask one more…" I say hesitantly, but I wait until he nods to continue. "That day I apologized to you… Annie had asked me to do that to keep you away from witnessing something…"

"Keep me away from Sae's place…" he interrupts me.

"Yeah, that… if you were already working with her, why did I need to keep you distracted?"

"To give me an alibi… there was a rumor that I was against them after all and they seemed to believe it… they suspected that our relationship was not real. That day we convinced them that there was nothing suspicious about it; it just looked like I was having girl trouble."

I stare at him for a long moment. It is amazing how good a liar someone can be.

"I just realized…" I say slowly. "I never thanked you for getting me out."

"You're welcome." He gently strokes my back.

"I wish there was something I could do for you." I mutter.

"You don't like owing anything to anyone, do you?"

I shake my head.

"There is something you could do for me." He says hesitantly.

"What?" I ask eagerly.

"Consider coming to the Capitol with us."

"Us?"

"Annie, Effie, Haymitch and I are going. The Organization needs more manpower and we are willing to offer our services."

"Peeta, that's not something I can decide on my own."

"Just consider it, ok? I know for a fact you have a lot to offer and we work pretty well together. Plus, I'd like to spend more time with you, now that you actually know the truth about me."

I'm not sure that I want to have this conversation with my family, until they ask me why I'm so nervous.

"Go." Gale tells me when I'm done explaining. "He's right, you do have a lot to offer. Being separated for a while is a small price to pay for our freedom."

"Let me come with you" Prim begs me.

"What?" I look at her horrified.

"Haymitch says he wants me to go with him, if you let me." Prim explains.

"Again. What?"

"Effie says there's some sort of facility for injured rebels. They could use some help and Haymitch thinks I should go. I won't be able to learn anything here, Katniss."

I consider that for a moment. If I make her stay here with Gale, she'll be sentenced to hide in this Godforsaken place, unable to do what she loves, and she'll have me to thank for that. Besides, I have to admit, staying is not the safest option for her either.

"I guess it's up to you, little duck." I smile at her.

"Thank you, Katniss, thank you!" she wraps her arms around me so tightly that my already sore body is screaming of pain.

"I'm so sorry" she pulls away after a second.

"What about you?" I ask Gale.

"I can't exactly go anywhere." He points at Posy.

"But you can't raise her on your own!" I protest.

"I won't be alone. Johanna and Beetee are staying here. Between the three of us we can handle a baby." He says.

"Ok then… I guess I'm going to the Capitol." I smile.