So today's chapter comes with a story and a shout-out. Shout-out to all those who've been so encouraging with your reviews. As for the story...
This chapter almost wasn't. I had lost a piece of this, a piece that was three pages long, and it actually brought tears to my eyes (and I generally don't cry about anything). When I attempted to rewrite the piece from memory, I kept thinking that what I had lost was pure gold and at best the rewrite would be silver. That depressed me and I would not stand for that because for both my effort and my readers, they deserve the best. The loss was almost so severe that I wasn't sure if I could continue. However, thanks to what could only be the grace of God, my own stubbornness and Google, I managed to get back the piece I had lost. I present to you the golden chapter as it was meant to be. I've learn a valuable lesson from this and so the tragedy did indeed serve a purpose if not more than one. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Despite a very odd dream about flying zebras and fried chicken, I woke up feeling something very close to invincibility. It was a new day and a new beginning—the beginning of a me who was less afraid and more capable.
I flew out of bed and hummed my way through the morning chores and grooming. I went into the kitchen, as my mom was chopping onions no less, and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
"Wow. That was some exercise yesterday if you can come in here like this," she commented.
"I still feel a little ounce of fear at seeing it but it isn't enough to stop me anymore or arrest me where I am."
"Ask him what he likes to eat. When he comes for dinner, for what he's done, he deserves a nice feast." I chuckled.
"Agreed. I don't know how to repay him though. I don't know what he likes."
"Look around. Use what you know about him to find something."
"I think I'll have to do that. But he comes for me after school." She stopped chopping and looked at me.
"He does?"
"Yeah. Well, I can't walk to the HQ, you know. It's kind of far." She picked back up the knife and continued working.
"I'd ask you where it is but I think I'd prefer it if you didn't tell me. Ask him to make a detour and then tell him to wait outside while you look around."
"Hm. Viable idea. We'll see how it goes." The shuffling of feet, when I turned to investigate, was accompanied by a sleepy-looking January in pink bunny slippers and PJs to match, blue with pink bunnies on it.
"Good morning everybody," she said.
"Hey, Jan. What's up?"
"Am I seeing correctly? I mean, I know I'm still probably like half asleep but it looks to me like you're in the kitchen when mom is chopping vegetables for dinner tonight. With the knife." I smiled at her.
"You were already asleep when I got home so I couldn't tell you. Yesterday, Batman had Robin help me get over my phobia."
"Wow. Seriously? Wait, it was just you and Robin?"
"Um, yeah."
"You're so lucky it's disgusting."
"Really, January? I'm disgusting? He comes over every so often and you can't even come out and have a decent conversation with him."
"You know I'm shy. He's freaking Robin, for goodness' sake. It's not like trying to talk to the captain of the whatever team girls usually go nuts for. Anyway, you know I Googled what the fear if knives is called. It's aichmophobia." I gave her a long look then walked over to her and ruffled her hair.
"You're so bored!" I said, laughing.
"Right you are."
"Hy?" mom asked.
"Yes, mom?"
"Why are you already dressed? Isn't it kind of early?" I shrugged.
"I'm in a good mood and feeling very well rested." She laughed.
"You're such a strange child." She started putting the chopped veggies into various sealed bags and putting them in the fridge. "Oh, well, it's twenty to seven. I should head down to work now." She kissed my forehead and then January's before she headed out of the kitchen and we stepped out of the kitchen to watch her leave. "Bye, kids. See you later. Don't be late for school." We said goodbye at the same time and then the door shut behind her. I turned back to January.
"Want breakfast?" I asked her.
"Sure. Can you make me something for lunch, too, please?"
"Sure thing, kid. Now go brush your hair and stuff," I said, ruffling her hair again. "It's a mess."
"Gee, I wonder whose fault is that." I just laughed and grabbed the knife mom had just washed to go cut some ingredients for our food.
The minute Tanya saw me walk into school, she quickly came to my side and handed me a muffin.
"Homemade?" I asked.
"Yes. My mom says hi. But that's not why I'm here."
"O...kay."
"Did you think about what I told you yesterday?"
"Endlessly. It made me cranky all evening."
"Good. How do you feel now?"
"A little better. I've decided to make peace with it for now by ignoring it and just as soon as I feel better integrated into some things, I'll begin the moving on process."
"What? You're not even going to try to make him fall for you?"
"I can't explain it properly, Tan, but it's just not possible. He and I are kind of in a sketchy situation and a relationship isn't possible in that kind of situation. It's not a smart thing either."
"You're scared."
"That's not what I said."
"But you are scared, yes?" I exhaled.
"Maybe a little, yes."
"Well, that's okay. It's normal to be scared of a relationship, especially with someone you haven't known that long. That's the excitement and interesting part of it, really. Hy, you can't give up so easily just because you think the conditions aren't right. This guy is special, Hy. Don't let go of him. At least try first."
"Now, see, if you know all of this already, why do you always get into the wrong relationships?"
"I'm still learning this stuff, Hy. Every time you save me from one of those, I reflect when I'm alone and learn from my mistakes. I'm not as stubborn as you think, Hy."
"I don't think you're stubborn. Just a little misguided sometimes."
"Life is a learning experience; we learn from our mistakes. I'm just taking care to make all the mistakes I can now so I can gain as much wisdom as I can. And all that wisdom, I shall impart to you who doesn't seem to make quite so many mistakes."
"Oh, I make mistakes alright, and generally the kind that will end with me being in a very bad situation." Like dead. "He's kind of helping me with that."
"And you want to let that go?" I waited for a long moment, thinking. "Well, it wasn't rhetorical. Do you? Do you really?" I exhaled.
"No. I don't."
"Okay. Well, now, decide where you're going to go with it and what you're going to do. The bell's about to ring." It rang just as on cue. "Now think about it some more and we'll talk when we can. I've got some teachers to see during lunch today."
"Tan, what did you do?"
"I kinda sorta got hungry during Miss Mather's Social Studies class and got caught eating a pack of chips. Sue me for being a hungry ballerina. Having practice from three thirty to seven is rough." The halls started to empty. "Now get to class before I get in trouble for something else." I chuckled.
"You're such a delinquent. I'll see you later."
"Okay."
During my solitary lunch break, I proceeded to give some thought to the thing that I had been putting off in an attempt to pay attention in class. It demanded attention and while I was alone, I could think of it freely.
As if I hadn't had enough reasons to, Robin helping me get over my fear was like throwing a barrel of kerosene on each tree of a forest fire. His being there when I was most vulnerable, holding my hand, guiding my movements, keeping my company, his gentle tone, his solid encouragement, they really weren't helping the situation. Doing something like that, in movies, it tended to be the thing that caused the evolution from like to love because it was such a powerful thing to help someone get over their fear.
What he had done, it was not something to be taken lightly. It wasn't like a simple favour. He didn't help me with homework or lend me twenty bucks. He essentially took his time and made me a better version of the person I was. He essentially fought in a war beside me or helped me to learn to walk after my legs had healed from an accident. He empowered me. And empowering someone like that was something that didn't have a price. He had practically given me back a part of my life that I had lost. That was the deepest, truest and most valuable thing that he could do for me. It showed me that he was truly selfless and generous, more than I had already known by how he was dedicated to going out and saving others though his life would be at stake. If that wasn't something to like about someone, then what really was?
But I still had an awful lot of hoops to go through before I was in any position to comfortably allow myself to start the moving on process. That would take lots of time and patience. Among school, team practice and going out at nights, I really didn't have the time to invest the necessary focus and concentration and will to start to let go, especially if I was going to see him just about every day.
Then again, on second thought, shouldn't that have been the ideal environment and reason to start getting over him? Sure, our interactions may have served only to bring me further into liking him, but because I would be constantly around him, because we would have to be teammates and friends and I had already come to the conclusion that he probably couldn't afford the opportunity to even try to be with me, then I should start right away on trying to let go by controlling my thoughts and doing whatever it took and investing what was necessary into moving on.
Tanya's point surfaced. But did I really want to lose someone like that? Someone who was so caring, such a good friend, such a truly good person?
That depended on the definition of 'losing'. By moving on, I was merely freeing myself from the possibility of there being or not being anything more between us. I wouldn't really lose him. He'd still be around. He would still be there for me. We would still have the same kind of relationship. I would insult him. He'd insult me back. We'd laugh it off. I would just be able to not feel that anxiety when our faces were close when I pinned him to the floor at the end of a sparring match, nor would I see the duplicity in various things I said or situations. That wasn't really losing him.
What I would lose was any solid hold I would wish to have on such a wonderful person. He would be free to look at every pretty girl he saw, even date some of them. He'd be free to go out with any of them. His affections and attention would not belong to me. He would just be free of my affections, the affections that he did not know about but that longed to hold him to me and me alone.
I was a maniac for construing a simple crush so deeply. But honestly, that was the true depth of it as I could rationalise. I had broken it down into its various tiers and there were quite a few. I liked him more for his cuteness or how fun he was or for how cool he was. I liked him for more reasons than that he was a hero. His being cute and fun was the icing on the cake. His amiable personality and how easy it was for me to relate to him and just talk to him was what really made me like him. It was also, in retrospect, what had made me like Jason. As my best friend, it was so easy to just be around him, despite some of his more questionable or unappealing traits. His language had been about four times worse than mine and he would opt most days to sit in front of him TV and watch anime with me instead of doing his homework, but he was always there for me, spoke freely with me and I was able to speak freely with him. I kept that crush from him and he moved. I found out far too late that he had felt the same way. Since that had been possible, was I willing to give up despite the fact that something like that could certainly happen again? Was that the real reason why I was choosing to ignore it 'for now' and deal with it later?
I found that I was probably more in a tizzy now than I had been before I had decided to give this deeper thought. Perhaps I needed to sit down and come to a final decision, pick a definite road and stop thinking about all other possibilities. The road that seemed most appealing was to ignore it. The road that looked most right was to start to move on. The road I wished I could take the most was the one where I told him how I felt and got back a similar sentiment.
Being a teenager sure did suck. I wanted to ask my mom what to do but I wasn't sure if telling my mom was the right thing to do. Then again, honestly, my mom probably already knew. She was a sharp woman and sometimes I thought she was a telepath. There were really no disadvantages to telling my mom, only helpful advantages. But it was still a little embarrassing to talk about.
The bell rang and I made my way to my next class. When school ended, I was just a tad bit on edge. Robin would be outside somewhere waiting for me. It was best for me to try not to let it show that I was thinking too much.
As was predictable, Robin's smile greeted me and I could feel my heart ramming into my chest. This was going to be harder than I thought it would be. Damn him for being so darn cute.
"What's up, Hy?" he asked, greeting me as we started to walk together.
"Nothing. I can't wait for the semester to end. Two weeks is far too many." He chuckled.
"Oh, come on. School can't be that bad."
"It usually isn't. I'm just extra tired of it. Or maybe just extra tired, period."
"Maybe if you stopped going out at night—"
"Don't even say it, sidekick. You know I can't do that."
"Hy, I think you're stressing yourself out more than necessary. You won't last like that."
"Wow, Robin. Your words of encouragement are gold."
"Come on, Hy—"
"Can we make a pit stop?"
"What?"
"A pit stop. I have to stop at a store just around the block."
"For what?"
"If I tell you, I'd have to kill you."
"Um, o...kay then." We reached the corner of the street and I headed very quickly to the store to make sure they were even open. Realising that they were, I stopped at the entrance of the store and waited for him to catch up. "So, what—"
"I can't tell you! Did you not just hear me say that?" I exclaimed, hands in the air. He chuckled.
"Alright, alright. Geez. I'll wait here."
"Good. And no peaking inside the store either."
"Ooh, is it something embarrassing?"
"You'll never know because you will stay here and gaze at the road while I'm in there." It was more of a command than a request and he just looked at me, eyebrows lifted and then gave in.
"Alright, fine. But only because I'm such a good friend."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever, sidekick."
"Respect is the least I could get if—" I chuckled and walked off into the store, eyes quickly scanning for something to get him. I had been counting on his friendly loyalty to keep him out of the store and I wasn't disappointed. When I looked back, he was staring aimlessly at the sky and then the ground and then shifted his attention to his watch. I had to fight the urge to burst into laughter.
I scanned all of the various towers and racks carefully while trying to be thorough, looking for something that screamed 'Robin' at me, but there was nothing. I felt slightly disheartened when I saw the shopkeeper behind the counter looking at me and I gave him a smile. No matter what kind of strange object I came looking for in this store, I'd either find it or Thomas could tell me where I could. He was a burly fifty-five year old man with a greying beard and a friendly, wrinkled face who was strangely knowledgeable about all sorts of things. I approached the counter and his smile widened infinitesimally.
"Well, if it isn't my odd friend, Hyacinth. What can I help you with today, kid?"
"I'm looking for a present for that guy standing at the door."
"Boyfriend?"
"No."
"The blush on your cheeks tells me you'd like him to be. Never mind that, what exactly are you looking for?"
"I dunno. Something way cool and maybe something high-tech." He laughed a little and I smiled at his laughter.
"I think I might have something like that. They're brand new, in fact. I've got some laser straps." My eyes flitted to the rod just behind him which was holding a number of leather straps on them.
"Those things behind you?"
"Well, your eyes sure are sharp, young lady. Indeedy." He took down one of the straps and put it on the counter.
"What are they for?" He chuckled.
"They're storage units that can hold as much as fifty-four gigabytes. It's like a flash drive except it uses a laser to link it to the PC, not a USB interface."
"Well, definitely très cool and high-tech. But it just looks like a leather bracelet, if you ask me." He gestured for me to hand it over and I did and he pulled on a part of it and it opened out to reveal four small pins and four corresponding holes into which they fit.
"These four pins are where the laser comes out of. Just point the laser anywhere on the system unit and the lasers find and connect to the hard drive and show up just like a flash drive would. After it establishes the location of the hard drive, the laser flashes green for a second then turns back blue or red, depending on which one you buy. After that, you can move it around wherever you want, but the lasers remain trained on the location of the hard drive for data transfer."
"Flash memory, just like a flash drive?"
"Yeah. Upgradable, too. Just change the micro-SD card to whatever size you want." He pulled on another piece of the band about a centimetre away from the pins and a micro-SD reader with a card sticking out of it became visible."
"Yup. Très cool." He laughed. I noticed there was a letter engraved on the leather. "What's the letter for?"
"So it looks like an ordinary leather bracelet. The inside is lined with rubber though and the thing will last longer than the SD card will."
"Where do you find this stuff?"
"I look."
"Do you happen to have one with the letter 'R' on it?"
"I've got the whole alphabet, honey." I nodded.
"Be right back." I ran outside, stood in the doorway and Robin's eyes came to me with a half-amused expression. "Red or blue?"
"Red or blue what?"
"Lights. Just pick one. Which do you like better?"
"Why should my preference—"
"Oh, fruitcake, just pick one!"
"Okay, okay. Red."
"Thank you!" I ran back inside and Thomas laughed at the way I was rushing. "I'd like a red laser with an R on it, please. How much?"
"Fifty bucks." I nearly gawked but the thing was high-tech and really cool and fifty dollars was nothing compared to having gotten piece of my life back.
"I'll give you forty-five because I know you that you rip people off." He laughed his hearty laugh.
"You're a little too smart, kid. Forty-five it is, but only because it's you." I beamed a smile up at him and handed over the money as he wrapped it up.
"Thank you, Thomas. You're a lifesaver."
"Okay, kid. Good luck with him." I rolled my eyes and took the bag as he handed it to me. I waved behind me as I rushed out and shoved the plastic back into my book bag.
"Okay. Let's go," I said, giving Robin a smile.
Just as soon as we were at the HQ, I dug in my bag and brought forth his present.
"This is for yesterday. Thank you for being there for me and helping me out. I can't ever really repay you for that but this is a start," I said.
"Hy, you really didn't have to. I was just following orders."
"That may be but you don't understand how you've helped me, how both of you have helped me. I figure buying for your mentor is going to be a bit harder that it was buying for you. I just hope you like it." He started opening it and I started to head to the bathroom to change when his hand on my arm stopped me.
"Stay," he said slowly. I obeyed and not a second later, his present was unwrapped and under his scrutiny. "How cool! I saw these in a magazine like two weeks ago. They're really awesome."
"Glad you like it."
"I more than like it. The thought counts for more, too." I gave him a little half-smile which he mirrored and I wasn't sure if I was standing there waiting for him to say something else or if he was waiting for me to say something else because we were both just standing there, staring at each other. Kaldur emerged and my eyes went to him.
"Oh, good. You're here. I've heard that Batman is on his way here with an assignment. You should both go get suited up," he said.
"Sure thing," I replied. I could feel the adrenaline beginning to make its way through my veins before I even knew where we were going or what we were doing. I was actually going on a mission with my team. It was just another benchmark of my integration. I looked back at Robin and gave him a wider smile. "Come on. I'm sure you're going to need ten minutes just to get into those tights," I teased.
"Oh, you're so full of it," he replied, chuckling as we headed away from the entrance. He nudged me with an elbow and I nudged back. Our friendship was comfortable. Maybe liking from a distance wouldn't be that bad after all. With the way things were going, I wasn't sure if moving on without a flat out rejection would be possible. There was just too much about him to like. Even with his overly tight suit that was only too fun to tease him about. I laughed to myself, probably sounding a bit crazy to anyone who heard me, but I didn't care. I was in a rather happy situation in my life and that was all that mattered.