14. Bargain

Jasper was in the room before the glass hit the floor. He jumped in between us and shoved Jacob behind him.

"Hey!" Jacob objected.

"Careful, Jacob," Jasper warned. "Let me handle this."

"Come on, Jaz. Bella won't hurt me."

His words came out a bit slower and more plaintive than I would have expected. Maybe he was just tired, or maybe my mind worked so much faster now that everything seemed slow to me. It was probably a combination of both. I was also surprised that I was even able to consider these things, enraged as I was. I knew that vampires were able to think about more than one thing at a time, much better than a human could, but it still surprised me. Then I realized that I wasn't actually thinking about two things at the same time. I had gotten distracted. Easily distracted, our one weakness. I shook my head and turned my attention back to getting past Jasper.

"No?" Jasper asked. "Jacob, she's already hurt you. Your ear is bleeding."

What? I'd hurt Jake? This time, I wasn't distracted. I very consciously allowed my anger to ebb, as I turned my attention back to Jacob. Blood dribbled from his right ear. It looked delicious. It looked much better than it smelled. It smelled enticing but slightly gamey. It reminded me of eating at some ethnic restaurant where they cooked with unfamiliar spices. And it reminded me that I was hungry. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I tried to focus on the fact that Jacob was hurt. That distracted me from my anger for a moment, only to have my rage redouble as I realized that Edward had made me hurt him! One more thing the filthy bloodsucker had to answer for.

"Huh," Jacob grunted in surprise. He wiped a little blood from his ear and looked at it. Why did humans do stupid things like that? Surely he already knew what his blood looked like. "Guess she busted an eardrum. S'okay. It'll heal in a minute."

"Bella," he said in a cooing voice, turning his attention back to me. "Calm down. Edward didn't do anything. Renesmee imprinted on him. He's no more to blame than Claire or Emily are."

He sounded reasonable, but my quick new brain was already two steps ahead of him. While I looked for an opening to get around Jasper, I diverted a fraction of my attention back to Jacob, to patiently explain to him why Edward had to die.

"Did you not tell me yourself that the vampires were to blame for the werewolves' curse?" I asked. "That it was their – our – chaotic and evil magic that made Sam forsake Leah, and turned Quil into a toddler's pet? Of course it's not Emily's or Claire's fault. But it is Edward's. And now he has turned that black magic on my – little – girl!"

"Yeah, well...," Jacob hemmed and hawed lamely.

The poor dear. I never realized before how simple he was, how simple all humans were. I would not be like other vampires; I wouldn't think of humans or werewolves as prey or cattle. But I could see now that they were sort of like pets, or at least children. They needed someone to look after them. I would look after Jacob now, the way that he had looked after me before – just as soon as I took care of Edward, and got my daughter out of the fiend's clutches. Renesmee obviously needed my protection and guidance even more than Jacob did. She was just a baby, after all. But even if, like Jacob, she could never be my mental equal, I would still love her and protect her.

"I don't think he did it on purpose," Jacob continued, and I was beginning to get exasperated; the expression, seen and not heard, came to mind. "And I don't think I can begrudge him a couple of months of smiles and hugs for... Think about it Bells. What kind of evil mastermind makes a deal like that? I mean..."

"Shut up, Jacob. Shut up."

I heard Edward's voice clearly, as if it was right beside my ear, but my new awareness told me that it was the barest whisper, spoken from downstairs.

Jacob rolled his eyes indulgently. "She can't read my mind the way you can, Edward," he said. "But she can hear you."

Edward was in the room before Jacob finished talking, looking petulant and embarrassed. He looked at me, but he did not speak to me. Smart man. Something passed between him and Jacob, as it often did between Edward and his family members. They would often share a thought with him, and he would respond non-verbally. For the first time, I found it annoying. How did the others put up with it?

"Please, Jacob," Edward pleaded. "Give her a little more time."

"That's what I'm doing!" Jacob answered angrily, though it didn't seem the anger was directed at Edward. "By not letting her waste the time she's got."

"Bella," he said to me, "two months. You'll have plenty of time to be mad at him later. But put your anger down for two months."

"Sure, sure," I said sarcastically. "The Volturi are coming. We'll all be dead in two months."

I'd seen this picture before. And Frankly, I was getting a little bored by it. Death had lost a bit of it's sting for me – been there, done that. I got the tee shirt, and the hangover.

"No, Bella," Jacob corrected me. "Alice had a new vision as soon as you started turning into a vampire. We don't all have to die. Only one of us does."

Oh. Well, I guess it still stung a little. But really, I'd already made my peace with it. I was ready to die for my family. I just needed to kill Edward first.

Then I saw Jacob's expression, the sadness in his eyes, aimed in a direction where I never, ever, thought to see it. My mind cleared, and my knees weakened, as reality struck home.

Since awakening as a vampire, I'd felt enormously, unbelievably, strong. Gravity, that chainer of worlds that used to hold me down and subject me to frequent scrapes and indignities, seemed to brush against me now like the lightest down feather. I had laughed at its impotence. But now I sank to my knees, like a mortal with the weight of the whole world crushing her.

Edward.

I don't know if I spoke the word out loud, but he was there beside me before my knees hit the floor.

"There, there, Bella," he whispered as he hugged me. "It's alright."

I shook my head. No.

No.

"Bella," he said more firmly, "Jacob was wrong."

I looked up begrudgingly, to look for the lie in his eyes. He could never lie to me – not about really important things. I wouldn't have been fooled by him last September, if I had not been so ready to believe in my own inadequacy. I would not be fooled now. But when I looked into his eyes, I saw only sincerity.

"About the bargain I made," he explained.

"You know, I consider myself a pretty good negotiator." He tapped his psychic and brilliant head conspiratorially. "But trading eternity for a couple of months of smiles and hugs, and sharing diaper duties with Jacob – well, that's the best deal I've ever made. Heck, for the hollow and pointless existence I had to look forward to, even a few weeks would have been a steal."

I smiled weakly and squinted. He looked fuzzy.

"There, there," he said, wiping my face with his hands. "You don't want to get tears on Jacob or Renesmee. They'll burn them, you know. You have to be careful."

Oh. So this was crying. Alice had said it was hard to do. That was the first time I'd ever known her to be wrong.

We knelt there, holding each other. After a few seconds, I reached one hand over my shoulder to take Jake's warm hand in mine. And we were still for several minutes. I could feel the hunger coming on me, and I knew that I would have to tend to that soon. But for just a few minutes, I was whole.