A/N: Well… Osama Bin Laden is dead. But Ed is too, and who is more important right now? That's right! Ed! I mean, come on! If Edo wasn't more important to you, you'd be reading the news instead of this stupid story! ONWARD! ! !

Disclaimer: I really do care more about the fictional world than the real one. I'm not crazy *shifty eyes*. I don't own these characters, except for my OCs, I'm writing this during Religion class, and THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!

The first thing Ed noticed was the whiteness of it all. A vast sea of pure white. But… no, it wasn't the whiteness of The Gate. It was different, somehow. It seemed to swirl as if it was some kind of mist. He could feel it as it moved around him, both warm and cool at the same time. Ed liked it. It felt nice. Peaceful, relaxing, blissful even. He didn't know where he was, but, for some reason, he didn't care. He just wanted to stay there and…

Something grabbed his wrist and began to pull. Pull him away from the mist. When whatever-it-was pulled him out, he felt something like intense pain, only on a deeper level. He gritted his teeth and fell to his knees.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure it must hurt to be pulled out of Heaven like that," he heard a gentle voice say. Ed groaned. The pain had dulled a little, but still. He looked up to see who'd been speaking to him. It was an old man with a white mustache and an arrow tattooed on his bald head.

"Just who are you, pal? And what do you mean by 'Heaven'?" Ed asked.

"My name is Gyatso," said the man. Ed looked at him with a confused expression.

"Hang on a second, Al told us you were dead," he said.

"So are you, in a manner of speaking," said Gyatso.

Ed's eyes widened. Dead? How could he be… ? But then he remembered the shock he'd gotten from Azula. Ed lowered his eyes and bowed his head. He'd failed his little brother yet again.

"Ed?" he heard a voice call.

It was Aang's voice. The sound seemed to be coming from below him. He looked down and noticed he was ankle-deep in some kind of water. As he looked, what he saw was not his reflection, but the scene that he'd left moments before. Aang was kneeling beside a body—Ed's body—with tears brimming in his eyes.

"Brother! Please! You have to wake up! Ed!"

"Al!" Ed called, fully intent on going to his brother. All he did was cause the water to ripple and the image to disappear.

"Al! Alphonse!"

Gyatso placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Edward, you need to calm down and listen to me," he said, "I want to help bring you back to him."

"You can't," Ed said immediately, clenching his fists, "People don't come back from the dead. Not ever.

"Ah, but you're not entirely dead," said Gyatso. Ed turned around to face him.

"What?" he asked, "But you said…"

"I said 'in a manner of speaking,'" said Gyatso, "Let me explain: In life, I was a monk, which entitles me to be a spirit guardian in the afterlife. As such, I have a certain amount of power. While it's true that your spirit has been severed from your body, I have been able to keep your body alive. What you need to do is find a way to reconnect your body and soul."

"How am I gonna do that?" Ed asked.

"I'm not sure. I'd suggest going to the spirit Koh. But you mustn't show any emotion to him, or he will steal your face," Gyatso replied.

"The hell kind of place is this?"

"The Spirit World."

Ed paused and looked around him. The whole place looked like some kind of ethereal swamp. It was all so foreign and strange. It gave Ed a feeling he couldn't quite describe.

"You should get going. I can only keep your body alive for so long," said Gyatso. Ed nodded and bowed to the man.

SpiritWorldYeah

Ed came to a large, gnarled tree. There was a hole in the middle that led into a cave.

"Face stealer, huh?" he muttered to himself, peering into the cave. He took a deep breath.

No emotion, he thought, No emotion.

He walked into the cave. It was dark and creepy, but that didn't bother Ed much. He'd been in dark and creepy places plenty of times before. What unnerved him was the feeling of being watched, and someone was most definitely watching him. All of a sudden, a giant, centipede-like creature came out of the shadows. There was something out-of-place about the creature: a human face, painted white with black circles around the eyes and ruby red lips.

"Welcome," it said. This must be Koh, the Face Stealer. Ed didn't say a word and kept his face blank of emotion.

"Well, well, well. A human soul. It's not very often many of those come around," Koh continued, observing Ed. It blinked, and its face changed to that of a young man.

"Let me guess: You're here looking for The Key," it said.

"What's The Key?" Ed asked. The spirit blinked again, changing to an old man.

"When a human dies, the body and soul separate and the body locks itself so the soul is unable to return. The Key has the power to reopen that connection, assuming the body is able to accept it," Koh explained. Ed almost smiled. That was exactly what he was looking for.

"Where do I find it?" he asked. The spirit blinked again, reverting back to the first face.

"It resides in the darkness. But you should know; it's very dangerous in there." The spirit blinked once more and the face of a blue-nosed monkey appeared, laughing.

SpiritWorldYeah

Ed had climbed a tall tree and was surveying the area, mumbling to himself: "Goddamned giant bug. All vague and mysterious. Shoulda' crushed it…"

He stopped, his gaze now fixed upon a forest of deformed trees. Not only did the forest shade the ground beneath it, but the shadows extended a few feet above where the branches ended, creating a sort of black hold in the Spirit World. Ed figured that this was the place he'd start.

SpiritWorldYeah

This was no mere darkness.

This darkness was advanced a level above anything that touched the earth. It had a substance to it, and Ed could feel it weighing down on his soul. The air was still and cold, as if frozen. It chilled Ed to his very core. Here, nightmares were real. Here, shadows could devour. And here, the Fullmetal Alchemist was afraid.

For this was no mere darkness.

Ed paused and leaned against a tree, trying to catch the breath he shouldn't need.

But this was no mere darkness.

A crooked branch made its way towards him. He jumped away just in time. The branch's fellows soon joined in the assault. Ed clapped his hands, but nothing happened. Alchemy didn't work in the Spirit World.

Ed frantically sprung out of the way as more branches sped towards him, but he couldn't dodge them all. They began to rip apart Ed's soul like it was paper. Still, Ed dodged and ran.

No matter how far he got, there were more trees ready to tear at him. He was getting to a point where the pain—a thousand times worse than when the body is torn apart—was too great, when the trees suddenly stopped. Two crystal orbs appeared before him.

"Who?" a voice demanded. It was deep, gravely, and ancient. Somehow, in his torn and fading state, Ed managed to utter his name.

"Why have you come?" asked the voice.

"The Key," Ed replied.

The creature the voice belonged to began to glow. A soft, white light in the crushing darkness. It was a dragon. A dragon three times the size of Fang or any other dragon, for that matter. Its armored skin seemed translucent, as if the light it was emitting was coming from beneath the surface.

It spoke again: "Many others have come seeking The Key before you. What makes you any more worthy than they?"

Ed thought about it. He remembered that the Avatar had a special connection to the Spirit World.

"I'm with the Avatar," he said. The dragon laughed darkly.

"So were many others. The Avatar is just another human. That will get you no special treatment here," it said.

"Damn it all! You have to give it to me! I have to get back!" said Ed.

"Why? Is your family's honor in danger? Has your pride been broken?"

"I don't give a damn about useless shit like honor and pride! I promised my little brother that I was going to be there for him! I promised I'd protect him no matter what! I can't just abandon him now! Not like this. So take whatever you want from me! Just don't leave him to suffer!"

The crystal eyes softened.

"You live for another," it stated. Ed glared up at the dragon, his eyes full of determination. The glowing creature straightened up to its full height.

"You are worthy," it said. It opened its mouth and shot silver flames at Edward. He cringed for a moment, but found that the flames didn't burn him. Instead, he felt as if there was some kind of barrier melting around him. He looked back to the dragon.

"You're The Key, aren't you?" he asked. The Key said not a word, but continued to do its job. A puddle formed beneath Ed, and he slipped back onto the human plane.

Boomshakalaka

Aang was crying again. It had been a couple of days since Ed had been shot. Sometimes Aang would be fine, and others he'd break down completely. This was one of the latter.

He'd hidden himself away in a corner of the Air Temple where no one could reach him. He didn't want his friends to find him. If they did, they were just going to try to comfort him and tell him that everything was okay. That Ed was going to be fine, even though they all knew otherwise.

Sure, Ed was physically alive. He was breathing and his heart was beating, but, somehow, he just wasn't there anymore. They couldn't explain it, but they knew he was gone. Katara knew especially. While she was healing him, she couldn't feel any energy coming from him. She was afraid that Ed was never going to wake up and she couldn't imagine how much worse off Aang would be if that happened.

They were beginning to lose hope, when one day, during a half-hearted healing session, Katara felt something. It was as if some kind of gate had opened and Ed came flooding back in. He didn't wake up, of course, but that was fine. His body still needed to heal more before that happened. The point was, he'd come back. He was with them once again and he was going to be fine.

Aang was done crying and was now training with Zuko (A/N: Yes, they'd already had their whole "Sun Warriors" trip. It took Ed a while to move around the Spirit World). Katara ran up to him. They paused their training.

"You have to come quick!" she said to Aang excitedly. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him to Ed's room.

When he got there, he could feel it. Ed was back. He was really back! Aang just stood and stared for a while. Then he smiled with happy tears in his eyes and said, "Welcome back, Brother."

Boomshakalaka

Elmarine sat stark upright. She had been lounging on Roy's couch in a very self-satisfied way when she felt it. It was The Key accepting a human, and she had a horrible feeling in her gut that it was the human she'd just managed to kill.

"Something wrong?" Roy asked hopefully.

"Nuntius!" she shouted. The cat appeared on Roy's desk.

"Inspici eum!"(1) she commanded angrily. The cat nodded and disappeared.

Elmarine stood up and began to pace. Her Nuntius returned shortly after, bearing the bad news. Elmarine shook with anger. That boy was becoming a real thorn in her side. Curse her need to be entertained! She should have just left them alone!

No! No, she had a plan and she was going to stick to the damn thing! She had to incapacitate all the former "sacrifices." Hoenheim was dead, Izumi was imprisoned, she was going to use Roy for her own advantages, and Alphonse didn't count anymore. Since he'd turned into the Avatar, she needed him.

That just left Ed. She'd tried to kill him off by using his need to protect his brother. Obviously, that had not worked. Ah, well. At least he was still injured and unconscious. That should be enough for the time being.

A/N: Whohooooo! Ed's alive! Thanks Gyatso!

Gyatso: Any time!

Me: So, will Ed wake up? What is Elmarine's evil plot and when will it climax?

Elmarine: They get it. I have an evil plot and it's taking a long time to develop. Stop asking that damn question.

Me: Will she…?

Elmarine: And before you ask that question, yes I will continue to try and kill Ed. Get off my back.

Me: Jeez. You're a real killjoy today.

Elmarine: Bastard fucked with my plot!

Me: Okay, dude. Chill. Chill.

*whispers to the side* I think she's PMSing.

Elmarine: Shut the fuck up! I am not you fucking fucker!

Me: Think of the more sensitive audience! I apologize for her profanity. Oh, and by the way… (1) Latin for "Check them!"