Mad World

Chapter 14 - Ignore the sand in my vag

"Aaaah!"

"Please stop it! I control y-"

Thud.

Naruto smirked. With a grim satisfaction he dragged the infection by the collar all the way to the gates. Kyuubi was eyeing him with no small amount of pride. Naruto laid younger him in the water, up against the bars. The demon fox reached out and placed a secure paw on the boy, holding him in place with no chance of escape. Though papa fox was giving him that exasperated look Naruto merely shrugged. So what if that crotchety old man didn't understand his plan? He'd get over it just for the sake of being able to hold the infection down and scare the living shit out of him. That was good enough for him…for now.

"Kit? Are you sure it's a good idea to not kill him?" Kyuubi muttered.

"Yes, I'm sure. Just wait and see."

With that, Naruto sat down in the water, and closed his eyes. He had no idea how exactly he was going to get back but…Kyuubi swung a paw at him, knocking him through the air and against the wall. Well that works.

Naruto opened his eyes and stared around him in confusion. He was in a room, one that smelled disgusting, and did not look like his. Where was Sasuke? Was Naruto still even in the estate? Maybe he was back at the sanatorium? Naruto's eyes grew wide and he leaped off the bed, slipping and falling when his foot caught on an article of clothing. He got up again and dodged every pair of underwear he could on his way to the door. Taking a sniff at the air once he opened the door Naruto reassured himself he was still in the estate. That was the delicious smell of Sasuke making breakfast. He was on the second floor. Naruto narrowed his eyes…wasn't the point to get Sasuke closer not to push him away? He shook his head. He didn't have the time to wonder, who knew when the infection would wake up. Naruto had to get this done.

He catapulted himself down the stairs and around the corner. Stampeding into the kitchen like a herd of rhinos Naruto found Sasuke at the stove making pancakes. He paused. Oh great. Kakashi and Sakura were sitting at the table staring at him in concern. Naruto shrugged them off, better they know to get in the act too. But still, it was Sasuke that Naruto started talking to first.

"Sasuke! Listen to me, I don't have much time, and this is very important." Naruto started.

Sasuke froze, staring at the stove with wide eyes. Naruto could feel the tension, the hope, and then the disbelief rolling off of him in palpable waves. He didn't have time for Sasuke to go into shock, and he promptly told him that. Sasuke turned to look at him, glaring, mostly because he probably didn't know how else to react. Naruto strode determinedly over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him roughly.

"Sasuke, listen to me. I have been stuck at the gates holding back Kyuubi for who knows how long now, being leered at by the infection. Right now I've managed to knock him out and he's in Kyuubi's hold, but I don't know how long I have till he wakes up."

"You didn't kill it?!" Sasuke growled.

"No, but I have a plan-"

"I don't care about your plans! Kill him now, please Naruto, I can't…I can't do this anymore!" In a moment Naruto knew he wasn't likely to see again, Sasuke looked tired. It was much like the day when Sasuke found out Itachi was back. Naruto tried his hardest to look past this, but it was getting worse and worse the longer Sasuke pleaded with him.

"Well, I care about these plans, now stop wasting my time!" Sasuke clamped his mouth shut and let Naruto speak.

"The infection managed to escape because I don't think it's possible to completely kill it. In fact, I'm not so sure it's really an infection anymore; I think he's part of me. He's just gotten out of hand a little."

"Naruto, get to your point."

"Anyways, my point is, he will keep thinking that his plan is working if you don't show him anything to contradict that. If he thinks you're leaving him, he'll give up hope, and fade away. I can't convince him that what he's doing isn't working by myself, I need some kind of outwards proof." Naruto explained.

Sasuke seemed to be getting it. He always was the genius of the trio. Sakura was screeching something irrelevant, and Kakashi was trying his best to subdue her. Either way Naruto didn't care what was going on with them. He was surprised that by the end of his explanation, younger him still hadn't woken up yet. So, he gathered them around the table and started working out how they were going to prove Sasuke's leaving. It took a while to get Sakura to stop protesting the whole idea. Naruto had to tell her several times it would all be an act, and that after he came back for good there would be no more talk of Sasuke leaving. As he expected, his time didn't last forever. But he wished he had a little more warning before he passed out into a bowl of oatmeal.

"What did you do?!" He shouted.

Naruto laughed. He was back in front of the gates again. Somehow he'd gotten his clothes back. Huh. Younger him was scowling like the petulant child that he was, securely held down by Kyuubi's paw. Yet, as requested, Kyuubi had not killed him. Naruto had started to work out a theory, an important one. It made him feel really smart, actually. He knew if he told Sasuke it, or even Sakura they'd ask him if Kyuubi had thought it up first and he was just the messenger. Now that was just insulting. But, believable too. The most important part of this supposed theory of his was that younger him could not die. He really needed to stay alive. But…well, maybe he did need to die. But Naruto was hoping that his theory was correct because there were very few moments in his life where he could feel smart. Also, if his theory was incorrect, his plan could still serve a purpose either way. Younger him squirmed and glared but didn't say anything further. He merely pouted. Naruto nodded to Kyuubi.

"Let him go." Naruto commanded.

"Kit, if we let him go…who knows how long it will take to get him back again! We should kill him now; I will make sure that he does not survive this time."

Naruto shook his head; he stared into Kyuubi's eyes, each of which was the size of Naruto's head, if not larger. Kyuubi acquiesced and allowed younger him to slip free. But still, the little prat didn't run, he gazed at Naruto, questioning, and confused. He asked why Naruto was letting him go. But Naruto simply shook his head and sat down in the water, leaning up against the bars of the gate. Let the infection, or not infection, come up with his own story, it'd probably be better than the actual thing anyways. Younger him demanded an explanation, but when Naruto offered to have Kyuubi hold him down again, the boy dashed off down the hall and out of sight. Naruto chuckled. His plan was currently being set into motion, and he could feel, somehow, that it was working out beautifully.

Sasuke casually watched as younger Naruto regained control, and suddenly there was a very confused bag of hormones pulling his face out of some oatmeal. He blinked, then blushed when he realized that 'flower girl' was watching. Naruto wiped off the oatmeal with the napkin Sasuke handed him. He stared around, as though wondering how he had gotten from his bed to the kitchen. No doubt he didn't have a single memory of the journey down the stairs. Sasuke offered him an explanation that he'd sleepwalked, which was believable enough. Younger Naruto had seemed to inherit the sleepwalking tendency from the older one, and Sasuke had taken to tying a bell around his neck before he went to bed at night. Of course, younger Naruto didn't find this funny in the slightest. Oh, but Sasuke thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. Until Naruto called him 'mom' by accident, then it was no longer funny. Then, then it had been time to beat his ass. (Not that he actually did beat him, though he was sorely tempted)

"So, why are you guys here?" Naruto asked, glancing between Kakashi and Sakura.

"Naruto, you know how I told you…a few days ago that…"

"You met some guy, and you really like him, and you make kissy faces. Now I therefore should put up with him?" Naruto drawled.

Sasuke snorted into his cup of coffee. He liked this sarcastic Naruto. That train of thought ended. Five minutes ago. The funny thing about this Naruto was that he was actually growing up. The closer he was getting to the age older Naruto was at currently the more Sasuke enjoyed his company. Because although this 'younger Naruto' thought that Sasuke and they were all older than he was, they were still his friends. So, mostly, this is what Naruto would have been like if he'd been raised by a whole community of people that actually cared about him. Well, practically a community, there were enough people now that loved him, or were friends with him at least to substantiate a clan practically. It was interesting to see what he would have been like if he'd ever had…don't say it. Sasuke sighed inwardly, a family.

Despite how well they got along, and how endearingly caustic, confident and comfortable this Naruto was; Sasuke was sure of one thing. He would never entirely replace older Naruto, the one Sasuke grew up with, and the one Sasuke was friends with. That Naruto was the one that Sasuke wanted back, he did. Sometimes he had to tell himself that was the truth because he knew it was. But, the fact of the matter was that this Naruto wasn't half bad. In fact, in some ways they got along even better. This Naruto had 'grown up' with physical affection at his beck and call, love all around him, people that cared for him. He didn't have to fight and claw and force himself on people. He didn't need to be reassured that people loved him; it was just another part of his life. It wasn't anything new. So, Naruto could be snarky, sarcastic and downright bitchy whenever he wanted. He never worried that someone was really going to leave him, except Sasuke and that was only really if he had a nightmare. But…that nightmare was so baseless for this Naruto that all Sasuke had to do was promise that he wouldn't leave. Naruto believed him.

So, as a 'teenager' now, this Naruto had developed a healthy sense of sarcasm and drudgery. Living with Sasuke and practically being raised by him ensured that he was good with his words. He'd also taken to reading…a lot. His vocabulary had significantly broadened. It was always startling to hear him use a word that was more than three syllables long that Sasuke had to go look up in a dictionary. Most of the times he knew the words…he just forgot what they meant or how to spell them. It was such a new feeling, to hear Naruto use a word that he forgot the meaning of. Because…well, the older Naruto didn't read. That was unheard of. Even Sakura had been shocked. Kakashi had jokingly nudged Sakura and said, 'Maybe we should keep him.' However lighthearted the sentiment had been, both Sakura and Sasuke had frozen, and glared at him with such a violent passion that Kakashi had felt their killer intent wash over him in waves. He had never uttered anything similar to the thought ever again.

"Yes, Naruto. That would be very gracious of you." Sakura replied snootily. Despite her words being aimed at the blonde next to him, Sakura sent him a glare.

Sasuke lifted his eyebrows at her, what? Every time that Naruto said something that was less than perfectly polite, Sakura always gave him that look. It was like she was disapproving of his parenting, or something. Seriously. Did she even realize what she was thinking? She was acting like this new attitude was a bad thing. Maybe she wasn't used to Naruto not continually taking the proverbial kick to the stones all the time and not caring. She was used to a Naruto that joked and teased but gave a damn if he hurt her feelings or she hadn't appreciated (in a seriously offended way) what he'd said. Sasuke leant back in his chair, feeling just a touch smug. Maybe Naruto deserved this little bit of freedom. Of course he would never let her know that when Naruto talked back to him they had verbal battles; the likes of which were so venomous they'd have made Sakura cry just being in the same room as them while they were at it. Usually Sasuke came out the victor because he had the ultimate trump card. He shifted awkwardly in his seat. Said trump card being that he could scream (red faced and pathetic) 'Go to your room!' Naruto would pout and stomp off, and Sasuke would feel motherly and disgusting. He would then go into the courtyard and punch the cherry blossom tree for a while. Sometimes though, Naruto would win because he could call Sasuke on being motherly, and Sasuke would stomp off to his room. It was really quite pitiful.

"So anyways, what about kissy face man? Is he still sleep-deprived? Cuz I had an idea about how to fix that." Naruto had that quality to his voice that indicated he didn't care either way if the conversation continued. It insisted that he merely was carrying it on because he had nothing better to do and that if he wanted it to end, it would end. Sasuke was just…so…proud.

Sakura tapped her fingernails on the scrubbed wooden table. They were clipped rather short for a girl but still she managed to create an angry staccato rhythm on the surface. She growled slightly.

"We've been engaged to be married now for quite a while. Our wedding is going to be in a week or two, and I would like for you to stand next to me at the altar." Sakura measured her words carefully but Naruto didn't miss a beat.

"In other words you want me to be your maid of honor?" He snorted, "I'm not gonna wear a dress unless Sasuke has to wear one too. But actually I don't see the point in that, he wouldn't really suffer, cuz he'd look good in a dress anyways."

Sasuke glared at him and Sakura smiled, relieved to no longer be Naruto's only target. The point of Naruto's answer was pretty much that it wasn't a 'no'. He'd do it, if he didn't have to wear a dress. That was fine. Sakura started discussing with him the time of the week that they would need to go into town to get him fitted for a tux. He was bitching all the while about wearing a white tux and especially not with a pink or yellow tie. But Sakura merely used her inhuman strength to bruise his wrist and he decided that yellow was an alright color. Though as soon as she released her grip he told her that color she'd picked out looked like the Easter bunny had taken a piss on the tie. But he hadn't said 'no' to wearing the damn thing. Sasuke sighed.

When Sakura and Kakashi finally left Naruto was relieved. Sasuke was too. He was tired of having Sakura glare at him for things that Naruto was saying. Okay, so maybe it was time to start putting the plan into effect. He was going to have to start casually packing stuff, or start an argument. Or both. Sasuke turned around and glared at Naruto, who glared back, not intimidated in the least.

"You know, there are times to be an asshole, and times to not be an asshole Naruto. You need to learn the difference." Sasuke growled.

"What? What did I say now?"

"Everything!"

"Oh, I said everything, therefore I'm an asshole?"

Sasuke groaned and massaged his forehead. He had no idea that raising a teenager was this hard, especially when you inadvertently train them to be a total douche bag. "This wedding is really important to Sakura; the least you could do is try to act like a decent person. Even I can do that."

Naruto scoffed at him but realized he didn't have a good comeback to that. Because really there wasn't. If Sasuke, the ice king, bitchiest of the bitches could be nice about this, then there was no reason Naruto couldn't. He just didn't want to be, and Sasuke couldn't understand why. Then, then he got an idea. Sasuke approached him and snatched his cup of coffee out of Naruto's hands. The blonde boy glowered at him but didn't say anything.

"She won't stop being flower girl, Naruto. Just because she's getting married doesn't mean she'll stop being that person." Yep. If the way Naruto was staring neutrally at the tiled floor was any indication, Sasuke had guessed right.

"She did stop. She's changed. She doesn't look at me the same anymore."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Maybe it's because you're being such a shithead to her."

"But you're a shithead to her!" Naruto protested.

"But she's used to me being that way. It's how I am. She's used to you being nice to her, or at least friendly teasing not outright bitchy."

Naruto couldn't argue with that so he looked away from him. "So get the sand out of your vag and apologize to her. Go out to get that tux and like whatever she wants you to wear, put on a smile and you fucking like it. Get it?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

Sasuke carelessly dropped the coffee mug into the sink and left the kitchen. He went into his room and slammed the door behind him with a bang that resonated throughout the house. It wasn't going to be too hard to dredge up some anger to fuel some arguments or some fistfights. But it would be really hard to maintain it if he consciously thought about the plan he was carrying out. Then he would feel bad. It was weird, feeling bad for making this Naruto hurt, or for 'leaving' him. Because really this Naruto wasn't the bad guy, it was the infection running around in Naruto's head. So…if the infection died, was it just bad luck for the younger Naruto on the outside? It wasn't the first time Sasuke had thought about it. It was like he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Why couldn't he just have both Naruto's, as separate people? This Naruto could change in appearance a little, and Sasuke could give him a different name. Wait, this was wrong, he shouldn't even be thinking it. Falling back on the bed Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to take a nap. But the slight tinkling of dishes in the sink, and the swish-swish sound of Naruto sweeping the floor kept him awake. He was cleaning the kitchen.

This plan was going to be very hard to carry through.

TBC…