Chapter 14: Thunder
It was next Monday before Santana's parents made her go to school. She missed two days of school and had spent the entire weekend cooped up in her room under her blankets. She only got up to go to the bathroom, get water and maybe get a snack if her parents forced her.
But now, her mother was yelling at her in Spanish at the foot of the bed. Santana pulled herself out of bed at 6:15 and went into the shower. After she threw her hair up quickly and threw on the Cheerios uniform with the sweats and the white shell underneath. It was mid-September and wasn't really that cold but she felt better being covered up.
She arrived at the school right when the warning bell went off. She trudged to her locker, grabbed her books and sighed before heading to her 1st period. She had this class with Rachel and she wasn't looking forward to seeing her.
She entered, looking down as she went to take a seat in the back, just as the bell rang. She stared at the desk the entire time and ignored the remark her teacher gave her of, 'How nice of you to join us today Ms. Lopez.'
Santana sat, doodling on the back of her notebook when she heard her name being called. She didn't look up and just responded with a 'Hmm?'
The teacher asked her in an annoyed voice, "I want an answer to the question. What is the importance of reading and writing to you in everyday life?"
Santana shrugged as she kept looking down. The teacher rolled her eyes, "Ms. Lopez, if you don't answer the question I will be forced to give you a zero for today."
Santana sighed and when she looked up, she saw all eyes on her, but especially the deep brown eyes of a short diva. Santana looked down and mumbled out loud enough for the teacher to hear, "It's important because everywhere you go you are required to read or write, it's even apart of communication sometimes."
"Very good, now if only you did that all the time…" Santana blocked the teacher out again, not caring.
When the bell finally rang, she sulked out after everyone. She didn't have any more classes with the diva until after lunch and she tried her best to avoid Brittany, Quinn and Puck but it was getting harder.
Finally, at lunch, Santana walked into the cafeteria and saw Brittany waving at her from her place at the lunch table with all the other members of Glee. Santana looked to see Rachel smiling lightly at something Sam was saying, probably an impression. She turned and went to the Cheerios table, not even acknowledging her best friend as she sat.
She looked over at Brittany, who was frowning, and looked down, feeling guilty. She shifted the salad around on her plate, not eating it, and not listening to what the Cheerios were talking about.
Santana kept avoiding Rachel throughout the day, sitting as far away from the diva as she could get. Never looking up from her desk, even when the teacher would talk to her.
After school let out she found a note taped to her locker telling her to go to the choir room for an emergency meeting before rehearsals for 'Hello Dolly'.
She sighed and made her way to the choir room. Upon entering she saw Kurt, Mercedes, Rachel, Puck, Quinn, Blaine, and Brittany sitting in there. Quinn and Blaine in the front while Kurt and Mercedes glared at Santana.
Santana looked down at her white cheer shoes and asked quietly, "Why am I in here?"
"Just sit Lopez," Quinn said.
Santana kept her eyes averted from everyone as she made her way to the top of the high risers and into the corner.
Blaine started, "So we are in here because of the problems between Santana and Rachel."
"That's none of your business," Santana muttered.
"It became our business when the fight happened during our rehearsal," Quinn snapped at the Latina. "Now we are going to do an exercise that we hope will let you two sort your feelings and at least let us get through at production next week."
"Quinn, Blaine, I think this is totally unnecessary. Santana and I can handle our issues on our own," Rachel piped up.
"No you can't. Santana doesn't like dealing with feelings," Quinn stated, looking at her friend. "So what we are going to do it one of you will sing a song to the other and then after, the one who sang is to shut up, while the other talks. Telling them how they felt about the song, about the fight, and about the relationship."
"Well Rachel made her feelings clear, she hates me because I am a bitch," Santana tried to sound nonchalant about it but the slight lilt to her voice said otherwise.
Quinn answered her friend before Rachel could say anything, "Even if that were true, you haven't expressed all of your feelings."
"So Rachel, do you want to start it off?" Blaine asked the short brunette.
Rachel shook her head, "I can't think of what I would sing to her, at least not without it being rude."
Quinn looked up at Santana and said, "You are first then Lopez, get your ass down here."
Santana took a moment before she stood. She slowly walked down the steps until she got to the band. It took her a minute to think before she told them something and then she walked to the middle, "This song is the only one I can think of and I have played this one so many times these past four days that I think it's permanently etched into my brain."
The music started and Santana started to sing still looking down, "Today's a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go. Whoa (Whoa Whoa Whoa). Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding onto something and I do not know why I tried. I tried to read between the lines, I tried to look in your eyes for a simple explanation to what I'm feeling inside. I gotta find a way out. Maybe there's a way out."
Santana looked up at Rachel as she continued singing, "Your voice, is the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder and I said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors, I don't want to ever love another. You'll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain and bring on the thunder."
Santana looked down again, not being able to look at the blank expression on Rachel's face, "Today is a winding road, tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know. Whoa (Whoa Whoa Whoa). Today I'm on my own, I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone. I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know). Now I'm itching for the tall grass, longing for the breeze. Need to step outside just to see if I can breathe. I gotta find a way out, maybe there's a way out."
She couldn't bring herself to look up as she continued on, "Your voice, is the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder and I said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors, I don't want to ever love another. You'll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain and bring on the thunder."
Santana looked up now as she sang, staring at Rachel, "Yeah I'm walking on a tight rope wrapped up in vines. I think we'll make it out but you just gotta give me time. Strike me down with lightning, let me feel you in your veins. I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain."
"Today's a winding road, that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa. Your voice, is the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder and I said, your eyes are the brightest of all the colors, I don't want to ever love another. You'll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain and bring on the thunder. Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know your unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder, so bring on the rain. Oh baby bring on the pain and listen to the thunder," Santana finished, looking down.
Blaine looked at Rachel, "And how do you respond to that song?"
Rachel spoke straight-forward, looking at Santana, "I believe that every word you sang was genuine, but it just doesn't change the fact. It was humiliating to be yelled at like that in front of my friends, in front of the tech theater, the band, and everyone else that was in that auditorium. Not only that but you basically said that Quinn forced you to ask me out and called me irritating and annoying. Am I supposed to just smile and shrug it off? You are supposed to be the one person who defends me above all else and you failed, horrendously. You may not have surpassed Jesse and worst partner but you have passed Finn. He may have stood back while you and Quinn made fun of me, even laughed, but he never made me feel like you did last week. No I don't hate you Santana, I said that in the heat of anger and hurt but I can't condone what you did and said."
Santana kept staring at her feet in shame as she spoke. Quinn spoke up, "Rachel do you have something now that you want to sing after hearing Santana?"
Rachel stood and Santana trudged to her seat. She told the band something then turned, "I do. It's actually the same band and it's how I thought of it. I mean every word other than 'I love you', we weren't in that stage in our relationship."
Santana felt her heart break when Rachel talked about them in the past tense. She wasn't sure what song Rachel would sing but she had hope since it had 'I love you' in it.
Santana realized how wrong she was when Rachel started singing, "Top down in the summer sun, the day we met was like a hit and run and I, still taste it on my tongue (taste it on my tongue). The sky was burning up like fireworks. You made me want you oh so bad it hurt, but girl, in case you haven't heard. I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over, I love you forever. Forever is over. We used to kiss all night but now it's a bar fight, so don't call me crying. Say hello to goodbye."
Santana looked up at her as she heard the lyrics. Rachel was telling her they were over, officially over. She felt like she couldn't breathe and her thoughts were all jumbled up in her head and she couldn't sort through them. While Rachel sang the song, Santana could help but think that she had messed up something really great and she didn't know if she could fix it.
"Cause just one sip, would make me sick. I used to be love drunk but now I'm hung over. I love you forever but now it's over," Rachel stared at her as she sang. She could see the hurt on Santana's face but she didn't pay attention much to it. She had to get across what she was feeling at the moment and this was the best song she could think of.
"Hot sweat and blurry eyes, we're spinning on a rollercoaster ride. The world, stuck in black in white (stuck in black and white). You drove me crazy every time we touched, but now I'm so broken that I can't get up. Oh girl, you make me such a lush… I used to be love drunk, but now I'm hung over, I love you forever. Forever is over. We used to kiss all night, now it's just a bar fight. So don't call me crying, say hello to goodbye (Oh yeah). Cause just one thing (oh yeah), would make me say, I used to be love drunk but now I'm hung over. I love you forever but now it's over."
Rachel stared at Santana as she sang the next part, she knew it would hurt the Latina the most but she meant it, "All the time I wasted on you. All the bullshit you put me through. Checking into rehab cause everything that we had didn't mean a thing to you…"
Santana looked down when Rachel sang that. It stung her to hear that Rachel thought it meant nothing to her. That she had really hurt Rachel like that. She felt guilty, more guilty then she has ever felt.
"I used to be love drunk. But now I'm hungover. I'll love you forever. But now I'm sober. I used to be love drunk. But now I'm hungover. I'll love you forever. Forever is over. We used to kiss all night. Now it's just a bar fight. So don't call me crying. Say hello to goodbye (oh yeah). 'Cause just one thing (oh yeah). Would make me say. I used to be love drunk. But now I'm hungover. I'll love you forever. But now it's over. Now it's over. Still taste it on my tongue. Now it's over," Rachel looked at Santana as she finished.
"Santana, do you have anything to say to Rachel?" Quinn asked her friend.
Santana was silent for a long moment before whispering, "I'm sorry… I have more to say just, give me a second."
Everyone waited as Santana gathered her thoughts. When she did speak, it was barely above a whisper because that's all that she thought she could muster, "I didn't know you felt that way. I… none of what we had was bullshit and it did mean something to me, I'm just bad at showing it. You know, I have made you swear three times. Two of those times you called me a bitch, I think that's saying something about me. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that, I know that. I have no excuses because none are good enough. I'm not good enough. I think you are right and it's for the best that we end this. I'll miss you and I think I might have even started to love you, but I'm toxic and no good. I just needed that reminder."
Everyone stared at her, shocked. Rachel watched her as she spoke and said softly, "Santana…"
Santana stood up and cut Rachel off, "I am going to go to rehearsals. But I think after the show I am going to quit Glee Club, after all I only joined because Sue wanted me to take it down. I failed at that to. I am also going to do what my abuela said. I should do what she wants so she can be happy, I need to make at least one person happy."
With that she walked out of the room, towards the auditorium. Rachel looked at everyone else, "Is she going back into the closet?"
"I think so," Puck answered.
"It's your fault RuPaul," Quinn muttered.
"How is it my fault?" Rachel looked at her, incredulously.
Quinn rolled her eyes as she faced the singer, "If you had forgiven her after she made a mistake, then she wouldn't be all self-loathing."
"I'm not forgiving her for that Quinn, she basically told me that she didn't want to be with me," Rachel grabbed her bag and stormed out, not wanting to get into an altercation with the blond Cheerio.
At rehearsals, Santana ignored everyone, not talking to them and putting her ear buds in. She only took them out when she had to go on.
The first time Santana went on she was walking with Brittany, who was eating a banana. She looked over and faked a smile, "Do get done with that, Minnie. The men are staring at us for the wrong reason."
Brittany took a bite then looked at her, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away."
"You mean an apple a day," Santana answered.
"Who ever heard of a doctor slipping on an apple peel?" Brittany asked.
Santana giggled at her, like she was supposed to. It sounded like Brittany just being Brittany, not like she was reciting lines.
An extra, his name Jackson, tipped his hat, "How are you Ms. Molloy?"
"If I felt any better, I'd be positively indecent," Santana answered. She couldn't understand how her character could feel so happy when she felt so miserable herself.
Brittany chuckled with her, "Oh, you are in a mood today."
"Oh I am," Santana smiled.
Santana and Brittany kept going through the scene and Santana was starting to hate smiling. She didn't want to smile and here she was, pretending she was the happiest person in the world.
She smiled at Brittany right before she was going to sing her first song, "Minnie, make miss Mortimer another hat, I'm wearing this one."
Brittany giggled and shook her head, "Oh, but you can't."
"Why not?" Santana smiled, playing with the ribbons on the hat she was wearing.
"Because it's – it's provocative—that's why not," Brittany laughed.
Santana smirked, but it was flirtatious, "Well, who knows if provocative isn't just what I want to be today?" She covered half her face with the ribbons as she started singing, "I'll be wearing ribbons down my back, this summer."
They both laughed as Santana picked up a boa, tickling Brittany's face with it as she laughed. Santana continued, "Blue and green and streaming in the yellow sky. So if someone special comes my way, this summer, he might notice me passing by."
She was walking all around the set as she sang, picking up different clothing items to put on or around herself, "And so I'll try to make it easier to find me…" She twirled around and stopped in the mirror, "In the stillness of July. Because the breeze might stir up a rainbow behind me." She lifted the shawl she had, spreading her arms out as she ran to another mirror, "That might happen to catch the gentlemen's eye."
She stared in the mirror and smiled, "And he might smile. And take me by the hand, this summer." She giggled and continued, "Making me recall how lovely love can be. And so, I will proudly wear, ribbons down my back. Shining in my hair. That he might notice me."
Santana smiled as she finished and the rest of the scene played out. They ran through the rest of the play, Artie gave them their notes, and Santana shot out of there as fast as she could.
Santana refused to answer her phone no matter how many times they texted and called. She didn't feel like talking to anyone, she just wanted to lay there and do nothing.
Rachel was sitting on her bed, she did answer a few texts and calls from Kurt and Mercedes. They kept telling her she did the right thing and that Santana didn't forgive her forgiveness. She knew that she was right, but she felt awful.
So there is another chapter for you. I'm sorry the angst wasn't in this chapter I decided to wait until the next one to do it. But I do have to tell you some saddening news. I will not be able update Saturday. Tomorrow, which is my birthday, I will be leaving to Monterey but not because it's my birthday. I am doing traffic control at a car show down there. That goes until Sunday evening and I won't have internet or a computer while I am there. I will post it either when I get home Sunday or on Monday morning. I want to answer the anonymous reviews. Loooool: I know everything happened fast, I was planning on doing that chapter very differently but then when I was writing it, it all went away. I didn't have a lot of time so I just went quickly and wasn't really thinking, I will try to be more conscience of what I'm writing. Guest: I know Santana was a bitch, I meant for it to be that way, I have had that fight planned out for about 3 weeks, ever since I watched 'Hello Dolly'. It was a way of showing that Santana is still the same girl she's always been, just a little better at containing it but everyone has their snapping points. Santana has never been good at that and no one can change over-night, no matter how much we may wish it. When Santana was saying all that stuff about Quinn making her do this and that, it wasn't saying that Quinn forced her, it was more of Quinn was the only reason she admitted to her feelings. Quinn is the one her convinced her to tell Rachel how she feels and to give her a chance. Santana was just saying that maybe she shouldn't have told Rachel how she felt because Rachel is such a diva and can be a little annoying at times. I am not planning on Rachel taking her back right away, I mean what she said was mean. I don't think they are bad together but they could use improvements because no one is perfect. Guest: I didn't know that Quinn didn't call her that, I thought she did. Thank you for letting me know. The first song is 'Thunder' by Boys Like Girls, also the title of the chapter, and the second song is 'Love Drunk' by Boys like Girls. See you on Sunday or Monday.