Well all I can say for this chapter is that it's a filler. Filled with meaningless Numair/Daine/Miri/Evin friendship fluff. Though slightly entertaining. So that's about it. I hope you enjoy it though lol. It took me three tries to overcome writers block. Enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen

Daine awoke yet again on a soft comfortable and warm body. She smiled in her sleep and snuggled deeper against the chest.

Only there was something blocking her way to the chest. Frowning and without opening her eyes, Daine felt around for the obstruction and squeezed hard.

It was cushy and soft. A pillow?

No, this was no pillow.

"Numair, why do you have airbags? Are you fulfilling some deep set sexual fantasy involving a want to be a car?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Daine, I love you dearly as a friend, but if you do not stop molesting my breasts without paying the five dollar fee, I shall have to kill you." Miri muttered back.

Daine withdrew her hand quickly.

"DAMMIT DAINE, STOP FONDLING ME!"

"I'm not," Came the reply. Daine's voice was muffled from the pillow she'd pulled over her head in an attempt to drown out Miri's voice.

"Then who the hell is?"

"Mmm…mommy." Evin moved his face onto Miri's chest and started making suckling noises.

Miri shoved his head off. "You have some screwed up fantasies, dude." She told him.

Evin whimpered. "You're not mommy!"

"Your mommy's dead, Evin." Daine rolled over to face them. "And your daddy, and your uncle and your uncles boyfriend, Hank. In fact, now you are quite alone in the world. Doesn't that make you wanna go slit your wrists?" Evin snivelled and nodded, grabbing Miri's 'assets' again for comfort.

"Is he still asleep?" Daine asked her.

"Um…yes." Evin said in a highly unbelievable tone. He gave Miri one last squeeze before her foot sent him flying out of the bed.

"How did I ever end up in a bed with a sleep-molester and a girl who hires herself out on street corners for less than it takes to buy a bagel?" Daine wondered out loud. She was kicked painfully out of bed as well.

"…ow." Daine said after an awkward silence.

Evin climbed back into Miri's bed. "I've got three dollars fifty on me?" He offered.

Needless to say, he was once again booted out.

Evin felt in his pocket. "Hey! That crack-whore just swindled my money!"

Miri actually got out of bed to hit him that time.

"HA!" Daine yelled from her position on the floor. Miri hit her too.

"I don't approve of your unnecessarily violent behaviour. Miriam." Evin said in a scarily good impression of Julie Ryder.

Daine and Miri stared at him strangely. In fact, Daine got up onto the bed so she could stare at him strangely.

"How can you make your voice sound like a girl?" Miri asked finally.

Daine looked at him, then looked at her. "He's gay." She said finally.

"I'm not gay." Evin protested.

"You're right." Miri said to Daine, completely ignoring him. "I would invite him to have a shower with us, but since he's gay I doubt he'd have any interest in two damn fine girls bathing in hot steamy water and rubbing body wash all over each other's naked bodies."

"Yes I would!" Evin cried desperately. "I love hot naked chicks!"

They ignored him.

"Oh well, doesn't stop us!" Daine said cheerily. And they linked arms and went off to the bathroom alone, leaving a hysterically sobbing Evin behind.

"I love mentally torturing him," Miri said brightly. "It just makes my whole day."

Evin was drinking coffee as they came in to the kitchen together.

"That was totally hot, Minx." Daine purred into Miri's ear. "…and that thing you did with your tongue…GOD!" She threw her head back in ecstasy.

Evin didn't take the bait, but instead sat with a taunting smirk on his face.

Daine glared at him. "What have you done?" She demanded.

"It's astonishing what you get up to in my absence, Magelet." Numair remarked mildly from his position leaning against the kitchen bench.

Daine froze, turned to look at him, then back to Evin."Did you bring him here just to get revenge?"

"Pretty much." Evin said casually.

Miri laughed and sat next to him, stealing his coffee. "You gonna get in trouble…" She sang.

"I really do have a perfectly logical and valid explanation for this." Daine turned sheepishly back to Numair who raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure you do. Coffee?" He offered.

"You know, we weren't really showering together." She informed him, taking the cup and accepting his kiss. "That was for Evin's loss only."

"Then I just spent twenty minutes fantasising about bubbles, entangled limbs and my two best friends…in a hot twenty minute lesbian porn film." Evin leered at Daine.

"Numair, Evin is undressing me with his eyes. I think as my official secret boyfriend you should put an immediate stop to this injustice." She complained.

"But that would make me a hypocrite," Numair replied in an innocent voice.

There was silence in the kitchen.

"…Nice." Evin said finally, slinging an arm around Miri with his hand 'resting' casually on her nunga-nunga's. He removed them just as Miri reached for a very sharp knife.

"Subject change!" Daine called out suddenly.

"Perfect," Miri declared. "We can all talk about how Daine sexually harassed Numair's non-existent tits this morning that turned out to be mine."

Numair looked down at Daine who gave Miri the middle finger salute. "It's not funny. In fact, it's very emotionally scarring to wake up and find that your secret boyfriend has man-cans."

"So my own dear secret girlfriend, whom I hold close to my heart, think I'm suffering from Gynecomastia?"

"If I knew what that meant I'd agree with you." Evin prompted.

Numair sighed. "Gynecomastia is the development of abnormally large mammary glands in males resulting in breast enlargement." He was rewarded with blank stares. He sighed again. "The aforementioned 'man cans'. You know if you went to school you'd learn what this stuff means."

"I'm sure no amount of education can make me remember the word Gyno…gyna…gym gear…Oh look, I've forgotten it already." Miri sighed. "Besides, school is for losers and Daine."

"Hey!" The pinkette objected. "I object to the subtle slander of my name whenst used in the same line as losers."

"But you are a loser, dearest one." Miri said innocently.

"At least I'm not a bagel whore." Daine retorted.

"What a bagel whore?" Numair asked Evin over their bickering.

"I believe the term came from Daine's implication this morning that Miri was, and I quote, 'a girl who hires herself out on street corners for less than it takes to buy a bagel.'"

"It is a possibility," Numair mused rubbing his chin philosophically. "Unfortunately I cannot possibly think whilst this maddening racket is going on. Miri, stop subtly slandering Daine's name by using it in the same line as the word 'loser' and Daine, stop taking offence at being educated." He said calmly and firmly in a way that shut them up immediately.

"Wow, you are officially my idol." Evin said admiringly. "Usually it takes me about four hours and five litres of chocolate ice cream to make them shut up."

"No you don't." Daine contradicted. "You let us go on in the hopes that it will turn into a naked wrestling match in a paddling pool full of Astroglide."

Evin sighed depressingly. "And so far it has never happened. But," he said cheerfully. "That doesn't mean that it won't happen in the future."

"I doubt Numair will agree, right Numy-pie?" Daine enquired looking up at him.

"Actually I have absolutely no problem with you and Miri having a nude wrestling match in a paddling pool full of lubricant…as long as Evin videotapes it for me."

Daine went to slap herself in the forehead but her kind and loving secret boyfriend Numair caught her wrist to prevent her from harming herself. Only Daine actually wanted to hurt herself and so glared at him for preventing her stress relief.

"Haha Daisy, your boyfriend's a closet pervert!" Miri yelled across the room.

"Well your boyfriends', that being plural boyfriends' -plus anyone you happen to sleep with in your spare time and for pocket money-, are all blatant perverts!" Daine yelled back.

"Well at least they don't hide their perverseness. They are all up front and honest about it."

"You have multiple boyfriends?" Numair was intrigued.

"Why yes, our dear little Miri-Minx is a polygamist." Evin answered.

"Interesting. Doesn't that get confusing?"

Miri nodded her head vigorously. "Hell yeah! I can't even keep track of half the people I'm dating. Right now I'm going out with…erm…"

"Casually dating Alex, Sylvia, Cyrus, Stephan AKA The Italian Stallion, Jessica, Naomi and Seth, You're also sleeping with Farant, Derek, Amanda, Mercedes and Zach." Evin rattled off without thinking.

"And that children, is called stalking and is illegal in most states." Numair said after a suitable period of awkward silence.

"And to think, I'm best friends with a girl who has sex with anything with a pulse and a guy who watches her do it through the window with one hand firmly down his pants." Daine mimicked his musing.

"I resent that." Evin protested.

"You know," Numair said to Miri. "When I was your age I only slept with one person because they were close to my heart."

"Really? I only sleep with those people because the one close to my heart wasn't there at the time." Miri said wistfully.

"You have absolutely no idea how bad that sounds." Numair said, half-laughing.

"Yeah Minx, Way to be a whore." added Evin.

"I'm hungry." Daine complained.

"I feel ganged up on!" Miri wailed. "Especially by you Daine, for that comment is surely a subtle dig at the fact that due to my father's absentness and my step-bitch's obsessive dieting, we only have coffee and various amounts of weight loss pills and appetite suppressors! Sorry that I can't cater to your monstrous apetite! My fridge is empty! Empty I tell you!"

"That sounds like my fridge when I'm working on an experiment. What do you eat?" Numair asked, rather appalled at Miri's parental figures lack of proper nutrition.

"Maccas or other nutritious foodstuff."

"Miri, cum doesn't count as a food group." Daine told her.

"I don't know Magelet, semen contains two hundred to five hundred sperm cells, that's a lot of white meat." Numair said with a completely straight face.

Daine shuddered. "Ew, dead baby joke. That's gross."

"Do you know what's grosser than gross?" Numair asked her.

"What?"

"A garbage can full of dead babies. What's grosser than that?"

"Is there much grosser?"

"The one at the bottom is still alive. What's grosser than that?"

"I'd rather not know."

"He has to eat his way to freedom. What's grosser than that?"

"…"

"He goes back for more."

"That's disgusting!"

"And yet strangely humorous." Evin said thoughtfully.

"How does it feel having some sort of strange sick being as a secret boyfriend Daine?" Miri wanted to know.

"No worse than this; what's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?"

"I don't know Daine, but please feel free to share."

"A baby in a microwave."

Miri looked faintly ill. "I decree that you two deserve each other. Please go take your sick, baby corpse desecrating, minds elsewhere away from non-psychopathic people such as myself and Evin."

"Let's go to the park." Daine said to Numair, pulling him by the arm out of the house.

They separated as soon as they got outside and walked along beside each other down the street to for short walk to the park. They sat down on a seat in front of the path.

"This is where we first met." Daine said happily.

"I'm well aware of that sweet, I was there."

"And so were we." Evin said as he sat on the grass and Miri sat on the seat. Daine moved onto the ground in front of Numair's feet so she could sit.

Evin stared straight ahead with a look of absolute delight on his face, Daine looked at him suspiciously. She leant over to see what in his line of sight could have gotten him so enthralled. Carefully and methodically she put her head exactly parallel to Evin's and looked…

…right into Miri's open legs.

"Miriam, Your cunt is on display for the world to see." Daine said bluntly.

Miri looked down blankly.

"Oh shut up Daine, and enjoy the unique showing at the Miriam Ryder Museum for inexplicably vulgar exhibitions." Evin glared at her and resumed staring.

"Larse, you perverted peeper! Stop staring at my vaginal area!" Miri snapped, shoving her small skirt down as far as it would go and shutting her legs.

Evin cried out, "No!" before collapsing on the ground in a fit of depression. Numair raised his eyebrow, Miri snorted and Daine rolled her eyes.

"Cheer up Evin," Numair began in a philosophical manner. "There comes a time in any man's life when I women legs are closed forever to him. This generally happens in later years…you're just an early developer."

"Gee thanks." Came Evin's sarcastic voice, muffled from being pressed into the ground.

"And because you started early, you get to go through menopause all that earlier!" Daine said happily, giving Evin a large smile. Everyone stared at her deadpanned.

"I just can't see how a thirty year old would go out with someone with the maturity of a three year old with some sort of mental disease that leaves it retarded." Miri said to Numair.

He sighed. "Yes, I suppose we're going to have to work on that."

Evin was staring again and Daine was looking at him suspiciously again.

"There's a fat happy person coming straight for us." He mumbled.

Daine looked over at the woman. A cheerful grin on her face with cherry red cheeks and a chin that wobbled on every step.

Evin and Daine recoiled in revulsion; this caught the attention of Numair and Miri.

They looked up just as the large woman with her stupid smiling face reached them. A stack of papers was under one sweat-stained arm.

"Hi there!" She chirped cheerfully. "Would you like to hear more about our lord and saviour?"

"Oh, I'd love to really but I'm too busy practising witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." Daine said sarcastically.

The woman blinked and laughed like it was all a big joke. Her body wobbled wildly except it was like each jellied part of her wobbled separately to make her seem like a giant bowl of wobbly stuff. "Hahaha, I like your sense of humour, dear."

"I suppose someone has to." Miri mumbled.

"I'm Jan Uusoae."

"Evin."

"Miri."

"Daine."

"Numair, pleased to meet you."

"What pleasant names you all have. You know, I have a fun group of people who meet every week at my house for a little get together. We sing songs, and recite for our lord…we even sacrifice a few animals." She gave a huge wink and laughed again. "It's a mixed group of all ages. We want a few more young people though; would you be interested in coming to see what we're all about?"

"Absolutely," Evin gushed. "I love cults!"

Jan giggled again, her chins quivering uncontrollably."Great then!" She gave them a flyer from under her arm. Daine took with between pinched fingertips; those sweat stains looked nasty.

"It starts at twelve, but most turn up around eleven thirty so any time between then is fine-diddly-ine. And it's semi-formal; most wear dark colours. I hope to see you there! Bye now dearies." She wobbled away down the path.

Daine stared after her. "Jesus, it's like she had silicone implants in her face."

Numair kicked her lightly with his foot. "Daine, don't be so supercilious. You can't judge that poor woman by her weight."

"So we're going to a cult party tonight. Thanks Evin." Miri said sarcastically.

"Oh come one Minx, what else were you going to do?"

"Something involving me not going to a cult party. But thanks to Larse's big mouth and bigger gay factor that's not an option anymore."

"And I was going to enjoy a quiet evening with a glass of red wine though that idea went down the drain the second I decided to see my dear Magelet this morning. Though an evening with her in it wouldn't be entirely unpleasant." he mused.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to." Daine said seriously.

He looked down at her. "Unfortunately, I have some sort of internal impulse that doesn't allow me to let you go off to strange houses for even stranger religious gatherings at the witching hour." He reached down and gave her hand a brief squeeze before letting it go, lest anyone see.

"Fan-Freakin-Tabulous," Miri cheered. "We're going to a cult party!"

So they're going to a religious gathering…or are they. There's something fishy about that woman, can you see what it is? This chapter was irritating to write and I still don't' like parts of it. I had to delete a while page of writing because I didn't like it. Basically this has been a filler, I didn't know what to do with this chapter but thankfully Jan helped me out and gave me an opening. It's mainly been a chapter full of little quotey think I've thought up and needed a use for. Anyways review and you get a cyber cookie.

Though I am not naturally honest, I am sometimes by chance…

Love Queen Cocaine

XXX