Free But Empty
It had been fifty hours since Percy had last gotten any sleep. He had woken up before dawn on Saturday, quivering in a nervous anticipation for the Ball. He had poured himself into whatever work he was able to bring home, trying to simultaneously forget the Mundungus fiasco while determinedly brooding over ways to fix it. The Ball had been that night, followed by his Ministry excursion in the early hours of Sunday. It was now Monday morning and he stood in front of the lift doors in a stupor, unable to comprehend that all that had happened in a three day period.
He was dimly aware of a bell, signaling the arrival of the lift and the opening of its doors. People stood in a queue behind him, waiting for him to move forward. Someone may have shouted or insulted him in order to push him into action, but Percy didn't bother processing what was said, and the crowd eventually just filed around him and went about their way, leaving him alone in front of the closing doors.
He didn't think there was a word precise enough to fully convey how big of an ass he felt he was. Just three days ago he had been in sorts over the mere thought of defaming Audrey's character, and then hours later he had thrown away all rights of her privacy and the trust of their friendship to placate his own desires. He had spent all Sunday sitting alone in his flat, fastidiously going over everything he had learned in those files. Her mother was dead, her father was permanently brain damaged, and she had become a single parent of two teenagers when she was still just one herself. She had never talked about it, never complained or used it as an excuse for any mishaps on her behalf. And to top it all off she had listened and helped him along as he complained about his personal problems, always being kind and never asking for anything in return.
The points he had used to convince himself he was in the right to read her file sounded so weak and pathetic in retrospect. It was so obvious to him now that he had simply been frustrated that she wasn't open to him, because he wanted more out of their relationship, much more then he had ever admitted out loud, and he had wanted to take matters into his own hands. But such a betrayal on his part would definitely smash any chance he could ever have at making her want to be with him. He didn't even want to be with him right now.
"Percy? Are you okay, son?"
Percy jumped at the soft spoken words said inches from his ears, coupled with a firm yet gentle grasp on his shoulder. He jerked around to see his father standing behind him, along with another irritated crowd trying to fight their way around him into the lift. Mr. Weasley grabbed his son's arm and led him away from blocking the doors over to a more secluded corner.
"By Merlin what's wrong?" his father asked concernedly. "You didn't seem to be reacting to anything you seemed so blank. And your face! I don't think I've ever seen you with so much stubble and it looks like you haven't slept in ages." Percy clasped his hands to his face at his father's comment. Indeed, due to all the hullabaloo he hadn't shaved in nearly a week, not even for the Ball. He had dressed without looking in the mirror this morning, giving no thought to the state of his hair or placing any effort in concealing the dark bags which had inevitably formed under his eyes.
"I'm… I'm having problems at work. Work problems," he contested lamely. It wasn't exactly a lie, he had never been able to fib directly to his parents, but he had no energy or desire to go any further in his explanation. His father stepped back, once again appraising the physical and mental status of his worn out son. He decided to go with his classic Arthur Weasley approach, and give both caution and encouragement in the same go.
"Well, I am sure whatever it is you can handle it. I have complete faith in your abilities. But perhaps you should go home and get some rest. It is always easier to handle mishaps when you've had a good night sleep… and a shower." Percy smiled in spite of himself and laughed at his father's cheap shot joke.
"No, you were right the first time. I can handle it, I just need to be a man," Percy said firmly. Mr. Weasley smiled, understanding the hard lined determination all his children seemed to have when they made their mind up over something, and pushed no further on the issue.
"Alright, well good luck on your 'work problems'. Promise you'll try and get some rest as soon as possible?"
"I promise, Dad," Percy replied, and he did his best to give his father a strong smile as he was patted affectionately on the shoulder. Trying to make the pep talk do some good, Percy bid farewell to his dad and finally made it on to the lift. He knew what he had to do. As much as he dreaded the outcome, he knew he had to come clean about what he did. He hated thinking about the dire consequences he would have to endure from his brash actions, but gone were the days where he simply ran away from his problems. He had acted selfishly and immaturely, but now was the time to be courageous and come clean. He was a Gryffindor after all. And hopefully Audrey could find it with in her heart to forgive him. But upon thinking about their respective houses, he remembered the Grey Lady and her haughty attitude towards those who had wronged he, and the grudges she had kept for centuries after her death. Percy grimaced. It'd be much easier if she had been in Hufflepuff.
The doors to the lift sprang open as it reached Level Five, and Percy stepped out still immersed in his own thoughts. It was therefore quite the shock when he looked down and saw Zeki lying spread-eagle on the floor.
"Zek!" Percy yelled, and began to rush over to his incapacitated friend. He was intercepted however by an out-of control Alistair who was being rushed into the wall by a charging Seeley.
"Ow! Dammit man, you right near broke my nose!" Alistair complained after his face was pushed into the wall.
"Well if you had braced yourself properly like I taught you, we wouldn't be having this problem, now would we?" Seeley said matter-of-factly, dropping Alistair to his feet and checking his face for any real damage.
"What… what is going on here?" Percy inquired, looking about the curious scene.
"We're helping Seeley find some clues to the Fletcher case by reenacting the events," Zek explained excitedly from the floor. "I'm an innocent bystander!"
"And I'm the lug Enforcer who got his skull cracked in by an old man," Alistair said indignantly, rubbing his nose.
"Yeah, well you're about to be the git splattered on the Ministry wall's by that lug Enforcer if you keep at it," Seeley threatened with a growl. Alistair scowled but said nothing back.
"How did this all come about?"Percy was confused at the pairings, for though he was close to Al and Zek and had worked quite often with Seeley, he was unaware that they all knew each other.
" We came up to your office and found Seeley waiting to see if you'd be able to help with the investigation," Zek said, climbing to his feet. "We all started talking and figured we'd help him out."
"We were going to ask you if you wanted to go to the Innovative Spells, Charms and Potions Expo with us on Thursday. My boss can't go and he gave me all of his tickets," Alistair finished.
"Wow, that's really cool! I heard they have some wicked new treatments to get rid of garden gnomes. They've been ruining my hydrangeas!" Seeley exclaimed. Percy, Al and Zek all eyed him curiously, amused at the thought of such a muscular and masculine character such as Seeley being perturbed over the damages of flowers.
"What?" he asked crossly, contorting his classically handsome facial features into a narrowed glare. "Gardening helps me center after chasing bad guys all day."
"Sure it does," Al sniggered, but quickly stopped when he realized Seeley was still in a favorable position to 'recreate' him straight in to the wall. He cleared his throat. "You're more than welcome to come. We can make a bloke's night out of it."
"Yeah, more the merrier and such!" Zek piped, settling back down happily on the floor. "What'd you say, Perce?"
"Er, sure," Percy agreed, half-heartedly. "Sounds phenomenal." He paused to watch his friends all nod in agreement before excusing himself away from the group. Normally the Expo was right up his alley in interest, and it had been ages since he had had a guy's night. But he had more pressing matters on his mind at the moment, and he was in no mood to entertain thoughts of experimental potions and the post-Expo pub crawl that was likely to ensue.
"You might want to go freshen up before you settle down for work!" Percy heard Al shout as he turned the corridor to his office. "You look like hell!" Percy ignored the comment and continued his steady pace until he reached his door. Running his fingers through his mountainous bed-head, he stepped into his office, ready to get it over with. If nothing else, an early start would give him a day to find a new assistant when Audrey inevitably quit.
He walked into find Audrey humming to herself absent-mindedly while she set out files. Her wild hair was swept back in a loose ponytail, and she wore a pretty green and black dress he had never seen her in before. She often wore skirts and tops that were a bit too lax for the Ministry, and had she been in a position higher than a clerk, or assistant to someone of any actual importance, she would have been called out on it. Personally, Percy rather liked her red billowy peasant skirts and colorfully layered tops; it gave his otherwise mundane office some pop. But today she was dressed almost too nicely for work, and, as usual, anything Audrey did that Percy specifically noticed took precedent over anything else going through his mind.
"You look very nice today," he complimented. Audrey flashed him a happy smile. His heart sank a little lower.
"Thanks! You look…rugged," she said with poise after struggling to find a polite adjective. Percy lightly nodded in concession as he walked around his desk and sunk into his seat.
"I had a rough weekend, sleep-wise," he explained, wondering if this could be a proper segway into the conversation they needed to have.
"You still having nightmares?" she inquired worriedly. Percy stared at her with a bit of shock.
"How'd you know that I had nightmares?" he asked incredulously. She shrugged with a small grin that didn't quite reach her concerned eyes.
"Who our age doesn't have nightmares, after all we've been through? But the mornings you look the most disheveled are the days you decide to take lunch at the joke shop or call out your father. I just assumed…"
"You have remarkably accurate intuition," he stated solemnly.
"It's context clues, mostly," she said with a laugh. Percy was feeling worse and worse by the second. She was so beautiful and kind, and made him ineffably happy. Why couldn't that have been enough? Why couldn't he just leave it at that and for once enjoy feeling cared for by someone like her without having to ruin it? Why did he feel like he always had to know everything?
"So, uh, why are you done up so nicely?" he asked, changing the subject. He knew he had to talk to her but he wasn't quite ready. He knew it was best just to say what he needed to and be done with it, but he couldn't quite jump the last hurdle of hesitation.
On Audrey's part, she too looked liked she didn't want to own up to something, and her clear face reddened softly as she prepared to speak.
"Maxwell is taking me to this apparently extremely fabulous and over priced restaurant after work," she conceded guiltily.
Maxwell. The Boyfriend. World-Famous Chaser. Prat. Bane Of Percy's Existence. Tosser. How could he forget? Percy's stomach made a loop and sank somewhere down near his knees.
"Oh, so you two made up then?" Percy asked in an over-casual manner. Audrey bit her lip, shrugging as she took her seat next to him.
"Not really. We sort of talked… well, I talked, on Sunday about some of our problems. He doesn't really seem to think something is wrong. But we've been together for over six months and we still don't seem to really get each other. I told him we either need to get on our broomsticks or get off the Quidditch mound, but even that seemed to do no good," she explained miserably. Percy couldn't help but smile at her euphemism, and despite giving up on the chance that Audrey would ever look at him the same way after he told her of what he did, he couldn't help but glow slightly at how she seemed to be done with that relationship.
"Anyways, I figure we can talk more about it tonight. He's had this dinner reservation for my birthday for ages and hopefully…"
"Birthday!?!" Percy exclaimed, cutting into Audrey's somber line of thought. Audrey blinked a few times before smiling sheepishly.
"Whoops," she said softly.
"Today's your birthday?" Percy groaned. "I didn't… I had no idea…"
"That would be my fault," she assured. "As your assistant it is my job to remind you of such things, and as your friend it was my duty to tell you in the first place."
"Birthday," Percy muttered, collapsing back into his seat.
"Yup. The Earth has successfully orbited around the sun a full twenty-one times since I came into being. Well, maybe not exactly. There is that whole leap year, add-a-day-to-compensate, thing. Leap year did always throw me off. And I always felt so bad for it landing in February. Like the poor month didn't already have fewer days than any other without having one skived off of it three quarters of the time."
Percy barely heard her nervous ramble. Of all the days he had to tell her this, he had to pick her birthday to present a betrayal. A parentless, boyfriend-upsetting birthday that he had somehow managed to be completely oblivious to.
"Well, you look fantastic," Percy said, finally able to put together a coherent sentence.
"Thank you! And thank goodness to Fleur for picking out this dress for a birthday present at the second hand shop the other day or I wouldn't know what to wear," she stated offhandedly.
"Fleur bought you that? As a birthday gift? My sister-in-law Fleur?"
"Well honestly, Percy, how many Fleur's do we know?" she asked with a giggle.
"I just didn't know you two hang out," he grumbled, the lack of sleep getting the better of him.
"Only a few times," she said seriously, picking up on his irritability. "We got along so well at your dinner and corresponded afterwards. We both seemed to be in need of a girlfriend. She's been so busy since she's moved here, what with Bill, the wedding, the war and then the baby; she hasn't really had any social time for her. And I… well, recently I've been busy with a lot, and my old artist friends aren't exactly the most understanding when you have to go and get a real job."
Percy felt another stab of guilt from his ignorance. There were some things he was normally so keen on noticing, but he hadn't thought to notice that as charming and wonderful as Audrey was, she never talked about having any friends. He supposed he was used to personal silence from her. After all, she had a hell of a family history she had kept from him. But he had a feeling that it wasn't so much a tragic event that kept her from the social life that normally would have fit her, but the aftermath of the one she already had. He was very grateful that Bill had married such a woman as Fleur, for though as different as they were, they definitely seemed like compatible companions.
"Well, I spend near every day for two months with you, you talk unceasingly, and yet you are still a constant surprise," Percy obliged. Audrey smiled, but for the first time Percy noticed a pained look in her eye as though she was holding back something she wanted to tell him. He imagined that had his eyes not been so red and puffy, his would look the same.
This could have been the moment where he had come clean. Maybe he could just say it, have her get mad, but maybe she would explain why she never said anything. Then he could settle down, knowing either they weren't as close as he wished or she didn't think he was worth telling. Then he could continue with his days without an overpowering and useless sense of guilt. He could be free of the extreme and binding feelings he felt for her. Free, but empty. Well, he was used to that.
However, he decided to keep his mouth shut and set them off to work. It was her birthday and she had enough on her mind with Max, coupled with, he assumed, a longing for family enjoyment and company that normally went along with birthdays. He knew he felt a pang for his loved ones, especially his mother, on the birthdays he spent apart from his family. And almost every month he would look at the calendar with a shock and realize that one of his siblings was another year older, and as angry as he had been with all of them, he couldn't help but feel like, perhaps, being right wasn't worth being away.
The day went along rather smoothly. Mr. Grumman and Valencia came into the office at noon with sandwiches and a cake, imparting their best birthday wishes to one of their employees. Every form went through the way it was supposed to. Nothing was lost or stolen, and, best of all, no one was hospitalized. Even his old desk, which had always been fairly wobbly, seemed to place itself in a mode of professionalism, and never once did it shake when Percy or Audrey braced themselves against it when rising or when they leaned across it to hand over a paper.
As always, work was able to force Percy into compartmentalizing his problems, and by the time five o'clock neared, almost all of the stabs of guilt had numbed. Of course, he knew when he got home he would most likely anticipate another sleepless night as he had gone another day without telling her what he did. But it almost seemed worth it. He got to enjoy one last day of her not loathing him. A few more hours of her silly jokes and dreamy antics. And, best of all, a dozen more smiles which were the triggering agent that got him into this mess. She was so beautiful when she smiled.
While they wrapped up their work in order to call it a day, the office door swung open and a paper airplane the size of an owl swooped in, carrying within its crease a small pouch. It landed swiftly in front of Audrey, unfolding itself flatly as though eager to be read.
"What could this be?" Audrey asked in surprise, looking at her package.
"Birthday gift, I expect," Percy suggested. His work determination crumpled slightly. I wonder if I'll be able to get her a present before I tell her, without it looking like a bribe. Though, perhaps a bribe wouldn't be the worst of things…
"I can't imagine who from. I had Birthday dinner with my family yesterday, and I forgot to tell you…" her voice, and smile, faded as she read the letter.
"What is it?" Percy asked anxiously.
"It's Max," she said, without inflection. "He says he's not able to make it to dinner. Emergency Quidditch drills back in North England, says he won't be back for a few days. But he says he saw this and thought I'd like the color…"
Percy watched her quietly as she slipped a hand into the small pouch. A few moments later she pulled out a necklace, with an enormous pink diamond in the shape of a teardrop. Audrey held this gift out at arm's length, looking at it silently. Percy imagined it cost more than he could make by Christmastime.
"It's very lovely," Percy commented, trying to break the silence. "And once again I learn something new! I thought your favorite colors were red and purple."
"They are," she said quickly, placing the diamond down lightly and letting the gold chain pool around the gem. "I don't even think I own anything that's pink."
Percy tucked in his lips. That was the opposite reaction he meant to instate in her. She tried smiling weakly, playing with the necklace much like Ron used to play with his Cauliflower, pushing it around sporadically and hoping it would turn into something else. Percy was at a loss of what to say.
"Just as well," Audrey finally said, albeit a bit too cheerfully. "I can't really stomach fancy food all that well. Comes from being raised on a diet of cheesy noodles I'm afraid." She stood up, placing the diamond back carefully in the pouch before shoving it into her bag. "I guess it'll just be a quite birthday at home with a cup of wine and…"
"Nonsense, come out with me," Percy interjected frankly. A smile began to creep upon Audrey's face, but she held it back. "You shouldn't be alone on your birthday."
"Ah ha, the pity date. I know thee well," she laughed.
"No pity date," he said firmly. "I'd be thrilled to be able to take you out! I feel dreadful about not knowing before hand, and, although I don't have anything planned out, I will take you anywhere you want to go. Pending it doesn't require a reservation and doesn't serve a lot of crab. I'm not very fond of crab."
Audrey's smile widened at his poor attempt at a joke, and her body straightened out excitedly at the prospect.
"I think I know of a few seafood-free places." She bit her lip, thinking carefully. "You have any Muggle money?"
"Of course," Percy said quickly, pulling out his bill fold and showing her several twenty pound notes he kept tucked away. "The Ministry guidelines suggest all witches and wizards carry around Muggle money in case they are stranded somewhere without magic."
Audrey's smile reached full capacity and she began to giggle fiercely at this concession.
"What?" he asked, beginning to laugh himself, "I promise you it does!"
"I believe you, that's why I'm laughing," she explained. Percy grinned, sticking his bill fold back in his robes.
"Okay, so Muggle money, I'm guessing a Muggle place, Muggle attire?"
"Yes," she nodded, wiping a few tears from her eyes. "Very casual so don't dress sharply. In fact, keep the beard, it makes you look wonderfully messy."
"Ah no, the beard goes," he said, rubbing his stubbled growth.
"I don't think so. It's my birthday, I get what I want. The beard stays," she stated firmly, hoisting her bag over her shoulder. "Pick me up at my place in an hour, and come hungry."
Percy agreed as he watched her walk out the door. It was a strange turn of events, but very pleasantly so. Max seemed right near out of the picture, and Percy couldn't help the feeling that she seemed more excited about spending it with him than she had when she was spending it with Max. But the thought of him having a chance with her reminded him of what he might have thrown away by looking at that file, and though he left his office full of excitement, the bleak future left him feeling empty.
(A/N: I'm trying to push out the chapters more quickly, but this weekend I am moving and actually have my own birthday ((another Audrey turning 21!)). Anyhoo, I thank y'all for your patience and your continued reading. I know you have been dying for these two to get together, and to be honest with you, I have too. So I've re-arranged my story plans a tad to compensate. I think you'll really like the next chapter…)