Loki stood very still by a view window in the small shuttle bay. There were only two ships in the shuttle bay and he'd already chosen the smaller, weaker shuttle to take him on his journey to death. He didn't want to be too much of a burden which was why he had chosen the smaller ship. He was already a burden by still being here. But it was kill himself or ghost off to his time and place of death. Eight hours to live...
As he looked out at the great expanse of space he felt a little sick. Out there in the great unknown were millions, billions, trillions of people all special and with and with a purpose. And then there was him. A mistake. An abomination. Worthless and completely without a purpose. He clenched a hand over his heart. Would dying hurt? He almost hoped so. He deserved to suffer for being a worthless mistake. He deserved to die painfully for the pain he caused others.
Memories started crept over him like clawing shadows and attacked him as merciless enemies, whose only purpose was to see him suffer more than how much he was already suffering emotionally. He tangled his hands in his hair, tugging at black waves, though his hair was more of curls now, as tears started to well up in his eyes.
He was a child at the Starfleet academy, there while Frigga talked to some of the staff, playing hide and seek with Thor and his friends. Not that they'd ever been Loki's friends but Thor had convinced them to let Loki play. He had been hiding for some time when Sif, Thor's friend that was Klingon walked in front of his hiding spot. She knew he was there but told Thor he wasn't around here. When he tried crawling out to tell Thor he was there Sif stepped on his hand, breaking it. He was stuck in his hiding spot.
A good memory tried peeking through the cloud of darkness but Loki was too consumed by the darkness of negativity to notice it. There was so much bad eating away at him. What was the point of there being any good? There couldn't possibly be any good because he was a freak.
After a half hour of silently whimpering where he'd been hidden, feet walking past every now and then, oblivious to his presence, a young man's head appeared in the space between the floor and the wall edge of the space Loki had been in, "Well, hello there," He held out his arms and helped Loki out by picking him up. He balanced Loki on his side, careful of Loki's hand that was broken, "I'm Doctor David McCoy, what's your name?" he asked. "Loki Odinson," Loki replied quietly. "Nice to meet you Loki," David said with a smile, "I'm going to take you to the medical center and fix your hand then we'll find your parents, okay?" Loki nodded. Daniel took Loki to the medical center and fixed his hand while one of the other doctors sent out a message out for Frigga to come to the medical center.
Loki had never seen Daniel again. Maybe if he had then things would've been different. Maybe. Though he highly doubted things would've actually been different. Nothing, no one, could change what was happening now. Loki gasped slightly and tears stung his eyes as another memory hit him hard.
Loki stared at Odin, shock and pain etched into his expression. his hands were blue though slowly fading to their normal color, "What am I?" He asked. "A boy that I thought could be my son. But you were always too different," Odin responded, his Klingon harshness showing through, "Half Bolian, and half something likely so monstrous that Starfleet couldn't tell us when they left you on our doorstep as a newborn. You were always different, even if you appeared as human as Frigga," Odin continued, "but-" Loki couldn't listen to anymore of what Odin had to say and he ran.
Loki clenched a fist over his heart. Words that Odin had spoken long ago bit at him harshly. He could never forget the words that were spoken in such a cruel way. Tears streaked his cheeks as he sobbed weakly. He was emotionally and physically drained of energy. He had already given up. That much was so very clear. Another memory hit him hard in this assault of pain.
Loki walked down the halls of the Caelestis, reading from his PADD on his way to engineering to look at some information. It was a simple request from engineering to have him look over some of the data they had gathered. Then there was shouting. He ran towards the shouting and found that one of the engineers had sustained serious burns from some wiring shorting out and had fallen over the railing to the floor below. Loki knelt next to the engineer and before he knew what was happening green misty tendrils were coming from his hands and healing the engineer but the more was healed the engineer started to freeze, ice spreading across his skin. Loki stumbled back, startled. What had he just done?
The engineer hadn't made it and the incident had been marked as classified. No one ever said anything to him about what had happened. They just assigned him to a new ship and put him far away from the Caelestis. Loki hadn't meant to hurt the engineer but it had been because he was a monster. And now this was his end. The destruction of a monster. Even as good memories tried poking through the darkness he was already broken.