Gemini's Sweet Desire
InuShikaCho
Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Prince of Tennis... that's definitely sure.. haha!
(A/N): haha!! we're almost at the end! XD It's almost time for me to say goodbye... and that seems to be so sad... (cries) Once again, I'm going to apologize for the big delay in updating. If ever you passed by on my profile here on ffnet, I wish you had read my message there, but for those who didn't, I'll tell you why I wasn't able to update. My computer was broken few days after posting the 13th chapter. Luckily, I was also done with the ending too but then, the computer caused the delay. It was just fixed around the last day of 2007, but another problem occured, this chapter was cut on the very last so I needed to repeat it again. I did my best to recall the things that I typed and you'll see the output of my reminiscing moments on the end. I'll pause right here and see you on the end. Ready your tissues and handkerchiefs, because I'll be proceeding now! Ja Matta Ne! XD
Chapter 14: Sweet Deja Vu
It's funny how you look at the past and you couldn't tell if it was a dream or a reality. Now, I had finally understand everything in my life. Thanks for him and for her, both of them had shaped me to someone who will be brave enough to face the trials in life. However, the more I see them makes me feel obnoxious and fatal. Everything had finally revived in me and that's good. I had spent my whole life with a person whom I know will love me with all his might. But I guess I was wrong. There's nothing you can do if you say 'sorry' when you know it's already too late. Something is wrong in my life. Even if I say that I already have everything... my career... my dreams... and HIM... there is definitely a big hidden mistake. You can't say that I'm happy when I already know the truth behind them. The explanations and the reality are not enough for me to believe in. Because, now I realized... that everyone had just lied to me... and I don't know how to face life again...
Within this road I'm stepping on is a future that no one can tell me the real thing is. Should I believe with your words once more? Is it worth for me to feel you inside of me? And the only sad thing is, after all the sufferings we had... we could still smile and laugh... and yet, it's rare for me to see you cry...
Both of our time is running out, you're already impossible and I'm already a nobody. I'm sorry, yet I won't regret this anymore... This time I'm saying my last words...
His body chilled inside the car as it stopped right in front of a glass door, few steps away from it. He opened the door and tried to carry the bouquet tightly in his hands. It's been three days since he last visited his lover in the hospital. Tomoka persuaded him to not go to the hospital during those days, so that Sakuno would have a time to rest and a time to think. And even though it was against his will, he tried to follow her. However his impatience towards his only one was too strong which caused him to break them. He knew how Sakuno would react if she'll see him that's why he decided to just stop by and drop something that can help her.
He only had a little time to watch Sakuno everyday. If ever he'll arrive on the hospital, it would be exactly Sakuno's resting time. And when she's awake, there's nothing he could do but just to take a peek from a small window in her door and just watch her, farther away from him. Her neglect wasn't a reason for him to fall out of love, instead, it made him more stronger and a big keeper. Because now he realized, that the more she's not there beside him, the more his love seeks for her presence.
"Good Morning sir, but who are you looking for?" the nurse arrived inside the room holding blankets in top of her hands.
"Uhmm, excuse me, but where is the patient inside this room?" Ryoma asked as he gave a little way for the nurse.
"Ah, you mean Sakuno-chan?" the nurse continued, "She just logged out of the hospital a little earlier before you arrived... Didn't she tell you?"
"N-No, she didn't... But somebody told me that I was supposed to pick her up today..." Ryoma mumbled and tried to think for a while.
"That's bad..." the nurse reacted as she removed the sheets wrapped on the bed
Tomoka might have pick her up already! "Thanks miss... I'll be going now" Ryoma bid his goodbye and walked out of the room.
The nurse just nodded her head and hardly spread the sheets as it slowly fell on the comfy bed, "That's odd... he said he'll pick her up... But then...why is she--"
The temperature inside the hospital disappeared when he finally went out of the hospital. The rainy season was still going but it was unpredictable when it comes from falling. The cold breeze passed through him and gave him another chills but he just ignored it and continued himself along his route.
He couldn't wait to see Sakuno again. And when the time he sees her sweet smile once more, he's already prepared to explain everything and expecting her answer immediately. It's time for explanations and understanding. If no one will ever believe, there would be no future to anyone in this life. He paused himself for a while in his career and focused on things he loved more, Sakuno. There's no big regrets that he had felt as of that time, but he knew that if he'll let go on the other hand, where she was in, he'll definitely regret everything and probably couldn't survive.
He's not obsessed. He's not desperate. He's not that ignorant on things. He's just loving a person with all his heart and there's nothing wrong with it. He said he'll sacrifice his life over her, but it doesn't show obsession, it just proves how much he loves her. He's not going to lose on fate anymore, he oftenly said those words now. I'm not going to loose on you! I'm going to win! and I won't let you take her away from me again... I'll show you... I can prove things right now... I'll protect her... That's why--!
A disturbing vibration stopped his thoughts and his walk. He was receiving a phone call from Tomoka and happily, he answered it, thinking only about Sakuno. "Why?"
"I just called to ask how are you..." Tomoka answered on the other line
"I'm fine... Where are you right now?"
"On the bus stop, why?"
"I'm going there..."
"No need. I'm on my way to the hospital. How is Sakuno?"
Silence.
He didn't know if he heard it right. He wanted to make it clear, "I thought you picked her up already?!"
"Pick her up?! Didn't I tell you to--"
"But she's not here! The nurse said she already left?!"
"What?! But how?!"
"I don't know! Don't make fun of me!"
"I'm not on the mood to distract someone else's life right now Ryoma!"
"What the!"
"I'll try to contact her... I'll call you later!"
Ryoma hanged up his phone and gave a tighter grip. His heart started to pump faster and his whole body started to panic. He raised his hand and hit it hardly on the wall beside him. "Argh! Sakuno! Where the heck did you go?!"
Sometimes, lying is the best thing you could do when there is nothing left...
It felt like his heart was being pierced right through him. He was sensing something, but he doesn't want to believe in it. Was he dreaming again? If he was, he begged for someone to wake him up. Because the more this dream will continue, the more pain he will get. And he's afraid for the fact that he might lose once again and end up himself in giving up.
When his first love had left him before, he didn't know what to do and believed in a promise that doesn't really exist at all. For all his life, he always wait for that someone to come back yet there's nothing he can do about it. He fell and tore himself apart and felt the real meaning of bitterness and hatred. His moments of gloom and sadness slowly disappeared as he was becoming somebody else filled with coldness.
After a long time of hiding myself in darkness, you reached your hand out to me and saved me from it forever. That's why you're the only one whom I really accepted in my life. You're the only person who made me feel this way. The love you had given me is the only thing that makes me feel alive. If you don't want me anymore, just pretend that you still. Because when you go... when you will leave me once again... Sakuno, I don't know how to face everything no more. I can't accept the truth that you're gone and you've bid your goodbye to me forever.
He didn't stop from searching for her. His feet brought him to places that he doesn't know, just to find her. His eyes were getting blurry because of the water appearing on them, but as much as he can, he rubbed them and remove them away. I can find you... I can definitely find you! Just wait for me...
Dusk was starting to fall and he was not yet stopping there. While he was walking vastly along the side of the road, he took out his phone and looked if there was any messages coming from Tomoka, but in his surprise, there wasn't. He dialed her number and tried to call. He stopped on a place where there were only less people passing by. Then he continued.
The ringing was continuous. The beeping was forever. No answer. No response. Then he shouted in anger, "Damn it! Why can't you pick up the phone?!" he disconnected his call and dialed once more. And unluckily, it was still the same. His call almost reached to five, until he started to burst out. "Argh! Why aren't you answering my call?! Tomoka!! What's happening already?! Damn it! Answer the phone!" his anger was starting to increase and ended up throwing his phone hardly on the ground . It broke into two and he didn't care at all. He kicked the wall beside him and hit it once more with his hand.
"Why can't anyone tell me where you are?! I can't stand this anymore!! Sakuno?! Where are you?! AAAAHH!!!"
Blood was starting to mark the wall and the pain was being ignored. There's nothing more painful than being left behind, and that's true. After all the happiness and the joy, the moment you realize that you're the only one left, you can't help but to weaken yourself and think desperate things just to turn things back again. Love is something impossible that you can't predict what will happen next. Sometimes, you dream things happier but the real thing is, it was a big reverse. They say that every smile and laughter have big sadness and tears in return. And it's being proved, when you love a person with all your heart and it's time for you to let go.
He doesn't want to cry more tears, but he can't stop them anymore. They shed and shed and even though he wiped them out, they still came back. His silence occupied his mind, until he started to get a little numb after all of it. I don't want this anymore... Sakuno... where are you...
Suddenly, right after he closed his eyes, flashes of pictures entered his mind. Until on that same day, the pictures stopped. The day when he couldn't do anything but to stare her soaked with her own blood, unconsciously lying on the ground. In an instant, his eyes opened widely and restored a small strength inside of him. "The train station!" he became alert and started to run again.
He ignored his aching feet and still continued his way towards the train station. He rode the train quickly and hoped once more. That time... she was in the train station where we first met... the same day... when she left the hospital... Then, he chilled, Sakuno... please be okay!
In this grounds, I could remember the moment when I bid my goodbye... Ryoma, how can you do those things to me? Ryoma... I dont understand why?!
His heart was pumping quickly, and he was sensing the pressure and the tension around him once the train stopped at the destination he's been waiting for. The door opened and he fought himself with the crowd walking out of the train. Sakuno, I'm here...! He finally stepped his foot on the station. Every corner of it makes everything nostalgic and frightening. The place where they first met and they bid their goodbyes. Memories are unstoppable already. And in a moment, he could feel that his time was almost running out.
"Sakuno!" he shouted and looked from left to right to see if she's anywhere. But just like what he expected, the people around was making the big difficulties for him. He ran to the other corner to see if she was there but then, it's still the same, she wasn't. He tried to call him out of the huge crowd in the station. He even mistakenly thought other ladies passing by as her. He could feel that it was already there, but still he can't see it. He called out her name once more and thought about giving up.
He stopped. Why can't I see you? He took a deep breath and hardly breathe them out afterwards. He looked above, am I going to give up? and then, he looked back straight at the place. Suddenly, someone caught his attention. It was as if everything became in slow motion that all he could see was that person, walking through the exit lane. "SAKUNO!" he shouted and followed the person quickly. "SAKUNO!"
Happiness., Joy, Excitement... Fear and Truth. He wanted to reach out to her. This time he wants to save them. To revive and to repeat those memorable moments they had and in the end, all the sadness they had both exchanged will vanish and there will be no regrets to be troubled. At last, he had his opportunity to confess, to explain and to let her accept him again. At last, he made it in time.
"SAKUNO!" he grabbed her hand and faced her with watery eyes. "I've found you! I've been looking for you the whole time!"
However, she didn't respond back and she just stared him with her own poker face.
He pulled her out of her place and embraced her tightly even though she didn't embrace him back "Sakuno, i've been waiting for this moment to come! Sakuno I--"
His time stopped. His life was slowly being destroyed. Her heart had finally reached its peak. Her mind was gone.
"Stay away from me!" she demanded after slapping him hardly on his cheek, "What are you doing?!"
"S-Sakuno... what happened--"
"Don't act as if you don't know! Stop telling things which you know are not true!"
"What the heck are you talking about?!"
"Why are you still following me?! Don't you know that you had just given me a lot of bitterness already! Go away!"
"I don't understand, I thought we're already okay?!"
"Stop it! You lied to me! You just treated me as your toy! I don't know what I have done for you to treat me like this?!"
"I didn't trick you! Sakuno, let me explain!"
"I don't want to hear your explanations!
"Listen to me..." Ryoma grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closely to him, "It wasn't really my intention to leave you that time!"
"You're lying! Ryoma... how could you say those things?!" Sakuno was starting to burst out tears
"Sakuno... you know how much I love you... I never wanted to leave you behind... I was caught in the middle. I know how Meyrin would react if I ever rejected her that day. Sakuno, I didn't know what to do! I got forced and accept her. I was stuck and didn't know how to leave the whole thing. When you collapsed, I wanted to run to you, but she stopped me! You don't know how much I suffered... I always wanted to tell you how much I regret! But then, you didn't even listen to me on that same day! I don't want to repeat things again!"
Sakuno just stared him and watched him. She didn't want to listen. She didn't want to continue anymore.
"I SAID LISTEN TO ME! Sakuno! I don't want to loose you anymore! Please listen to me! Sakuno..." he was starting to tremble, his eyes were unstoppable and so as his voice started to whimper, "I love you... and you're the only person who can understand me well... Sakuno, please don't leave me this time... What will happen to me if you ever leave?"
But then you played along with my feelings and it doesn't feel good... You loved me at my best, I loved you at your worst but how could you break my heart so much?
"I love you, and that's the only thing that matters to me right now... Sakuno!" he touched his cheeks and felt how much he missed her warmth already. How he wished that with the help of his touch, everything would come back to normal.
"GO AWAY!" She ran away from him once more. Her scream had reached the sky that caused a loud thunder and lightning together with heavy rains. However, the loud sound of the thunder was defeated when a loud horn of a coming truck had been released through out the whole road.
It caught everyone's attention, especially her who had been paralyzed in surprise and in fear. "SAKUNO!" he cried.
I was stuck in the middle and didn't know what to do... That's why I walked on a wrong turn... But it wasn't my intention at all... Not all of them...
I can prove things right now... I won't be defeated... I told you... I'll protect her even if my life would be at risk!! "Sakuno!!"
Everyone was stopped and stared the middle of the road. The smoke from the truck was thick and the silence broken by the loud whispers and murmurs of the people around them. The rain fell more hardly on the ground but no one dared to help. No one can tell if their time had totally run out or maybe things were just starting once again.
When he closed his eyes he was sure he smiled for the last time. Because he had proven fate that not all of the things it planned can come true, he defeated him with his own life. And risking his life for the one he really loved doesn't matter. No one will hurt you anymore... You won't cry again... "T-Thank You..." he murmured. He had just loved a person with his whole heart and that was already enough. He dreamed a lot of things but he guess that maybe it's already too much. He knew that soon his hopes and dreams will come true but it would probably take much of his time to happen. But then, would it still be possible? Now?
Her brows twitched a few times after feeling a cold liquid pouring down on her cheeks. She couldn't distinguish if it was the cold rain or something else. Her heart started to become tired when she felt a heavy feeling above her. For a moment, she felt like doubting herself to open her eyes but the curiosity caused her to do so. At first her eyes were all in blur, all she could see was the truck on the post and the traces of red water flowing together with the rain beneath her. Her pale lips trembled after seeing that red thing! And when she looked back to the silhouette of the person above her body, the blurry vision suddenly vanished. "N-No..." she whispered and moved her hands around his waist. Closed her eyes back and gave out another scream. "NO!!"
End of Chapter
(AN): I really hate it when suddenly your first work was cut and you need to repeat it once again. Now look at the ending of the chapter, I don't think it matched from the first thing I did?! I cried on the first work but this time I didn't... I'm really sad... But then, I hope you had liked the 14th chapter! The last chapter is next so you better watch out! XD Before I leave, I have something that might interest you. Before you read the last chapter, try listening to the music of 'Red Jumpsuit Apparatus's - Your Guardian Angel' I didn't know why, but I felt like that song was dedicated to GSD. Try reading the lyrics and listen to it as you read the last chapter, it really does match! XD If only I could make this story as a fanmade anime, I would have created an amv with the same song... XD hahah! I have the perfect scenes for every lines... wahahah!!