I was more angered about not being allowed to wear my hat than having to wear a dress. Well… It was about fifty-fifty, more or less.

So, after I bathed, when she came back, Eleniel helped me pick out a light green dress that was the closest to my size. The sleeves and the skirt were still a bit too long, but once she tied up the strings in the back, it wasn't that bad, to be honest.

I didn't look at myself in the mirror until she had me take off my hat, letting my hair fall out of its hiding place. I didn't know why I always hid it like I did. It was just how I liked to wear it. It's just what I did. I guessed that it was because I didn't particularly like my hair, it was terribly frizzy when it grew out too long, so I kept it short and up in my hat. I also kept close to my hat at all costs. In a way, I think that it was the first free decision that I made after I fell from that tree–stealing that hat from off the road.

After she brushed it out for me, Eleniel walked to the door and said, "I must go, Miss Helena. Some of my kin and I will be supplying music for you and the dwarves this evening."

"Just Helena," I said for what felt like the hundredth time–I was beginning to just let her call me whatever she wanted to. "But go on ahead anyway, I won't be long."

She bowed her head as she exited the room, closing the door behind her.

As soon as the door closed, I dug through my backpack for The Journey: a Hobbit's Tale. There weren't many illustrations in the book, something I loved about it, but I knew that there was a picture of Helena Cotton, the character I was named after, in a dress for a royal party. Flipping through the pages, I came to rest on a black and white drawing of a hobbit-maid with dark-brown curly hair in a floor length dress.

I looked from myself in the mirror to the picture and back several times. They were not the same dress, that was for sure, but they did share a handful of similarities, like the neckline, sleeves, and length. A part of me thought that this was amazing. Another part of me repeated what Kili had asked me in the passageway. What did I like to do besides reading?

Was that all there was to me? Or was there something else? Something else interesting? Something else important?

Putting the book down on my bed, I smoothed out my mildly frizzy hair again and walked out the door–

And immediately bumped face-first into Kili. That was just my luck, don't you think?

I could hear him form the beginning of a swear–I knew them all–like he'd thought that I was an elf who so arrogantly walked straight into him. Then he saw me, my face probably turning as bright of a red as my hair (Another reason I didn't like it. Red–well, ginger to be precise–was too extravagant of a color for hair in my opinion.).

"Hi…" I said when he didn't do anything but sort of just stare at me.

"Hey… Sorry, I…" he started.

"Yeah, I know," I agreed, fingering the fabric of my dress. "I had the same reaction. At least we both got new clothes," I added when I noticed that he was wearing a new blue tunic with dark brown pants.

"There a bit big, but yeah," he nodded, visibly looking awkward.

"Same here," I said, looking around a bit. "So… where's the dining room, or whatever it's called?"

"It's supposed to be somewhere down this hallway," he answered, pointing in the direction he was probably going in before I bumped into him.

We then wordlessly walked in that direction. I hated the fact that I had to hold my dress up to walk.

"So, uh… Where'd your hat go?" Kili asked me eventually.

"Eleniel said it would have been 'unladylike' for me to where it," I explained, using my fingers for quotations.

"Who's that?" he asked me.

"The she-elf who took me to my room," I answered. "She's really nice."

I saw Kili nod through the corner of my eye.

Rolling my eyes, I broke the annoying silence, "Yeah, I know, this what my hair looks like; I know, it's really short and red; I know, I hide it all the time, that's just what I like to do."

I swore that I heard him mumble, "There you are" before he said louder, "I wasn't going to ask about your hair."

I glared at him.

"Okay, fine–I was going to ask about your hair," he admitted.

I smirk slightly.

I touch the back of my head, letting my fingers get a little tangled. "I don't know how you lot function with such long hair," I said, "I can hardly handle mine as it is."

Kili laughs slightly. "Dwarves just like long hair, that's all I can I think of," he explained, making me giggle a bit.

I swear under my breath when we see the archway to the dining room–or was it a courtyard? It was outside. I nervously rake my fingers through my hair and bite my lip, looking down at my dress, my hairy feet just poking out from beneath the skirt.

"What's wrong?" Kili asked me.

"Nothing really," I answered, "just the average, run of the mill nervous butterflies in the stomach." I sigh. "I'm just being stupid, that's all."

"Yes, but you're not like that," Kili reminds me.

I smile softly at him. "Sometimes I wish I was." And then I walk in.

I freeze mid-step when I see Bilbo an Elrond beckon me to their table, away from the dwarves. Forcing a smile, I keep walking, nearly bursting into laughter when Eleniel whispers, "Good luck, Miss Helena" to me as I pass by her in front of a harp. Instead, I smile at her, noticing how she had changed into a creamy white dress and a circlet adorned her head, and kept walking.

When I took my seat next to Bilbo, I noticed how he looked at me funny. It had been years since I had really gone anywhere public without my hat–and it was strange for me to where such a dress.

Not. A. Word, I mouthed at him, getting a cheeky grin from him, making me grin in the same way.

"You still look beautiful, Helena," he whispered to me proudly, the same way he sounded when I told him I'd finished reading a book by myself.

"That was five words," I pointed out, smiling.

Our giggles were cutoff by Elrond. "I have heard many things about you, young Helen Paige Baggins."

Clearing my throat, I answered weakly, "Well, I certainly hope they were good things." That sent everyone at the table–except Thorin and I–into a fit of laughter.

"She is exactly as you've described her, Gandalf," Elrond said.

Gandalf nodded in a way that said, "I do my best."

Elrond turned back to me. "And, if I do say so myself, I've never heard a story quite like yours," he said.

"I've read many stories, Lord Elrond," I said, "and none are perfectly alike, just like snowflakes." I was silently proud of myself for thinking of the maneuver, so that I wouldn't have to actually discuss my strange little story.

"You and the race of elves share a trait," he said with a nod. I did not love the glare that I got from Thorin at his words. "We both love the written word. I will be sure to ask Eleniel to show you to the library before you leave."

I practically jump out of my seat. "You have a library?" I asked excitedly.

Bilbo laughed and said, "Patience."

I giggled slightly as the conversation, thankfully, took a different turn. But, because of the change, I found that I was suddenly bored and wasn't even listening. Instead, I ate my salad and looked to the dwarves' table. I couldn't make out many words; though, I did hear Nori turn to Eleniel and ask her to change the tune of the music. "I feel like I'm at a funeral," he said.

"Did someone die?" Oin asked almost excitedly. His ear trumpet was stuffed with a napkin–I kind of just had to laugh at that.

"All right, lads, there's only one thing for it," Bofur said as he stepped up onto the table, making everybody–even the musicians–stop what they were doing. And then… he started singing. There was a lot of singing involved in this adventure. DJ would have been terrified to come along–she can't sing to save her life.

"There's an…!

Inn, there's an inn, a merry old inn

Beneath an old grey hill,

And there they brew a beer so brown

The Man in the Moon himself came down

One night to drink his fill!"

A part of me was looking around at the dwarves as they joined in in singing–some even threw some food around, something that caught the elves off guard. And watching the whole thing go down, I couldn't help but break out into a cheeky grin and laugh.

"Oh, the ostler has a tipsy cat

That plays a five-string fiddle!

And up and down he saws his bow

Now squeaking high…!

Now purring low…!

Now sawing in the middle!"

I was then struck hard in the face with… I think it was mashed potatoes. After clearing it away from my eyes, I grabbed a good spoonful of mashed potatoes from my plate and threw it in a random direction. I wasn't sure where my shot had landed–since I was still listening to Bofur sing.

"So the cat on his fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle,

A jig that could wake the dead:

He squeaked and sawed and quickened the tune,

While the landlord shook the Man in the Moon:

"It's after three!" he said."

It was only after the song was finished that I realized that I had struck Fili in the face with my mashed potatoes. A part of me knew that DJ would be very, very proud of me.

I was still giggling and humming to myself when I went back to my room and redressed in a pair of forest-green pants and a long sleeve blue shirt that had been hidden in the back of the closet, my hat tightly on my head.

But eventually, I grew bored. And Eleniel wasn't back yet–if she was ever coming back, she never said. So, decisively, I opened my door and walked down the hallway to my left. I had nothing to go off of besides the hope that there would be a sign that said Library on it. Then again, it would probably be written in elvish…

I saw few elves as I wandered aimlessly through the halls of Rivendell. Most of them seemed to be lovers taking a late-afternoon stroll. The sun was gone, but the moon was just beginning to shine, the stars starting to make their first appearances.

I found a balcony to stand on, having nowhere else to go–thankfully, this one had handrails. Waterfalls were pounding on rocks not too far away, the misty smell making its way to me. I felt so bold that I even leaned over the railing a bit, peering down to see what was beneath the balcony. Underneath was a humble garden; benches dotted the land, with tall, shade-providing trees. It looked so beautiful, so peaceful–

"There you are!"

I jumped at the sound of Kili's voice, quickly gripping the handrail so I wouldn't fall.

"You scared me…" I breathed shakily as he walked up to me. I could see by the moonlight that his hair was wet. He stood next to me by the railing, looking around the same way I had been moments before.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, turning to me.

"To be honest…" I said. "Getting lost." I made him chuckle. "Why are you so wet?" I asked him.

"Some elf showed us to the baths," he answered, pointing in its direction. "Good thing too, considering how Fili had mashed potatoes on his face."

"Yeah… Tell him I'm sorry about that," I said, failing to contain a smile.

"That was you?"

I took a bow.

"Well good job," he laughed.

As he laughed, Kili stared out at the horizon for a moment. When I looked, I saw that the sky was beginning to go from a sunset to pitch-black night. Then when I looked up, I saw that the sky was nearly coated with stars. It made me gasp slightly. Kili looked up as well. "They look really far away, don't they?" he said.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess so, but that's not how I've always thought of it," I explained. "I always thought that… the world is surrounded by endless light, but during the night, everything bad comes along and blocks it out. But at the same time, all the little good things in life poke through the darkness, for everyone to marvel at. I know, it's cheesy…"

"No, no it's not cheesy at all," he said quickly. He looked up at the stars. "So, essentially, the stars are hope?"

I nodded the same way a teacher would when a student finally understood something. "Yes, that and happiness and friendship."

"And love and courage?"

"And recklessness and laughter and surprises."

Kili was silent for a moment. It was a good kind of silence, the kind one could use to either think about the meaning of life or do nothing at all. I wasn't sure which one he was doing, but I was doing nothing at all.

He broke the silence.

"Come on, I want to show you something," he said, stepping forward.

"What is it?" I asked, looking at him.

"That's a surprise," he smirked.

When he said that were close, Kili was adamant that I close my eyes. Rolling my eyes at him, I covered them with my hands. Holding my elbows, he lead me the rest of the way. The only sounds I could hear were his footsteps and my own breathing. I could only imagine what Lobelia would say, letting a man lead me somewhere blindly.

"Okay," Kili said after another minute or two. "You can open them… now."

I quickly uncovered my eyes–

We were standing in the middle of the library.

I held my hand over my mouth as I gasped. Not believing how many books were there, I blinked my eyes, spun around, and even pinched myself a little.

"Oh my gosh…" was the only thing I could manage to say.

"Awestruck, are we?" Kili laughed.

I nodded numbly. I then walked to the nearest shelf and ran my fingers over the book spines.

Laughter bubbled up inside of me as I hooked the thickest book I could find out its place on the shelf. Then I put it back when I realized it was a history book. I walked around the library for a moment until I found a sign that said Fiction in the common tongue.

When I could read the titles, I picked up book after book, filling my arms until I had to balance them all by resting my chin on top of them. I stumbled over to the first table I could see; Kili was there a second later, helping me put the books down.

"There is no way you are finishing all of these," he laughed as he looked at the titles.

"You clearly don't know how fast I can read, sir prince," I smiled. I then looked down at the one that had looked the most interesting to me: When Adventure Lasts Forever.

"How did you even carry all of those with your arm all bandaged up?" he asked me incredulously.

I looked up from the book. "Oh, Eleniel healed it," I said. "She said that I'd be ready to take the bandage off later tonight."

"Eleniel healed it?" he asked me. His face was an uneasy mixture of concern and confusion–and maybe even a bit of hurt.

"Yeah, of course she did," I said, my eyebrows knitting together, no idea what was so wrong with that.

"I mean, you kept saying that you were okay," he shrugged. "I never believed you, but you did."

"Yeah, I know, she just didn't give me a choice or anything," I said. "If everyone would be mad that I accepted help from an elf, I'm sorry, I know that you all don't like them."

"No, I'm just a little annoyed that you didn't accept help from us," he clarified. "If we knew how bad it was, we wouldn't have given you a choice either."

"Well that's really nice, Kili, but it was really nothing, it would have healed on its own time–"

"You keep saying that," he cut me off, his voice starting to get an edge. "You keep saying that it's nothing but it never was–even when you were nervous earlier. You burned your arm and it looked like it was contracting an infection."

"Well maybe I didn't want to be such a burden on anybody!" I said, my voice rising a bit. I had no idea where this was going, or what the point of it was, and I was ready to have it be over.

"You weren't ever going to be a burden!" Kili replied, just as loudly. "We would have helped you–I would have helped you, if you weren't so stubborn…"

"I'm stubborn?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "What about the dwarf standing in front of me who won't let it go, even though it was nothing–?"

"It was never nothing!" he exclaimed. "You could have gotten an infection–and died!"

"Way to jump to conclusions, Kili!" I exclaimed. "It. Doesn't. Matter. I'm okay now, and I'm not dead."

"Yeah, I can see that, but that could have easily not happened, since you just won't let anybody help you! What is so important about acting so strong all the time?"

"Um, I don't know, maybe so that people don't think that you're weak and useless!" I answered him.

"This is what this is about?" he asked me like I was crazy. "About you being afraid that people will judge you? Helena, nobody would have judged you! They would have judged you if you were too stubborn to let anybody help you, all the while, you are in pain!"

"Why do you even care?" I asked through clenched teeth.

Kili took a step away from me, his tone decisive. "You know what, I have no idea."

Then he left.

I didn't call for him to come back. I wanted him to go. I was sick of him. I was happy that he left. The library could actually be quiet then.

Huffing a breath, I sat down in a chair at the table with heavy, blunt movements. I scooted the chair in and opened the book I had been looking at. I turned past the title page–

And the page tore in half. I looked down at the torn paper in my hand like it was a foreign object. I then looked at the book, seeing where that page used to belong, putting two and two together. I swore under my breath, put the page back in its place, got up, walked to the shelf, and thrust the book back in its place. Every action felt stiff and deliberate.

My breathing was heavy and ragged. It slowly became more deep and normal. That was when I started to think more rationally–that was when I realized how I'd just messed up, I realized how stupid I had just been. I didn't know what it was that I'd just messed up, but I'd messed it up good, that was for sure.

Stubborn. That was what I was: Stubborn.

My head drooped and my shoulders sagged. I stared down at my hairy feet, my mind shouting at me, and my hands shaking slightly. What did I do?

I wasn't aware that I was crying until Eleniel came into the library. "Oh, there you are! I've been looking for you, Miss Helena– What's wrong, Miss Helena?"

I turned to her and quickly wiped at my eyes and cheeks. "N–nothing!" I did it again… I thought.

"I doubt it, but there's no time for that," she said. "I'm here because you have been summoned."

"By who?" I asked. I felt exhausted.

"By the Lady Galadriel, Lady of Light," she answered, pride in her voice.

"… Say what?"