Kid rubbed his jaw and looked toward the open barn door.

"Sorry I hit you," Jimmy mumbled.

"It's okay," Kid said, "I guess I deserved it a little."

"Yeah you did…but you deserved it to come from someone else."

Kid nodded. He knew on some level that Jimmy was right and even knew that as much as he tried to stay away from Josie, at some point there would have to be a confrontation. He didn't relish that thought at all. He began to walk out of the barn but Jimmy's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Have you given any thought to how Lou's going to take this?"

"If I did I'd be smothering her and treating her too much like a girl, now wouldn't I?" Kid stated bitterly, "She made her choice and I don't figure into it. I'll always feel something for her but how many times should I lean into that particular punch before I give up?"

"She's still in love with you," Jimmy pointed out.

"That really ain't my problem, Jimmy."

"I think it's going to be everyone's problem when she gets back."

"Well, Teaspoon said that won't be for another week to week and a half," Kid said recalling the communication that the old marshal had just gotten that morning. "And besides, we can't let anyone know anyway."

"Lou's got eyes, Kid. If I saw it then she will too and probably quicker than I did."

"What she'll see is just what she asked for. Me moving on. Us not together. It's what she wanted."

"You know as well as I do that ain't what she wanted," Jimmy insisted once again pulling Kid back to face him.

"Look, I know you're who she goes running to with every little complaint about me," Kid said openly, "But it's me in front of you now. If I'm really your friend…just for once…"

He was searching for words now and felt helpless until he stumbled on them.

"If it's me you're giving advice to, then do it. Give me the advice I need, not what's going to make things smoother for you or for her. Otherwise, get out of my way."

Then he stomped out of the barn and toward the bunkhouse.

Jimmy stood there with his mouth hanging open. Up until Kid had said what he did, Jimmy still thought he might have to tell Cody. Now he wasn't so sure that was the right thing to do. He wanted to be a good friend…to all of them. But now that none of them seemed to want all the same things, it was getting harder and harder to know how to do that. Perhaps he would just bide his time and keep his eyes open. If Kid said they weren't acting on their feelings then they weren't. There might be sides to Kid that Jimmy hadn't ever seen but the man was honest and his word was his bond.

Cody readied to ride out the next morning. Jimmy was coming with him. Teaspoon said there'd been some trouble that direction of late and he wanted an extra gun on the ride. Hickok could be a sullen one but he was a good friend too and it would be nice to not be riding all alone.

Josie came over to see them off.

"I packed up some goodies for you two," she said and handed a separate bag to Jimmy. "I know how his appetite is. Figured I'd better give you your own or you wouldn't get any at all."

Jimmy gave her a quick brotherly squeeze around her shoulders.

"You are a treasure, you know that, Josie?"

Cody wasn't feeling quite the same about her. Sure bringing out cookies or whatever she had packed for them was thoughtful and she said sweet things to him but it had been over a week since she had let him touch her like he wanted to. He had even talked to Rachel who told him that a woman's desires sometimes increased when expecting but also sometimes faded to nothing. She had excuses at first and he was suspicious of them because she seemed just fine during the day and then at night would complain of a headache or of being tired. Finally she had admitted she was lying. She just didn't feel amorous and thought he would be angry with her. He couldn't be, of course but it was getting damned frustrating.

Now he had an idea what might be making her feel less affectionate toward him and it didn't have anything to do with the baby. They'd been working at giving the marriage a try for a few weeks and neither had said the word yet. Love. He would say he loved her cooking or even her voice or her eyes. She even once said she loved the way he made her feel when he complimented her. They said they cared and she had even once told him he was handsome. He, of course, told her she was beautiful and he was a lucky man. But never once did he tell her he loved her…that he had fallen in love with her, with the life she was offering. Maybe it was time. Maybe she just didn't want to give her body to someone who wasn't willing to offer his heart in return.

"Josie?" he said tentatively as he pulled her aside.

"Yes Bill?" her eyes were so deep, so endless and maybe a little fearful.

"I need to tell you something before I go. Something I should've said before now. You thank me all the time for getting you out of the mess you was in, for bringing you somewhere safe. But I don't think you see all I'm getting in return. You…the baby…it's the kind of life most men dream of and it just fell in my lap."

He lifted his hand to rest on her face and held the gaze of her large blue eyes.

"I've told you lots of things. I told you I care for you and that you're beautiful. I do and you are but there's the one thing I didn't ever say before and I hope you'll forgive me for taking so long. I felt it a while now. I love you, Josie. I fell in love with you. I thought I could and I guess I was right because I did."

Cody had visions of what might happen when he said these words. He thought maybe she would look relieved and tell him she loved him too. Or maybe she just wasn't sure yet. He had thought she might not know enough of love to feel confident telling him that. But he still expected an embrace, maybe a kiss. A smile…something. Instead, she looked shocked, taken aback, possibly panicked. Well, it had come out of the blue and in more of a public way than maybe she expected.

"You don't have to say anything," he said lowering his lips to hers, "We'll talk when I get back. I really needed you to know before I left. I love you. I do."

If Cody misunderstood the stricken look on the girl's face, Jimmy did not. Kid was right, she at the very least was not in love with Cody and from what he saw in the kitchen the day before, she might just love Kid too.

Later that day, Josie was sitting on the porch working on the quilt she was making for the baby when Kid spotted her. He knew he shouldn't go to her. He knew Jimmy was right and he was playing with fire but he just had to.

"How's your hand?" he asked. At least if anyone overheard him it was a legitimate question. They all cared about Josie and they all had been sorry to hear she had hurt herself.

"Much better today, thank you Benny."

Something was different about her. She was distant all of a sudden and that was the one thing she had never been to him.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No. I did."

Her voice was barely a whisper and he leaned almost closer than he dared to hear it.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Josie," he stated.

"Please Benny…don't…don't look at me like that. We can't…not ever now. It's too late."

Before he could even ask what she meant, Rachel was right beside him.

"Kid," Rachel began, "How in blazes did you manage to pop off all of the buttons on these long johns?"

He had managed to keep them out of her sight and away from her notice since that night in the barn but he hadn't paid enough attention the last time he took them off and just tossed them with his other dirty clothes. He knew exactly what had happened to the buttons and his face flushed with the memory of Josie's frantic hands tearing at the cloth and ultimately the buttons to touch his fevered flesh.

"I uh, I guess I must've caught them on something," he mumbled and Rachel noticed that they both blushed a bright crimson at her question. Now perhaps Josie was just being shy at having his undergarments there with him standing there. But Rachel thought that might not be all of it.

"I'll fix them," Josie volunteered, "I'm caught up on the mending until the next time Jimmy does something stupid or they need to break a horse."

"Are you sure your hand is alright for this?" Rachel asked and Josie merely nodded.

Rachel stared a moment longer at the two of them and then wandered off to finish folding the laundry.

They watched her walk away and then Kid turned back to her, his eyes intense and nearly angry.

"What did you mean before? That it's too late?"

She looked at him sadly and then lowered her head to her sewing without saying a word. How could she speak to him even? She had messed this up. She had waited too long. When she still thought Bill didn't love her, couldn't ever love her, it had seemed there was a chance. But now…now there was this. There was Bill forever and that wouldn't be so bad except that it meant there would be no Benny and that was forever too.

"Josie you can't just say something like that and then stop talking to me," Kid pleaded, "You've got to talk to me."

"Bill said he loves me. Don't you see? It changes everything."

"You love him too?"

Josie looked around and seeing no one she shook her head slightly and whispered, "No."

"Then-ˮ

"Benny…just go. I have work to do."

He looked at his own garment in her hands knowing that her work would erase the evidence, the only tangible proof he had that their one encounter was not merely a dream.

"You fixing that won't change what happened," he said tersely as he walked away.

As she watched him trudge toward the bunkhouse, Josie reflexively raised a hand allowing her fingers to ghost over her lips. She could still feel how the touch of his lips on hers made them tingle.

"I know," she whispered as tears welled in her eyes.

"Jimmy, I'm dry as a bone and my rear hurts besides," Cody whined, "We made good time, record time you might even say. Can't we stop just for a sarsaparilla and to stretch our legs a bit?"

Jimmy sighed. He had no argument but then for some reason he wanted to just get back home as fast as they could. Of course now that Cody mentioned it, he was pretty thirsty himself and he was sure Sundance was getting as sick of him as he was of the saddle.

They ventured in and ordered their drinks and a bite to eat and leaned their backs against the bar to take in all the activity. It was more activity than one would usually expect for as early as it was but then this town didn't look to have a lot else to do but shoot the breeze and maybe play some cards over a drink or two. Jimmy half closed his eyes keeping a half-hearted watch on a table with what looked like a well contested game going on. He didn't really care who won and it didn't look like anyone was going to get ugly about the outcome but it was interesting all the same. Eventually he turned back to Cody to see if his friend was ready to push on. The words died on his lips at what he saw.

Now the saloon was crawling with girls offering much more than drinks or food and a couple had sidled up to Jimmy while he had stood there. He wasn't interested right then and told them so. It wasn't that he had never taken them up on their offers but there was more to life than that and frankly, he had other things on his mind.

Apparently Cody did not. It seemed Cody's mind was on one thing and one thing only and Jimmy guessed it was a tossup between the mouth and the breasts of the woman in Cody's arms.

Cody hadn't gone into the saloon looking for company but when a scantily clad blonde came up close to him whispering that her name was Sylvia low in his ear, well, he was glad for the company right then. Soon her tongue was in his ear and her hand was heading places it would be indecent to mention in polite company. He let his hands do a little travelling of their own and soon was realizing that this encounter was not going to be able to be contained at the bar. They would have to move upstairs. As he was disentangling his mouth from hers to tell her just that, he felt a rough hand grab his arm and drag him outside and onto the boardwalk in front of the saloon.

"What in the hell are you doing, Jimmy?" Cody hollered.

"Saving you from making a huge mistake," Jimmy growled back dragging Cody the rest of the way to their horses.

"I'll grant you Sylvia there was plenty curvy but I wouldn't call her huge."

"Shut up and ride before I beat the tar out of you!"

Cody mounted his horse and they rode for a while before Cody got in front of Jimmy and pulled up on the reins.

"We're you planning on explaining yourself ever or just being ornery all the way?"

"What's to explain? You were a disgrace back there!"

"Now Jimmy, all that beauty has got to be noticed and who am I to deprive the ladies of the pleasure of William Cody's presence?"

"Think your wife would see it that way?"

The color drained from Cody's face.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Jimmy grumbled, "I heard what you told Josie before you left. You lied to her. That poor girl and all she's been through, men just using her, telling her whatever they needed to and you lied to her. You are her husband. You chose to try to make that work. You chose to try to make a real marriage out of it and you lied to her."

"It wasn't a lie, Jimmy," Cody pleaded, "Honest it wasn't. I care for her and I do love her. It's just…well, it's been so long. She don't have no desires like that right now. Rachel says it's on account of the baby. But it's so hard to sleep next to her every night. She's so soft and pretty and she smells so good and I can't touch her. I got needs too you know!"

"I ain't the brightest man, Cody and I don't know as much about marriage and all as some but even I know you can't go running into the arms of some whore every time something ain't going right. You flat out forgot you was married. You need to think what that means 'cause that don't sound like love to me."

"You ain't going to tell no one, are you?"

"I ought to," Jimmy replied, "I ought to find her as soon as we get home and tell her. She deserves to be treated right. I know you see that too. I ought to tell her she deserves better than the likes of you but really that's what you ought to tell her. I won't say nothing—yet."

"Rachel?"

"What is it, sweetie?" Rachel asked looking hopefully toward the girl. Perhaps now was when Josie would finally open up to her although Rachel was starting to get some ideas about what might be going on in that head and heart of hers.

"Do you have any more buttons?"

The words came in a rush and Josie was frightened by how close she had come to asking advice, to spilling her heart to the woman.

"Just what's in the jar in the sewing kit. Why?"

"There aren't enough of the right sized ones for Benny's…well, you know."

Rachel nearly laughed at the blush that came on Josie's cheeks. Yes, there was something the girl wasn't telling her. Rachel believed it was a big something too. But if Josie wasn't ready to talk then badgering her wasn't going to do much good.

"Well then I guess you need to make a run into town."

Josie looked up as if panicked by the notion. She hadn't been to town yet and the thought of so many new faces that might judge her was scary.

"You got a ring on your finger to go with that belly you know," Rachel reminded her, "And I'll send one of the boys with you."

Rachel looked around. Cody was gone. She knew who she wanted to send—mostly to test a theory—and as luck would have it, she could make a really good argument for it.

"Let's see who I can send," Rachel pretended to ponder, "Cody and Jimmy are out and Buck too since they're all off on rides. Ike and Noah are with Teaspoon. Seems that the Widow Benson's porch took a beating in that storm a few days back and Teaspoon promised to bring a couple of strong backs to help her out. I guess that just leaves Kid."

"Couldn't you just come with me, Rachel?"

"Josie, you know how much I have to do," Rachel said, "There is simply no way I can get away. I'm sure Kid won't mind. I've never known him to pass up a chance to help a lady."

Before Josie could even think of an argument, Rachel was leading her across the yard.

"Kid!" she called as she took Josie by the arm. Soon Kid's face peered out of the bunkhouse with a questioning expression.

"What is it Rachel?" he asked but his eyes were glued to Josie.

"Josie and I have a favor to ask-ˮ

"Yes," he blurted quickly and then recovered, "I mean, probably…what is it?"

Rachel smiled. It looked to be exactly as she had suspected. She explained the errand and Kid nodded and went to ready the buckboard. Once it was ready, he helped Josie onto it.

"Thank you, Benny," she said sweetly. "You don't have to be so helpful. I can manage."

"I'm sorry, Josie," he replied, "I didn't mean you couldn't."

"I know. I think it's sweet that you try to help me. Being nice to someone don't mean you think they can't do for themselves."

Kid wasn't sure why her words brought him the joy they did but there was something healing in them all the same.

"So, it sure is a beautiful day today, isn't it?" he asked as they rode along.

"Yes it is," she agreed, "Those clouds look just like bits of cotton."

He nodded. It wasn't the weather he wanted to talk about. As much as he loved her musical voice, he didn't want to talk at all. He kept the reins tight in his hands gripping them so hard it actually hurt.

"So, um," he began not even sure what to say really but knowing that if he could keep a conversation going then maybe he could keep control of himself. He'd never had to think like that. He knew what was proper and right and following through on that hadn't ever been this hard before. But right then all he wanted was to take Josie into his arms and never release her. "What did you need to go into town for?"

"Buttons," she said meekly, "I uh, I didn't have enough of the right sized ones for, uh, for your…"

She couldn't even say the word. All she could do was blush and the color rose to Kid's cheeks as well. He knew what she was talking about and talking about it made him think of that night and the raw passion that passed between them. It was suddenly quiet—too quiet. It was awkward and that was something it hadn't ever really been between them.

"I hope them clouds over there bring some rain with 'em later," he barely squeaked trying to return to safe topics. "It sure is hot lately. Well, I think it's hot, don't you."

"Yeah," she answered and that was all she said. The uncomfortable silence settled between them again. Josie hated it but then she knew when Rachel suggested Benny drive her that it wouldn't be a comfortable trip. She opened her mouth to speak, not even knowing what she would say but just desperate to break the tense quiet. But then Benny spoke.

"Josie, I love you," he said all in a rush, "I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I tried not to. I tried to put those feelings aside because it wasn't right but I just…I don't care about right for once in my life. I know everything that stands in our way and I don't even care about any of it. All I know is that I love you. It kills me to see you with someone else. It does. Every time he puts his arm around you or kisses you, I just can't stand it. Unless I'm wrong, you love me too."

Kid was breathing heavy when he finished speaking. He wasn't sure where that had come from. Well, it had come from his heart but where the courage or resolve to actually get the words out had come from was a mystery. He'd never been one to push forward and damn the consequences like that. But he just had to. She had to know. He couldn't even meet her eyes right then. Perhaps it would make things harder on her but perhaps it was exactly what she needed. Maybe she needed to know that there was another choice. He dared a glance at her stricken face and nearly looked away when he saw the tears start to fill her lovely blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," he muttered though he wasn't sorry for what he said or what he felt. He was only sorry that it was upsetting her. His eyes went to the horses and the road in front of them but snapped back to her when her soft, timid voice cut through the air.

"I love you too, Benny."

The tears spilled over her lashes then and Kid didn't know if they were happy or sad or even frightened tears but he knew what he needed to do. He took her face in his hands and kissed each tear drop and then moved his lips to hers. He felt her fingers tangle into his hair and deepened the kiss. He knew he should feel so many things from a fear that they could never be together or sadness at what it might cost him or guilt at who they might hurt but he felt none of those things. He felt only an overwhelming joy to have her in his arms, to have her lips against his. To know that whatever came next, at that moment, she was his.

Josie couldn't have put words to how she felt hearing Benny's words if her very life had depended on it. But she knew exactly how she felt when he kissed her. Whole. She felt complete and whole and as she was meant to be.

The kiss ended and Kid looked at her flushed face and knew his was probably the same. Then where they were suddenly came to him. They were in the middle of the road, in the open, where anyone might stumble on them.

"We have to talk," he said, "But not here."

He scanned the area around him and his eyes landed on a cluster of trees.

"There," he said as he pointed at them.

They rode to the trees in silence but it was a settled one for all they had left to discuss. Kid helped her down once they reached their destination and they sat next to a larger tree and just stared at each other for a while.

"I think Rachel knows," Kid said finally and worried for Josie as he saw the color leave her face.

"I didn't tell her, I swear!"

"I know," he assured her, "She's smart and observant. And I think she's maybe even on our side. If she wasn't, she would have said something by now. And she sure wouldn't've sent me with you today. I think she's pushing us together."

"She don't know he told me he loves me," Josie nearly whispered.

"She knows you don't love him. I think she's looking out for you. Cody's resilient…she probably isn't nearly as worried for him as she is for you."

"What do we do, Benny?"

"That's not all up to me," he replied, "I need to know what you want."

"I want to be with you!"

"Then you want a…divorce?"

She felt as if she'd been slapped hard across the face with that word—divorce. Marriage was forever. Nice girls didn't get divorced. Of course nice girls didn't get into the kind of trouble growing in her belly either. Shakily she nodded at him. If a divorce was the only way to be with Benny then she would do it.

With her nod, he released a breath he didn't know he was holding. It was then that a sort of panic set in. He thought he had come to terms with having fallen in love with a married woman. But the word divorce struck something in him. It was something talked about rarely and then in hushed and shameful tones. He was asking the woman he loved to subject herself to this, for him. It was nothing he would have considered before. It wasn't right to do. But then things had changed. He had changed. He started to see that maybe there were times when there were things more important than right and wrong as he had thought those words before. He loved Josie. He hadn't been aware that he had been walking around with such a huge piece missing from his soul until she was standing there holding it to him and now he missed it when she wasn't with him. Now it was a gnawing need within him. If he didn't act on what he felt, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

"We'll tell Cody when he comes back from his ride," he decided, "He probably won't be happy but whatever he says or does…I need you to know that won't change what I feel. Nothing can change that. Now he might see this clear. He might understand how we feel and he might step aside. Either way I'm sure you can get a divorce…with or without him. But…he's my brother. I owe it to him to at the very least look him in the eye…not…run off like the thief in the night."

She placed a hand on his face. He was giving up everything for her and she was so unworthy but then maybe love wasn't about being worthy.

"Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky to meet a good man like you," she mused, "Then others I wonder why I couldn't've met you first, why it has to be such a mess."

Kid looked into her eyes right then. She was frightened but her love shone brightly and he kissed her. He kissed her with an abandon close to their encounter in the barn. They broke apart.

"I don't want to tell him," Josie whimpered.

"I'm not really looking forward to it either," Kid admitted, "But I owe him this, at least."

"Then we can be together, right?"

"Yes," he answered, "We can and we will be together. I don't think I could have it any other way."

Kid watched her fear melt away and felt his own go by the wayside as well. He had said all he wanted to, knew all he wanted to about what was happening with the two of them and their future. There was only one thing left to do. He kissed her again. His lips met hers in near furious passion and she sighed into him. It was all he could ever have dreamt of and in fact, was all he had been dreaming of recently.

The fell back onto the soft grass under the tree and allowed themselves to be lost in each other. It felt so free and so right to both of them. Never had the acts of love felt so perfect, so destined. But then Kid pulled away.

"We should get on along to Tompkins' before we're missed…or we end up needing more buttons."

Josie giggled and blushed but it was less embarrassment than the memory of how the buttons were lost in the first place. She willingly took Benny's hand as he helped her to stand and then she began to walk toward the wagon. Benny caught up to her and leaned to whisper soft and low in her ear.

"I can't wait until the time I can really make you mine."

Her eyes flew to his and she fought to keep her feet. Her heart raced at the realization of what he had meant and she could see the desire burning in his eyes. She swallowed hard and just nodded in reply.

He kissed her once more and they headed to the wagon hand in hand.

Well then...yeah not even sure what to say about this one...I love my Codester but I think he's confused about some things and I think this is not going to be pretty or go happily.-J