CHAPTER 12 - Words with J and re–J (Part 1)

Leah's POV

The second month flew by even faster than the first one. But it was tiring too. Not because of Jacob, he made everything so much easier… being in love did change the perspective of things. After I smelt those hideous leeches on our month-versary – Jacob's adorable term that he used to mark our first month together – the air turned tense… and so did we. Though we hadn't caught them that night, they hadn't disappeared. They were still here.

So the patrols became the same horribly familiar routine. There wasn't a day in which we didn't go on a patrol. Whether it be at 1 am… 2 am… 3 am or even [i]4 am!/i We were running like mad the whole damn night, protecting our backs and the oblivious people who spelt soundlessly. After all, even if we weren't in La Push, we felt that same urge to protect. We were the protectors of humans; we existed to keep them safe from disgusting bloodsuckers and other creatures of the night. This was our purpose in life and we couldn't rest until we'd achieved it.

We'd never caught a vampire yet but we'd picked up acres worth of their stench. Only on a few occasions had we been unbelievably close.

**FLASHBACK**

[i]Leah, I know you think you're invincible, but you aren't. Please be cautious!/i Jacob begged loudly. He ran a few feet behind me, watching my back. I couldn't help but smile at how much he worried about me; it made me feel immensely loved. That meant I had to take care of myself so he wouldn't worry but he was notorious for having vain worries. I [i]was/iinvincible.

I lifted my face to the sky, smug, as the thought sunk in. The sound of dead leaves crunching under my feet made me feel even smugger. It gave me a feeling of power. I felt powerful there, in my own home and as strong as ever to kill those leeches that were threatening to take what I had away from me.

I accelerated my pace but because I was too submerged in that last thought, I stumbled on a big root and ended up sprawled on the ground. [i]Ouch,/i I grumbled glaring at the muggy ground of Mexico City's woods.

The russet wolf was by my side in less than a second. He touched my face with his black snout and then sunk his teeth into the skin of my back very delicate and carefully. We werewolves had a very helpful gene from our ancestors; the loose skin at the back of our necks. It meant that if one of us fell down in a high speed chase, someone could pick us up effectively to continue the chase. Jacob used this to help me stand up. I smiled sheepishly as his thoughts alerted me to his increased worry. He shook his head and repeated the same warning in his head even louder. [i]Please Leah, I'm not joking. BE CAREFUL!/i

[i]I'm sorry, I know. But I really could have stood up by myself,/i I snapped, reluctant to completely snuff my pride. I had to suppress the warm feelings his worrying stirred within my stomach. Having someone by my side that would always take care of me, keep me safe… I sometimes thought that he valued my life over his, that I was more important. I wasn't sure if I wanted to accept that he may think that; it was too crazy. [i]His/i life was more important than [i]mine/i.

Suddenly the smell of dead blood mixed with evil invaded our surroundings – there was no better way to describe that smell. It was the smell of darkness; death, emptiness, unhappiness, violence. All mixed together to form an utterly disgusting stench.

Our thoughts were a hundred percent focused on our target, totally mechanized. Our animal instincts were sharpened to the max, trying to catch every tiny sound around us. Jacob growled at me, warning me to stay behind him.

We started running; running to where the nose wrinkling smells lead us. And then, when we were almost there, we saw two shadows before they disappeared. They were gone. Those hideous leeches were fast. Ugh. We exchanged a deep look and our thoughts project into one. We knew that smell; there was something familiar about it. Neither of us could figure out who our enemies were this time. But we wouldn't surrender.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Our days and nights weren't only occupied by patrols and what we joked was 'saving the unsuspecting world' – well, our city at least. We also enjoyed our time together as much as possible. After those three words that Jacob had whispered to me, my world had melted with them, rocked alongside them and we were stronger than ever.

The routine we'd subconsciously worked out before all this, still dominated a lot of what we did. The way Jacob woke me up every morning was so very sweet and amazing I often found myself wishing I could go to sleep more often only to be woken up the same way again and again. The hours I spent with Jacob while I was awake couldn't be complained about though. They were so full of laughter, jokes and so many things to talk about. Then there were the hugs and caresses and kisses and the playful games. Our days together were occupied by so many happy things that it was hard [i]not/i to compare this relationship to the one I'd had with Sam. Maybe doing that was wrong, but also inevitable. And again, I found myself utterly astonished at how this relationship felt so much better than the previous one in so many ways.

Since Jacob had told me he loved me, the time between then and now had only developed our relationship and intensified it. Not only in the emotional way but physically as well. We were in need of each other even more. It was amazing how much I yearned for him, needed him. With every day our physical relationship was growing, becoming more serious. Maybe it was too soon to take things to the next level, but it felt like we were meant to be.

Today had passed by very slowly – the hours seemed like days as I worked in the stifling Badeys' house. Luckily my shift was already over. And now, I was finally sitting in my room like every other night, watching the moon light up our little house beautifully. The room that had become [i]our/i room now - considering he slept in my bed every night.

"So how was your day with the M-ass guy?" He tried to sound casual as he rested his back on the cold wall of my room. I saw his fists clench involuntarily at the mention of that name. Even though his tone was sarcastic, I could hear the hint of worry and anger hidden within his voice. As much as we didn't want to accept it, jealousy – the century old enemy – was present in our relationship.

I continued to brush my hair trying to act as casual as his question was supposed to be. But talking about Max always made me uncomfortable, not because I wasn't sure of my feelings toward Jacob – that was out of the question, I loved him with every cell of my body – but because I knew this was a heated topic between us. I really didn't want to start an argument because of that stupid boy who meant nothing to me. He was just my boss' son who was always at home to bother me or as he called it, 'seduce' me. The truth was Max didn't make things easy. Although it was obvious that Jake sometimes overreacted, Max wasn't the most innocent guy of all. That much was clear to me and [i]very/i clear to Jacob.

**FLASHBACK**

Some days ago, I was at the Badeys' house as per usual and Max was making my work difficult as per usual. It was already 8 p.m., one more hour and I would be back in Jacob's arms. Sometimes, when the anxiety really got to me, I felt as if I had to slap myself to get rid of the trance so I could concentrate on the two sweet children in my care.

Kath and Tom's rooms were next to Max's, just around the corner from the stairs. It was already their bedtime and I just needed to give Kath her bottle and sing her to sleep with any calming song. I really enjoyed this time of the day. In this past time I'd found I actually enjoyed singing, enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I didn't want to think about why this could be, or better – because of [i]whom/i.

I placed Kath in her tiny, light pink cradle after leaving Tom in his room. He was already used to sleeping by himself even though I thought he was too young to do so. Kath's little smile never failed to warm inside and stir feelings I never thought I'd feel again. Not after Sam. When he left me, he took everything with him, even my maternal instincts. But now, because I felt alive with all the love that pulsed through my veins like never before, I felt them again. As if the maternal instincts had never left my body, as if they were only waiting for the right time to show up again.

I slowly walked out of the room after I was finished singing Kath's lullaby. She fell asleep with a smile in her little lips; maybe she liked how I sang. Luckily the wooden door didn't make any sound when I closed it cautiously. It was already 9 o'clock, and I was ready to go back to my home. A playful smile started to play on my lips as I thought of having Jacob in my room tonight, sleeping against his warm chest. That made my pace become faster, almost involuntarily. I craved to get lost in the depths of his eyes to the point where I couldn't wait any longer.

A strong hand grasped my wrist, stopping me. "Where do you think you're going, [i]sexy/i?" Max's voice resounded deeper than always, as if he was trying to sound seductive himself. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm going home, Max. My shift's done."

"You are not going anywhere, I've just prolonged your shift to all night long, and it's in my room. I need a babysitter; I've been bad lately."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Ugh, Max. Just give it up already. Don't you have anything new? The 'I've been a bad boy' is seriously getting old," I grumped, trying to shake off his arm. It wasn't like I couldn't do it, but I was afraid I'd hurt him if I moved too suddenly. He was still a weak human.

"Alright, come to my room and I'll show you some original stuff…" He trailed off, as if willing me to imagine the last half of the putrid sentence. He arched his eyebrows invitingly, the other hand that wasn't holding my wrist gesturing to his dark room. My stomach reeled in disgust.

"God, Max! Why are you even here? Weren't you supposed to go back to University like a month ago?" I fumed, too angry to be polite.

"God, Max!" He mocked, exaggerating the words. "I just love when you get all mad and demanding," his voice becoming smooth and dangerous like that of a cat's. "I decided to stay a while longer; I couldn't stand the distance between us." He came closer to me, so his face was just inches from mine.

I sighed loudly, as if that would give him a hint. I should have known better, giving a hint to [i]Max/i? "There is no [i]us/i, Max! There has never been, and will never be an [i]us/i. Period." I was really sick of his games; they were starting to become too desperate.

"There was and there will be. Why are you fighting it Leah? When we first went out together I really saw a connection between us. We could be together if it wasn't for that pathetic—"

I cut him off, not able to continue listening to his statement. "Look Max, I'll make it simple for you. First of all, you left me alone at that club [i]drunk/i."

"But I was drunk too! I --"

"I didn't say I was finished," I snapped coldly. I had to bite my tongue so I didn't laugh at the sight of him cowering at my words.

"Sorry," he muttered a bit annoyed. Yep, too funny.

"Second, even if you hadn't left me there you wouldn't have had a chance because I was, am and [i]always/i will be in love with that "pathetic" boy! Understand?!" I shook my wrist free, unable to do it softly. A low [i]ouch/iescaped his lips, but I was too thrilled with the adrenaline from my harsh words to apologize. After giving him a poisonous look, I started walking away, proud of myself.

"Oh, you really don't want to get the boss' son angry, or do you?!" He shouted, a sorrowful defeat evident in his tone that I was sure I'd caused. My kick to his ego made his threat wound weak.

I turned around to face him for a millisecond. "Just try it Max, go and tell your mother why you don't want me here. I'm sure she'll agree with you," I said sarcastically and slammed the front door.

I quietly leaned against the door, listening for Kath and Tom's cries which never came. I let a cool sigh escape my lips, one of relief and pride.

**END OF FLASHBACK**

I bit my lips and quickly came up with a good answer that wouldn't start an argument.

"Well my day wasn't with [i]Max/i," I rolled my eyes at his nickname. I always had to bite my tongue as not to laugh at Jacob's 'flattery' name for Max. "I take care of Kath and Tom, Max is a grown man who can take care of himself."

Jacob made a face and chuckled sarcastically. "That mamma's boy can't take care of himself. But I'm glad you aren't the one doing the job."

I glared at him, but let it go. I was no match for his perfect smile. "So, how about your [i]so cool/i friend Marianne, huh? Has she grown at all?" An ironic smile flashed across my face. But my nails were digging in the wooden furniture as I thought of her. [i]Marianne/i – ugh. She really did get on my nerves. I'd try to smile as much as possible when I found her in the garage with [i]my/iJacob, but I sometimes found I couldn't. And other times the smile was so pathetically false, that I ended up deciding to take it off my face.

Jacob shrugged. "Marianne is really nice, you know? She's a good friend, and she's suffered so much in life, it's really unfair." His features saddened at this. I could see he really cared about her, but that just made me feel all the more jealous.

"Well yeah… But why has she had a difficult life? I mean, we [i]all/i have difficult lives and we aren't whining the whole day about it." God, I could be so insensitive sometimes. He flinched at my cold statement. I knew my words were a bit too harsh even though they were how I felt. So I spoke softly, forcing the jealousy down so I could concentrate on being there for him. "I mean, you can tell me if you want… If you want to talk about her or something else some time... You know, I'm here to listen." A small smile graced my lips as he turned his thankful eyes to me. He moved to where I sat, his arms opening invitingly.

"I know," he smiled as he took the brush from my hands and placed it on the bedside table. "And thank you. I'm there for you too, no matter what, no matter when…" His voice became lower as he pulled me to my feet, one hot hand in my own. The butterflies overcame my stomach as he stood inches from me, the sweet words pouring from his tempting lips.

"I love you," I breathed. They were just three words, three little damn words, but now they were the world to me. And that scared me to death.

He grinned hugely, one dimple appearing in each of his cheeks giving him a childish appearance. Suddenly, the urge to have him closer to me emanated from every pore of my body. I could see the same red hot desire flaring in his own earthy eyes as he scrutinized me.

"I'd say I love you too but I think you already know that," he chuckled closing the gap between our faces a bit more. His lips brushed along my cheek, as soft as a feather. Then he led them to my neck.

"Jeez, how much I missed you today in the garage," he mumbled against the bare skin of my neck sending a shiver through my body.

"I missed you too," I gasped, enjoying the moment too much to say anything else.

"In the garage?" He mumbled again.

"Mhm," I murmured mechanically. I hadn't heard what he'd said; his lips were making it impossible for me to think.

I think he laughed, his lips still pressed against my flesh. "Yes, that Ford was a bit difficult to get running, huh?" I shivered again, sending tickles of pressure down my spine.

"Yeah," I tried to say in English. But it sounded more like a new language I was sure hadn't existed before now.

His laughter became lower, curious. "I'm a green monkey and I live in a purple banana tree with three little pillows as my best friends, you agree don't you?"

The word 'agree' appeared clearly in the last sentence, and it was enough. "Absolutely," I said blindly.

The loud guffaw that suddenly escaped from his thorax made me jump. As I jumped the trance his lips had trapped me in, broke. I examined his amused face with puzzled eyes, but his laughter was so contagious that I started to smile too.

"What?" I asked impatiently. He wrapped both of his arms over his chest in an attempt to give himself more air.

"Y-y-you a-a-a-re u-u-u-unbelievable," he tried to say between guffaws. He lifted his index finger in the air asking me to wait. After taking a deep breath to calm himself down, he spoke again. "Jeez, I can't believe you let yourself go so much, it's unbelievable. I said something that makes no sense what so ever and you just agreed! I'll keep that in mind when I wanna ask you something I know you'll refuse." His bewildered eyes scrutinized my expression, his eyes filled with amazement and, to my resentment, amusement.

I shrugged, and mentally kicked myself for not having paid more attention to what he'd said. "Yeah," I said softly. "Your lips can do impossible things." I blushed in embarrassment. His arms fit around my waist as if they were made to fit my body alone. His lips met my neck once again, tracing every single inch of my neck and sending millions of electric sparks through my goose bump covered skin. My body felt so alive under his touch.

Suddenly the atmosphere turned more serious, more passionate. In one second, the world was gone again and only he and I existed. I had him locked to me, both of my hands gripping his back as if he were my prisoner. I sure wasn't letting him go anytime soon. His arms were tight around my waist, and yet too cautious, as if I was as breakable as his previous love. I quickly evicted that thought from my mind; she wasn't his previous [i]love/i.

My need for him was growing with every passing second. I requested his mouth with my eager fingers and led it to my lips. My lips craved for his with such intensity that they couldn't behave with be convinced to savor. The way I felt now didn't fail to surprise me; I was just as shocked by my feelings as I had been the first time I'd realised I loved him. It was unbelievable how much he had changed me, how much of a better person he had made me. Or, if I were speaking truthfully, how much Jacob brought the real me out.

Our kisses grew more fierce as our lips crushed each others like there was no tomorrow. His scent intoxicating me right through to my core. I pulled him so firmly against me I was afraid I'd hurt him but this thought only made me mentally laugh - hurting a werewolf, especially an alpha werewolf, wasn't an easy thing to do, even if my passion was greatly amplified.

His eyes pondered mine deeply, as if he were trying to project the lust he felt through them. My right hand stroked his face, memorizing every feature my fingers touched. Although he was technically an adult since the werewolf transformation had speed up his growth, his features were still childish somehow. My fingers lingered irrationally on his full lips as he parted them, and then without warning crushed them to mine again.

Every single feeling I'd worked to suppress all these years were breaking through. All the recklessness, the lust, the passion, the need, the love were overpowering my senses, wrapping me in their strong grip and pulling me closer to Jacob.

Our heartbeats were so clear and strong in the almost silent room that it could have easily been confused with a stampede of desperate animals. Our breaths weren't slow but rapid and short, coming in irregular patterns.

He slowly removed his left hand from my neck and started tracing my back, his fingers leaving the same ardent path as they slid down. As if my fingers were suddenly younger brothers of his, I mimicked his actions. My fingers traced his chest, lingering over every one of his formed muscles.

For one second I completely lost sense of reality and when I gained control again I looked up to see Jacob leaning over me as I lay on top of the soft bed. It seemed as if he was using a lot of his strength to support himself with his arms at my sides, so he wouldn't crush me. I smiled and shook my head minutely. His caution was completely unnecessary and only made me more eager. I could handle more than he gave me credit for.

His hands turned more impatient as they proceeded down my stomach to rest above my abdomen where they caressed the skin under my red shirt. A low moan escaped my lips as I pulled him closer to me, though it seemed impossible to close the gap any more. My fingernails dug into the skin at his back. I mentally apologized to him - I wasn't sadistic, I just knew he'd heal so quickly he wouldn't even notice.

But he seemed to have noticed my moan and that made him even more anxious. His hands began to pull the edge of my shirt higher. To my surprise I found my own hands mimicking his again, lifting his shirt higher against his rock hard abs. I didn't know where this was leading –well, maybe I did – but it felt right. Besides, it felt almost inevitable. We were so attuned to each other that this was even more proof of the unbelievable connection we had.

He shredded his worn black shirt with both hands, the fabric turned grey with age. He discarded the shirt so quickly that he seemed almost overly impatient. I moaned loudly again as I saw his beautiful body, impossibly harmonious. His fingers had almost lifted my own top over the wire of my black bra…

But then he stiffened. His body suddenly becoming very rigid and [i]cold/i. To anyone else his skin would still be burning with heat but to me his body suddenly seemed cold and unbelievably distant. Then inhumanly fast, he jerked away from me and jumped back a few steps.

I was totally disconcerted. My eyes filled with questions I couldn't make myself say out loud even though they barricaded the inside of my skull. Finally, with my mouth hanging half open, I began to speak but he spoke first. His voice came in a whisper, husky with disuse.

"I… I'm gonna go sleep in my room," he said, seriously. Seriousness wasn't usually a trait he possessed with all due respect.

"What? Why?" I gasped, unable to hide my frustration.

"I need to work tomorrow, really early." He made a few more hesitant steps for the door and then they become steady – painfully certain. It was as if he'd decided something so confidently that he was dead set on achieving it and the lord knows when men get ideas in their heads, they are seldom swayed.

"Are you serious? You need to go [i]now/i?" I asked in disbelief, unable to understand his behavior.

"Yeah, I am. I do," he stated simply, unemotionally

"Alright?" The insecurity in my voice turned the affirmation into a question. I didn't want him to go, and I really didn't understand why either.

"Good night." He bent down and kissed my forehead, but his lips held the same distance, almost as if they weren't his. Then he walked out of my room, reminding me of the nights we'd been stubborn enough to defy our feelings; the nights we'd been just Jacob and Leah. Not us. What really got to me was that we [i]were/i us now and this wasn't how an [i]us/i were supposed to act. An [i]us/i wouldn't sleep alone.

And there he left me, alone in my room. Somehow, shreds of faded black fabric had been strewn all over the bed, leaving a mess of gray material. An /ius/i wouldn't rebuff each other. Why was he rejecting me like this?