Listen To Your Heart – Chapter Fourteen

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Chandler allowed the kiss to happen for a moment, transfixed, before thoughts of Monica being hurt swarmed into his mind. The thought was the equivalent of a cold bucket of water being splashed on him, and he shoved Mary Angela away.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded, "I have a girlfriend I love! I specifically told you this wasn't going to happen!"

She looked at him downcast, flushing, "I thought we were having a little moment, and maybe you wouldn't mind."

"What the hell, Angie!" Chandler fumed, "Just because I wasn't yelling at you for the first time in a week is not an invitation to make out! I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend! I've told you that multiple times! We're over. Done."

"But–" Mary Angela started to protest, but was cut off.

"Nothing! No buts!" Chandler stated furiously. He had stood up and was pacing in front of their table, attracting a few odd stares. Mary Angela flushed in humiliation, not only from the unwanted attention, but from the embarrassment of being shot down, again. "I don't even know what to say to you now! I can't deal with this now," he claimed, turning away from her, his face in his hands. Without warning he suddenly started marching purposefully towards the door.

Mary Angela was quick to follow. "Where are you going?" she asked hesitantly, taking quick strides to keep up with him.

He turned to face her once they were both out in the cool night air. "Home! Away from you! This was a horrible, terrible, awful, crappy, shitty, dumb idea! I knew it was, but I stupidly came anyway, I don't even know what possessed me to think I was doing something intelligent!" he rambled, "I was hoping that maybe we could put this behind us! But that was never an option was it? You're dead-set on making me miserable."

"What, no!" Mary Angela claimed, pulling on his arm to get him to look at her as he turned away, "Please believe me, I never want to see you hurt! It's just that I want to be happy, too! And I know we could be happy together – both of us – if you'd just-"

"What about Monica?" Chandler asked quietly. Mary Angela was silent, and looked at the ground, biting her lip. "That's what I thought. She deserves happiness, too, Angie. Either way there's two happy people and one miserable person. I'll be damned if it's Monica. I'm not going to be the reason she cries. She's never given me anything but reasons to love her. You…" he trailed off harshly, "Well, let's not go there." He turned to walk down the street, heading towards his apartment. He took a few steps before turning to look back at Mary Angela and offer quietly, "Have a nice life, Angie. Goodbye."

Mary Angela made no attempt to follow him, and merely watched as he strode steadily down the street and out of view. Only when he was three blocks away did she allow herself to collapse in a heap against the bricked exterior of the restaurant, a solitary tear trailing down her face.

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Chandler walked into his apartment cautiously, a mixture of nervousness and guilty anticipation sloshing in the pit of his stomach. Even though he knew he wasn't completely at fault for what had happened, that did little to quell his overwhelming guilt for letting the incident happen at all. He only hoped Monica would understand.

He twisted the knob slowly, entering with his head hung low. The second Monica caught sight of his face, she leapt up from her spot on the rug, where she was playing Legos with Michelle, and rushed towards him, enveloping him in her arms before he had even taken two steps into the apartment. "Where the hell were you?! I've been waiting for you for hours! Did something happen? Are you okay?" she wondered worriedly, searching his face for answers.

Chandler met her eyes, guiltily, and shrugged, "I'm fine. I think we need to talk, though."

"We need to talk?" Monica repeated helplessly, her blood running cold at the words that had become synonymous with 'break-up,' "Is this why you stood me up?" she questioned quietly. A cold stab of pain seared through his chest as their dinner plans came shooting back into his mind. They were supposed to go out that night to celebrate her raise. How could he have forgotten? How the hell was he supposed to tell Monica that he had stood her up for his ex-wife? As much as he knew she had tried to be strong for him while he dealt with his past, Chandler knew that Monica was just as plagued by insecurities as he was. And this… it would seem like she had been brushed aside for Mary Angela. He prayed Monica would forgive him; if he screwed their relationship up, because he was an idiot, he'd never forgive himself. That thought did little to ease the nagging sense of impending doom he was feeling.

Chandler's silence only seemed to agitate her panic. "Tell me what's going on! Chandler! Please, sweetie, tell me what's wrong."

"Maybe we should put Michelle to bed, first," he suggested softly. Reading in his eyes that he wasn't going to provide any answers until Michelle was safely tucked into bed, Monica nodded silently, watching as he headed wordlessly towards his daughter, scooping her up into his arms and putting on a false cheerful voice to sway her into going to bed. To their surprise, almost as if she could sense the tension between the adults, she agreed without much fuss, and within ten minutes was changed into her PJs and tucked into bed, soundly asleep.

Once Michelle was settled, Monica and Chandler sat silently on the couch, side by side, both too afraid to broach the topic they knew they needed to, each terrified the other would call off their relationship. It was Chandler who eventually summoned the courage to speak first, his voice hesitant and raspy. "I saw Mary Angela today," he blurted out, his heart pounding rapidly in anticipation of his girlfriend's response.

As expected, the wounded look that spread across Monica's face was a form of pain in and of itself. The hurt in her voice was unmistakable. "You- You stood me up to go see your ex-wife!" Chandler nodded wordlessly, swallowing the heavy painful lump that had formed in his throat. "Do you care about me at all?!" she demanded, "For the past few days I've tried to be a good girlfriend and let you express your feelings and be there for you when you needed me to be! I've listened to you mourn over her for almost a year now! Are you ever going to be over her completely? I'm sick of this yo-yo game! I love you, but I'm not so sure you love me! I just don't know what to do anymore!"

"No!" Chandler insisted, his voice laced with panic, "I love you so much," he said, his voice small, "I need you. That's exactly what I told Angie! I told her it was over, for now and for ever! I swear I didn't mean to stand you up, tonight. I wasn't thinking straight and I – I just forgot."

Monica's eyes softened marginally, her voice sounding choked, "I waited two hours for you to show! Once you didn't, I told Phoebe to go home, and that I would watch Michelle! I was worried sick about you, yet you forgot I was even here! Watching your daughter. Her daughter!"

"I'm so sorry, Monica, please, you have to und–"

"I don't want to be second best anymore, Chandler!" Monica interjected, "I thought you had gotten over her and that we were head over heels in love! Then she reappears, out of nowhere, and this," she gestured between them, "started to feel so one-sided! I don't want to be the only one putting any effort in! I tried to be there for you! Yet, you still go off and see her behind my back and stand me up, all in one go? You know you could have told me! I would have understood! It's like you don't trust me, or you just don't care! I don't know which is worse! Is this your way of letting me down gently?" she questioned her voice choked as tears streamed down her cheeks, "Are you trying to get me to break up with you so you don't have to?" she questioned, wringing her hands miserably, "Because if that's what you want, I can't. I just, can't."

"No!" Chandler insisted, "I would never want that. I love you! I don't want to break up with you, not for Mary Angela, not for anyone! I want you, and who wouldn't? You're gorgeous and funny and amazing and… I'm just so in love with you."

Monica studied his face carefully. "Please tell me this is what you really want," she pleaded, "I love you so much. I couldn't stand it if you were saying all this just to appease me. I need you to feel it, like I do for you."

"Of course I mean it, baby," Chandler agreed, his own eyes surprisingly shiny with emotion, "You have no idea how sorry I am. You are amazing and I know I don't deserve you. But, I'm selfish. I love you. I love you so damn much that I know I will strive to be a better man if it means I get to keep you. I need you, and I can't lose you because I'm a screw up."

"As long as you don't want to lose me, you won't," she told him, a relieved half-smile inching across her face, shining through her tears, "I love you, too." Chandler encased her in a tight embrace, his relief evident in his touch.

"I know you do. I'm so unbelievably sorry. I hate that I caused you so much pain," he apologized. "When I went to see her, all that I was thinking of, was getting closure! I thought, maybe, if I sat down to dinner with her and told her civilly that there was no hope for us, that she would leave us alone! I would never hurt you, purposefully! I could never cheat on you or cause you any kind of pain if it's in my control not to." He paused, gathering his thoughts before continuing. "But she's got this idea of me, her and Michelle as a family that she stubbornly refuses to let go of!" Monica could hear the choked frustration in his voice, and listened quietly. "I told her repeatedly that I was in love with you and that there was no chance for 'us.' I don't know what else I can do to put her off!" he rambled in his frustration, "At the end of the night, I thought maybe I was finally getting through to her! We were talking and she seemed to understand and then she–" He stopped abruptly.

"She what?" Monica prodded, gently.

After an uncomfortable pause Chandler whispered hesitantly, "She kissed me." The words seemed to hang heavily in the air for several moments, making it seem suffocating.

Monica's response was not what he was expecting. "She did what!" she fumed, "After you told her that it wasn't going to happen?! Where does she get off?!"

Chandler smiled in spite of himself. He'd never admit it out loud, but he liked it when Monica got feisty and protective. It was a welcome confidence boost and eased his insecurities that such an incredible woman could genuinely care about him. He explained hurriedly, "I pushed her away and said I'd never cheat on you, and left her there. She tried to stop me at first, then I said some less than complementary things to her and stormed out. I came straight here."

Monica nodded emphatically, her voice hard, "Good! I cannot believe that woman would try that! If I ever see her again, you can bet your ass she'll live to regret it!"

Chandler squeezed her shoulder with the arm still curled around her, said conspiratorially, "I bet you could kick her ass."

Monica smirked smugly, pressing herself further into his embrace, pleased with the vote of confidence. "Damn right."

They both sat snuggling on the couch in comfortable silence for several long moments, letting all that had happened in the last ten minutes sink in. "You know I love you, right?" Chandler asked eventually, "Some of the things you said today… If I've ever made you feel like second best, I never meant to. Since I've fallen in love with you, you've always come first with me. Always. Together you and Michelle are my life."

Monica nodded, smiling shyly, fingering the hem of his shirt. "I know that realistically, but I have insecurities, too, sometimes, you know? I hate fighting with you," She toyed with his tie coyly, "But fighting always leads to making up. Wanna do that thing we do to make up?" she hinted seductively, "Michelle's asleep."

"God, yes," he groaned, leaning over to scoop her up into his arms, kissing her briefly as he did so, "I very much want to do that thing. I need to feel close to you." Monica giggled as he lifted her.

"I love making up with you," she informed him, wrapping her arms solidly around his neck.

He smiled in agreement and carried her into his room, "Well, I love everything about you," he smirked, but added seriously, "Even the obsessive cleaning." She giggled, too relieved they were 'okay' to even be the least bit upset at the comment.

He laid her on his bed, gently, crawling on top of her, supporting his weight on an elbow, before leaning to brush a few strands of her hair out of her face. "Never feel hesitant to tell me anything about how you're feeling, okay?" he told her, "I know you feel like you need to be strong and in control all the time – it's who you are – but if you ever need a break from that, I'm here for you, I can listen, too. I can be your rock. I owe you one. But just for the record you never have to feel threatened by Mary Angela. You've come first with me for a long time now."

Monica smiled gratefully. "I know. I don't want to think about how stupid we were, right now, though," she told him, "We're supposed to be making up."

"I know," he grinned, "And we do an awful good job of it, if I do say so, myself. I just thought you should know." Monica stroked his hair lovingly, pulling his face down to hers, letting herself melt into the kiss. After the heart-stopping fear that he was on the verge of breaking up with her, the familiar feel of his lips pressed firmly against hers was insanely comforting, and reassured her once and for all that they really were going to be okay.

She sighed into the kiss, allowing Chandler to take the lead, content to let him guide her. After the stress of the day it was a relief to relinquish control, even in that small way.

Without warning, Chandler pulled away from unbuttoning her shirt, mid-way down the row of buttons, and stared into her eyes lovingly. "Move in with me?" he blurted out.

Monica looked at him, shocked, her mouth opening and closing several times before she could form coherent words, "Are you serious?" she questioned, fully prepared for him to announce it was a joke. His nervous eyes quickly erased that thought.

"Yeah," he explained earnestly, "I mean, if this ordeal today taught me anything, it was how much I need you around. Why shouldn't we take this step? You practically live here, anyway. Were ready. And Rach and Joey live across the hall, if you lived here, they'd be closer. And my apartment's bigger," he told her persuasively.

Monica nearly laughed at his attempt to sway her. Chandler stared at her nervously, wondering if he'd made a mistake by asking her in the first place based on her reaction. Getting laughed at by your girlfriend in bed sure was a mood killer. "Are you trying to convince me or you?"

Chandler smiled at her anxiously, twirling several strands of her long hair nervously; she loved it when he played with her hair. She found his nervousness over asking the question endearing. "You, of course. I already want this. Do you?"

"You know I do," she told him with a tender smile, "And it's not because Joey and Rach are across the hall. Or because your apartment is bigger."

"Yeah?" he said bashfully, knowing that his tone would cue her to expand. A little ego boosting never killed anyone.

"Yeah. You're all the reason I need. You and me and Michelle."

"You know," Chandler told her, "When Angie kept dropping hints about me, her and Michelle, and how we could be this perfect family, I just couldn't picture it, not anymore. I can with you. You've been our family for awhile now."

Monica didn't answer verbally, but grinned and pulled him back down to her by his collar, allowing him to feel in her kiss how much that statement meant to her.

Monica, a million; Mary Angela, zero.

She fought the urge to jump off the bed and break into Chandler's happy dance. With his lips working their way pleasurably down her neck towards her chest, nudging her shirt out of the way, the thought was quickly discarded. She had more pressing matters to attend to.

Who said soulmates didn't exist?

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Yep, it's back :)

Since this series seems to be dwindling in popularity a little, and perhaps I'm flagging on it, too, I've decided to offer you guys a choice. My outline has a couple more chapters (three to be exact) filled with fluff and a wee bit of drama, but I think I could also safely end the series here, with the exception of adding an epilogue. Let me know which you'd prefer. Since I have no strong feelings either way, so I'm gonna say majority rules on this one.

If this series does end here, I have more friends projects in the works, which will soon be making their way on here :) I'm really excited for them, and I hope you guys'll like 'em too :)

Also a quick thanks to those of you who read and reviewed Entertaining Angels my quick detour of a Christmas story :)