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Chapter 14
Half an hour before the sun is up, Raphael gets up. He looks around and he wonders where he should go.
His house is just that; a house. The hotel is his real home, not because of a different bedroom, but because of the company. Except he doesn't want company, but he doesn't want to be alone either.
He could call Luke, he knows the other man would hear him with no complains, but then he would have to explain… for just some hours he wants to pretend that the night before was just a nightmare.
So he gets up in the air and starts flying towards a place he hasn't been in years. Not because he isn't welcome, which he knows he'll always be, just because he never had a reason.
He has transformed two people, besides Simon, in all his years. John was the second one and he hates Raphael for that, so they're not on speaking terms.
The first one was Geanna. Their relationship is easy. When they're together they can talk or they can be in silent. It's still comfortable.
Their story isn't complicated.
Geanna doesn't live in New York, but she has a house just an hour from his (by car). There's a chance she won't be there, a big one, but her things still will, and he knows that if there's another place he'll feel at home it's there.
When he gets there he wonders if he would feel the same with Luke. He once felt at home with Gabby, and then Angel.
By the time the sun is up he's in her bed, falling asleep.
He wakes up just a few seconds after the sun is down. Every vampire can feel the sunrise and the sundown, just not all can note it. Raphael is always aware of how many hours he has on the outside. It's strange and not many people would understand, but it makes him feel safe. Every day he chooses to go back inside the house. Every day he has the choice to face the sun and he doesn't.
Some days he doesn't even think about it, it's just another day. Other days there's smoke coming from his skin when he finally goes to bed.
He doesn't get up immediately, not until the memories from the previous night start coming back.
For just a second he goes back under the covers, pretending that he could actually go back to sleep. Maybe forever.
Except he can't. This won't just go away, he knows it better than any, but he wants it to.
He gets up and drinks a bottle of blood that he finds on the fridge. It isn't human, but he isn't sure if it's of a lion or bear. There were humans, he knows it, he just can't bother to find them.
Not to mention that he doesn't drink human blood, not when that means killing one of them. It isn't because he believes they deserve life, it's just because if he can help it, then why shouldn't he? It's not because he's trying to repay for the lives he already took, either. Those have been gone for a long time and there's nothing he can do to have them back. Who says that one life repays for another, anyway? Everybody has different values, no matter what those free thinkers say.
He leaves the room with the same clothes from the day before because he doesn't want to search for clothes from Geanna's old lovers. He doesn't see her often; doesn't mean he doesn't talk to her at least once a week. He knows she hasn't had a relationship that lasted more than a couple of months for some years now.
Before he starts flying he checks his phone, trying to get an idea of where to go.
There're three calls from Camille, which shows that this is serious. She calls just one time if it's for a meaningless subject, something that can wait for the other day, but she doesn't want it to. Two is for something that has to be taken care of immediately. Three… well, she only called him once that many times and it's not a good memory.
Five from Angel, alongside eight texts, which he reads very fast, knowing what they'll be saying. And there they are. The messages of: where are you? Are you okay? It's going to be fine. You'll survive this. It's going to be okay.
He has two lost calls from Luke and three texts. He would feel bad, but then again it's not like Luke knows what's going on. But the fact that he tried more than once to contact him means that he knows something.
Angel had told him in one of the texts that she had been with him when she received the call, but Raphael hadn't really thought of what it meant.
He wasn't really a guy to take bubble baths but right know it's all he wants.
And cake. He wants cake.
Yes, they make blood cake. It tastes like strawberries.
The minute he's in front of his door he knows there's somebody inside. Not so much because of the smell that's lingering on his door but because the key inside the rock is gone.
He doesn't think for a second that he's been robbed, so he enters his house like he normally would.
He finds Luke sleeping on his couch. For a minute he ponders just leaving him there and going for the bath, but he dismisses the idea immediately. Luke was there when he needed him, and chances are, he'll need him a lot more. It's strange having to put somebody else's feelings in the equation.
He's second in command of a clan; he's used to having to watch over somebody. But this… this is different.
Besides the two ex-wives, Raphael hasn't been in a lot of relationships. It's not because he's afraid of getting hurt; of ending in another bad marriage. His last marriage didn't end badly and he would never take back those years. He just didn't have the time, and maybe hadn't really found the right person.
He's stopped from over thinking about his current relationship when Luke starts stirring in his sleep, finally ending with his eyes opening.
Raphael doesn't say anything until the other's eyes find his.
The look on Luke's face looks exactly like the one he had that morning, he's sure.
"Don't," Raphael says before he can stop. Luke looks even more confused, so Raphael sighs. "Just don't ask any questions, please. All I want is a bath, and then… then we'll talk."
Luke looks surprised for a second, but then he gets up and smiles at Raphael. He looks tired, and worried, but there's still a glint in his eyes. A glint that Raphael knows speaks of love.
"Well, come on. I'll wash your back."
Raphael can only smile in response.
He chooses black clothes. He doesn't know why, but he's sure any psychiatrist would have a field day trying to figure it out. Raphael can already see at least half a dozen of answers but he isn't interested in them.
He also doesn't want to know why he's got the sleeves pushed until the elbows.
Luke is sitting on his bed, looking at him. Raphael already told him that Renna has escaped, and even thought Luke doesn't know their entire story, he knows the basics. Knows that this isn't a subject best left to luck. Not that Raphael would allow it, anyway.
"So, what now?"
"Now, I'll go to Angel and Camille and we'll make a plan," Raphael answers with more confidence than he feels.
Luke gets up and embraces him from behind. Raphael doesn't know if it's because he felt the insecurity on his voice or just because he feels like a hug is what he needs right now. Anyway, Raphael will accept it.
They stay like that until Raphael lets him go; feeling like Luke's body has given his some energy, some courage. Courage for what, he's not sure, but like most things right now, he feels he'll find out soon.
"Do you want me to come with you?"
Raphael can't figure out immediately what'll be the answer if he opens his mouth. On one hand he would like to have him besides him, but on the other… he's not sure how the vampires will take it.
He nods in response. Who cares what they think, anyway?
They don't fly there, instead Luke takes the van and accepts all the jokes Raphael makes about it. Raphael himself isn't sure why he's mocking Luke so much, he just knows the banter between them is the only thing stopping him from jumping off the van.
It's not that he's afraid of the decisions. Even Camille, who doesn't always see eye to eye with him, knows what he's been through with Renna, and she, best than some, knows and accepts vengeance. But going to meet them… that'll just make this all so more real.
"We're here," Luke says and Raphael only glances at him briefly before getting outside.
He takes Luke to the living room, letting him go the moment they're on the floor, but doesn't put any space between them. He tells himself it's just in case any of the vampires try something funny.
"Raphael," Camille says and he can't say if she's greeting him, calling him or admonishing him.
Raphael bows is head, anyway. Luke besides him doesn't do anything, except to look to the blond. Raphael doesn't try to make him do anything; he owns Camille his respect. Luke owns her nothing, at least for now.
"Raphael," Angel says but in her voice Raphael can only sense greeting and maybe some preoccupation. It has been some years; he isn't as good as seeing through her mask as he used to. "You brought Luke," there's some warning in her voice but he's sure it's about Camille and not a threat to the other's well being.
Raphael can think of a dozen answers to give, but instead stays silent.
"I'm Luke Garroway," Luke says besides him and Raphael's surprised, as are all vampires around them, when he offers Camille a hand.
She doesn't show any emotion but it's clear by the way she waits a second to shake his hand, that she wasn't expecting the gesture.
"Your Raphael's…" she looks at Raphael, "what should I call him?"
"Boyfriend," Raphael answers because he knows that if he lets it up to her she'll come up with something incredibly embarrassing or mean. Probably both, knowing her.
She smirks and repeats the word, but once introductions are made she's serious.
"We need to discuss some things. Obviously your boyfriend will stay with us, since he came all this way," there's amusement in her eyes for just a second, "but if you want to discuss this in private-"
"No, it's fine," Raphael says. His clan trusts him and he trusts them. They're his family. Keeping them in the dark will only end badly.
"Very well," Camille says, but he can't see if she approves or reproves of his decision.
Besides the clan, some of the vampires that came with Angel are there. They all helped taking him out of the catacombs; he won't ask them to leave.
"Do you know why she escaped?" Camille starts and Raphael is about to answer no, but something stops him.
"Which day is today?" He asks.
Camille, knowing that he won't be asking for simple curiosity, quickly tells him it's the seventeenth of August.
"It's been fifty years," he says and when only Angel seems to realize, he explains. "Yesterday marked the first fifty years she was to spend on prison."
"You spent fifty years there," Angel concludes. "She thinks you're even."
Raphael nods, happy to see somebody following his trail of thought.
"So, do you think she'll leave you alone?" Lily says. When Raphael sends her an incredulous look she quickly adds, "you just said she thinks you're even."
"In years, yes, but I don't think she'll just leave me alone." Raphael had never actually thought of that. The possibilities of Renna leaving him alone, or maybe even apologizing to him were naïve, minimum.
"We should wait," Camille says, "we don't even know where she is, or what she wants. We need to find her, and then we'll think of a plan of action. Even if she wants no harm to you, she'll still have escaped from prison. Four hundred and fifty years too soon, more precisely," Camille continues at Raphael's look of disbelief.
"So how do we find her?" A vampire from Angel's group asks. Raphael is assuming he's one of hers, that is, since he's never seen him before.
"She didn't leave anything in her cell, I already asked," Angel answers. "We should call the Germans."
Camille nods, "they do owe me a favor."
Raphael doesn't say anything, too surprised to seeing her and Angel agreeing. He sees looks alike his everywhere, making Camille laugh.
"We do see eye to eye, sometimes."
That only makes the disbelief grow, and Angels joins Camille in the laughter.
Raphael shakes his head, knowing that trying to understand those two would just get him an enormous migraine and no answers. He looks to his side, where Luke is looking amused, if a little confused.
"I'm not sure if I should be shaking my head and say vampires, or women," he murmurs, but not low enough for the others to don't pick up. This time the laughter following his statement is much bigger, and shared by basically all vampires.
Raphael doesn't know why he's laughing along. Doesn't know why any of them is laughing, really. It wasn't that funny.
But he notes how Lilly is leaning against Francis, how Dray has a hand on Mary's shoulder and a lot of others displays on couples (and some more, he doesn't judge). They don't really believe Renna will leave him alone, either.
They'll fight for him. This is them getting ready for battle. Not trying to see how they can escape, just knowing that if they die it won't be with regrets.
They're not saying goodbye, they're just making sure their time is well spent.
Raphael looks at Luke, who's looking a bit embarrassed, but still happy, and wonders if he would have done anything different if he could.
He doesn't like thinking of the other paths he could have taken, not when it only leads to regrets. Luckily this isn't the case.
"It was like meeting the parents, if they were dozens of vampires, of course," Luke says when they start the drive back.
Raphael laughs and feels a weight leaving his body.
"Don't laugh, this just means that the next one will be you. Jocelyn can't wait to meet you. Oh, and Cam, she's very curious too."
"Cam?"
"She's my second in command," Luke sends him a smirk that is entirely devious (Raphael doesn't know if he should feel proud or afraid), "you'll have to meet both of my families."
Raphael just sighs, but can't really pretend to feel anything besides a slight flutter. And maybe some happiness, but he'll never tell Luke that.
"I love you," he tells him and has to grab his seat when Luke almost drives them off the road.
"You couldn't have found another time to say that, could you?" Luke says with what is supposed to be some annoyance, but he just sounds out of breath.
Raphael doesn't answer right away, not knowing exactly why he did what he did.
"It just felt right," he finally settles in. It's not a lie, even if it's not the whole truth.
Raphael's a vampire, which means that he'll live forever. This isn't him finally being aware that Luke is mortal, an issue that he doesn't plan to think about for some time, it just means that he doesn't see death like most of people. It doesn't mean that he doesn't see life as something important.
That sentence "living in the moment" is stupid and overused, but sometimes it's all one has.
"I love you," he repeats and this time Luke doesn't do an illegal maneuver.
"Is this you trying to say goodbye?"
"What? No!" Raphael says, because that had honestly never crossed his minds. "Why do you say that?"
"Maybe you think this is too dangerous for me, or that you won't survive."
"First of all, I can't promise not to die tomorrow, but I'm not planning on dying at Renna's hands or anybody's hands, for that matter. And second… you're a werewolf. An alpha one. I would be stupid to not think you capable of being here. And I need you," Raphael finishes and it's stupid how those three words cost more to say than the others.
"I love you too," Luke says and Raphael lets go of a breath he wasn't even aware of being holding. "And I'll be there for you. For whatever you need. And you better not die. Not until you've been introduced, anyway."
"You just want to show what a nice piece of ass I have," Raphael says, letting some of his old self come back.
Luke laughs so hard once again they almost leave the road.
"I own your ass," Luke answers him and this time it's Raphael laughing.
When they arrive at his house they don't leave immediately.
The remains of their laughter vanish when Raphael's puts his hand on top of Luke's.
"This isn't just going to go away, is it?" Luke asks in a small voice.
Raphael just shakes his head, not knowing what else he could say.
"I meant what I said earlier. I'm here for you, for whatever you need."
Raphael puts pressure on his hand, once again left without words.
"If it can be stopped… if it's possible for her to go back to prison without any bloodshed, will you allow it?"
Raphael doesn't answer right away. Part because he's never actually thought of that possibility, and part because he doesn't want to lie.
"I want to say yes, but I can't."
"Why?" Luke asks, and Raphael can hear more than simple curiosity in it.
"I could say it's because I won't be able to live normally knowing that she's on the loose, but I'd be lying. The truth is… I don't believe she deserves to live. Not after what she has done to me, and made me do. I just can't allow her to live like nothing happened."
Luke nods, but it takes him a while to respond.
"I can't say I understand, because I don't, but I don't think I could change your mind," Raphael tries to stop him, but Luke just continues, "I have no idea what these days will bring, but I'm not leaving you. Even if you kill her."
Raphael doesn't correct him, doesn't tell him that if he finds Renna he'll do much more than just kill her, instead accepting the other's kiss in the forehead, and thinking for just a second that maybe things will be okay.