NOte: Hi people! First: THANKS!! for you wonderful reviews!!! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Now, on a slightly unhappier note - there won't be any updates from me for the next 10 days, im afraid. I'm going on a trek to the himalayas tomorrow morning, and I won't be back till the 26th june. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience!! But anyway, enjoy!!

"I love him?"/ "I love her not."

Month: June

End of an academic year

Ella

The past few months flew by in a blur. The end of year exams were alright, I suppose. I look over from my bed to Lily's where she's packing her bag. I sigh. She's been acting so strange lately. She won't tell me; but I can guess: James.

She hasn't said anything, not to me, not to anyone else. But I have caught her smiling in his direction when she thinks that no one's seeing. I pack the last of my possessions in my trunk and then sit myself down morosely on my bed. That was when Lily enter the dorm, with a suspicious smile on her face.

"What are you so happy about?"

"Nothing." She replies. I sigh, irritated.

"Lily, are you ever going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"It's not that hard to figure out really, you two have been smiling at each for the past month, but why won't you tell me?"

"Oh," she mutters, and sits down on the bed, looking at the floor. "I didn't tell you because…well, I don't know, I wasn't so sure about him, and I'm still not. And we're just friends. Honest! Besides, you've been so strange lately; you have this weird far away look on your face. I thought I'd upset you I told you." She says.

I just look at her, and decide that she is right. If she had told me, I think that I would have been a bit jealous, and I don't know I would be able to handle it; my emotions have been so confusing lately, I don't even know what I'm feeling now.

"Well, never mind. So what do you think of him then?" I ask at length.

"He is really nice. A bit mischievous and arrogant, that hasn't changed, but a nice guy at heart." She says, her cheeks reddening at the thought of him. I don't know if she's realised but I suspect that she's fallen for him, despite her best efforts.

Sirius

"Oh mate, it's so hard, just being her friend!" James says, waving his hands in frustration. "Especially when she gives me one of those smiles. I swear that she has a special one for me." At that, he grins proudly at me. And I am happy for him. "It's just that, I want there to me something more." He adds and then slouches against the wall on the floor, resting his hands on his knees, limp. I grin back at him.

"Give it time, now that she's warmed up to you; she might even start feeling the same way?" I suggest. James closes his eyes, and smiles, letting his thoughts take him to a far off dream world. I wish I could do that as easily as him.

"Well, I better go see Violet." I say, getting up. At that, James opens his eyes, and looks at me, confused, as if he's trying to work something out, but he's missing an important clue.

"What is it with you? I don't get it; I've tried to figure it out, but I just can't. Why are you going out with Violet? Don't get me wrong, she's hot but," he pauses, "she's not Ella?"

I wish he hadn't asked me that. "I guess that it's easier to get over her if I'm with someone who so unlike her."

"How's that going?"

"Not as well as I'd hoped." Sighing, I sit back down again. "It's like, the more I hang out with Violet, the more I try to like her; the more I fall in love with Ella. It's ridiculous!"

"Are you sure this is the right way to go about it?"

I think for a moment, and then I recall Ella's words to me as she rejected me yet again. "Yes," I say firmly. James knows me well enough to know that I have no wish to pursue this course of conversation, and soon changes the subject.

"Well then, you better get to Violet."

Ella

Lily and I step out of the Hogwarts Express, having put our trunks in our compartments. Lily smiles at James, whose striding towards her, with Sirius not far behind him. But he's with someone: Violet. He's been going out with her for a month a half and from what I can see, he's totally smitten. I had no idea that I was that easy to forget.

Lily leaves me to talk to James. I try not to look at Sirius as he puts his hand behind Violet's head and gives her a long, passionate kiss on the mouth, but I can't help it. I feel somewhat insulted that he prefers Violet to me, and there's a strange feeling that I've never experienced before. It makes me clench my fists and want to hit something and puts me on edge. I can't describe it properly but it's as if there's something afire inside me. I turn away, and return to my compartment.

There, I sit, and think – something that I haven't really been able to do much. I put aside the din from outside, and make an attempt to get my thoughts together.

I'd always thought that Sirius was incredibly good looking; and years ago, I even fancied the thought of going out with him, but Lily always warned me against him, and he didn't do or say anything in his defence, if anything, he continued his philandering activities with renewed fervour. But when I read his diary, something came alive inside me; his words had struck a chord, and it had reverberated to the very core of my being. Now, I can see it. Ever since then, I've looked at him in new light. But did I ever return his feelings? That is the question that keeps me up all night; a question that haunts me even in my dreams where he and I are together. I hate him, for all the wrongs that he's done, and for the way he's been treating me since the incident with Transfiguration. He has not just been ignoring me, but has been downright cold towards me. And I don't know why. I hate him, and yet there's a part of me that can't help but like him. I have seen his coldness, his cruelty; but I have also seen his goodness. He likes playing pranks and practical jokes on people, but I have seen him give money to an old tramp in Hogsmead, and comfort this boy who tried and failed to make it in the Quidditch team. I have also seen him help the first years around with no hint of playful maliciousness in him. So do I love him or hate him?

While I'm pondering the last question, Lily comes in, followed by James. At first I think that it's just James, but my heart sinks as I see Remus, and Peter and finally, Sirius enter the compartment.

"I invited them to sit with us. I hope that's alright?" Lily says.

"Yes, of course it is," I reply, forcing a smile, all the while thinking, 'It's going to be a long journey home.'