A/N: Thanks to FanofBellaandEdward for being my beta!

XIV

It started with a cough.

Rin woke up at 2AM to the mattress lurching a little underneath him. From the other side of the bed, Haru was curled up over the edge of the bed, coughing and spluttering onto the wooden floor. His eyes still bleary from sleep, Rin blindly crawled over the hot sheets and smoothed a hand over the creature's heaving back. "Hey ... shh, shh it's okay," he murmured as he rubbed soothing circles against the dry skin. His eyes were desperate to go back to sleep. He almost succumbed until the stench hit his nose. "Ugh ... Haru, what's happened?"

Haru didn't say anything other than choke back a sob.

Rin leaned up so he could peer over Haru's quivering back and blanched a little. Even through the gloom of the night, he could see a shiny puddle of -what he assumed was -vomit. Exhaling softly, he shifted off the end of the bed and went round to Haru's side. He flicked the bedside lamp off and felt his stomach jolt at what was on the floor. The vomit was practically just milk -white and vaguely lumpy -except for the red tendrils spiking through it.

Blood.

Bending down on his knees, Rin tried to get a closer look but Haru was too busy curling in on himself and shivering, blood and spit drying on his chin. He frowned, wiping Haru's chin with his thumb before standing up. He ducked across the hall towards the bathroom, filled a bucket with some water and a wet cloth before going back to the bedroom. The smell was disgusting as Rin mopped the floor clean, trying his best not to breathe in the odour of fishy vomit. His own stomach churned a little but just as he was sure he was going to start heaving too, the floor was damp and clean.

In the half-light, Rin flushed the vomit down the toilet, rinsed the bucket and washed his hands before stumbling out onto the landing. Bracing himself against the wall, he dropped his head into his hand and groaned. It was far too early to start worrying and yet that's all his brain wanted to do. What could he do? It wasn't like he could call up the emergency services, or even get his local doctor to do a house-call. He was stuck.

A small whimper came through the bedroom door. He couldn't leave Haru in there, writhing in pain. He needed to do something. Unfortunately, all he could offer at the moment was a glass of cold water and some pain killers. It would have to do.

The bathroom tiles were cold underfoot as he stepped inside. The night was barely shifting into dawn outside the window. He poured a glass of water from the tap and popped some pills. The foil crinkled in the deafening silence that pressed around his skull. He rubbed the heel of his hand into his eye socket, desperate to stay awake enough to get back to Haru. He needed to take care of him.

Padding back into the bedroom he set the chalky tablets on the bedside table along with the glass before turning to Haru. He looked like a wreck; his skin was white and looked blistered with even more scars, even his veins were pressing up against his alabaster skin like blue tentacles. A frown permanently marred his forehead. Sweat made his body glow in the lamplight and his sweat-drenched hair was plastered down against his skull. Sitting down beside him, Rin slipped his arms under Haru's armpits and gently eased him up into a sitting position.

"Shh, shh, shh, it's okay," Rin murmured lovingly in his ear as Haru nuzzled weakly against his neck. He let out a soft whimpering sound. Rin reached up and rubbed the nape of Haru's neck to relax him. "Wake up, Guppy. Come on now. I have something that'll make you feel better."

"S ... S ... Sea ... "

Rin shook his head and continued rubbing the damp nape. "Don't worry it'll be okay. You just have to take some tablets." Haru let out another whimper. Something hot dampened Rin's bare shoulder and he grimaced when he noticed that Haru wasn't just shaking from the chill that still hung in the air. He was crying. "Come on now," Rin murmured, his own voice cracking with fatigue and worry. "Don't you start crying when I can barely keep you upright."

"S ... S ... Sorry ..." Haru choked.

Taking hold of the pillows, the redhead somehow managed to awkwardly shift the pillows into a high mound, before easing Haru back against them. It wasn't quite 'upright' but it would have to do for now. He then held the tablets out in his hand and tapped Haru's cracked lips, gently urging him to open his mouth. Once open, he slipped the horrid tablets inside before lifting the glass to his lips. Haru sipped barely enough water to force the pills down before turning his face away.

Rin set the glass back on the table, before heading down the bathroom to get a wet flannel. He ran it under cold water and, as soon as he was back in the bedroom, he pressed it gently to Haru's forehead, watching as cold drops of water ran down his neck. He hummed at the contact, leaning into Rin's touch as the flannel came into contact with his skin. His long, black eyelashes fluttered a little, as if he was teetering on the verge of sleep again.

Easing back, Rin sat there and watched as the creature shifted back and forth a little on the pillow, a thin sheen of sweat still dampening his skin. His lips moved soundlessly as Rin reached out and pressed the back of his hand to the creature's forehead. It was clammy and still damp to the touch.

That was it.

There was no way he could go back to sleep now.

He reached over and tapped his phone screen. It was 4:03AM.

So he did the only thing he could rationally think of doing at that time; he swiped his phone up and went to call Makoto.

~0~

"So ... he has to go back?" Makoto broke the chilled silence about two hours later.

Rin had asked the green-haired man to come over and talk as he had a lot on his mind. Makoto, being the loving guy that he was, barely hesitated before he was padding up the drive-way to Rin's front door. It was probably a combination of having too little sleep and the worry that was gnawing at him, but he was soon confessing the entirety of the summer to his friend. He knew Makoto wouldn't judge -he never judged.

It had all came tumbling out.

Now ... there was nothing left to face but the cold hard truth. They stared out over the sloping roads and the ocean off in the far distance. It was like a rippling black mirror. He didn't want Haru to disappear into that endless darkness. He wanted him to stay. He rubbed a hand down his face and nodded, scratching at the back of his neck. "Yeah ... He needs to go back. Being human is slowly killing him. He coughed up blood just before I called you. Took me two hours to get him settled."

Frowning, Makoto turned a little on the porch step to observe his friend. "When are you going to let him go back? It has to be soon, Rin. He'll die if he stays here."

The word struck a chord within Rin. He didn't want to talk about it. He hated to think about death and sadly this was exactly the closest he was getting to the whole ordeal. Haru meant so much to him that it was difficult to think about a time he wouldn't be around. Everything would feel even emptier. "I ... I don't think I can do it."

"You have to."

"I know!" he stressed in a hiss, flexing his hand as a cold breeze ruffled his hair. "I just ... Can you come with me? To help? I just ... I know that if I'm alone in that car with him, I'm going to turn right back around and bring him back. I'd fill the damn pool with sea water just to keep him here."

Makoto gave a wry smile that quickly vanished. "How come you decided to tell me about it now? Why not two weeks ago? Why not when he collapsed?"

"I guess I didn't want to admit it to myself. I wanted to be in denial for a little while longer," he sighed heavily before dropping his head down against his knees. A cold breeze rippled over his legs and made goose-pimples break out over his skin.

They sat in silence for a while longer. The chilled dawn was just starting to touch the earth, bathing it in a lighter shade of black. Rin could feel his eyes burning with tiredness inside his skull. What he wouldn't give to go and sleep inside the warmth of the house, curl up next to Haru, rest the merman against his chest and comb his fingers through the damp, dark hair.

"Does Sousuke know?"

"Ha!" Rin barked out. "Don't be insane. If you didn't know what makes you think he'd know?"

"Fair point," Makoto let out a loud sigh and leaned back on his elbows. "So when do you think we should do this? Getting him back home, I mean."

"I'd say as soon as possible, but then that would mean starting to load my truck right now, pack food and then make our way to the beach within the next hour."

"Maybe it's for the best," the taller man said. Rin started to protest but he was soon cut off. "Seriously, Rin. If you were in his position, what would you want most in the world?"

Rin stared at his friend for a while. Every molecule in him was screaming 'STAY STAY STAY' but deep in his heart he knew that wasn't true. If he was that ill, he'd want to be back here, in his home, with his mum cooking his soup and his sister watching silly sitcoms on the TV, not caring if he was sick. "To go home," he finally murmured quietly, hoping the giant wouldn't hear him in the still silence. "Where I feel safe."

"So maybe it's time to put Haru's needs first."

Rin closed his eyes and groaned, "Dear God I hate it when you're right."

"It's a gift."

"More like a curse," he grumbled. Glancing down at his watch he gnawed his bottom lip. It was half past four. The dawn was gradually creeping up behind the house, lightning the word like a soft, white mist. With a deep sigh and a cold weight flooding his stomach, he let Makoto drag him up to his feet. He wasn't ready for this. He didn't want to stand up and move, because every step, every twitch would bring him closer to throwing Haru back to the ocean.

He would lose him.

He was being so selfish and he couldn't help it.

I love him.

The realisation struck him as he was stepping through the front door. It made a lump form in his throat and he almost choked on his tongue. He was holding onto the door frame to keep his balance and almost ripped the wood to shreds with his fingernails. He brow was furrowed so deeply he almost split his skull in half. He was in love with a creature that most definitely should not exist. A creature that was slowly dying in his bedroom upstairs.

"Rin?" Makoto frowned at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you coming?"

Shaking his head the redhead nodded, "Yeah -I'll go and get Haru. You sort out the food."

Makoto watched him a moment before nodding his head and moving silently into the kitchen. Rin exhaled a little before staring up the stairs. They seemed to stretch on forever. The carpet muted his footsteps as he climbed. The air inside the house was as cool as it was outside, the pale dawn slipping in through the closed blinds, slowly bringing vague shapes into focus. Outside his bedroom he paused, hand clenched tightly around the cold doorknob. Something was stopping him from turning it. Haru was on the other side of the door, sleeping fitfully. He could sense the merman's distress -yet he was powerless to go inside and ease his worries.

A soft whimper snapped him out of his thoughts.

He forced the door all the way open and hurried over to Haru, the mattress sinking under his weight. For a moment he just watched the merman for a few moments, the room lightening a little. Haru had stopped sweating, wasn't frowning as much but was definitely still in pain; his lips were still cracked and had a smudge of dried blood in the corner.

"Haru?" he whispered, tenderly touching the merman's shoulder. He shook him lightly. "Come on, Haru, it's time to wake up."

"Mmm ... why?" he croaked, frowning against the light.

"We're going to the beach," Rin tried to keep his voice light, like he was suggesting a regular trip along the coast before school. Haru was struggling to find the effort to wake up. Stroking his hand down Haru's cheek, Rin stood up and got out some clothes before heading back to the bed. As he tried to imprint everything about the moment into his mind, he looped Haru's arms around his neck before easing the creature into a sitting position. He eased Haru's stiff legs over the edge of the bed, wincing as his feet thumped on the floor.

"Ri-i-n!" Haru whimpered loudly as his head lulled onto his chest. Rin knelt down on the hard floor and tried to remain calm as he eased each of the scaled, scarred feet into a pair of loose bottoms.

"I know, I know," he soothed as he stroked his hands up and over Haru's pale, shivering thighs. "It'll be okay. Trust me."

Haru's fingers dug into the mattress as Rin dressed him. He didn't bother with socks, underwear or a t-shirt. Just a hoodie and tracksuit bottoms. "Rin ..." Haru breathed.

"Shh, shh, don't say anything." 'Please don't say anything!' he begged in his mind, 'Please don't make this any harder than it has to be!'

He drew in a deep breath and then crouched down, his hands smoothing over Haru's covered thighs. The slim, pale hands held onto his shoulders for support. Rin held his gaze firmly and mentally counted to three. Haru barely flinched when Rin stood up, whipping his legs out from underneath him and helped him wrap the thin legs around his waist. Rin's muscles strained a little as Haru was practically a dead weight in his arms. Wrapping his arms securely under Haru's pert arse, he coaxed the creature's head into the crook of his neck. As soon as he did that, Haru tightened his grip around the swimmer's neck and nuzzled him.

He finally felt safe.

As Rin slowly descended the stairs, he heard Haru whisper in his ear; "Rin? ... Where are ... we going?"

Grinding his back teeth he replied, "Somewhere you've needed to be for a while."

"... Rin?"

"Yes?"

"... Stay?"

Tears pricked behind his eyes. "I'll stay until it's over. I promise."

~0~

The drive down to the beach disappeared with the last dregs of the night light.

The sky was now a soft, misty blue with a glimmer of pink shimmering beneath the clouds. The sun would soon be rising as Makoto parked the car, Rin cradling Haru in his lap in the passenger seat. He was so grateful that the foot-wells were so deep.

Gravel crunched under the tyres before Makoto turned the engine off and unfastened his belt. Turning to Rin, he frowned. "Are you ready to go now?" he asked softly.

Rin looked up at him with a broken expression. His eyes were red-veined and his hair greasy from sweat and lack of sleep. The salt-air wouldn't help matters. "I ... can we have a minute?"

"Course you can, mate."

Ever the gentleman, Makoto opened the driver side door and stepped out into the chilled morning air.

Now that they were alone, Rin couldn't find the words for all the things he wanted to say. He needed to say so many things and yet ... there was a hole in his heart, growing larger with each passing second -encompassing everything he felt and treasured inside him. It was a black hole, swallowing everything up inside, leaving nothing behind but a hollow shell.

As tears ran down his cheeks, he cradled Haru's limp body tightly, and sobbed into the soft neck. He didn't care that snot was running over his mouth, or that his eyes were so raw, all he cared about was feeling the weight of Haru in his arms, memorising it and trying so damned hard to prolong the inevitable.

His watch bleeped at 6AM.

He couldn't ignore it any longer.

Opening his door, he called for Makoto to come and help him get Haru out. They were all so groggy and tired, Haru barely conscious between them. With an arm looped over both men's shoulders they hobbled over the pebbled path towards the small row boats along the pier. Rin held Haru close as Makoto unwound the tethered boat and steered it along towards the end of the pier. Holding onto a pillar, he eased himself into the boat and settled down in the bough.

With awkward movements and a lot of upper body strength, both men managed to get Haru into the boat. It didn't rock too much, the water calmly lapping beneath them. Makoto had to hold him upright, his head drooping on his chest as Rin tried to step down into the boat with some form of grace and not end up in the sea.

Once they'd settled down, Rin and Haru lying down with their legs under the seat, resting against the back, Makoto took an oar in each hand, gritted his teeth and rowed.

The further they got out to the sea, the more Rin felt the waves rolling underneath them. They swelled and crashed against the side of the boat, rocking it up and down more and more violently. The salty spray stung his burning eyes, but he did the only thing he could: he screwed his face up and nuzzled his head closer against Haru's, his heart aching as the creature nuzzled closer under his chin, his fingers clawing into Rin's hoodie.

As the spray hissed over Haru's skin, Rin noticed that the scars on the pearly flesh were slowly smoothing out. The scabbed over gills on Haru's neck were lightening in colour, the gills pressing against the thin layer of skin, trying to split it open. His ragged breathing seemed to ease up a little too. He stirred more, turning his face up toward the sky, a faint smile tinging his lips as the sea water sprayed over his features.

Makoto grunted a little and pulled the oars in.

Rin blinked out of his dazed state and looked up, "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

The tall man nodded. "Just exhausted. I think we're far enough out anyway," he mused as he looked around him. The boat continued to bob over each wave. Rin tried to think about it. He felt physically sick enough already.

They looked at one another across the boat. Rin felt his eyes burn with tears and sea water. It was time. Hugging Haru close, he pressed a wet kiss to the merman's forehead. Haru's eyelids fluttered open and he grasped Rin's wrist. "R-Rin ..." he murmured, his eyes so clear for the first time in weeks. He was no longer dazed with fatigue and lack of food. Easing himself up into a sitting position against the redhead's chest, he cupped his taut jaw and pressed a soft, trembling kiss to Rin's mouth. "My Rin ..."

Rin's mouth trembled as he gripped Haru's hand on his jaw tightly. He bit his lip and tried to fight back the tears as Haru stood up on shaking legs in the middle of the boat. He unzipped the hoodie, the noise drowned out by the angry hush of the waves around them. A sea-gull cawed somewhere in the far distance. Stepping out of the tracksuit bottoms, Haru gave Rin one last, mournful look that said everything neither could put into words.

I don't want to go.

Stay with me.

I love you.

With one foot propped on the rim of the boat, Haru arched his arms over his head and propelled himself off into the grey water. Rin sat upright, watching as the sea foamed and frothed. There was no sign of Haru. He swallowed thickly, almost splintering the boat under his tense grip. Please, God, he needed a sign to show that he'd made the right choice.

As if on cue, a large ethereal creature shot out of the water and arced over the boat, the silvery blue tail shining in the pale sunlight, water rushing off over the scales and pearly muscles. Rin watched, in slow motion, as Haru -in full, beautiful merman form -crashed back into the dark sea and disappeared under the waves.

He didn't know how long they sat in the boat, staring at the spot where Haru had disappeared into.

Makoto was the first to speak. "You know ... for some reason, I suspected a small part of you was lying." Rin looked over at him, his expression torn between anguish and contempt. "Now that I've seen him ... just ... wow."

Rin turned to look back out over the ocean. The sun was now fully up, making the water gleam a dark green with gold rippling over the waves. He felt so empty. His chest ached so painfully, it was too hard to breathe, to think, to process that he'd just willing thrown love away.

Makoto seemed to read his thoughts as he reached out and squeezed the redhead's shoulder. "Hey now, I know it's not want you want to hear, but ... well ... there are plenty more fish in the sea."

Rin shook his head, his head now completely blank as he stared out into nothingness. "Yeah," he sighed, "but there's only one Haru."

Makoto said he'd row them back to the shore. Rin was too mentally and physically shattered to even hold his head up anymore. It was as though his soul and happiness had sank to the bottom of the ocean, disappearing in the blink of an eye just as Haru had. It didn't need any explaining. Makoto wasn't immune to the things around him. He rubbed life back into his hands before steering the boat around -not that it needed much help thanks to the waves rocking them about -and starting heading back to shore.

They didn't speak the whole return trip.

Rin couldn't face driving so his friend did it for him. Makoto was such a wonderful man. Sousuke was lucky to have him in his life -they all were.

At his front door, Rin couldn't lift his face long enough to look up at the green-haired man. "I ... you won't tell anyone will you?" he asked, his voice cracked from exhaustion and heartache. He was so empty inside.

Makoto have a small smile before shaking his head, "No. I am here, if you want to talk though."

"Thanks," Rin bowed his head and rubbed his eyes. God, they felt so dry and scratchy. "For ... everything."

Makoto smiled, "It's okay. Go and get some sleep."

As soon as the front door was closed, the thick sense of emptiness smothered him like a black duvet. It wove its way into his lungs and made him choke on nothing. His legs felt like lead as he dragged himself up the stairs. Everything around him was the same and yet -something was off. Something had shifted. The loneliness was maddening as he stood in the doorway of his bedroom.

The sheets were still rumpled from where they'd slept just a few hours ago.

A sob broke free at long last. It rang out low and mournful in the early morning stillness. He braced himself against the door and pressed his hand to his mouth. He wiped at his face but his eyes were too weak to obey the command to stop crying. Silent tears and soft sobs hummed in the air as he toed his shoes off and crawled over the bed. He didn't bother getting under the covers or taking his clothes off.

The other pillow still smelled of Haru.

Burying his nose into it, he drew in a deep lungful of air and trembled as more tears dribbled down his cheeks. His body quaked with every sob as he curled up on his side, Haru's pillow tucked into him. He could smell salt water on his cuffs and feel the grittiness of salt and sand over his skin but he couldn't bring himself to care. If he showered, it would all disappear forever; the smell, the memories, the feel of Haru's lips. It would all be gone.

For now, this was all he had; scents, sea water and memories.

He was suspending himself into an infinite haze where he still had Haru tucked up to his side, on the verge of waking, ready to kiss and start a new day. He let sleep claw him down into the comfort of darkness. It flooded through his mind, like ink, and dyed his world black.

The alternative, after all, would destroy him.

A/N: I know it's taken a dark hard and you guys probably weren't expecting it, but ... it had to be done x