Beautifully Broken

(Chapter Fourteen: Boston)

Olivia opened her eyes and stared at the wall for a moment as her cell phone buzzed on the night stand. She groaned and reached for it.

"Benson," she growled into the phone.

She sat quiet for a few minutes and listened as Cragen rambled on.

"Actually captain, I am off today. But I am sure that Munch and Jefferies can take care of that if you want to give one of them a call."

She listened for another minute as he shouted about something then hung up.

"What was that all about?" She heard a tired voice ask from the other side of the bed.

"I don't know. I guess the father of our rape victim is refusing to give us the results. I guess Jefferies spoke to the girl's father about doing what was best for his daughter and now he is trying to make this entire rape disappear."

"Can you blame him. She will never be able to get on with her live. Not until she can put this behind her. He is just trying to protect her."

"I understand his decision, but the man that attacked his daughter also raped three other teenaged girls. She is the only one we were able to get DNA from. Without that kit, he walks."

"Which is why Cragen is so pissed off?"

"Exactly."

"So do you have to go in?"

"Nope. I took a personal day. You have to leave in a few hours, I want to spend as much time as I can with you before you go."

"Aww. That is sweet babe. Why don't you come over here and show me how much you are gonna miss me?"

Olivia laughed as Rick pulled her to him and kissed her. He raised up the blankets on their bed and she climbed back under them.

Two hours later Rick climbed out of bed and headed to the shower. Olivia got up and made some coffee and breakfast. Rick carried his bags into the living room and joined her at the table for breakfast.

"You want me to drive you to the airport?" She asked kissing him tenderly.

"No, baby. They are sending a car to take me and another to pick me up and take me to the hotel when I get to Boston."

"Wow, Mr. Big Shot. They must really want you."

Rick stared at her for a minute then took another drink of his coffee. "Did you think any more about what I asked you?"

"You didn't ask me, Rick. You made me an offer. This is not one of your business deals, it is my life. And my entire life has been in this city. I can't just drop everything and change careers. And I really don't want to have this conversation right before you leave for three weeks."

"We need to talk about it eventually, Olivia. This is a really good opportunity for me. And I think it would be a good one for us as well."

"I said I don't want to talk about it," she said standing to clear the table.

"Why not?"

"Because every time we do we fight. I only have half an hour with you before you leave. I'd like it to be peaceful."

"Liv, I don't even know if I am going to get the job. But if I do, it is better hours and nearly twice as much money. Besides, Courtney is in Boston. So you would have someone you know." He watched her as she stared into the sink trying to avoid looking at him. "I love you, Olivia. I want a life with you. And staying here in New York isn't going to bring him back."

"Don't!"

"What?"

"Don't talk about something you know nothing about!"

"I know he is gone, Olivia. Declared dead years ago. They mailed you his dog tags for God's sake! It has been over eleven years. Isn't it about time you let him go and moved on with your life?"

"Rick, you don't know anything about Elliot."

"Forget about Elliot! Okay? I am not building a life with Elliot. I am trying to build one with you. We have been together for four and a half years, Olivia. And you knew for at least the last two of those that I wanted to marry you. All I am asking is a chance. For you to let go of him long enough to give us a real shot. So that we can have a real life together."

"I'll probably never forget him, Rick! He was my first love. And the father of my son. You cannot just forget someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with. I love you, I do, but I cannot help but wonder how things would have been if…"

"I can't believe we are having this conversation. I understand to some degree, but that is all in the past Olivia. You need to be thinking about your future. And after you do….when you decide whether I am in it or not….give me a call and let me know. I have to go or I'm going to miss my flight." Rick gave her a quick peck on the cheek and grabbed his bags as he headed down the stairs and out of the apartment. Olivia sat down on the sofa and cried.

She didn't hear from Rick for the next two days. Olivia was rethinking her entire life and all of the decisions she had made in it. She loved Rick. And she understood how he would be hurt by the fact that she just couldn't let Elliot go. Even now, ten years after his death she couldn't get him off her mind.

When she had received the letter with the horrible news of his death, her world was crushed. Olivia's heart shattered into a million pieces and to this day she still was not sure it would ever be whole again. A few years later she was seated next to Rick at Courtney's wedding reception and the rest was pretty much history. Rick was the second great love of her life, but even he couldn't make the memory of her first love fade away.

Rick was handsome and successful and would be the ideal husband for any woman. But to marry him, Olivia would have to make her heart understand that Elliot was never coming back to reclaim it and she just wasn't ready for that.

The company Rick worked for was opening a branch in Boston and Rick was going there now to help get the project up and running. If he did well, there was a very good chance they would offer him the chance to move to Boston and lead the team there. This was really a wonderful opportunity for him to advance his career. But accepting the job would mean relocating to Boston.

Over the last few weeks Rick had been bringing up the topic of marriage. They had discussed it before and agreed that someday they were both interested in exchanging vows. She just figured it would be later, when she was more ready. And it would be here in New York and she would keep her job and they would be happy. But she wasn't exactly happy right now.

Olivia pulled her hair back into a ponytail and put in her ear buds. She stretched out a little and tried to clear her head. She turned her eyes to look up at the sun shining down on her as she ran along the same two mile path she took every day.

Half an hour later she climbed into the shower and just stood under the water with her eyes closed as she smoothed her hand over her abdomen.

"I should have known you would pull something like this, you filthy little slut!" Serena shouted inches from Olivia's face as she slapped her.

Olivia stumbled backward and raised her hand to her face placing it over the red mark left by her mother's palm.

"How could you do this to me? What were you thinking? DO you even know who the father is?"

"I have only been with Elliot."

Serena stormed into the kitchen and flung open the cabinet above the refrigerator pulling out a bottle of whiskey. She exhaled in annoyance and tossed a handful of ice into a rock glass. She filled it with the golden liquid and drank it as fast as she could before slamming the glass down onto the table.

"Come on!" Serena grabbed Olivia by the wrist and dragged her toward the staircase.

"Mom, what are you doing?"

"Taking care of this mess. I know a place across town," she said with a glare. "I guess I'll have to use the rent money and hope that I can pick up enough hours to make it up, later." She tugged at her daughter's arm dragging her toward the staircase.

"No! No! Mom, please don't do this! Please don't make me do this!" She screamed and cried and pleaded.

Serena grabbed Olivia by the throat and slammed her up against the wall. "What else can we do, Olivia? You are sixteen years old! You are in high school! You were supposed to have a life! Not this! You knew better than this! How could you do this after seeing the struggle I went through for you?"

"We struggled, mom, but we made it alright. I can make it with this baby. You don't have to kill it. You chose to have me," she said as tears poured down her face. "You couldn't kill me. How can you expect me to kill my baby?"

Serena grabbed her by the arm and jerked her back to her feet. "You are not having this baby. I am not raising another kid. God knows….look at the mess I made raising you. Do you really think I am going to let you make the same mistake that I did?"

Olivia's heart was breaking. Serena had always had a bit of hostility toward her and seemed to have some kind of grudge against Olivia. Her mother had all but admitted that keeping her was a mistake.

"Now, you can stand up and come with me downtown. Or I can take care of it on my own."

Olivia stood up and wiped her tears from her face.

"I am not having an abortion! I will not kill my baby! You cannot make me do it!"

"You're right," Serena shook her head. "It is a big decision. I cannot expect you to make a choice that important right now."

Olivia took a deep breath and nodded her head in agreement. She turned to walk away.

"So I will have to make the decision for you," Serena snapped as she spun around and pushed Olivia backwards down the staircase.

Olivia screamed, then everything went black.

A few hours later she woke up in a hospital bed. Someone in their building must have heard the commotion, because someone called the police. When they officers arrived an unconscious Olivia was laying at the bottom of the staircase. They transported her by ambulance to the hospital.

She groaned softly as she looked around the room. The nurse who was checking her vitals, quickly moved to get the doctor.

"Olivia?" He said softly shining a flashlight into her eyes.

Olivia squinted and pulled back from him. Suddenly she remembered what was going on. "My baby?" She gasped franticly.

"Look over here," he replied pointing to a monitor. He pressed a button to turn up the volume. "Do you hear that?"

Olivia nodded through her tears.

"That is your baby's heartbeat."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Well, it is too early to know for sure if it is a he…We'll need to watch you closely over the next few days. But we did an ultrasound and an examine, so far everything seems alright."

"Thank God."

"Olivia, is there someone I can call for you? We have been trying to reach your mother…"

"No! She's…working. Umm… Can you call my friend Courtney?"

"Sure." he handed her his notepad and Olivia scribbled down Courtney's phone number. "You know, Olivia, you are very lucky that all you have suffered so far is a few bruised ribs and a fractured wrist. There is still a chance you could have complications with your pregnancy. Can you tell me how this happened?"

"I am really tired. Can we talk about this later?"

"Yeah, you try to rest and I will go call your friend."

"Thank you."

Courtney came in that evening and visited with her for a while. Olivia confessed to her exactly what had happened. Courtney spent the night sleeping in a chair next to Olivia's bed.

The next morning when Olivia woke up Serena was standing at the foot of her bed. She looked, almost terrified, up at her mother. "What are you doing here?"

Just then the doctor walked into the room. "Good morning, Olivia." He checked her machines and smiled at Serena. "So, have you remembered what happened yesterday?"

"She fell down the stairs," Serena insisted.

"Pardon me ma'am, but I don't see how you could possibly know that. Olivia was alone in the apartment when they found her."

"Tell him," she said staring at her daughter.

Olivia took a deep breath and stared at her mother. She shifted her eyes to look down at the medical tape across the top of her hand. "I fell," she whispered softly.

"She is really very clumsy. She must have lost her footing."

The doctor watched as Olivia refused to look at him. "Well, Ms. Benson, we will need to keep Olivia here for a few days. Just until we are sure she and the baby are alright."

That night as Courtney sat by her side and they were alone in the room she looked over at Olivia, "Liv, why didn't you tell him what she did?"

"I can't."

"Olivia, she almost killed you and the baby. The woman is crazy."

"Courtney, I am sixteen and pregnant. I don't have anywhere else to go. If I tell him he will call DCFS. If he does that I go into foster care and they will take my baby away. I can't let that happen."

Two days later Olivia sat in a chair near the admitting desk waiting for her mother to arrive and sign her discharge papers. As of now, Serena was over two hours late picking her up and Olivia could not leave without a parent to sign her out because she was a minor.

She took a deep breath and slumped back in her chair folding her arms in front of her.

"Olivia Benson?" A man asked as he approached her.

"Yes," Olivia said raising her eyes to meet his.

He showed her a policeman's badge and asked her to come with him, explaining that her mother had been picked up on a D.U.I. The man signed the papers and Olivia followed him to his police car.

"How did my mother get a D.U.I.? We don't own a car."

"She was with a friend. She was driving his car."

"Great," Olivia said staring out the window. "What's going to happen to me?"

"Well, they picked her up a couple of hours ago. And they are probably gonna hold her overnight and let her sober up. Do you have any family in the area?"

"I don't have any family. Just her. What about my friend?"

"How old is your friend?"

"Sixteen."

"Honey, I will need to speak to her parents first."

"Her parents are out of town until tomorrow."

"We'll think of something," he said as she followed him up the steps and into the building. She sat down in a chair across from the man's desk and watched as he sat down to flip through a file. "You hungry?"

"A little."

"Like pizza?"

"Pepperoni?"

"And extra cheese," he said with a smile as he picked up the phone. He bought Olivia a bottle of water and handed her a plate of food. They made small talk as they sat and enjoyed dinner together.

"I should call DCFS."

"No! Please."

He looked over at the girl as she began to cry again.

"Please, don't."

"Olivia, the doctor told me that you fell down the stairs a few days ago."

She was quiet for a few moments. "Yes, sir."

"But the x-rays and your injuries are not consistent with a fall." She stared blankly at him and pressed her lips together. "Honey, you need to tell me what really happened that day. Is someone hurting you?"

She sat quietly and didn't answer him.

"Olivia, did your mother do this?"

"Please, don't call them. They will send me to foster care and take my baby away."

He looked into her eyes and knew that she was right.

"I'll tell you what," he said kneeling beside her, "why don't you sleep here tonight. I'll get you something to sleep in and take you back to the cribs. I have work to do and I will be right here if you need anything. Let her spend the night in the drunk tank, she'll probably be released around noon tomorrow. This is my business card. If at any time someone is hurting you, I want you to pick up the phone and call me. I will be right there. But you have to promise me that you will call me before something like this happens again."

"I promise," she said softly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome sweetheart."

That night Olivia settled into the cribs in her NYPD sweatshirt to try to get some sleep.