Chapter 14

My doubts lingered in my thoughts, and yet, I still slept next to Draco every night. They faded, slowly. I was never as upset as I was on the first night. Draco never suspected anything, of course. He was very sleepy post-orgasm, yawning and falling asleep minutes after he was done. I didn't mind. I was usually tired myself.

"Out of… pure curiosity…" Draco started the morning of Christmas Eve. I rolled my eyes.

"What is it, Draco?"

"Why… And I'm not trying to force you into anything… won't you sleep with me? I mean, you obviously find me attractive…"

I sighed, sitting up. "Draco, I just had my first kiss two months ago."

"I know… don't want to get it over with too soon?"

"I want to savor my time with you, not devour it. Does that metaphor make sense?"

"Yeah, I guess."

I rolled my eyes, collapsing back onto the bed. "Do you think you'll be able to survive on blowjobs alone for a while longer?" I knew it didn't make sense, I knew we were engaging in sex, even if it wasn't intercourse. I had my reservations about going all the way, though. I had always thought my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first everything, would be with someone I was interested in, maybe even loved, not someone I was using for information. I didn't want to give myself completely Draco, not unless I absolutely couldn't avoid it.

"Of course." He rolled out of bed and started to get dressed. He kept some clothes in my room now. I rolled out of bed myself, picking out a yellow blouse, dark skinny jeans, and my black flats. It seemed the dress code was always business casual at Malfoy Manor. I doubted there was a pair of sweatpants on the entire property. I tied back my hair with a black velvet ribbon and ushered him out. "You go down to breakfast first. Otherwise they'll think we're up to something."

He smiled, and after a few minutes, I trotted out into the hallway and down to the informal dining room. It was smaller, with tall windows facing the gardens. "Good morning," I said, and sat down, pouring myself a cup of tea and levitating the butter dish towards me. Lucius and Narcissa greeted me politely, as usual. I was still unsure how they felt about me. They were always extremely polite, and I tried to be that way, too. That's what made them so difficult to read.

"So, what's going to be happening tomorrow? It being Christmas and all. Will I meet the family?"

"Yes, we'll have quite a few people over. Usually it's rather private, but we'd like you to meet everyone."

"Oh, good. I look forwards to that." I didn't know what I was getting myself into. They were not a very big family, but for most of my years it was just Uncle and I for Christmas. Grandmother Druella arrived Christmas Eve, Narcissa's mother. She was a tall woman who looked like she would have been quite beautiful in her prime. She curtsied deeply towards me, and I was afraid that she would snap her knee or something terrible. She was stronger than she looked, though, as I realized when she clasped my hand in a death grip. "It is an honor to meet you, your Highness."

"Please, ma'am, call me Jessica. It's wonderful to meet you as well. I was told that you were a very elegant witch, and I see that's true." Her finely-wrinkled face crinkled into a self-satisfied smile. She was elegant, I wasn't lying about that. Her robes were simple and black, well-tailored and expensive. We followed the traditional motions of drinking hot wassail with apples floating in it, and I challenged Draco to a game of snapdragon, and we snatched at dried cherries aflame with brandy. We both ended up with singed fingers after that. I missed my Uncle, though, and the jolly, carefree mood he seldom had any time of the year except Christmas. The Malfoys were far too somber for my taste. I didn't dare burst out into carols, as I was usually apt to do, and there were no nutcrackers to enchant into clattering, simply to irritate others. The tree had no homemade ornaments, just perfectly matching silver bells and orbs, glittering candles and false snow, the rest of the house elegantly decorated with mistletoe and meadowsweet. There was no joy, no red. It was an all silver Christmas.

I went to bed late that night, escaping the arms of Draco. I wanted to get my rest, as his Aunt Bellatrix and her husband were arriving the next day. As I laid in bed that night (alone, for the first night in a while), I went over what I was going to say. Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange had broken out of Azkaban, everyone knew that, and I was going to have Christmas dinner with them. I suspected this was the first holiday like when they gathered as a family in a while, and she simply wanted to judge me. Her judgment had to be positive. Everyone knew that she was very important to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Everything had to be perfect.

My eyes fluttered open in the morning, and for a moment, I didn't know where I was or what day it was. Then, the excitement that naturally came with Christmas clashed with the nerves of facing Bellatrix Lestrange, and I bolted upright. I ran across the room to the wardrobe, tearing it open, and grabbing the first things I saw. I was halfway to the door when I realized that a dark purple skirt does not in fact go with an orange t-shirt, and I wasn't wearing any shoes. I swapped the t-shirt for the cream-colored lace blouse I had worn on my first date with Draco, tugged warm black tights onto my legs, and pulled on some knee-high black boots. I knocked on Draco's door. I heard a faint voice inside day, "What?"

"It's Christmas."

The door opened a crack. One gray eye peered out at me. "Yes. Yes it is."

"Well come on, presents."

"Can't you just go? I'm tired."

"Draco, I don't think you understand the magnitude of what I'm saying." I pushed the door open and placed my hands on my hips. "Christmas. Presents. How are things usually done around here?"

"Wake up and open them when you're ready?"

"Nope!" I shut his door and leaned against it. "Come out when you're dressed, I'm not opening presents alone."

There was grumbling inside, but soon enough Draco emerged, sleepy-eyed but dressed. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the grand staircase to the drawing room. Under the tree were presents, more than I had ever seen. Probably because it was only Christmas for two in my house, and the Malfoys, and Grandmother Druella Black, and the Lestranges, all had their gifts under the tree. I had dipped into the Windhithe treasury to procure a delicate silver necklace with blue star sapphires hanging from it for Narcissa (it enabled the wearer to have the gift of night-sight. I called it the "stargazing necklace"), an heirloom ring that had been a relic of a Black who had married into the Harcourts for Grandmother Druella, an enchanted and ornate pocket watch for Lucius, an ancient ceremonial dagger used for summoning spells for Bellatrix (Draco suggested that one), and the matching ceremonial horn (from a long-dead Ukrainian Ironbelly) for Rodolphus. All of these arrived by owl from Windhithe, already wrapped.

There were no opened presents yet. There was one extremely suspiciously curved shape, six feet tall, next to the tree. It was addressed to me. "I think I know what this is," I smiled, picking at the paper. It fell away to reveal a beautiful ebony-wood harp, carved with intricate designs of vines and sunflowers. "It's beautiful," I breathed, running my hands over the strings. They trilled lightly, vibrating under my fingertips.

Draco was already opening his gifts. He grinned at the butter-smooth leather Quidditch gloves I had given him, and I was busy ripping open my other gifts. We both made out quite well in the end. It was my first royal Christmas, and I wished that I could have spent it with Uncle, in Windhithe, but this was for the good of the country.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus arrived before lunch. I didn't know what to expect from her. I certainly didn't expect her to look the way she did. She was gaunt, and Azkaban had taken its toll on her, but she still managed to hold on to some of her powerful beauty, with heavily-lidded eyes and thick, shining dark hair. I imagined she would look like Narcissa, if she had never gone to prison. I admired her vaguely-dominatrix-inspired style. I could never work leather like that. Her husband was a rather dull-looking, thickset man with sharp little eyes. She, like all of the other pureblood supremacists I had met, curtsied deeply to me when she met me. I suspected it was a little sarcastic.

"Your majesty," she breathed, rising from her curtsey. I shook her hand, and for what felt like the thousandth time over Christmas break, I asserted that I would rather be called Jessica. She grinned and said that I must call her Bella, then. I was taken aback, but agreed.

I felt a constant subtle poking at my mind throughout the entire day, which I assumed was coming from Bellatrix. She seemed off. Her laugh was more of a cackle, her voice rose and fell dramatically throughout conversation. She opened her dagger, and when I explained its origin, she grinned in a way I did not like at all, sheathing it and attaching it to her belt.

"So you're in… Slytherin, I assume?" she said, over Christmas dinner. I shook my head.

"No, I'm the odd one out here. All of you being in Slytherin, how odd. No, I'm in Ravenclaw. Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure."

She sniffed, going back to her soup. "Some say that wit does no good unless you know what to do with it." The Malfoys shifted uncomfortable. I only smiled.

"Well, Bella, I know exactly what to do with it. I've always been very ambitious. But I am very, very clever. Oh dear, that sounds conceited." I shrugged and smiled. "Some say cleverness does you no good unless you know what to do with it. I say that one needs both to be truly successful. And I simply have more of one than I have the other." She nodded, I think in approval. Grandmother Druella, who was sitting next to me, nodded as well.

"It is not conceited, dear. One must be proud of what they have." I smiled, thanking her. She certainly seemed like one of the proudest witches I had ever met. We continued with dinner, Bellatrix occasionally questioning me. By the time pudding was served, she had managed to ask me about my opinions on, as she called them, "mudbloods". The Christmas pudding was enchanted to stay aflame, and warm magical flames tickled the inside of my mouth.

"Well, I just don't think they're true wizards. Maybe they have a few magical abilities, but it's more of a fluke than anything else." I shrugged. "They belong more with muggles than with us."

"I completely agree," said Draco.

Bellatrix nodded as well. "It's good to see someone with sense on the throne."

"I'm not on the throne yet," I reminded her. "I will once my schooling is finished." She motioned with her hands a you-know-what-I-meant general gesture.

Not long after, we said goodbye to Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange, and Druella Black, and eventually, Lucius and Narcissa. I stood at King's Cross, exchanging goodbyes that were only slightly less formal than our initial meeting. Narcissa kissed me on the cheek, and Lucius on the hand. As I turned away, I heard Lucius whisper something into his son's ear.

"Keep her… purest blood… she agrees… marriage… honor to the Malfoy house…" His voice faded as I walked away, but I walked very slowly for that reason. Draco caught up with me after a few steps.

"What'd your father have to say? Or was it 'man advice'?" I put the last two words in finger quotes. He rolled his eyes, and I grinned. "You know I like to tease you, Draco."

"Oh, I know that alright." He cocked one eyebrow at me. I blushed.

"Oh, shush, you."