C H A P T E R | F O U R T E E N
Author's Notes: I didn't plan on getting anything up this weekend, but I got a little time to myself and decided to write. As usual, I hope this is up to your standards! Thank you to all of you, as always. Happy reading. :)
"Please, Bella, he's getting closer. I can't do this without your consent…" Edward begged, shaking me slightly as he spoke. Tears pricked at me eyes as I opened my mouth to answer him.
Words failed me. I stared into his liquid topaz eyes, my heart both failing to beat correctly and breaking, simultaneously. He could not possibly comprehend what I would have given for things to return to normal, for me to look at him and see no one but him, in the world. I would have sacrificed my soul to feel the way I had, at one point, though I knew that it would make no difference. The time when my world centered Edward was gone; a new era had begun the day he made his decision to leave me. When I looked into my heart, I no longer saw Edward alone. Whether I wanted to deny that or not, it was the truth.
"You don't know how much I wish it were that easy," I answered, reaching out just once to touch his cool cheek with the flat of my palm. Edward's pain was translating as my pain, both of us wearing strained, brokenhearted expressions. No matter how much it stung, I had to press on with the truth. "But it isn't, Edward. It isn't that easy, anymore."
"It can be. Please, just let me show you that this isn't what you want. Things can be so much different," he promised desperately, his hand shadowing over mine, holding it to his cheek. My resolve faltered, slightly. If in that moment Edward could have promised me a continuous and lasting togetherness between us, I would have accepted. But I knew better, this time. I knew that he would never recant his promise of staying away from me, at least not in a romantic sense. I could not handle having Edward's presence in my life if I was expected to love another, at the same time. If I had him, I would love only him. If I could not, I would foster whatever feelings were developing with James. Selfishness be damned, it was the simple rule of survival, to my understanding.
"Things are different, now. That's half the problem," I replied, forcing my hand to break away from his marble skin, reluctantly. I wanted to be with Edward, though the flames of that want had died down considerably from the fever pitch that they had once been. The desperate, undying devotion was no longer a factor, having dissipated, somehow. I firmly locked my hands around his wrists, pulling them from my waist, taking a step back. "I'm not going home, Edward."
"This is what you want, Bella?" he growled, motioning around us. I looked at him, perplexed as to what he meant. His eyes narrowed as he took a step forward, making the step back I had taken useless. "Living out of a car, hopping hotels with a killer? This is a disgusting way for you to get back at me, if that's what you're aiming at."
"What I want is to be with James," I said, leaving no question surrounding my decision. There was an edge of desperation and need to my voice I did not recognize, especially when it came to the subject of James. James, who had left me cold and alone in the bed after making love, having sex, whatever terminology one would apply to that act. James, who, for the better part of our time together, had mistreated me and been cold, callous, even. Despite all the logic to the contrary, my decision was made, my stance immovable and unrelenting. "Please, Edward, just believe me. I know what I'm doing."
"You haven't the slightest idea," he whispered, his eyes darkening marginally. I watched the tendons in his hands threaten to burst through his rock hard skin as he clenched his hands into tight fists as his sides. He was battling with something, though I could only guess at what. The strain that settled over his features alarmed me slightly, tipping me off that whatever internal struggle he was having, I would not enjoy the outcome. His face was solemn as he stared down at me. "If you knew what you were saying, the danger I know you're in, you would thank me for what I plan to do."
"You will not hurt him," I growled at Edward, my eyes narrowed. Once again, I surprised myself at the fierceness in my voice. My sudden will to defend such a disgusting, loathsome creature in Edward's eyes was out of place, most certainly. I had no reason to protect James, no motivation behind it other than the sudden defensive jolt that pricked up the hairs on the back of my neck. Edward looked taken back by my display of loyalty, though he attempted to keep the shock from registering on his face.
"You will never know how I hate myself for allowing him to live," he mused, voice heavy and quiet with sadness. He brushed my cheek softly with his fingertips, causing me to shiver. I narrowed my eyes at him once more for making such a comment. The thought of Edward killing James would have once brought me comfort from the nightmarish dreams that plagued me when I knew he was existing. Given all that had passed between James and I, however, Edward's little wish made my defenses rise. He continued as though the sharp look I gave him had not made the least bit of difference. "None of this would ever have happened if I'd only protected you the way I should have. You would have continued to be safe, from all vampires. You wouldn't have been taken advantage of by some sick mind."
"He did not take advantage of me," I insisted, angrily. I had never experienced so many hostile emotions towards Edward, and I had certainly not expressed half of those which I had. That alone was a sign of how much had changed between the two of us.
"Don't say that, Bella," he commanded, glaring down at me without apology. His eyes were black as night and hard as stone as he stared into my eyes. "Don't you ever say that."
"No," I interrupted, cutting him off as he opened his mouth to continue in speaking. "No, it's the truth, Edward. He didn't take advantage of me, in the slightest. This is my life, my decisions. James hasn't done anything wrong."
Nothing that I needed to discuss with Edward, at that point, anyways.
He froze up, smelling the air tentatively and closing his eyes - listening, hearing thoughts and movements that were beyond me. James must have been in the vicinity, I had to assume. The thought alone sped up my heart rate in a way I knew was very wrong for the situation. I could tell he heard the change in my pulse, judging by the scowl that decorated his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose, composing himself as best he was able, though it did not seem to work.
"This isn't over, but it will be, very soon. And I can promise you, it isn't going to end well when it is," he warned me, his expression blackening. He was an entirely different person at that moment than I had ever seen him as, truly appearing to be a vampire. I cowered back from him, backing up against the wall in fear. It was one of the first times I had ever been trembling from fear in his presence, least of all from him. It seemed that my revelation about the consensual act that had been whatever he had mistaken for my having been taken advantage of had sent Edward over an edge he had been working hard to stay above.
Before I had blinked, Edward had disappeared. He was gone without a trace, leaving only his scent permeating the room, indicating his presence in it, and the door half open.