A/N: thanks to Vee for her wonderful review..:)
09/30/2007: I revised the chapter, after I noticed a few mistakes. Thanks Vee!:)
Enough!
He had tried.
He had tried to be the reasonable one. He had tried to understand. He had tried and tried more than he had ever done in his life.
He had scratched the end of the barrel and then some….he had gone against his very nature.
Now he had enough!
Enough with that fucking emotional roller coaster! Enough with Kate trying to get away! Enough with those fucking icy walls behind which Kate sought refuge.
He had tried. He honestly had.
As per usual he had failed!
Seth Gecko slowly got up from the bed, the pain on his ribs forgotten. Or, maybe, the fury he was feeling had erased anything else.
What a shitty way to wake up! To say that before falling asleep he had thought things with Kate were becoming finally simpler!
He had liked it that she had fallen asleep on his bed.
He had liked it that she had been smiling while she closed her eyes.
And he had been correct to her that night.
He had been a fucking boy scout…even when she had moved in her sleep and had ended up in his arms.
He hadn't taken advantage of that. Not that he hadn't been tempted, though.
Not that he hadn't given it a thought…but then she had started moaning in her sleep…and his plans to stop being a gentleman, wake Kate up and finish what they had almost begun had gone to hell.
Kate had started moving in her sleep, trying to break free from invisible enemies and had begun scratching her face with her nails.
Then she had screamed.
That's when he had shaken her by her shoulders and had woken her up…only to see her freaking out some more.
And Seth had had enough!
Kate was hiding in the bathroom now, there was just a door between them.
As if a closed door had ever stopped Seth Gecko! Without even bothering to put on a shirt, wearing only the jeans he had fallen asleep into the previous night, Seth stopped in front of the door, his arms on either side of it.
He took a deep breath. He was tired, very tired of playing St. Seth. He was a bastard, he was a son of a bitch and it was time for Kate to remember that.
It took a kick, only one kick to open the door.
He immediately saw her: she was resting her hips against the sink, and while he'd been busy finding the balls…his balls, lost somewhere for the past few days, before he decided to kick that door open, Kate had undressed, she was trembling wearing only her bra and panties, while water was running in the shower.
Although the room was hot and humid with the steam coming out from the shower, Kate was shivering.
And Seth couldn't care less.
"What the fuck is going on?" He asked, resting his hands on his hips.
The only answer Kate gave him was crossing her arms over her chest, refusing not only to speak but to look at him as well.
She didn't say, "You kicked the door open, you dickhead!"
She didn't even say, "What the fuck are you doing here, Seth?"
She didn't say a word.
Not. A. fucking. Word
He took a step toward her saying in a low voice, "I've asked you a question, Kate…what the fuck is going on?"
"Go away, Seth…" She said and her voice was a throaty whisper.
"No" He said. He took another step toward her, he didn't even stop when Kate said, "I'm serious, Seth…back off!"
Yet, she still wasn't looking at him.
And she was still shivering, and he noticed how goose bumps had covered the skin of her arms and stomach.
"Not a chance, sugar! You're going to tell me what the fuck has gotten into you!"
"Fuck you!" She roared and for some strange reason Seth was happy she had had that kind of reaction.
He knew fury, he knew how to deal with it, he knew how to use it. If nothing else... he knew how to answer to fury!
Kate charged him: she was quick, but he already knew that. It was the slap in the face which surprised him, so much that it took him a second before he even felt the skin burning and another second to block her, by taking her wrists in his hands, before she could hit him again, "Calm down, kiddo!" He said. He didn't even raise his voice.
He wanted answers, that time…and he was going to have them!
He strengthened his hold on Kate's wrists when she tried to break free. Kate was strong, six years spent killing vampires hadn't just given her scars and a nice collection of weapons to show off.
She was strong…but not enough for him, not now. She tried again to struggle and get free but soon stopped when she realized he wasn't going to let her go.
She looked at him, for the first time since she had woken up and Seth noticed her eyes were bloodshot…and she was too pale and her paleness made the bruises on her face look even more appalling.
"Get out of my life, Seth!" She hissed, still looking at him. And she was serious about it. She was as serious as a heart-attack.
And her words stung more than the slap she had given him.
Her harsh words stung so much that without even noticing the grip on her wrists lessened and she used his distraction to try and hit him again.
He once more blocked her attempts to hit him, more out of instinct than because he was really paying attention to anything except for Kate's hazel eyes and her lips pressed in a thin line.
He shook his head, realizing that the thought of hitting her to calm her down hadn't even crossed his mind. Kate was hysterical, and part of him thought that a good slap would make wonders for her actual state of mind…and yet he couldn't bring himself to.
It looked like Kate had reached his same conclusions…or perhaps she had read right through him, because she made him start, more out of surprise than pain, when hitting his chest with a closed fist she screamed, "Hit me, dammit!"
Kate moved to hit him again but then she let her hand fall and asked in a nasal voice, "Why?"
He could feel the anger inside of him, now. He could feel it roaring and it was so powerful that he had to clench his jaws and close his hands in fists to try and block it.
Why? She was asking him why wasn't he slapping some sense into her?
He flared his nostrils …the fury was still there, almost blinding, he took a step toward Kate and wasn't surprised when she didn't move, when she didn't step back.
That was enough to lessen part of the anger …although he didn't understand why.
He looked at her and hissed, "Because it's not who I am!"
Do you think this is what I am? This is not me!
He grabbed her wrists and that time, it was Kate who started. He looked at her, trying to meet her eyes although she was now trying to avoiding him, while he said, "Is that what you think of me?! Uh, Kate? Is that what you think I am?"
Kate tilted her head up, looking at him, she smiled and there was such loathing and grudge in that smile that his breath caught in his throat for a moment.
Not even when he had threatened to kill her father had Kate looked at him like that.
"I'm sorry Seth…I had forgotten you are not a fucking bastard!" Her voice had trembled as she said those words and so did her body.
And Seth noticed he was trembling, as well…from the inside. He let go of her wrists and Kate tilted her head down, hugging her arms, her long dark hair veiling her face.
Everything was clear, now.
Kate was afraid…of him.
Ever since they had crossed paths again she had been afraid. She had been afraid of having him in her life; she had been afraid of getting too close to him…just like she was afraid he'd leave her.
It was written all over her face, and it had taken just a few words for him to understand.
Mystery solved. End of the fucking emotional roller coaster!
It was clear, at least considering her last words that what he had told her six years before, still stung.
It was clear she hadn't forgiven him for leaving her.
He had known that story was bound to come up sooner or later. Those words had been hovering over them for six years…and had become a fucking stone. Seth was surprised it had taken them so long to mention it.
Even now, Seth clearly recalled the way Kate had shaken her head and squinted her eyes before asking him if he needed some company, while the sun, the hot weather of that Mexican morning made the nightmare they'd miraculously survived all the more real.
Hi sighed, aware of Kate's eyes on him and he looked at her: Kate was panting and there was sorrow in her eyes, now.
"Why?" She asked. And it didn't take a genius to understand what was referring to, now.
"I wanted to do the right thing," He eventually said, after long moments of silence. And it was the truth…or at least, part of it.
"The right thing? For whom, Seth? For you or for me?" Kate asked. And although her words were as hard as rocks, her voice was low…she sounded tired…exhausted.
Seth blinked his eyes. Was it so hard to understand for her?
"Fuck, Kate…for you! I wanted to do what was right for you! You were just a kid… I ain't a fucking boy scout, but sure as hell I'm not a creep…and besides you don't know what El Rey was, you have no idea!"
"I didn't want to be alone, Seth!" She murmured, her voice had been barely more than a whisper but it had stopped him. She hugged even more tightly her arms and said, "I didn't even know how to drive the Motor Home…I'd never learned…Scott did…and I was tired, I was so tired…"
Kate shook her head and clamped her mouth shut. She ran a hand through her hair and took a step back, turning toward the shower to turn it off, swearing under her breath when the hot water hit her hand, and Seth, just like a few minutes before couldn't help sighing.
Growing a conscience and falling in love sucked, he decided. Yet he couldn't help saying, "I'm sorry"
He didn't even realize he had said those words at the beginning; he stood still listening to his own voice murmuring, "I never meant it to end like this…"
He stopped.
What could he tell her? That he had forbidden himself to think about her, about what might have happened after he left her, alone, in Mexico? What could he tell her? That he had fucked things up, as usual, trying to fix things? Trying to make the right choice for once?
Could he tell her that a kid didn't belong with an ex con?
It was Kate who, eventually talked, saying in a low voice, "It doesn't matter any more. I meant it before…go away, Seth…"
She was calm now…and tired. Right now she looked older than her age. Much older.
"We can't continue this…trip together" Kate said. And Seth couldn't help noticing how much her voice had been shaky while she had said those words. Almost as if she had been on the verge of tears.
"Why?" It was Seth's turn to say that word, now. He took a step toward her, effectively trapping her.
Kate had covered her face with her hands as he got close to her; she tilted her head up and looked at him. Her eyes were dry and yet Seth could clearly hear tears in her voice when she said, "Because you'll leave…one way or another…because we'll get ourselves killed…and I can't allow that to happen, Seth!"
Seth frowned, puzzled. Did she really believe he would leave her? Did she think he would allow something to happen to her?
Kate had taken advantage of his puzzlement to take some steps away from him, she had put on an old white robe, she fastened it, hugging it against her body and without looking at him said, "It's funny, you know? I should have hated you…but I couldn't…
I should have hated you…instead" She sighed, "It was you…thanks to you I recalled I was still alive. I looked for you…I hoped to see you again.
I dreamed of you…"
Seth blinked once twice. So much for ending the fucking emotional roller coaster!
The fucking truth was that he was back on it…with a vengeance!
Kate loved him.
Kate Fuller loved him.
She hadn't uttered the three magic words…but who the fuck needed them anyway?
They were there, though, hidden in her nasal voice, in the way she was now looking at him.
Without pretences, without shields. Without lust.
It was just love….so strong that even he could recognize it!
Kate loved him.
It wasn't just sex.
It wasn't loneliness.
She loved him…and she wanted him to leave.
Was it just his impression or there was actually something very wrong and twisted in that idea?
"Kate" He started and was surprised by the softness…the love he could hear in his own voice. Kate looked surprised too, because she tilted her head on a side, and rested her back against the sink sighing. She looked at him and softly said, "I don't want to lose you too, Seth. I don't want to ram a stake in your heart. I don't want to see you exploding. I don't want to be forced to do that…I…" she tilted her head down and added in a whisper, "I wouldn't be able to do that…"
Seth understood, now.
He knew now what had happened.
He knew why Kate had freaked out.
He had been looking for answers about her erratic behavior when she had woken up…and now he had them.
Strange how he hadn't understood it right away: Kate had had the motherfucker of all the nightmares that night. And she was scared…more than that…she was terrified.
Maybe she had dreamt a different ending for what had happened the previous night in the alley or, maybe, the nightmare had been about that night at the Titty Twister…or God knew what. He wouldn't know for sure until he asked…what he knew, what he was sure of, was that he had been in Kate's dream…and she was now frightened.
"It was just a dream, Kate" He just said.
Kate jerked her head on his side, looking at him in surprise. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it immediately and shook her head.
"Got some news for you, sweetheart: I can take care of myself" Seth said. And his voice was once again sharp, he nibbled at his lower lip and closed the distance between them, not even aware at the moment that their bodies were now touching, and took her face in his hands, "And something else…I would never make you do what needs to be done. I'm quick, Kate. I'd do it myself. I'd never fuck you up like this!"
Kate pushed him away from her and screamed, "Don't you get it? I don't wanna see you die, Seth! I don't want to mourn you too! I don't have tears any more!"
Kate charged him maybe to try and hit him, but Seth stopped her before she could do anything. He grabbed both her wrists in his hands and pushed her against a wall, holding her arms up with his, pressing his body against hers while he said against her face, "I'm not going anywhere, Kate! I did it once…I'm not gonna do that again!"
"Please, Seth…" She pleaded and Seth noticed that she wasn't even trying to struggle. He had pinned her against the wall, blocking her with his weight…and she wasn't putting on a fight.
"I was wrong, Kate!" He said, "I am a fucking bastard!"
Fire.
Kate's eyes were lit up with fire, now. It looked like she had found her strength back: she struggled to get free from his hold. Seth strengthened his hold on her wrists while he said, "Look at me, Kate! I'm not going anywhere…do you hear me? "
There. He had said it! He wasn't going anywhere.
Not that time.
He wasn't going to run away. He was there…to stay.
Kate complied. She looked at him and Seth noticed how her efforts to break free became weaker and weaker until she stopped trying. She stopped struggling. She stopped fighting.
She stopped being afraid.
He saw it in her eyes, a second before he tilted his head down and claimed her lips with his.
Kate was his. She belonged to him.
The lips he was kissing with ever growing passion was his.
Her body, pressed against his, belonged to him.
Her fears, which were fading, kiss after kiss, second after second belonged to him.
Her tears…those belonged to him, as well…although he knew he wasn't going to allow anyone, anything to cause them.
He wasn't going anywhere. He was there to stay…
He tilted his head up, breaking the kiss, feeling breathless. Kate was breathless too, she was panting, while long brown locks, fell on her face flushed with passion, and her eyes were lucid…and the look in them was clear from shadows, from fear and doubts.
He let go of her wrists, while he still felt breathless.
She was his.
They locked gazes and once more their lips met, with the same passion, the same urgency, the same fire of the first time.
He wasn't sure when or how it had happened, but he was touching Kate's skin, now, while the robe had ended up pooling at their feet
Kate's hand sneaked between them and Seth frowned in surprise when it rested on his abdomen, on the bandaging he still had.
His…she was his. She belonged to him.
He smiled against her lips, when she couldn't help gasping in surprise when he scooped her up in his arms.
"Seth…" She panted against his lips. He kept kissing her, over and over, while he blindly walked on the bathroom's door and came back to their bedroom.
Enough.
No more interruptions. No more running away. No more past.
Seth Gecko was finally home.