Chapter Twelve: You Want Fries With That?

"So, Weasel, supposin' we say you're a super-smart alien stuck in a stinky, noisy, hungry teenage body. What would you do?"

"Hmm." The small rodent held his chin and considered for a moment, balancing on Abby's shoulder as she loped along the sidewalk. Counting off on his tiny fingers, he replied, "Bathe, alter my diet to consume less roughage, and find something to eat."

"Fair enough, given the question," said Number Five. "What would be your first choice of eats?"

"Given the alien in question seems to be an aficionado, I would have to say chili fries or some close cousin of theirs."

"Uh-huh. Now suppose you're also obsessed with getting your mitts around Ben Tennyson's neck or his Omnitrix, whatever comes first."

"I'd keep my enemy closer than my friends." The exchanged a long look. "If I had any."

"In other words, you'd stick close. Real close."

"Indeed."

"Closest source of gourmet chili fries to Tennyson right now is the Burger Shack at the mall."

"Slinkman assigned us Galaxy Gardens."

"Number Five never said we'd abandon our post. I'm just suggesting we swing on by the mall on our way to smell the flowers."

"It's not on our way."

"Is now, 'specially since Number Five is doing the walking. You in on this or what?"

The small weasel stood straight and true, holding onto her ear with one paw and pointed ahead with the other, his expression stern as he commanded, "Walk on!"

She chuckled. "Now we're making some progress."

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"So Double D, what made you pick the mall?"

"Well, Eddy, based on the statements of Kevin Levin and Gwen Tennyson, we can safely assume that Albedo will be found in close proximity to Ben Tennyson. Given that Ben's prefers the chili fries from Burger Shack and since said franchise by the Downtown Mall is the one closest to DexLabs headquarters, it occurred to me that's the most likely place for us to find him."

"Fi- find him? Wait a minute!" Eddy came to a dead stop. Ed plow full into him from behind, but Eddy braced his short legs and he yelled at the knitted cap atop Edd's head since it was the first bit of his friend he focused on. "You expect us to nab this Albino Ben don'wannabe dude?"

"Albedo," he corrected. He glanced at Ed, who was walking along a seam in the sidewalk, and then decided he would not do as backup in this debate. "Of course, Eddy. Why else would I request the most prominent Burger Shack location in Downtown?"

"Wait - you're serious."

"Yes."

"You picked the mall on purpose?"

"What did you think I was thinking?"

Eddy threw his hands wide, smacking Ed in the process. He offered no apology as he launched into a full-on fit of disbelief. "I dunno! I thought maybe you wanted to go look at chicks or something normal-ish!"

"I'm perfectly serious. If you haven't noticed, Mandy is the one who called us in for this mission."

"Mandy, shmandy. She said he was dangerous! Are you telling me you put us - me! Me, the quartermaster general for this army - in the line of fire without figuring out a way for us to completely dodge the issue first?"

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"So, Little Man-"

"That's KND Sector V Operative Number Four to you , pal!"

"That's a long name you got there, kid."

"It's not a name, it's a title! I'm a fully trained operative with more experience than you'd ever be able to remember!"

"Right. So where were we assigned?"

Wally braced himself, detesting the answer. "The Downtown Library," he muttered, looking away in disgust.

"Where?" asked Johnny Bravo, not catching on to what the blond boy said.

"TheDowntownLibrary."

"Is there a place in town that's a mumble? Because that's all I'm hearing outta you."

"The Downtown Library! The library!" he bellowed, hating the word. "What was that stupid slugs-for-brains slug thinking?"

"Library?" Johnny held his chin, thinking. "There might be cute librarians. Stick with me and I'll show you how to have babes throwing themselves at you."

"Because you're having so much success right now, sport," grumbled Number Four. So far Bravo had done nothing - nothing - but make gross pouty faces at every passing female and explain to his companion that each woman was so smitten with his manliness as to be rendered speechless. "There's nothing cute about libraries!"

Johnny gave him a long, over-the-glasses look. Number Four pointed up at him, hopping mad.

"Listen, Bravo, I'm not going to anywhere where there are so many books without pictures. I get hives. I mean, what's the point? The library? What's Albedo going to do, research Omnitrix removal methods? He's too smart to go to the library!"

"Hmm. I think you've got a point, Little Man. So what are you proposing?"

"Burger Shack!"

"They got cute waitresses?"

Wallabee Beetles struggled against the nauseating power of cute for a long moment before blurting out, "Yes!"

"Lead the way!"

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Edd swallowed, steeling himself with resolve. "Well, we're clever and he's not."

"Says Levin!" Eddy was silent for a moment, frowning as he processed this claim to wit. "So what's the plan?"

"I . . . don't have one. Yet," Edd hastily added. He resumed walking to the mall. "We'll have to . . . scope out the area and, and -"

"And hope someone else catches him first," muttered the shorter boy. Ed thrust his hands into his jacket pockets and moped along behind Edd.

"It's imperative we do everything within our powers to help restore Ben. Not only is he an integral aspect for our success against the invasion, but he's also a good friend and we can't stand by and allow him to suffer. He wouldn't hesitate to do the same for us!"

"It won't help his cause if we're the ones suffering!"

Edd whirled on him, fed up with his whining and stonewalling. "Then start coming up with a plan, Eddy! We're going to do everything we can to help Ben."

"All right, all right already." He raised his hands defensively. "Sheesh. First we scope. Then we plan. Then . . ."

"Then we catch Albedo."

"Right. Right. Hey, think Dexter would put up a reward for Alby's capture?"

Edd sighed as a long day just kept getting longer. "Does there always have to be a monetary reward attached to your services?"

"No," defended Eddy, catching Double D's annoyance and feeling a bit of sting at the implied criticism. "It just helps. A lot."

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"Doc, are we going in the right direction?"

He checked the digital readout on the screen before him as he drove their vehicle through the Downtown traffic. "According to the mobile satellite, yeah."

Drew Saturday shook her head, brushing a few stray hairs back behind her ears. "I don't mean that. Do you honestly think an alien who's single-mindedly trying to get his hands on the Omnitrix would be going to the skate park?"

"Putting it that way, it does seem like a stretch."

"Slinkman is trying to cover all the bases, but . . ."

"Albedo won't be at the skate park," concluded her husband. Blind in his right eye, Doc had to twist in his seat to see Drew. "So where would he be?"

"Eye on the road," she warned. "Where would he be? Albedo is in a teenage boy's body. We have a teenage boy. What would Zak do if he'd been on the move since sunup?"

It was a rhetorical question. Nonetheless, he replied.

"Eat," Solomon Saturday said with absolute conviction. "And Albedo likes chili fries."

She pointed an orange-gloved finger. "Burger Shack chili fries, to be exact."

He followed the gesture. In the complex surrounding the Downtown Mall, a garishly-colored sign stood out. Doc arched an eyebrow first at the fast-food joint, and then at his wife.

"Buy you some chili fries?"

Drew Saturday smiled. "It's a date."

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No matter how new they were Burger Shacks always seemed old. Perhaps it was the retro design that failed, or the prevalence of grease, or the outdated color scheme. It didn't matter. They looked antiquated the day they opened which, Edd reasoned, must be part of their aura and appeal. There was no denying that they made excellent chili fries, and Ben Tennyson was not alone in his addiction. Slightly more than a mile away from the main entrance of DexLabs headquarters, the bustling mall complex was as sleek and shiny and new as most of Downtown. Burger Shack stood out as an iconic eyesore, though the number of teenagers around it gave proof to its popularity.

"So . . ."

Eddy raised his hand. "Quiet. I'm scoping."

"When did red coats become so fashionable?" moaned Double D quietly. It seemed as if every third person was wearing red today.

They watched the restaurant for a few long minutes, slowly walking all the way around it from a safe distance. Eddy's eyes narrowed and he held his chin thoughtfully as he considered a plan of action. Despite his reluctance to work at anything that didn't directly profit himself and his immediate circle of friends, there was no denying that this was a prime spot for spotting a large portion of Downtown's teenage population and Albedo was as likely to show up here as anywhere else – even more likely since it was the source of chili fries closest in proximity to Tennyson.

Double D recognized a contemplative Eddy and said nothing to interrupt his thought process. Ed pranced around, convinced he was a horse.

"We need a man on the inside," Eddy abruptly announced. A cunning look came over him and he smiled slyly at his own genius. As they watched the Burger Shack, the back door opened and a tall, pimply, frizzy-haired teenage boy loped out and threw some trash into a nearby dumpster. "And I just found the way in."

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Number Two was supremely thrilled to have been partnered with the Scotsman. Almost all the children taking part in the war against Planet Fusion admired and respected the burly redhead. They called him 'Mr. Scot' and one of their favorite pastimes was to get him angry enough to launch into a lyrical tirade of which they might understand one in eight words. That they had no idea what he was ranting about did nothing to lessen their regard. Anyone who used a machine gun for a peg leg and could traipse around in a kilt deserved respect. Just as important, too, was the fact that he was a constant companion of Samurai Jack. The Japanese prince was undoubtedly the coolest of the cool, and an entire samurai sub-culture had sprung up in the army ranks resulting in topknots, conical straw hats, wooden sandals, and lots and lots of attempts at stoic, silent control. The Scotsman, of course, stood tall and growling as the dead opposite of Jack and had a boisterous following of his own. Kilts showed up almost as often as white kimonos, and claymore swords were second only to kitanas in bladed weapons of choice. Not surprisingly though, no petitions for the cafeteria to serve haggis or sushi were ever circulated.

"Now!" barked the Scotsman to Number Two. He gestured angrily at the waterfront and the busy river port. "Tha' muckle son of a slug is as daft as putting corsets on cows! The alien lad ain't coomin' ta here! What's he want to doo with shippin'? And if tha' worm'd get his eyestalks out of his arse he'd see as much!"

It took Hoagie a few moments to translate the heavy brogue to something he could grasp. "But Mr. Scot, Assistant Scoutmaster Slinkman wanted us to cover as much of Downtown as we could, just in case."

"Joost in case? O'what, MacGilligan? 'Tis foolishness and naught else that' we're standin' here like two gawping lumps! Come along with ye!"

Number Two hesitated for a moment, then hurried to catch up with his assigned companion as he slumped along, back the way they had come. "Where are you going? We can't leave!"

"Wheesht, I'd like ta see ya try and stop me now, laddie," said the man with a toothy grin.

"But - but where are you going?"

This was disobeying orders. This was rebellion. Insubordination. Mutiny. Then again, he was dealing with a Highlander.

"Where we can do our bit o'good for the Tennyson lad afore his mind turns to somethin' ya side-step in a barnyard."

"Where?"

"Man's got to eat now, doesn't he?"

"You want to go eat? But-"

"Not me, ya dolt!" He leaned over, his crazed blue eyes wide as he willed the KND to understand. "Albeedoo."

Hoagie's brain clicked into gear. "Chili fries. Burger Shack."

"Aye. Come on now."

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"Right. This is getting us absolutely nowhere."

The leader of the KND in Sector V lowered his binoculars as he scanned the parking lot of the local S Mart. He glanced over his shoulder at his companion, then looked quickly away when he saw Billy's finger up his nose. He knew exactly why he'd been teamed up with this world-class idiot - to keep him from ruining everything - but that certainly didn't mean he had to like or accept such measures.

"But Numero Uno, aren't we somewhere here now?"

He fought the urge to sigh. "Yes. Billy, this is where we part ways."

Tears immediately sprang up in Billy's watery blue eyes and his chin trembled in a dramatic display of completely misplaced emotional anguish. "But the escalators! The buttons! I was gonna press them all!"

Nigel rolled his eyes as tears flew far and wide. "Listen. You're going to go on ahead and check the S Mart. Check every bit of it."

"What for?"

"Albedo."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Nothing so exciting. Something quite boring, in fact. I'm going to go stare at a car-hop."

Billy took a shuddering breath. "That's the bravest thing I've heard! I'm gonna miss you, Numero Uno. Maybe we'll meet up in paradise!"

"Or back at headquarters," he muttered. "Remember, check everywhere. Albedo has white hair and red eyes and looks like Ben."

That was the wrong thing to say. Billy's primitive thought process jammed.

"But Ben's gots brown hair!"

"Albedo's face looks like Ben's. Just his coloring is different. Now go. Be careful. Report in to Slinkman when you've done your sweep. And Billy - we're all counting on you!"

As tense as a thoroughbred at the gate, Billy clenched his teeth in determination and resolve. "All right. Let's do this! I'm gonna shop smart! I'm gonna shop - S Mart smart!"

With a wild battle cry he tore through the parking lot toward the doors of the department store, waving his arms and pausing now and then in his yell to draw a ragged breath. Nigel didn't linger, but immediate hurried away, bent on putting as much distance between himself and Billy as physically possible. He missed seeing Billy mistime his entrance and slam into the sliding glass doors, but as luck would have it, his nose cushioned the impact.

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". . . Skip, skip, skip to my Lou! Skip to my Lou, my darlin'!"

Laughter and giggles mingled together as Number Three and the Grim Reaper pranced along, hand-in-hand and ignoring the odd looks they were getting from all quarters.

"Ah, Number Three, I haven't had this much fun since the last pandemic!"

"Do you know Deep in the Heart of Texas?" she gushed.

"Do I? I remember reaping the soul of the man who wrote it! The stars at night-"

"Are big and bright!"

They clapped thrice in unison and sang together, "Deep in the heart of Texas!"

Skipping and singing, it was pure luck and nothing else that sent them toward the mall.

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Tennyson was close by. Albedo could feel it as he trudged along the sidewalk, his feet aimed toward the so-called heart of the city. Some primal sense inherent to this body told him that the boy who held the key to escaping this form and this planet was not so very far away. Holed up in DexLabs, no doubt, hiding behind layers and layers of security and primitive technology and that red-headed freak Dexter. Albedo had been thrilled to hear of the misfortune that had befallen Tennyson. It came as no surprise that anyone so stupid would damage the Omnitrix. He had no idea of what Tennyson had done this time - he would have too see the device for himself to know for certain - but he was certain that whatever had happened was the fault of his twin. Word had it that the damage was exceedingly painful, and the thought filled him with malicious delight.

Considering that Tennyson was responsible for him being trapped here and in this form, it couldn't hurt enough for Albedo.

He hated this place called Terra - its smells, its denizens and their notion of visionary design, and its lack of sanitation. Nothing could be worse than the inhabitants, these humans, though, and as luck would have it, he was captured in the body as the very worst of them. Ben Tennyson revolted him - his height, his ungainly form, his big feet, his breath in the morning. There was nothing about this body to recommend it. It tired easily and needed constant rest, refueling, and attention. It made foul noises and smells at inopportune moments and carbonated beverages produced some spectacular effects. The extra finger made his hands clumsy and this gross stuff called hair - little better than fibrous protein cells growing from his head - refused to comply with his attempts to control it, nor could he command it stop growing and annoying him.

The only advantage he'd found in occupying a human body versus a Galvan one - and he would happily do without - was a heightened sense of taste. Of course this led to a preference for certain foods, which led to cravings, which led him astray.

Like right this moment for example.

All the things he hated most about occupying Ben Tennyson's wretched body were exemplified in this moment. He was tired. He was hungry. He was cranky.

He wanted chili fries.

Now.

How he both loved and detested the delicacy. It was delicious, but a badge of enslavement to carnal pleasures. Perhaps it was some animal homing instinct or an enhanced sense of smell or perhaps some survival drive that brought him here.

Burger Shack.