CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Under the shed, I waited for the bus that would drop me off back in town.

Everything was just terrible.

My soggy socks. My damp hair. The mascara smudged all over my eyes. The cold. The weather. The lightning. And my feelings.

I still remembered that day when Edward Cullen managed to charm me with just one smile. In a matter of weeks, he got me interested and made me care. In a matter of months, he became the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing before I went to bed. And I always died a little inside every time I had to wonder and couldn't know.

But that was okay. He just had to come back, and we could apologize to each other. He couldn't have all the dignity to himself and casually walk out – even if I had asked for it.

I didn't remember feeling so much disappointment in my life, not even when my mom chose to live with her boyfriend over me.

And I felt miserable that I was disappointed, because feeling that way was just selfish of me – petty even. I thought I'd already learned this lesson; I thought I'd learned this back in Phoenix when I realized that it was pure ignorance on my part to feel disappointment; I learned that the anger I directed toward my mom was completely uncalled for. I had been ignorant to think that someone else was the cause of the disappointment I felt; I knew that I had no right to blame anyone – at least not because a certain someone didn't fulfill my wishes the way I wanted. The only sure thing I could do was blame myself, the one who expected a little too much.

Here in Forks, I was learning it all over again. I should have known better than to expect a little too much when it came down to Edward Cullen, especially since I knew he was trouble.

But was he worth that trouble? I still couldn't be too sure, but yeah, he probably was.

I just wished he would give me the chance to say that to him.

I glared at the gray sky, blinking as small raindrops plattered on my face. Legs kicking beneath me, I swayed up and down on the swing. Up and down. Up and down, relentless. Higher and higher. The crisp air felt quite refreshing.

I was keen to get home, but I wasn't too sure if I could make it safely in this kind of weather – especially when I was so terrified of the thunder. The lightning flashes seemed to have stopped, but it was too early to make any assumptions. I certainly hoped they had, though, because otherwise, I was pretty much stuck here in the Forks Elementary School playground.

I was briefly considering walking home when I saw a tall figure heading in my direction.

Tall. Pale. A redhead.

Edward?

I panicked.

Damn it. I wasn't ready to face him yet.

But he was already closing the distance; he stopped when he was just a step away from me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked hesitantly. "Why aren't you home?"

"My truck's still at school." I stared at his legs, hard, as if that would turn me invisible. My hands fell from the swing ropes and to my sides, now plucking at the fabric of my jacket. "And I can't drive right now. So."

"Why aren't you in your truck, then?"

"I don't want to."

"I thought you were scared of the lightning."

"I am."

"Well, it's going to rain harder soon. You're going to catch your death in this weather."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. Where's your umbrella?"

"Where's yours?"

"In my car." He gently placed a baseball cap on my head, surprising me. The brim nicely shielded my face from the rain. "Let me drive you."

I stared, confused.

"Please?" he added quietly.

I didn't say anything, waiting, but he said nothing else after that.

I didn't get it.

"Is that…" I trailed off, unsure. "Is that why you're here?"

Something in his eyes came alive. "What, is that not good enough of a reason?"

Then his eyes turned cold again, and I just nodded slowly, his words sinking in just as slowly. "Oh. Okay. I see how this is."

Humiliated and oddly hurt, I felt the strongest urge to hide somewhere. I felt like such a fool.

I ignored him when he poked my foot with his. When he did it again, I pulled my foot away.

"Bella. Are you listening?"

I couldn't look up. "What do you want me to say?"

"Oh, so we can't even talk now?" The swing came to a perfect still when his hands gripped the ropes steady. He nudged my legs open and came in between them so he could level his face to mine; he kept trying to make me look. "Hey, don't do that. If you're angry with me, then get angry with me."

He tipped my face up against my will, and at last, I was met with Edward Cullen's blank expression.

"Get angry for what?" I said softly, my eyes searching his face. "I mean, do you know what I was thinking before you came here? I was thinking that you're worth the trouble you seem to be. And that I want to tell you that and that I'm sorry. And I was here, trying to build up my courage to apologize to you."

For a while, it was as though the two of us were engaged in a staring – no, glaring – contest.

"But you?" I tried to go on, but I was having trouble controlling my emotions. "But you, Edward?"

His poker face was unsettling, and I was slowly losing my composure.

"Wow." I blinked slowly, dazed. "But you're really not sorry, are you?"

I was losing this battle. I knew that, but I really lost when tears started to blur my vision.

"Can't you just say one little sorry to me?" I said, both angry and sad. "Say you're sorry. For disrespecting me. For taking advantage of me. And for treating me like –"

I stopped. He should know.

I wiped away a stray tear and quickly put my head down to cover my eyes.

"Darn it," I whispered, lowering the cap brim in embarrassment.

And he didn't say anything for a very long time and – "God, I'm such a fucking asshole."

I stared hard at my lap. I never blinked once, but tears kept falling on my thighs.

"Ah, shit, please don't cry." He hovered awkwardly for a moment before tentatively brushing away a tear with his thumb. "I'm not really good with crying girls."

A crazy laugh managed to slip out of me. "But I thought you were good with girls."

"Clearly not, since I haven't got a clue how to be good with you." He sighed tiredly. "Hey, come here for a sec."

I shook my head no, so he came to me instead and brought me into his arms.

It was awkward, with our height difference and the way I was sitting and he standing, but his body was warm and big and completely and tightly wrapped around mine – it was comforting.

"I am sorry," he said at last, digging his nose into my temple. "For being a guy."

"I just –" A tear slipped out again. In an attempt to hide, I buried my face into his shoulder. "I just don't want to be boring or easy to you."

"Easy, maybe." He ignored my grimace, and grinned. "But boring? Never."

I sniffled and cracked a weak smile. "I'm sorry too… for being a girl."

We looked over at each other, our eyes connecting at last. I laughed quietly to myself, and he caught on. The look he gave me was warmer than it was before. Much, much warmer.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

Edward grinned. "Like what?"

"Like that."

"Maybe I like the way it looks on you."

"What?" My eyebrows furrowed together. "The baseball cap?"

He simply ground his palm onto my head, and unable to resist, I took the hat off to get a look at it. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "If it isn't one of the Varsity Volleyball team's famous goods."

"This one's just for the team, though. Very exclusive stuff."

"So what, are you going to let me have it?" His eyes turned vacant, and I doubled over with a small laugh. "I'm just kidding."

"Wait, no." He crouched on his knees. "Why not?"

"I was just kidding."

"No, seriously. Take it."

"This has your initials. Your jersey number. And you're the Captain. The Captain Edward Cullen. MVP of the Region." I curiously studied his face, the strange reddish brown hair, and his pale neck that was revealed several inches above his collar. "All the girls in our school would kill to have this."

"Except one, right?"

I smiled. "Except one."

I was struggling inside, wondering. I never seemed to be able to settle my mind around him; Edward Cullen was messing with my head.

"Okay, fine." I shrugged a little. "But no complaining when I put it up for the school auction next week."

"How about you wear it to my last game of the season? Also next week."

"What, like your very own cheerleader?" I scoffed. "No thank you."

And then his finger started to draw something on my knee, and I couldn't think anymore.

Soft determination solidified in his eyes. I didn't know what it was about until his lips brushed against mine in a small kiss. In a moment of alarm, I smacked his head.

He cursed. "What was that for?"

"What were you doing?"

He frowned. "Trying to kiss you?"

I looked at him in disbelief. "You truly surpass all my expectations."

He watched me, annoyed – frustrated, even – and he remained silent for a long time.

"Honestly," he finally continued, "do I look like a capable boyfriend to you?"

"What?"

But he just stood there before me with a slight scowl and serious eyes.

I really took him in, then – not just the color of his hair, the shape of his eyes, or the type of clothes he was wearing but also everything else that I knew about him so far. All his scars and flaws.

I wanted to breathe in his tenderness and romance and everything he could and could not offer. But if he was offering something and was more than willing to give it, I would take it happily.

I left the question unanswered and simply held out a hand for him to grasp. With several steps forward, he did.

"How about you take me to your house for a bit?" I whispered up to him.

"Yeah?" He squeezed my hand. "You want to?"

"Mhm, is that okay? I think I should clean myself up a little before I really go home; Charlie's going to flip if he sees me like this."

"All wet and dirty, you mean?" Laughing at my blushing, dumbfounded face, he lightly knocked a finger on the cap brim. "It really does look better on you. Keep it. Wear it to my game."

"Okay."

"Don't put it up for auction, though."

I smiled a little. "I won't."

And he smiled back.

It was as if the rift between us was never there. I just hoped that he and I would last.

Edward tossed me his leather jacket before starting the engine and turning the heat on high.

He put away the baseball cap in my backpack for me as I brought his jacket up to my chin and tucked my freezing toes under my folded legs. Through the windshield, I could see the wind carrying the leaves and the rain; it was now much harsher than just the regular Forks drizzle.

"Do you think it's okay to drive?" I asked, concerned.

"The rain's not too bad now. But school's probably going to get canceled tomorrow if this gets worse."

An unanticipted clap of thunder caused me to jump.

"Jesus." Breathing hard, I clutched onto my startled heart. "I thought the lightning stopped."

"Here."

A set of earphones landed on my lap.

I barely registered what was happening as he plugged them in my ears and turned on his iPod. Immediately, the disconcerting melody of hard metal rock overwhelmed me.

Another lightning flashed in front of us, but I couldn't hear it anymore. In fact, all I could hear was the music.

Edward raised an eyebrow, smirking, and mouthed, "Good?"

I nodded dumbly and watched with bated breath as he leaned across me and buckled me up.

I tugged one ear bud out. "Hey, Edward?"

"You can change the music. I just thought the louder the better."

"No, that's not it."

Without thinking, I pushed his wet hair off his forehead. His hands stilled as a sly grin formed on his mouth, and his eyes on me were so green; I'd never seen prettier eyes.

I laughed, a little woodenly. "Darn it, I really must be insane."

"I could have told you that."

I shook my head, staring deeply into his eyes. "I must have really liked you before to still like you now." I felt brave, so I touched his hand. "What do you think about that?"

"This doesn't feel like the first time."

"It's not."

"Does this mean I can kiss you now?"

I nodded yes.

"You aren't going to slap me again, right?"

I didn't get a chance to reply; his talking lips were already brushing against me with the slightest touch.

I simply trailed a hand down the side of his jaw and pulled his lips closer to mine.

He sort of laughed. "Thank God."

And he was all over me.

The way he kissed took my breath away. I grabbed onto his shoulders, because all I knew was that I wanted him closer, and the other ear bud also fell out of my ear. As the music left me completely, it was quickly replaced by his ragged breaths that made my heart race. He latched his hands on the window behind me and propelled onward, just going, going, going at it –

Another lightning stroke, and I went rigid.

Edward let out a low curse. He broke away and let his forehead fall on my collarbone.

"This is just lovely," he said, breathing hard. "Even the weather's against me."

I counted to ten before bravely pulling him back into a kiss, catching him off guard.

What was this? This feeling like I was falling, and at the same time, flying?

"You're so cold," he mumbled into my mouth as he eased me into his arms. "We gotta start driving, or you're going to freeze to death."

"Doesn't matter." I kissed him deeply. Would I ever get enough of him? "You're more important."

He stayed frozen for a second before smiling against my lips. My lips curved up also, and our teeth clacked together.

He began to laugh, while still kissing, and whispered, "You seriously have to sort out your priorities, Bella Swan."

"You look like a vampire."

I snorted. "Oh, thanks, because that's what every girl wants to hear."

I was trying to wipe off the mascara smudge under my eyes when Edward brought the towel around his neck and rubbed it in my hair.

"Stop!" I said, laughing hysterically. "I'm ticklish!"

He beamed, all mischievous. "Just trying to get you dry."

I tried to look reluctant. And I hoped he didn't notice the way I pressed my back into his front.

"There, now you look like your normal pretty self again," he finally said, placing his hands on my shoulders from behind me. Through the bathroom mirror in front of us, I could see his face. "Eh, maybe your lips are still kind of too blue, but that's okay."

I rolled my eyes and flipped down the toilet lid to sit on it. As he toweled his own hair, I opened my phone to check the time and was relieved that I still had a few hours till my curfew.

"It's only eight," he said, as if he knew what I was thinking. "You sure you don't want to have a quick shower?"

"Mhm," I said distractedly as I replied to the five worried text messages Charlie had sent.

"Okay. Well, you might want to step out for a bit."

I shut my phone and looked up to see a shirtless boy unbuttoning his pants.

My eyes went wide.

"I think I'm going to have one," he explained, now jumping up and down to slip out of his wet jeans that were clinging to his legs.

I quickly ducked my head. "Why are you harrassing me?"

"Oi, sorry. Just wanted to see some color return to your cheeks."

He definitely completed that task successfully. "You're not naked, are you?"

"Guess."

"Fantastic," I mumbled, still looking discreetly at the floor tiles. "Where's the door again?"

"Over there."

I refused to look up. "Where?"

"There."

"Where?"

Edward snickered and pushed me gently toward the general direction. "Walk straight."

When I closed the door behind me, I slid down against it. It was only when Carlisle found me and said hi that I was able to stand back up.

Carlisle led me into the kitchen.

"I made some hot chocolate," he told me as he gestured for me to sit on one of the stools. "You know, just in case someone came over."

I sat down, vigilant. Something about his smirking eyes told me that he had been expecting me, specifically.

I'd finished about a third of the drink when he spoke again.

"So tell me, Bella." His eyes were now firmly planted on the standing figure beside me – his son – who had just entered the room and joined us. "My son leaves for school with a giant smile, comes home with a confused frown, and rushes back out in the rain only to bring a soaking wet you home with him… What transpired?"

Before I could even open my mouth, Edward shut me up by shoving my face into his bare stomach.

"Ignore Carlisle." He wrapped a hand around my neck and patted my cheek that wasn't touching his navel. He looked extremely uneasy. "I do."

Carlisle rose from the counter he was leaning against and shot one meaningful look at his son.

"It's the little things that matter, Ed," he said. "Pay attention to the details, and you won't be sorry again."

He lightly punched his son on the arm before leaving the room.

Carlisle's words bothered me as much as they seemed to bother Edward. I awkwardly shifted my weight on the seat, stealing glances at the boy next to me.

"We should get moving," he said suddenly, already out of sight and in the hallway.

By the time I reached him at the front door, he had pulled on a shirt and a coat. His back was to me as he tied his shoelaces.

"Ask."

I startled. "What?"

He glimpsed at me from over his shoulder. "You seem like you want to know why I went to find you today. So ask."

I paused, unsure. "So why did you?"

He stood up then, facing me, and just barely smiled. "I remembered your fruit cake."

"My… what? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Many things." He opened the door for me as I clumsily stuffed my feet into my own shoes. "Making fruit cake instead of carrot cake. Making sure you get home safely in the weather you hate." He looked to his feet. "That kind of stuff."

Hands in his coat pockets, he now waited for me from below the porch steps.

And I had no idea what to say, but I settled with: "Has anyone told you that you're really weird?"

He snickered and glimpsed blatantly at me. "I was repeatedly told by a Bella Swan, so yes."

I leaned against the doorway, slightly chagrinned. "You could be so close, but when I really reach out for you, I realize that you're actually so far away that I'd probably never be able to reach you. Never."

"Maybe." He shrugged. "But no one's reached out as far as you have."

As Edward had guessed, school got canceled the day after due to a thunderstorm that worsened through the rest of the night and well into morning. It was afternoon now but still pouring outside.

I had just woken up from a nap on the couch to the rattling sound of my living room window.

Listening to the raindrops ricocheting off the rooftops, I restlessly rolled over again and again and shoved my face into the cushions. For a long while, I kept my eyes closed; all I could see and think about was him. I wanted to see him. Talk to him.

I finally got up and repositioned myself in the seat by the window, absently watching the swirling leaves and the gray water sliding down the cement.

Damn it. Why did school have to get canceled?

I was dialing his number when my phone buzzed.

Caller ID: Edward Cullen

I picked up, breathless. "Hello?"

"Hey, someone's happy to hear from me," he sniggered amusedly. "You okay there? No lightning, right?"

"Yep, I'm good." He had no idea how much he'd just brightened up my day. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course. I didn't get much sleep, though."

"Same. I just took a nap." Smiling, I distractedly began to trace a circle on the fogged-up window with a finger. "So what's up?"

"I just wanted to say something," he said, sounding oddly and unfamiliarly vulnerable. "But now I called, I don't really know how to put this."

"Sounds serious," I teased.

"I am serious."

"Oh." My finger stopped. "What is it?"

He hesitated. "Bella, all of this looks really great and even perfect right now, but in time, it's not going to be."

My eyes furrowed. "Huh?"

"And I just do what feels right for me, and you're probably never going to truly have me. Is that okay? Would you still want me even if what I just said is true?"

I blinked. "Edward…"

"Yes or no?"

"You already know the answer." My face turned pink, and even though he couldn't see me, I ducked my head as I nervously moved the phone to my other ear. "Seriously, is everything all right? This is really –" I snorted. "It's like you're asking me to be your girlfriend or something ridiculous –"

"I think that's what I'm doing. You tell me."

My heart rate spiked, and I couldn't think of anything to say except his name.

"Bella," he echoed.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"Then tell me what you're thinking."

"I – what I'm thinking? I don't know what I'm thinking. But what I do know is that – that I know that I like you more than you could ever like me and –" Oh, no, I was saying much more than I should. "God, I just wish I could know what you're thinking, Edward. Please tell me what you're thinking."

"Me? I'm thinking that I'm done waiting." He paused. "Are you?"

He really was serious.

I squeezed my eyes close. "I don't think this is a good idea."

"We'll see."

"So what if I say yes?" I brought the phone closer to my ear with both hands, desperate. "What if… what is this, then?"

"This… is going forward."

Silence.

"Then I want to go forward."

"With me."

"With you," I echoed. "But no more holding back, okay?"

"I won't hold back."

"And please don't hurt me," I whispered.

"I only want to be good to you."

The sound of rain seemed to fade away, and all was quiet after that.

There were more romantic things he could have said, but I couldn't think of anything.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please help me pimp out this story! Oh - and yes, B and E are finally together! But more drama to come ;) Please leave me a review!