Ch. 14 Running Like a Fat Penguin in the Summer

AN: this will be the second to the last chapter in this story. As for dedications, I dedicate this chapter title to my friend Vance for his crazy analogies. Last Chance guess at the riddle! Thanks to Jeweltheif500 for their guesses. I'm sorry they aren't right, but their creativity makes me wish they were. On with the story!

Harry laid stretched out in the sunlight. The warmth of the sun felt good on his skin, but the scattered cloud coverage reassured that he wouldn't be burned. There was no feeling worse than a burned torso.

He was back in England, living the dream. Although Voldemort was still alive, his best friends were taking a field trip in the After Life and Death Eaters were trying extra hard to kill him, there was something about the day that filled Harry with contempt. It had to be one of three things that were currently running through his mind that put him in such a good mood.

Returning to the war laden country was rather bittersweet. The Order was amazed to see James and Lily back from the dead. Explaining that they were never dead dead, just mostly dead took days to finally sink in and through that time Harry had to summon the courage to explain what happened to Ron and Hermione. The Weasleys handled the information well, much to everyone's surprise. Harry felt that it was because he left out the part where he could have just had them walk through the train station in order to be alive again, but that was a snippet of information that he would take to his grave.

As for Voldemort, he didn't take James and Lily being alive lightly. He was fuming. There would be days that, despite lessons in occlumency, Harry would be in a haze due to the searing pain in his scar. When these days occurred, the Boy Who Lived, Died, Then Lived Again (as Fred and George had taken to calling him) seriously contemplated setting up a date with Voldemort so that he could destroy the man. The only thing holding him back was the fact that no one knew that Malfoy had shown up in Arizona and destroyed all the Horcruxes, including the one that was apparently living inside of him. That, and his futurely insight told him to wait until Ron and Hermione were back from their trip to Hell.

Harry turned over onto his back, letting himself feel like a regular teenage girl. A feeling he'd never had the opportunity to feel like a normal teenage boy in his life, so he had to settle with a teenage girl. Laying beside him was the love of his life, Ginny. Since they were sunbathing together like tight girlfriends, Harry decided the teenage girl thing to do was boil her with questions about boys.

"So, Ginny, do you have a crush on Link?" He asked teasingly.

"Who's Link?" Ginny asked, looking up from the latest copy of "Witch Weekly".

"Nevermind, you're no fun to girl talk with," Harry puffed.

"You're a guy, Harry."

"Well, what do guys my age talk about? You're my future wife, so enlighten me for when I go out clubbing."

"One, why would you go clubbing?" Ginny was beginning to question whether the man beside her was indeed, Harry Potter.

"Fan girls who, through the power of the Internet and writing, have me do weird things like kill the Dursleys, put green and silver streaks in my hair, waggle my eyebrow suggestively all the time, have me fall in love with Voldemort and Snape. You know, the kind of fans that would have a sparrow with a machine gun sitting in a tree."

"Ew! Why would you fall in love with a man that wants to kill you, or someone who loathes you?" Ginny's face was a slight tinge of green.

"I don't know but for such reasons, I need to know teenage guy talk."

"Well, my brothers always talked about quidditch, food, and girls," Ginny suggested. "Food, quidditch, girls, got it." Harry paused. "So, How 'bout that Brittany Spears? You think she's hot?

"No, and I never will."

"Why not?"

Ginny was about to tell Harry to shut up and go away when a blinding white light hit the couple. From the light emerged Ron and Hermione. Hermione looked scared and puzzled at the same time while Ron showed nonchalance. He had on an "I Heart Redemption" shirt, obviously from the Purgatory Gift Shop.

"Ron, Hermione! You're alive again!" Harry jumped up, pulling his friends into a group hug.

"Hey Harry, Hell's a bitch," Ron commented. "Hermione wouldn't stop swooning!"

"Not uh!" Hermione cried indignantly.

"You did too!" Ron retorted.

"Shut up!" Ginny screamed. "I can't take this anymore!" She stormed inside the Burrow, muttering angry things under her breath.

"What's her problem?" Ron asked Harry.

"She has a crush on Link," Harry replied simply.

"Who's Link?"

"No idea."

The Trio laughed and followed Ginny inside. They Flooed over to Grimuald Place where the latest Order meeting was taking place. Arthur, Molly, Bill, Fred and George were elated to see that their family was whole again. When the Weasleys were done embracing their lost family, the rest of the Order had their turn at welcoming back the two and Harry introduced them to his parents, who weren't in plastinated bodies.

Later, after the meeting was adjourned and dinner was eaten, Harry, Ron ans Hermione sat in Harry's room in Gordric's Hollow.

"So, what happened with Voldemort?" Hermione asked. "You did destroy him, didn't you?"

"No," Harry flipped the page in his Quidditch monthly magazine.

"Why not?" Ron asked, looking over Harry's shoulders to see the score from the latest Chudley Cannons game. "Damn. Lost again."

"I was waiting for you guys," Harry answered.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't want you to miss that crazy after parties in the Great Hall."

"What happened to the Horcruxes?" Hermione continued, pulling a book of her own.

"Malfoy destroy them out of boredom."

"How could Malfoy have known about them?"

"I don't know Hermione. The guy's probably been following us around. He was at a muggle establishment. And we all know a Malfoy's stand on muggles.

"Hates them," Ron said to no one.

"But were they destroyed? You have to destroy them in a special way since you are ultimately destroying someone's soul." Hermione reminded them.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" Harry called and leaped from his bed. He had never voluntarily left his room to see who was at the door and was waiting for someone to drop by so that he could savor the experience.

Harry ran past his parents, unable to contain his excitement over answering the door to his house. He'd probably invite the poor soul in and give him a grand tour of the quaint cottage.

"Harry, NO!" James hollered, trying to grab his son's arm and pull him back. Unfortunately, it was too late and Harry had already flung the door open with abroad smile on his face. The smile instantly failed when he saw who it was on the other side.

"Good Evening, Harry Potter," Voldemort said cooly, stepping into the house. He was armed with Death Eaters who quickly restrained Lily, James, Ron, and Hermione.

"Don't kill Harry!" Lily sobbed, struggling to break free.

"Oh, I don't plan on killing him," Voldemort said calmly. "I came here simply to chat and have tea."

"Really?" Hermione asked.

"No, you stupid cow! Of course I'm here to kill him!" Voldemort raised his wand, raising the objections and pleas of the restrained. Harry, although stunned, instinctively had his wand out.

"Now, before you kill me, I just have one thing to say," Harry stated. He turned to Ron. "Ron, you're my best friend ever...and Hermione, but I've always thought your family as the English speaking, ginger, Von Trapp not family singers."

"Alright, you're off your rocker, mate, but alright," Ron nodded. Harry took a deep breath and turned back to face Voldemort. "Let's just skip the commentary and get to the fighting part. I want to try and get a full eight hours of sleep every night.

"Of course," a cold smile spread across Voldemort's face. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

"EXPELLIARMUS!" Harry cried. The red spell from his wand ripped through the green killing curse, throwing Voldemort back.

A tense silence filled the house as both Death Eaters and Order members held their breath. Their eyes were transfixed on the still form of Lord Voldemort.

"I beat the Dark Lord!" Harry exclaimed happily. His family cheered accordingly and the Death Eaters fled the scene. They didn't get far before met with a slew of Order members who were informed of the attack when Remus, the Potters' new secret keeper, checked went to check in with the family and saw Voldemort.

"Is everyone alright?" Remus asked, entering the house.

"Yes," Lily muffled from the tight embrace she gave Harry. James, seeing Harry's flushed face, pulled Lily away.

In that moment and man in khaki pants and a red Staples shirt appeared in the room. The man was holding a button, which he presented to Harry. Harry pushed the button.

"That was easy," the button said.

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Harry said.

AN: yay! No Voldy! Remember to guess at the riddle! Last chance. And for last minute guess submitters, I will not update for a few days. Review the chapter please!