Rachel had been staring at her girlfriend's face as she sat by her bedside for the best part of three hours. She had refused to leave for anything, and after numerous attempts from several members of the nick and Terry, they had all given up, reasoning that she was where she thought she needed to be and no one was going to be able to tell her otherwise. Rachel watched intently as Millie gave a slight sigh in her sleep, and as she shifted slightly in the hospital bed she inhabited. Her eyes opened slowly, as if scared of what she might see. Millie's eyes immediately fell upon Rachel.
"Rach…." Murmured Millie softly as she closed her eyes again.
"Hey, how are you feeling sweetheart?" Rachel asked, taking Millie's hand and entwining it with her own.
"Head 'urts" She mumbled a moment later.
"The doctor said that was to be expected, do you want me to go and ask them for some painkillers?" Rachel asked, staring at her face with a worried expression.
"No." Millie said a little more clearly as she opened her eyes and shuffled until she sat up straighter.
"How's your memory?" Rachel asked, almost willing the answer was what she was hoping.
"It's ok I guess. I remember everyone at the nick, my life and more importantly you and how we ended up together." Millie said a little coldly.
"Is.. Is something the matter?" Rachel asked, picking up on the cold tones.
"I need to ask you something. And I want an honest answer."
"Ok, what is it?" Rachel asked, trying to keep her voice from going higher.
She had been dreading this part.
"The tape, did you know about it?" Millie asked, staring at her intensely.
Rachel paused for a moment before answering. If she said yes, Millie would most likely yell at her to get out and break up with her. If she said no, she would be lying and it would only bite her in the backside somewhere down the line.
"Well?" Millie snapped impatiently, clearly she knew what the answer was.
"Yes." Said Rachel in a small voice. "I knew about it."
Millie blew out a long sigh and closed her eyes, clearly attempting to let this information sink in.
"How long?" She asked after several moments of deep breathing.
"Our first day back, Gina told me. I told Jo who I think told CID" Rachel replied in a voice that was barely a whisper.
Millie blew out a long breath, clearly struggling with this.
"You should have told me."
"I wanted to, but I was scared you may relapse, please Millie don't be angry with me."
Millie gave a mirthless laugh. "Angry? Angry? I'd be angry with you if you'd nicked a tennah from me or bought a cat without telling me. This goes way WAY beyond anger! You promised at the start of this relationship, no secrets, and no lies. You.. You BITCH!"
Millie was breathing heavily; her shoulders were shaking as the tears poured down Rachel's cheeks.
"Millie please-" Rachel begged.
"GET OUT! Leave me alone! Were over! It's all over! Get your stuff out of my flat and out of my life!"
With that Doctors rushed in and sedated a struggling Millie, while Rachel ran from the room in floods of tears.
…
Millie awoke about 4 hours later, listening to the sound of a beeping heart rate monitor and someone pacing around the room she was in. She was still in a dream state, half between reality and those nice, comfortable dreams you sometimes have of floating on clouds or being drifted gently ashore by the ocean tide.
"Rach.." Millie murmured, fully expecting to hear her loiving girlfriend's voice answer her.
"Millie... she's gone. Remember? You broke up with her." Came Sally's concerned tones.
Millie's eyes shot open and she flew bolt upright in the bed as she memories crashed down around her years like hailstones on a freezing morning.
Millie passed a hand over her eyes and stared around her for a moment before answering.
"Yeah" She said quietly. "I remember."
It was then the great waves of pain and remorse took hold of her, and she found herself crying for her ex girlfriend and being pulled into a tight hug by Sally, who held her until she stopped crying.
"You know it's not too late. Rachel's still here." Sally said gently as she eased her back onto the bed and shifted the covers up over her cheat.
"She is?" Millie said hopefully, a spark returning to her eyes. "Why?"
"She's begging one of the nurses to let her know how you are." Sally replied, gesturing through the window in the swinging doors.
Millie watched as Rachel, in floods of tears, begged one of the doctors to tell her what's going on, and bags which with a pang Millie recognised to have her stuff in on her arms and in a trolley she was pulling behind her.
"Sally... can you get her please?" Millie asked, stilling staring.
Sally nodded and walked swiftly through the doors and up to Rachel. After a long conversation of which Millie couldn't hear Rachel shook her head, gave something to Sally and walked off quickly.
Sally headed back through the doors and handed Millie a note which read:
Millie,
I'm so sorry that I hurt you, and I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me but I can understand if you can't. I'm going to be leaving town for a month or two to get my head straight, and to give you the space that you need and deserve. Millie I hope you read this note, and if you do then I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart, and I'm so sorry that my misguided way of protecting you ended up hurting you. I see now that you could never trust me, and I have ruined any future that we could have had together and I'm truly sorry for hurting you. I know I've said that about three times now, but I don't know what else I can say to make this better for you.
Wishing you a swift recovery
Rachel.
"Rach…." Millie sobbed, cradling the letter as though it was a soft toy.
No one could stop her from crying. The sedative the doctors gave her this time around had no effect.