You Can't Teach An Old Nation New Tricks

by M4R1N4 R4CU

The world is changing, aru. I must face it - but it's so hard to adapt to, aru! After living 4OOO years it is rather hard to completely change my view of the world. Nothing is as it used to be, aru. I am Wang Yao, the representative of the People's Republic Of China. Here is a story about how the younger formerly communist nations taught me a lesson on this subject - have fun!

14. Moldova's Tantrum

Chapter Fourteen, aru

"Iancu, Iancu, Iancu, IANCU! IANCU? IANCU!?"

Moldova's insistent cries rang embarrassingly loud over the main pool, and a few old ladies wallowing in the nearby jaccuzzi turned to look at him with a question in their eyes.

Romania, who was at the moment soaking in the other jaccuzzi with Elisabeta, turned around to eye the wailing child with annoyance.

"Yes, Moldova?" Romania said dangerously.

"I WANNA GO ON THE BIG RIDE!" he squealed, jabbing his stubby little finger up at a large, water-filled plastic tube. I could see Feliks sliding down it headfirst, aru with one of the pretty girls he'd been talking to before sitting cross-legged on his back, waxed arms in the air. I blushed very deep and quickly averted my eyes, thinking such behaviour scandalous, aru.

Can you believe that this is considered normal in Europe, aru? Or maybe it wasn't...what I mean to say is, with Feliks, one can never know.

Arrgh! Europaliens, what can I say?

Romania gave a theatrical sigh. "Moldova, I'm in the middle of something!"

In the middle of something, aru? Hmmm! But I always thought those two hated each other...!

I blushed again.

"Do I look like I give a f*ck? TAKE ME!"

Romania looked appalled as he scanned the spa with anxious eyes, as if he'd forgotten that everybody in the spa was Hungarian (besides us, aru and a few Japanese tourists. No, Japan, I did not dishonour myself in front of your countrymen.) "Ştefan, cine te-a învăţat să vorbeşti aşa*?!" he scolded.

"Big brother Russia. Take me NOW!"

So spoiled, aru.

"Urrgh. How dare he," he muttered to Hungary. And to the problematic little tantrum-thrower, "Ivan nu-i frati-tu*!"

"Big-bro-ther-Rus-sia," the little devil sang slowly. "Big brother Rus-sia! Big brother Rus-sia!"

"Arrgh! Stop saying that!"

"BIG BROTHER RUS-SIA!"

"Aaah! Shut it!"

Moldova shot his furious older brother a sweet smile.

"Big brother-"

"SHUT UP OR I WON'T TAKE YOU!"

"So you'll take me?"

He batted his long, child's eyelashes. Iancu rubbed the heel of his palm across his forehead in a smooth, slow motion as if it pained him.

"FINE!" Beside him, Elisabeta covered her mouth with her hand so as to not show she was laughing, aru!

I could see Iancu was really quite upset at the smug, laughing little boy and so I told him I'd take him.

"Bless you, Yao!" the poor Europalien exclaimed. "Thank you so much! I don't know what's wrong with Moldova, he's normally such a well-behaved kid!"

I rumpled the little child's wet brown hair, aru. "Aw, he is just trying to show off to the pretty girls over there, aru."

Ştefan blushed beet-red and smacked my hand away sourly. I laughed, apologised and led him to the big tube, aru.

If only I would have known what I was getting into, aru!

To be continued, aru…