Chapter 14

The bunks were designed to hold one person each, but Kylo Ren was wrapped up with Rey in one all the same. Rey still trembled from their encounter, and Kylo was little more steady. He had known Rey to be passionate and forward, but he still hadn't expected to be the voice of reason when she forgot her earlier declaration not to do anything permanent.

He certainly hadn't expected to have to use the force to put her to sleep when she attacked him over the matter, demanding he ignore her prior conviction in the heat of her lust.

He smiled and gently kissed the top of her head. She murmured in her sleep, and her eyes shot open. "Oh kriff…" She rolled over to face him. "Did you put me to sleep again?"

"I was in very real danger of being raped," he said solemnly, but he smiled at her. He had only held back for the sake of her request, which she should well knew. "Your fury at being denied was beautiful. Still, I had promised I wouldn't let anything permanent happen."

Mortification filled Rey's face, and she slid out of his arms onto the metal floor. "I feel like I'm going to be sick. I didn't know I would… get like that."

"You are one with the force, which thrives on emotions. Passion is simply another one. It is not unusual for force users to lose themselves in it. I've seen it before, though not so… intimately." He leaned on an elbow to meet her eyes. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. I had a wonderful time."

Rey furrowed her brow at him. "You didn't lose your mind," she accused.

"I spent over a decade hiding all emotions but my rage and fear from Snoke. You have not needed to practice such self-control. What you experienced was natural."

Kylo heard a sob and froze. She wasn't supposed to cry over being with him, especially when she had taken the lead and nothing permanent happened. Do you regret it? He asked through the force. He was too afraid to ask any other way.

Rey didn't answer his question. You'll keep your end of the bargain, right?

Kylo's heart chilled. Had the Resistance been her true motivation after all? Perhaps he would always fall second to the Resistance in her heart, just as he had with everyone else close to him. "I will keep my word," he said quietly, breathing slow and steady to delay the oncoming avalanche of his heart. "May I do anything for you?"

Rey shook her head, still crying softly. Kylo Ren waited a moment in case she changed her mind, then left with his lightsaber for something to unleash the spiral of fury that was consuming him the more he went over what had happened.

He had let her take the lead. He hadn't once touched her without her permission. She had agreed, requested, and in the end begged for him. And now she sobbed at the memory? Was it that awful? Why then did she even go through it? She could have stopped at any time. Did she feel the need to do more than she wanted to ensure the protection of the Resistance? Did she have so little faith in him?

He let out an anguished growl, glanced around the room for something not vital to the ship, and took his lightsaber to the holo game table, stabbing and slicing it until only a pile of metal and wires remain. When he finished, Kylo Ren collapsed before it, feeling emptier than ever. His face was wet, and he wondered if he had cried too.

Ben. Rey's voice was in his head. He shook his head, not wanting to talk to her in this moment. He wanted to feel nothing. He felt the force shift around him, and he closed his eyes rather than see her anguished face. "Ben," she said. "Please don't ignore me."

He breathed in and out slowly, trying to empty his mind of all emotions. He heard her walk up behind him, and her small, slender arms wrapped around him from behind in a tight hug.

"Ben, I'm sorry I reacted that way. I was scared. I've never… I've never even been kissed before. Please don't misunderstand me."

Kylo Ren exhaled slowly. It had been too long since he cleared his mind, and everything seemed clearer now. He had been foolish to hope they could put the war aside, even for one night. "I just realized… as long as the war is between us, there's a chance that you'll do something with me for the Resistance that you wouldn't do with me for yourself. I won't have any way of knowing whether you will regret it and resent me for it."

Rey sobbed, clinging to him tightly. "No, Ben, no. That's not what happened."

Her pleas seemed strangely distant. "After all, you kept your distance until I shared my own desire for you. Do not fear that I am angry, Rey. It makes sense that a scavenger would make use of even my discarded feelings. I would have been more careful except for that vision. Not all visions come true though. Perhaps the force has been manipulating me as well."

"Ben, please believe me, please. Don't do this to me. I do want you. Ben, can't you see that I love you?"

Ben opened his eyes finally to look at her. "You love the Resistance," he said, his own heart anguished. He saw her eyes widen in fear in the split second before the connection ended.

Ben returned to his meditation. He had cleared his mind of a thousand pains before, and he would clear it of this as well. He centered his soul and reached out into the force, the same way he had when he was still Luke's student, and connected himself to the universe. He found Rey quickly, though she was barely recognizable for the conflict within her. Well, that was to be expected. Chewie's spirit was familiar and unexpectedly welcome. Beyond the Falcon were the TIE fighters escorting them, and beyond that, a star destroyer captained by Hux.

Kylo's eyes shot open and he laughed. The fool had come to him. He wouldn't need to assemble the knights for a drawn-out civil war after all. He could reclaim leadership simply by knocking the head off.

Kylo leapt to his feet and dashed to the cockpit. "Chewie, we have incoming!"

Well, I tried to keep it light-hearted, but this is Kylo Ren and Rey we're talking about. Drama happens.