Chapter 14 – Withholding The Truth

Hermione stretched languorously as she slowly awoke from her sleep, her mind automatically flying to thoughts of Severus and how he had comforted her during the night. As she slowly sat up and looked around to see if he was in the tent, she wondered how she should act. Happy that Severus was not inside the tent, Hermione swiftly went to work and got changed, choosing a comfortable periwinkle-blue tee-shirt and pair of jeans from her knapsack. As she changed her clothes, her movements slowed down as memories of Severus holding her close while she cried flashed before her eyes. Should I ask him about it? she wondered briefly as she started to slide off her pajama pants and pull on the jeans. Only to shake her head as she lifted her nightshirt over her head—always a tough feat in the morning when her hair tended to be a bit bushier from sleep— and pulled the tee shirt over her head. What are you thinking, Hermione? Severus is just a friend; he would never—it's just not plausible—oh Merlin, what AM I thinking?

Hermione was so engrossed in her own inner squabble that she never realized Severus had entered the tent. He froze for a few moments as he realized she was changing; then, nearly overcome by the mesmerizing scene before him, he bolted as quietly as possibly after regaining his senses.

Severus strode away from the tent across the meadow and started harvesting Lena Berries as if he was a robot performing a programmed function. He hadn't meant to walk in on her changing, but it was too late to lament it. When he had allowed himself a mere few moments to gaze at Hermione as she slid her pajama pants down her legs, he had become quite inflamed by the site of her young and beautifully put together body. And when she had removed her shirt, only to pull another on, his thoughts ran unchecked before he came to his senses and did what any other decent person would have done.

He fled as fast as his feet would carry him.

He had barely even noticed her scars. All he had seen was his greatest temptation since his schools days. Since Lily. As he tried to shake the enticing images of Hermione from his mind, he scolded himself for allowing his mind to wander in such directions. As if on a normal basis he was above his human instincts. The fact was that Severus Snape didn't have much of a history with woman. Sure, he'd dabbled a little here and there with a few random doxies in his younger years. But since the trio's first year at Hogwarts, when it was evident that time was the only factor before another war started, he had cut himself off from such trivial pleasures. He was not someone who could consider a future with someone. But now, as he carefully filled the bags, enchanted for a greater capacity, with the Lena Berries, he realized that for the first time he actually had someone in front of him who he could almost see a future with.

At that thought Severus dropped the bag and actually started to chuckle at himself. At length, shaking his head, he gathered his things and moved on to the red clover, determined to not let his imagination run away with him. I'll probably die in this war—not to mention the glaring fact that someone like Hermione Granger would never develop any sort of feelings for someone like me, he thought, and he set his mind to work again.

When Hermione emerged from the tent to join Severus in their work, he greeted her with a stiff "Good morning" and ignored her for the first few hours. And then the only words that escaped his mouth were brief and snarky corrections on her technique. Hermione began to wonder if she could have dreamed the events of the night before. Resolved to find out what was bothering him, she asked him timidly, "Severus, is something wrong? You seem to be in a rather…aggravated…mood."

"Nothing that a few extra hours of sleep wouldn't cure, Miss Granger, I assure you," he replied carefully.

"I thought we were on a first-name basis…Professor," she stated simply, wondering if he was sickened by the act of having comforted her last night.

"Forgive me—Hermione," he countered sourly.

Hermione stood up, dropped her cutting knife and bag of ingredients on the meadow floor, and glared at Severus, her hands clenched at her sides. Severus in turn stood up and glared right back. "Try to be careful with those, will you? Snaring Weeds do not grow as quickly as other herbs," he chastised, stooping to pick up the bag and checking to make she hadn't damaged them.

"Severus, what happened between now and last night that has you acting so cold toward me again? Did I…repulse you or something? Has comforting me made you so bitter and irritable?" she asked vehemently.

"I don't have any what you are speaking of, Miss—" he started to reply, only to be cut off by her huff of outrage.

"It's Hermione! And you know perfectly well what I'm talking about. We're supposed to be friends; there's nothing wrong with what you did for me last night! When are you going to grow up and let someone get close to you for a change instead of hiding behind your position—your pride?" she spat, a single tear dropping from her eye.

Severus was shocked, to say the least, but he didn't let that stop him from responding with equal vehemence. "Hermione, I don't know what's caused this little tirade of nonsense, but it stops now. Finish your work so we can get back to the lab. There are more important things to discuss, to accomplish. You'd be a fool to waste your time on a man like me!"

Hermione's face drained of all anger and filled with sadness. "Don't you understand?" she said as she stepped forward and shoved his shoulders with as much strength as she could muster, her eyes pleading with him to understand her. "You're the only person who truly understands me, who's seen the worst of me—has seen me broken. No one, not even Remus, will ever know me as well as you. You're my only true friend. Yes, I have Harry and Ron, but they'll never understand the changes in me. I don't want them to!"

Severus glared at her before lowering his eyes in shame…in fear, and quietly saying, "Hermione, you do not want me as a friend. I will likely die before the end of this war. Why get close to someone you'll just lose?"

Hermione reached out and slipped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest as she hugged him. "I know that it's possible either of us could die at the end of it all; but that doesn't mean I'll prevent myself from enjoying the now…with my friend. And you are my friend, Severus Snape," she said quietly. Severus froze for a few moments while he adjusted to the overwhelming feeling of Hermione holding him so closely. Albeit reluctantly, he chose to ignore the fear inside of him, choosing instead to hold her back. Hermione sighed in what she could only think of as relief when he wrapped his own arms around her in turn.

"What are you doing to me, Hermione?" Severus asked, not really expecting an answer, his voice revealing the conflict of his emotions. They held each other for a few moments before quietly letting go to finish their work. Though they didn't speak of it, they both knew they had reached a sort of truce. What remained to be seen was where exactly the truce would take them from there.

As the afternoon sun shone brightly, a quiet Hermione and Severus returned to the Manor and went their separate ways. Hermione gave a shy smile as she walked in the direction of her room; Severus nodded and went straight to the mirror in the library. Though neither of them acknowledged it, they knew a bit of time to themselves was needed; or rather, Severus needed it after their eventful trip.

To most people an open declaration of friendship was not something they would say was particularly eventful, but for Severus Snape it was a big occurrence indeed. As he shut himself up in the potions lab and carefully put away his ingredients, Severus thought over the events of the past twenty-four hours. The image of Hermione willingly wrapping her arms around him while declaring how much she cared about him was something he could not push from his mind. Though if he admitted the truth to himself, he did not want to.

Hermione was so absorbed in her notes that she didn't hear Remus when he knocked and cautiously came into the room. He cleared his throat and said, "Sorry to bother you, but I thought you might want to know—we've received the third 'victory' note from Harry and Ron."

"Oh, Remus, that's wonderful! That means that there's just one Horcruxe left," Hermione replied, ecstatic that her friends were doing so well on their mission.

"It shouldn't be long now until they return home; then we can put a final plan together," Remus replied, hope for everyone's future lighting his features.

"Remus, when they come back, how do you think they'll respond to my…capture?" Hermione asked, setting her quill down and watching him closely.

"Hermione, you know them better than I do," he responded. Then, realizing the truth was what she was looking for, he said, "I'm sure they will both over-react at first, but once they calm down they'll just want to be there for you."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," she said sadly. "Could you do me a favor, Remus?"

"Of course, Hermione. What do you need?" he asked, suspicious about what she might ask of him.

"Do you think you can…tell them when they get back? About what happened? Without me around?"

Remus sighed and sat back in his seat, giving Hermione an almost guilty look as he replied, "No, Hermione I can't do that. You're their friend. Their best friend. They would want to hear this from you."

Hermione sat back in her own seat and looked at her lap. "I can't do it, Remus. They won't react the way I...need them to."

"Well, that's just they way they are. When they over-react about things, you need to remember that they only do so out of love for you," he said simply, hoping to encourage her.

Hermione looked at him for a moment, her eyes almost glazed as she imagined quite clearly just how they would react, what they would say. "Remus, I can't tell them. And I won't," she stated firmly.

"You would let them find out what happened some other way? By overhearing members of the Order mention it offhandedly in conversation?" he asked with a frown that showed his disappointment in her.

"No. I'll talk to the Order personally at the next meeting. Besides, when they get home the last thing we need is for them to wrap themselves up in some rash plot to kill Lucius. They need their heads straight. Not telling them is for the good of the Order, as well as for my own personal sanity," she retorted stiffly.

"Hermione, since this is about something so horrible, it's up to you in the first place. But I'm telling you now, you'll hurt them if you keep it from them," Remus said, standing up and heading for the door.

"No, it will hurt them and all of us if I tell them—at least…until after it's all over. I'm sorry, Remus, but I've made up my mind," she said to his retreating back. She flinched when she heard the door close behind him, though it did not slam.

Hermione controlled her breathing as she tried to focus on the words Remus was saying. The meeting of the Order had been going on for nearly an hour already, and still he had not yielded the floor.

Having gone over everything that was written in his notes, Remus sighed and asked the room at large, "Is there anyone here who would like to take the floor? If not, at this time I will call this meeting to an end." Remus frowned when Hermione stood up from her chair in the back and made her way forward. "I give you over to Hermione," he said morosely as he stepped aside, flashing a look of annoyance in a bewildered Severus's direction as he wondered if his influence had led Hermione to her decision.

Hermione nodded in everyone's direction and cleared her throat. "I…um…I 'm here today to ask a very serious favor of all of you. As you know, Harry and Ron are likely to be home soon from their…assignment. I've thought about this, and I hope to have everyone's word. I would like all of you to refrain from mentioning what…happened to me. At all. I realize this seems coldhearted of me, since they're two of my best friends, but in all honesty nothing good can come of them knowing before the end of the war," she said, leaning against the wall as she waited for the murmuring to quiet down and ignoring the few frowns aimed directly at her.

"Please, everyone, you all know Harry and Ron as well as I do. They over-react to things, putting themselves and the rest of us in danger when they fly off to do something rash. For the sake of our war effort, it's best not to tell them. I will honestly add that I am not ready to tell them as yet anyway," she said, holding her hands up and ignoring the urge to cry as she tried to get their attention again. "Look—at the very least, please acknowledge that what happened to me is my own business and that you haven't the right to say anything in the first place. I'm asking you to accept my wishes and acknowledge the wisdom of this request. Please," she finished lamely.

Molly Weasley and several others nodded their heads in agreement; the rest of the Order just looked at Hermione disapprovingly as they slowly left the Manor to get on with their jobs and assignments. Hermione, feeling completely overwhelmed, went through the door behind her and fled to the potions lab.

Severus glared at the few who lingered long enough to discuss Hermione's request; most of them stated that they didn't thing she had a right to hide things from Harry and Ron. Before he could walk over to bully them into agreeing with Hermione, Remus approached and asked him for a word in private. Severus followed Remus to the overly large kitchen.

"Severus, did you have anything to do with Hermione's decision to keep her…capture…from the boys?"

Severus nearly snarled at Remus as he replied, "I most certainly did not. Though I can't fathom why you would disagree with her reasoning. Not to mention the fact that she is right—it 's her business and no one else's."

"Severus, they're her friends; don't you think it wise for her to tell them? They could help her cope with it better than any of us," Remus said heatedly.

"Lupin, you're a fool. Haven't you realized that Hermione is coping quite well despite what's happened to her? Surely even you can see that she's right. They will fly off the handle and do something stupid once they find out. Unless they are not told until after this bloody war is over and Malfoy is either dead or in Azkaban. Do you not believe that after everything she's endured she has the right to cope as she sees fit and delay telling two people who will likely lose all sense? They may be her friends, but they're still too immature to handle such news in a dignified and helpful way."

Remus glared at Severus. "Fine. I see you're siding with her. As I've told her, I personally will not reveal her capture to Harry and Ron. But I hope when they do find out, it doesn't hurt her far worse than if she was to tell them sooner." Severus turned around and left Remus alone, heading straight for the lab. He knew the best thing that he could do for Hermione was to keep her busy working on the Avada Bomb.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! So sorry for the long wait. Please read and review! *HUGS*