Derrick

I stood in my room looking around at the things that I've decided to leave behind; basically everything that reminded me of Massie. The soccer ball she got me when I made the team freshman year. The picture frame holding the picture we took together at homecoming. Neither of were looking at the camera. We had our arms wrapped around each other as we dance. If you didn't know any better you would think that we were a couple. Even some of the little stuff like her favorite purple pen she left behind one day she was over here.

I couldn't believe that I was doing this. That I was so willing to leave Westchester behind in favor of Los Angeles. I was taking Massie's advice and skipping town. I was hurting. She was hurting. She needed time to heal again. She didn't need me here anymore. It was better for everyone if I just left.

There was a knock on my door and Josh came in without an answer. He took one look at my bare room and my open suitcase and asked, "Are you sure about this man?"

I stood there for a moment and really thought about it. I was trying this new thing about being open not only with myself but other people. By keeping things in I only hurt the people I care about. Damn. I was starting to sound like my mother. Who by the way was a therapist.

To be quite honest, no, I was not sure about this. About anything really. The only thing I was absolutely sure about was that Massie Block was the girl I was in love with and the girl that I lost.

"No," I replied quietly. "I'm not."

Josh sighed, walked into the room and sat on the bed. "A piece of advice, dude," he started.

I rolled my eyes. Josh giving me advice. This ought to be good.

"You love Massie, right?"

"Yeah," I replied. Duh, I added silently.

"She loves you, right?" he continued playing with a stray thread at the end of the bed.

I sighed. "Yes, go on."

"Then you guys should be together."

I almost laughed. Actually I did laugh. He said it like it was so easy. Like I could just waltz on over to her house, after she specifically told me not to, and have her forgive me. Massie didn't work that way. Once something was set in her mind there was no going back.

"It's not that easy dude," I said pulling my suitcase off the bed.

"I know that you guys have some…complications," Josh said standing to block my path. "But running is not the solution here. You need to face it or else…you're just gonna keep running. And there's only so far you can go."

Wow Josh being deep. I thought I would never see the day. Though he had a point. How could I be so willing to give up this easily. I was aware that she needed some time to herself but…I just couldn't leave the things the way they were.

I dropped my suitcase on the floor and grabbed Josh's keys from his hands. I was not about to let the love of my life slip away. Again.

Massie

I didn't feel anything. Not anymore. I had gotten to the point where everything had gotten so overbearing that I was completely numb. I didn't feel the sting within my chest when I thought of Derrick. I didn't feel the ache within my heart when I thought about how much I still loved him. And I didn't feel my heart ripping in two when I replayed that scene in the living room with Derrick over and over. I didn't feel anything.

I had finally convinced Alicia to go home and see Josh and live her life. That I would be fine but I wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe Derrick had done the ultimate damage. Maybe my heart had been broken one too many times. I was spending my day on the couch watching reruns of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I always wanted Zuko and Katara to end up together.

I was so far gone that I didn't even hear the doorbell ring at first. But finally it registered in my mind so I got up and answered it. There standing on my doorstep even though I told him to stay the hell away from me was none other than Derrick Harrington.

The numbness instantly melted away and brought on the gut wrenching pain. I almost shut the door in his face. But I was so emotionally exhausted that I thought, 'what more can this guy do to me?'

Derrick entered hesitantly, which I don't' blame him. Especially after what happened last time. I sat back down on the couch and sighed. "What do you want Derrick?"

"You," he replied instantly. "I want you."

My broken heart welled with emotions but I refused to feel it. I couldn't fold now. For once I had to be strong.

"You know that…that we…can't be together. It's just not possible," I said quietly.

"Bullshit," he stated.

I looked up at him and saw that he had a determined look in his eyes. He wasn't leaving here without a fight.

"Please! Yesterday you were all 'No sorry we can't be together' and now you've just decided to change your ways!" I screamed at him. So much for standing strong. "How do I know that you won't change your mind again?"

"Listen to me Mass. I know I have no right to ask this but you are going to have to trust me."

I laughed.

"Why the hell should I trust you?"

"Because I love you. I was so terrified to truly admit that to myself but I did. I'm in love with you Massie Block. Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't want to be with me. Tell me and I'll leave."

I sucked in a breath. I knew it in my gut that he did love me but was it enough to push away all of the hurt he had caused me? I didn't know if I could get hurt again. I didn't think I could bare another strike from him.

"I'm hurting, Derrick," I replied quietly. "And you're to blame."

"I know," he sighed. "But I'll never ever be the blame again."

"You can't fix me," I stated.

"I know," he said again. "Only you can do that."

His words hit me hard. He was right in a way. It was only me who could make the choice of whether I wanted to get out of bed in the morning. My choice to whether or not I wanted to start healing. It was all me. Derrick had hurt me. For that he was to blame but it was my own fault for wallowing so long. I guess I just wasn't ready. I'm still not ready.

"I do love you Derrick and I do want to be with you," I started.

He grinned from ear to ear.

"But I'm not ready to let you back in yet."

His features instantly turned to sorrow. It was as if a light inside of him had gone out.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He shook his head. "It's okay, I understand. I'll wait. You waited for a year. I'll wait for you to be ready."

Once again, I believed him.