Author Note:

EDIT 08-03-2014: Changed title from "Revealing bout of despair" to "Regret breaks free".

Chapter 13: Regret breaks free

It felt like ages had passed. The group of eight stumbled on through the heat. A regular pack mule had been assigned to carry the water and rations during the trip, walking beside Chrom. For comfort they had shaved the hair off its midsection, where the items were strapped onto in bags. The mule was still the least parched, along with the never-thirsty Marth.

"GUH! HACKH!" Gaius spluttered, feeling his tongue go dry. It was really hot today, even by Plegian standards. "Ugh... I would love some ice-cream here and now... with cherries and chocolate sauce... the best variety, that's served in the Ylissean Maiden Café, at the capital. Oh, and the ladies... such curvy waitresses..." He said, heating up slowly at the thought. "The luster and shine of Mellorea, that girl with the short peach hair who steals small change during slow business hours... I could share my sweets with her all day..." He blabbed in fatigue, unable to think clearly.

"Gaius, you're hopeless. We can still see camp, and you're already done for?" Sumia sighed, walking beside her mount. She was okay now, faster than expected, and had eagerly agreed to follow. Her temper seemed to be sinking steadily, though. "Did you eat too much sugar?"

"Do you need... to ask?" He gasped, slouching. "Of... course."

"Nowi's coming..." Henry whispered behind him. He carried his stinky bag still, and went last in the group because of it.

"GAH! Stay back, you green-haired glutton!" He waved wildly, falling over and getting sand in his mouth. "Ptooey! Henry, I'll steal your experiments and shove them into an oven, I swear!"

"Tell me more... what does she look like otherwise?" Virion asked Gaius, helping him up. His grey-blue hair was soaked from sweat in the heat. "Anything to take my mind off my less-than-elegant looks at the moment!"

"Well... Mellorea is around 18, has thin eyebrows, and a smug smile that melts my heart like chocolate syrup! Such a beauty! And she always gives me a discount when I go there... unless I'm on a wanted poster at the time. Perfect woman." He swooned out of character. All his usual subtleness was gone in the frying heat of Plegia.

"Sounds trés magnifique! My mind can see her now, a paralyzing vixen cleaning tables in a maid's outfit... such elegance, curviness... a shining example of glorious LOVE! Ah, I 'ave not met her, but already I feel she has a place in my heart, next to every other woman I've met! Oh, Sully, Cordelia, Miriel, Maribelle, Sumi- err... someone else, too! And the oh-so-majestic Einherjar women, even those I've only seen briefly while fighting in the Outrealms! Eirika, Nino, Elincia, Serra, Nana... and Florina! So petite and frail, but possessing great kindness and bravery nonetheless! Ah, I would cross time itself and find them, shatter dimensions just to see the fair ladies that history forgot, to give away the love always meant for them! MINE!" He said, holding his hands together next to his head, seeing stars.

"Sounds... so... SWEET!" Gaius exclaimed in his silly state. His nostrils burst open with a small spray of blood. It was one of his characteristics, but it usually happened because of sugar rushes. He had gotten too excited.

"Are you two done?" Chrom said, irritated. They had kept walking, but Virion just wouldn't shut up. "If you stay in one spot, you'll be so dead and dry the only who'll go for you are those Risen Pegasus knights! Want a tongue wrestle with THOSE ladies?"

It wasn't enough to stop Gaius and Virion from skipping through the sand with locked-together arms, singing praise to all fair girls the universe could offer. It went something like this. Loudly.

-Ladies fair, and ladies fine

Take our hands, it will be sublime!

An archer and thief, we stand ready

to take your hands, it's destiny!

Drop the scopes off other men

we'll please you 'til the very end!

Yes, join us here in splendid dance

You've struck our hearts, like with a LAAAAAAANCE!

On that high note, both of them stumbled into Marth. He was very annoyed. Thinking about such things now would cause him more doubt. He hadn't looked at Sumia once, and probably for the best. She had been very solemn this entire walk, sticking near Chrom. Marth still couldn't tell her... not ever. She'd have to simply get over it. Plenty of guys bound to go after such a good woman. After all, they hadn't gone anywhere with it... and he was some weird phantom, to boot. She would be better off... he tried lying to himself.

"I hurt Chiki by existing... and will hurt Sumia by erasing my independence. I betrayed Roy's friendship, it feels like... yet they still seem to trust me. I don't understand fully... What's missing?"

They kept marching, seeing a rock formation off in the distance. They would take shelter there, now as night approached. The sand cooled, and the sun went down in a sea of red and orange on the horizon. Everything had a blue tinge under the starry night sky. As the company went to bed, confident this would be over in just a day, Marth sat alone on a cliff, looking towards Ylisse and Regna Ferox. He could see the small fire from their support camp a good bit away, and no sign of the main one. In the other direction lay the vast sea, out of sight. He thought once again, but considered it a bad idea. His head felt like it could explode.

"Ugh... damn. What was he thinking that time, sending his memories with me? Marth's skills could have been written down instead, on paper. Or passed on through an unbroken line of sword masters. I've felt he could never respect me, if he was here. I would be second-hand, that thing used in battle so he wouldn't have to fight... we're all better off soon."

"Are you sure?" A voice said softly. Marth half expected Sumia to follow him. She did not disappoint, and walked over to sit with her feet out over the cliff, looking down at their sleeping comrades. "So that's the reason we're out here. Chrom told me we might recruit more of you guys... but not about YOUR task. It's hard to get over... you never will, perhaps. But it seems like you've broken somehow. Not snapped, like with Stahl, but... given up. There were risks before, but not now. Would your friends want this? Your old ones? And Sheeda?"

At Sheeda's name Marth began shivering. "I n-never knew them. He did. So I should remove all concern for something that never happened. I NEED to be just a tool now. I have no idea, honestly, about the feelings of anyone but my pal Roy in the matter."

"Silly liar. Chiki and I both know that you see our concern... all of the camp is worried. You just shy away. Why not move on? We'll help you... and let you keep your awareness." She smiled warmly.

Marth surprised himself greatly by grabbing her hand harshly, and snapping at her. "I'm not my own person! I'm a ghost, a phantom, a gods damned COPY! If I fail, I won't be surprised to see Hubba has a back-up anyway! Another one who'll say "Ah, greetings, noble company. You may call me Marth, King of Altea. Shall I show you around the non-existant gardens? Have a non-existant cup of tea? Spar a bit with my non-existing friends? Oh, but I don't care if it's all gone, 'cause I don't even know I'M DEAD!"

He panted heavily, released Sumia, fists now banging against the cliff wall. "He's DEAD! I'm DEAD! Do I have a third alter ego? Someone not involved in this SODDING MESS?! GRAAAAGH!"

He had enough of crying ages ago. Yet he did so now again, fiercely. Where this rage came from he didn't really care, as long as he let it out, and could push the world back, when it pushed him, telling it to let him live. Yet he was stubborn enough to deny himself that right he had earned. Terribly indecisive. And Sumia saw it. She stood up, looking angry, but also tearful. Without warning she slapped him hard in the face.

"I pity you, Sir King. And I think you are the biggest idiot in this world, right next to King Gangrel, and all those ancient, evil fiends you bested in Marth's time! Gharnef the Sorcerer, corrupted Emperor Hardin, Medeus the Shadow Dragon... you're abusing yourself! And I can't stop you... only try to snap you out of it! But no reasoning with men like YOU, huh?! No matter if they're from a millennia ago, they still don't act with chivalry! That's just a bedtime story lie! Good night... hope you're happy! Have your dreams back... and toss away my friendship." She said with grace and power beneath the sadness. "I'm almost never self-certain... only now. Fare thee well..."

She walked down with heavy steps, so agitated that if one of the people below stirred in their sleep, she tossed a tiny pebble at them.

"Good, one less to think about!" Marth thought venomously as he massaged his cheek from the blow. He sat down again, and continued to break the real Marth's promise. Never to pity himself, but do things to make wrongs right again. The old Marth wanted "right"? He could find RIGHT by dropping into hell!

"...Gods, what did I just do? What is wrong with me?! Or her?! ...She'll never forgive me. I'm such a moron! Jackass! Twit! Clog-brained numbskull! ...I faced this before... and here it goes now again..."

He walked off past the sleeping people. Out into the cold desert during the wee hours of early morning. He went by himself, not caring about the gate, or Chiki, or potatoes, or dragons, or anything BUT himself. When he was miles away, standing atop a high dune, the sun was not far away from beginning its ascent behind him. He gathered air. All this frustration... that Einherjar energy surge a few days ago did not release everything. One screamed sentence summed up his entire existence to him.

"MARTH... HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE?!" He cried at the top of his lungs, almost twisting one of his chest muscles.

The sound died away quickly, disappearing nearly unheard into the distance. He slumped down, defeated in every way a warrior could imagine. He tossed his sword aside. It wasn't doing any good in his fool palms.

"Better to let Chrom carry on... he's the new Marth. Or that masked woman from the future... she looked identical to me with that disguise on... back in Castle Ylisse, when we saved Exalt Emmeryn. Bah! There goes that thing about Marth looking like a woman again. Jeigan always complained about his style... but his skills were manly enough... yeah right! Such a sissy! What with the tiara and everything! I hate it all! Damn Marth's sister, Jeigan, Chiki, all my old and new friends! And of course, that royal bastard himself, whose name I do not want! The fools still treated me differently, and showed me scorn in my weakest hour! They can't reprimand me anyway, now... if I were to just sink away into nothing here, sleep in the sands. No one would care any longer. Least of all me... sleep forever... give up... or can I not even have that?"

"Then he's truly dead." A kind but stern voice said. Chiki had turned into a dragon and looked for him, reverting to her human form now. "You are smart, for making your decision to travel to the Outrealms, resetting. But nothing else. Marth will join our ranks again... his ignorant shell will fight until the shadows are lifted from this world... I started to consider you as a free being, seeing a trace of my friend in you, happy with comrades and carrying only the good of a past life. You were Marth... for a while. A noble soul. Whatever you are now is... horrible. I will never give you pity in this state of mind you have."

"Ch-Chiki? Nice timing. Any a-advice on how to best this? This... bloody nightmare!" Marth said through gritted teeth, lying in the sand.

"...The first thing I felt when I met Marth was a desire to live. For everything. You know that feeling, and you don't bother. Now you just sulk, with no self-worth. Pathetic." She said, tilting her eyebrows angrily. "They should stamp a new name on your card... Marth was too good for you."

"There's the scorn, as expected... Kick on me as you would a stray dog, won't you? Oh, right, but unlike me, those actually LEARN! I'm convinced you go to all this trouble now just to be rid of me!" Marth yelled, sitting up. "I've milled this through hundreds of times, and now I've had it! If Marth's dead, and you don't care, why'd you come here, Chiki?! Huh?! ANSWERS, PLEASE!"

She wasn't sure how to answer that question, her eyes wide in shock. Her head turned aside, but for a change, there were no tears, only a face that could perhaps have made the gods themselves come down to comfort her.

"I... always believed in you, somehow. I wanted to turn this negativity aside, like a blade blunted by armor. I can't help it, clinging to him... I admired Marth. Sheeda was aware of this, but did not despise me for it. She was glad I trusted him so much. They were so happy... and Manaketes should never mingle with humans. To my despair... can you not see how I feel too? I said it does not bother me, but seeing my friends... my family, die slowly as the years go by while I stay the same... it tears me apart! There are times when I wish I never had been born to endure this, at least not as a Manakete, alone for millennia! Fate is cruel... yet I can't leave my new friends to face danger alone. Those who are now passed away would want me to be strong. I WANT to remain strong..."

The spirit of the Hero-King looked at her with mixed feelings. When he tried speaking, her pained frown turned to him, and struck him with realizing guilt. His memory must have been terrible, because he himself had said that she suffered just as much as he before, in camp. He had been very inconsiderate towards one feeling the same fateful losses...

"But I'm sorry... for never seeing you, after the Akaneian wars. I'm sorry for growing up... I wish I was still the young Chiki... ignorant regarding the world and its troubles. A child with an innocent love for... y-" She said, but interrupted the sentence, lowering her head.

A light desert breeze began blowing, moving her long, green hair. He saw her. The incomparably sweet girl from millennia ago, grown up... but forever his friend. Marth stood up, walking over to put a hand on her shoulder.

"...Well... we're both unhappy then." Marth said slowly, feeling his sad rage ebbing away at a strange pace. It felt nice. "You're better than I deserve... I shouldn't be talking to you... I won't even live for my friends any longer... Roy would be right on cue with a sarcastic one-liner here." He chuckled remorsefully.

"...He was adamant you were okay. Such a sweet boy... he really embraced being Roy's legacy. But you want to be your own... or wanted to. We should return to camp... No apologies are necessary. I think we have both spoken words we did not mean this night."

"Huh... yeah." Marth said, drying his nose on his cape. "...For what it's worth, I respect you. A lot. Never met a more reliable girl. Well, except Sumia... but she is still convinced I'm a total prick..."

"You'll be able to settle your differences before the end." Chiki said, now smiling kindly like she often did. "Like Roy, I'll respect your choice... IF you meet it with grace and dignity. Otherwise, I'll force you to remain with us the way you are, sad mopey-dopey Marth clone!" She jested, poking him many times in a playful manner.

"Hey, hey! Stop it... hah hah... hmm? What's that near camp?" Marth noticed, looking at the cliffs far away. Something huge was moving around the sleeping area.

Chiki tensed up, grabbing her Dragonstone immediately. "Hang on!"

Before he got a word in, just about managing to grab his sword again, he was grabbed by her great, transformed clawed feet, soaring towards the sleeping Shepherds. When they came closer, Marth saw something hideous. Right below them... not Risen, but worse. Giant desert scorpions, imbued with dark magic. They came out at night to hunt camels and, if available, people.

Marth was terrified. He could have warned them, remained in camp and stayed alert. Too late for that now. But he wouldn't have more people hurt because of his own incompetence. "No! By Divine Naga! Chiki! Drop me now!"

"But there's so many, and it's too far up!" She responded in her dragon voice.

"I don't care! My own life is worthless in comparison to Chrom and the others! LET GO!"

He got his wish, and soared down a good amount of feet, bringing his sword out. Mid-air, he breathed in heavily, closing his eyes. His fall would soon end. And also his restraint.

"Vicious beasts! Taste cold iron!" He yelled, spinning down nearly like a ball, breaking his fall by transferring all the force in it through his sword and into a scorpion. Marth was more durable than a regular living person, and didn't break his legs on impact, feeling just a great strain. The animal barely moved again, having been struck with such downward thrust force its carapace had shattered, and turned some vital organs to mush. Marth jumped off the gigantic body, and rushed towards the bed rolls.

Everyone fought desperately. Henry's dark magic worked wonders against these things, blowing them apart from inside while he only smiled lightly at the carnage. Sumia struck from above, zooming in between pincers and poison tails lunging at her. Virion managed a few kills with his bow, shooting the scorpions through the eyes from a vantage point above the beds. Chiki swooped by with a shower of blue fire, burning several creatures.

Marth joined the fray, and stood by Chrom, double teaming a huge grey scorpion, an elder. It swiped at them from many directions, enraged by the deaths of its brothers, and got a hit in on Henry with its tail, right through his arm. He yelled out, and then only muttered about the inconvenience it posed, sitting down further beneath the cliffs, and rubbing a vulnerary on. Lissa, staying out of harm's way, went over to him, trying her healing staff on the wound. Virion managed a shot that blinded the giant creature, while Gaius slashed one of its enormous legs away with a critical strike to a joint. The beast fell down, and Chrom struck it square in the head. It shuddered, and then lay still. The creatures retreated, burrowing into the sand. The Shepherds would have been overwhelmed, had morning not appeared ever so slightly on the horizon, shining a welcoming yellow.

"Phew... good timing, Marth." Chrom complimented. "Henry is in bad shape, I see. I suspect his smelly bag of body parts lured the fiends here... Sumia, take him to the main camp. We need some antidote for the poison, Lissa doesn't have the right materials out here. We certainly didn't expect to find scorpions... or to be found by THEM."

"All right, on my way. Stay safe, commander!" She said, carefully helping Henry up on her mount, casting a neutral glance at Marth before taking off.

"So she'll remain hurt, then... blast." Marth thought, sighing heavily. He had done his best, though. It was no one's fault that Henry needed help. And now he was more resolute than ever to cease his liability. "Let's move on. The gate should be around within a few hours, right, Chiki?"

"Yes. We'll pack up and move." She said. "I suppose this needs an end..."

Author Note:

Oookay... Marth is going through much. Was this too shallowly angsty, or maybe even whiny? I'm not sure, myself. Marth's circumstances are rather hard for him to make sense out of... who wouldn't be indecisive in his case?

Admittedly, I put a tiny amount of my own angst into this. Feels good to let some steam off through a fictional character. If one does it right, I feel it makes the story more believable. I hope that was the case here, otherwise I'll maybe try a rewrite in the future, when I feel like it.