BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
-TheSilentReader-
CHAPTER 14: The Honorifics
Second Semester, Summer, Two years ago
Rose Mansion, Lillian Academy for Girls
"No."
Yuuki didn't know how hurtful a rejection this was. Now, He finally experienced it, firsthand. He tried to regain his composure by not showing how disappointing this was for him, how alienating to know that the person in front of him was giving him the most bored expression a woman could have.
"Touko-san," Yuuki, show her how . . . how persevered you are! "May I ask why?"
Touko's hand reached for the glass in front of her, then lately realized that it contained no liquid. Her hand retracted, this time she put her hand inside her skirt pocket. "I think, this place is good enough for our conversation." She looked at him again. "Kaichou-sama, please take a seat." She pointed her hand to the chair adjacent to her, signaling Yuuki to sit beside her.
"Touko-san, before I sit, I would like to know if you'd like to talk about your shawl that you left in the Ogasawara library in this kind of environment." He spoke in undertones.
He was still standing there, thinking of many things that would make Touko be convinced to talk to him outside the Biscuit Door (Yumi had been generous enough to tour him before), or even outside the Rose Mansion. He was hoping for a reaction from Touko, but based from his achievements right now, he was not even having a fraction of what he wanted to accomplish.
Sure, you accomplished being the sticky parasite. He mentally kicked himself.
"Oh? Whatever do you mean, Kaichou-sama?"
He knew she was trying to deny it. He knew, he was so sure of it, that it was hers. It was black; it matched with the small black dress she wore in that party. He knew the scent of her cologne. Somehow, this attraction to her made his senses so responsive.
Quit having reviews now about the mechanism of the olfactory sensory pathways! He mentally kicked himself again.
"I have it with me. You're shawl, the one that was partnered with your black dress . . . I don't know why I had it, but—"
"Well then, Yuuki, please come with me," Her voice was firm, even though she whispered it almost inaudibly. When Touko stand up so slowly, he looked at her face for confirmation. When she finally was three steps away from the Biscuit Door, he took this as an opportunity to follow her. He felt strange. He felt he was doing something so dangerous. He gulped his saliva.
When Touko was already out of the room, it was his time to take those three steps to the door. When he opened it, Touko was already in the taking her first step down to the wooden, creaking stairs. She was three steps away from him; her paces were uniform and almost calculated, therefore he tried to maintain some distance. Her expression was unreadable, and he was worried as if he would get some tongue-lashing today.
It was so surreal, following her.
She stopped, just beside the front door of the Rose Mansion. It the sun's peaking arc was still springing sunlight to the sky. He was watching Touko being basked into red-orange hues by the soft sunlight.
Wait, did she just say my name without an honorific?
Noriko, who finished washing the glasses, suddenly noticed that Yuuki-sama was not already in the salon. She was reluctant to ask Rosa Chinensis, who was rather pensive; her head faced the sun that was surrendering to the pull of the horizon. She was sitting on the windowsill, when Noriko approached her. She was greeted with a smile by the Rosa Chinensis.
"Ara, something bothering you, Noriko-chan?" Yumi gazed at her, her neck crouched a little to look at the Rosa Gigantea en bouton.
Noriko chuckled after she noticed something from Yumi's speech. "Rosa Chinensis, your 'ara' sounded so similar to Sachiko-sama's."
Yumi blushed after she heard the compliment from Noriko. She looked somewhat embarrassed, thus looked sideways, almost hiding herself because she was blushing furiously. "Really? I guess I got it from always being with her."
Noriko just laugh with her for a while. There was still twenty minutes before they leave, and the salon was lively thanks to Yoshino's jokes and the Hanadera boys' storytelling. Nana and Shimako was there too, culminating the fun by just watching and laughing.
Before Noriko could stop herself, she said to Yumi in a whisper, "Yuuki-sama is very competitive, is he not?"
Yumi, sensing that the girl needed some confirmation about her statement, said truthfully. "I guess. He really is into this host club thing."
"Was it because of his predecessor's legacy?"
"Hah, I guess so. But being the president twice was something Kashiwagi-sama couldn't do right? I think he already surpassed Kashiwagi's expectations." She looked away, to the sky, and smiled, "He just didn't know it."
Noriko absentmindedly blurted it out again. "He's really admirable." I wish I could cut my tongue right now.
"Ara?" Noriko-chan?
She tried to explain as truthful as she could. "It's just that he really was really civil to Touko even if she's quite . . . cold to him."
"What's my petite soeur doing this time?" She asked calmly. She didn't want to prod anymore about Touko's feelings and the way people see her, but when Yuuki was involved, something in her gut told her that she needed to know something. What's happening to me?
"You know, when she acts as if indifferent and spoiled in front of someone . . ."
She finished the sentence for Noriko. ". . . She couldn't read. Then, she gets attention by being such an annoying brat?"
"But she could read you well, Yumi-sama."
"I know, because of my face. But she'd outgrown being a brat already, right?" She looked at Noriko with serious eyes. "Tell me; ask me something, Noriko-chan. I know you want to,"
Noriko paused for a moment. "Are Touko and Yuuki-sama not in good terms?"
She was quiet again, looking at Noriko's eyes. Somehow, the White Rose bouton was enamored of why and how Yumi-sama's smile softened Touko's heart. "I wouldn't know, Noriko-chan. But I think, if you think it further, being not in good terms didn't mean they hated each other."
Yumi's smile remained, and she immediately joined Yoshino's group.
Noriko watched Yumi mingled with the Hanadera people. The two other Hanadera second year representatives were looking at Yumi with admiration, confirming that Yumi was really popular among the Hanadera boys. She still pondered on Yumi-sama's words that everything around her seemed blurry. She put her hands on the windowsill and watched the darkening sky.
Am I worrying too much about Touko? Am I too overbearing, since I prided myself as Touko's knight?
She saw two figures below her, just outside the mansion's door.
Or do I really need to worry about her?
"How did you come to the conclusion that the shawl you're talking about is mine?"
She stopped her tracks and faced him after three unvarying steps away from the window. It was already dark, and the lights of the first and second floor of the Rose Mansion were already lit. Before Yuuki closed the door with one of his hands, he looked at his watch on the other arm. Well, I guess, I still have ten minutes to spare. Before everyone goes home.
He closed the door. She looked at him blankly.
Should I say the truth that her cologne—her scent—was the indicator? "Your dress, I believe, matches it." He nervously said, though he tried not to show it.
She detected the lie. Then, her eyes became half-moons, her pink lips formed an evil smirk. One of her hands rested on her waist.
"Are you really sure you're not gay?" She said all too slowly.
"No, I'm not—please no not deviate from the topic." This made her briefly alarmed that the she was unconsciously digging up the past. No, she wanted as if nothing happened—no balcony scene, right?
"Yuuki-sama, where is it?"
"The shawl?" Yuuki verified.
"Yes."
"I didn't bring it." The truth finally came out. He counted many times he put inside his bag and removed it again, thinking if giving the shawl to her this early of the season would be tactical. The shawl was in a drawer of the study table in his room, carefully folded, unwashed.
Stalking, though freaked him out, was definitely his kind of thing.
He literally saw a bulging vein in her forehead; it's just that it was covered with her straight bangs. "Then why did you mention it in the first place?"
"I just want to confirm if it was really yours." Which is true.
Touko was running out of ideas, of how to push this parasite away from her. She was sure enough that he would be an occasional distraction, but she never thought that she would be seeing him everyday within a few days until the festival. She felt heat raising her cheeks again, a sensation that she did not want to entertain. She had enough during that party, and she was pretty determined to be immuned to it.
But not now, especially when Yuuki-sama was unconsciously triggering her memories of the night when she looked at him more closely than before. Sleeping. With his lips slightly parted. Traces of vodka in his breath.
She shivered at the thought. She tried to dodge his verbal advances. I don't want to get into anything compromising here.
"Have you ever thought of asking Onee-sama about that shawl?"
"I never did ask her."
"How did you have it?"
"I don't know. I just got it from the library. I knew initially that it's yours. I tried to find and ask you back at the mansion, but you and your parents had already gone." Yuuki explained.
When Yuuki was suddenly talking with less defense, Touko almost gave in to the notion that they have nothing . . . no trifling feelings to worry about. "I guess I forgot about it." She lied. "Or probably it was not really mine, after all." She suggested.
"Maybe Yumi tucked me in with that shawl." Yuuki pondered, putting his chin to the hand of his folded left arm, while his right hand was supporting his left elbow.
"Why were you in the library, in the first place?" Touko was still emotionless with her expression.
"I can't sleep."
"Really? When did Onee-sama come in to the picture?"
"She can't sleep too. We looked at the paintings for a bit, then head to the library."
"Too adventurous." She pokerfaced.
"That's your onee-sama. It's as if the paintings sucked her consciousness away." He chuckled at the thought of Yumi almost becoming a statue as she shredded time just viewing a painting.
Touko just watched him laughed about his sister. They may have known each other for more than a year and a season old of being soeur, Touko was still surprised on how "complicated" her grande soeur was. She did not know that Yumi loved European architecture and Japanese traditional paintings; she did not know that Yumi was a passionate Go player. If she had been comparing Sachiko from Yumi as she used to compare them (Sachiko being the jack-of-all-trades while Yumi being the . . . well, whatever), she gravely want to stab herself of her undeserved arrogance and underestimation of Yumi-sama's worth.
Yuuki maybe was just all-lean muscle and determined face. Maybe, but judging him based on Yumi's silent achievements, Touko was beginning to be enamored by the idea that . . . he's more than what I think he was.
"So, you play Go?" Oh, crap, what did I just say? Touko was now mentally kicking herself because she almost gave an impression that she'd been in the library—who just witnessed Yuuki an Yumi's battle in the Go board.
"Huh?" What's she talking about?
"Nothing . . . I mean, what did you and Onee-sama did?" Touko was smiling almost awkwardly, having a delay of nerve impulses being sent to her brain. She was almost failing to watch her words; instead, her tongue was producing a cascade of messed-up syllables, in fear of being caught.
"Did I mention that we played Go until we fell asleep?" Yuuki, on the other hand, had been nervous that he was forgetting the course of the conversation.
Surely, you see, that both of them were having their own problems of how to deal with their problem. The problem of being caught, and being lame.
"Yes, a while ago." She lied again, pleading to all the saints to mislead him from the conversation.
"Hmm. Well, I guess I've always been so nervous while talking with you."
It was five minutes before they would launch from the Rose Mansion and escort the ladies to the front gate of Lillian Academy for Girls. The sun succumbed to its contrast, and now the moon, bright as it could be was shining through the windows of the parlor of the second floor. The youngest soeurs were already closing the windows, while the men were arranging the seats. It was about time to go home.
Yoshino, who had gone tired entertaining her audience, was waiting for the rest to finish up. Now, all the members of the Yamayurikai and Hanadera council were holding their leather bags. The visitors were first to go down the creaky stairs, while the Roses insisted to be the last in line. Shimako was already on her way to the stairs, when Yoshino noticed that Yumi was holding three leather bags.
"Yumi?"
"What's it, Yoshino?" Yoshino was still holding the doorknob.
"Let me carry one bag for you. Whose bags are those anyway?" Yoshino was beginning to be as contrasting as she was three years ago. With her building stamina and endurance, she was chipping out every piece of "weakness" that used to be associated with her.
"Touko and Yuuki."
"Please, Yumi, give yourself a break. You should act the older sister sometimes. Show to Yukichi who's the boss—ara?"
As Yumi offered Touko's bag instead of Yuuki's, Yoshino was beginning to find the missing pieces of the puzzle Yumi was trying to hide from her. She considered Yoshino as her best friend, true, but this did not mean that she would spill her brother's business to her. She believed on those grounds.
"Where's Yuuki?" Yoshino looked at her with a smirk.
"…" Yumi walked away from the Biscuit door, as if she never heard the Yellow Rose's question.
"Spill, Yumi."
"I'm not going to say anything."
"But Yumi, you're saying something now—"
"Fine." Still, she held on to her belief. "No—this is about my soeur and my brother. Please, just act normal. I don't want to meddle, neither should you."
Baka! My stupid mouth has got me into trouble! I said too much!
"I'm not going to . . . but you could share." Yoshino smiled meekly. The Rosa Foetida had her way of convincing others. Did it ever occur to the girl that she was like the former Yellow Rose, Torii Eriko-sama? No, she'd probably beat me with a shinai if I do tell her.
"Ugh. I beg you, Yoshino, leave this be, even though you find this too interesting." Yumi hinted something that Yoshino was vexed to hear. Yoshino got the message—thusly, saying, "You smart-ass." Yoshino smirked, praising the fellow Rose for restraining her every once in a while. Somehow, she appreciated the rejection.
"Just don't mind them, Yoshino." A gentle voice interceded.
"Goodness, Shimako, I thought you're—?"
"I stopped to meet you halfway along the staircase." Rosa Gigantea held her bag with both hands, resting it against her thighs.
"I told you to be quiet, Yoshino." Yumi mumbled.
While they were descending upon the staircase, Yumi stopped her tracks because of a comment—"But to be honest with you, Yumi, it was such a long time before your brother made a move." Shimako was not looking at her.
"Wait, you know about this?" Yoshino exclaimed. Since when am I beginning to be so stupidly dense about my surroundings?
"When?" Yumi had no choice but to just accept the fact that Yuuki and Touko's tension was not anymore this private a matter.
"Sachiko-sama's graduation party."
"Oh, that." So it's not just me.
"Yeah, we did. She won." He told her the rest of the story.
"She always tells me you're a very good player." She commented, as they spend the last minutes before everyone could call this a night.
They were always like this—taking down walls bit by bit as they spend their time together, alone. In front of others, they preferred being unattached with each other. They knew it by themselves . . . they have been hypocrites.
"Meaning, she's much better player than I. That sly."
She got the pun in his joke. They both laughed.
She had no idea that this would be so funny—she couldn't remember when did she start laughing. It was not too funny a joke, but hearing it from him—made her want to laugh herder.
When did she start to be so free—like this? Yuuki thought as she watched her made fun of him. Their silent friendship started so awkwardly—she was with her usual gentle but arrogant swagger, while he was with his usual leveled head and a slight smile. They've been meeting in the strangest times, on the sidewalk near his home . . . the party . . . Kashiwagi's home. Always with chaperone. When would he have her all alone? Without the pretense of this student council meeting crap? Without his cowardly excuse like the cultural festival? Just being with her because he wanted to, and could he say this to her face? When?
He stepped near her, his arms halfway spread, ready to catch her if she weakened from laughing too hard. And she was. He couldn't help a smirk.
"Don't laugh at me!" Yuuki was aiming a false mock to himself. Then Touko cackled harder.
Touko was gasping for air; one hand was already resting to the wall of the Rose Mansion, while her other hand was on her stomach. "I'll stop—I'll try to stop."
"Don't try suppressing it. It's cute, you laughing this freely."
Touko suddenly had forgotten why she was laughing. Hearing this from Yuuki (let me remind you, Touko, that he's a problem, remember?), she remembered the barriers that she industriously build in the last few months since she'd seen him last. She abruptly thought that nothing that they were talking about was funny—he was only talking about Onee-sama! She reminded herself, every day ever since Yumi-sama announced the appointment with Hanadera council, that she must suppress this—this feeling so familiar every time he's with her. This feeling of being free. Free of the unknown and the unsure.
She stopped laughing.
What's wrong, Touko? He thought with utmost anxiety. Is there something that I said? "What's wrong, Touko?" he whispered.
Neither of them noticed the abrupt absence of illumination from the second floor, even the impending sounds coming from the Hanadera group that was already near the door, thus opening it . . .
". . . Rosa Foetida's like a laughing gas . . . ore—Yukichi, I didn't see you there!" Kobayashi stopped her stream of praises for Rosa Foetida, when he saw Yuuki and Touko standing three steps away from the door. His face gave a hint that he noticed nothing.
"I'm so sorry to bother you, Kobayashi-sama." Touko replied.
"Touko-san, you're here too?" Alice finally spoke.
Wrong move, Touko! I'm an idiot!
"We had business to talk to." Touko replied smiling, implying not your business.
"Right." Yuuki seconded rather scathingly to his subordinates, implying more directly, not your business.
The Roses finally joined them outside.
"Oi, Yuuki, come on, let's go home!" Kobayashi still did not notice the grave atmosphere Touko and Yuuki were creating upon the Hanadera council . . . and Nana and Noriko. The never noticed that the boutons were there, because they were behind the boys.
"Yeah, right." Yuuki, sensing that Kobayashi was still ignorant about this atmosphere and Touko's sarcasm, looked for his sister.
Yumi was already behind Noriko and Nana, along with the two other Roses. "I have your bag. Have a safe trip, people." She said to the crowd.
She gave his bag, while Touko headed to the door, intending to get her bag in the second floor. While she was reaching to the door that Yumi just closed, Yoshino stopped her hand.
"Rosa Foetida?"
"Here, your bag." She lifted Touko's bag.
"Thank you very much, Rosa Foetida. I really apologize for being so rude to let you bring my baggage." She bowed slowly.
The crowd was already away from the two Roses and Touko. Yes, Shimako was watching, too.
"Not at all. I insisted Yumi to let me give that to you." Yoshino lifted her lips in a beam.
"Yoshino, Touko-chan, let's go," said the timid Shimako.
They walked far behind Yumi and Yuuki's group. Touko saw that Yumi was talking with Noriko, while Nana was talking to Alice-san and two second year Hanadera students. Yuuki, she noticed, was quiet. He was walking alongside four-eyed Kobayashi and buff-guy Magane.
What's wrong, Touko?
Wait, did he just say my name without an honorific?
She felt awkward, being in a three-seater with Yuuki and Yumi. Since Yumi had loaded first in the bus, she occupied the wing end of the seat, the one nearest to the window. Since Yuuki silently insisted ladies first, she was now sandwiched between the siblings. Great. He should have stood. But this was a three-seater! The bus was full, because the next stop from Lillian had too many people occupying the bus.
He intended that he would leave Touko and Yumi alone on that seat, but with the next batch of people hoarding for a space in the bus, he gave in to his first impulse—to sit with her.
The travel seemed too long, too cramped. He tried not to move, while Touko was trying not to have a conversation with Yuuki. Yumi, with her fist aiding her head while she looked outside the window, silently hinted that she was tired. Yumi slept for a while, but her head bobbed, making her wake again. Touko, sensing her grande soeur's uneasiness, asked permission, "Onee-sama, please sleep on my shoulder." When Yumi gave her a distraught look "Ara?", Touko said,
"I demand it."
Yumi, then smiled, yawned, and whispered, "Please don't spoil me, Touko."
Yumi descended the side of her head to Touko's shoulder. At the same time, Yumi coiled her hand with Touko's. Yumi was such a touchy person, and Touko was truly enjoying this skinship. In a second, the Red Rose was asleep.
Touko smiled.
They are in their own world. How she spoiled Yumi. Making sure that Touko wouldn't notice that he was watching, Yuuki was trying to stay in cognito. He watched Touko putting her hand to Yumi's head, ensuring Yumi's comfort. Yumi's breathing was even, with silent inhales and exhales.
It wasn't that he was jealous of Yumi. No, truly not at all. He might infer with this observation that only Yumi had the courage and the consent to be have this skipship with Touko—the fact that Yumi usually showed her love for others by touching. She would pat his head or shoulders unconsciously; she would walk with his with her arms draped on his. This time, she expressed her appreciation by holding her imoto's hand.
I want to hold her hand again.
Touko felt an overwhelming wave of satisfaction as Yumi clasped her hand with hers. Her hand always felt so different, every time Touko held Yumi's hand. It was always soft and warm, slightly bigger than hers was. Somehow, she had the same sentiment regarding Yuuki's—although his was just as warm, his fingers were much bigger. When she held his hand during their private dance in a balcony of the Ogasawara Mansion, she felt his fingers calloused, a bit buffer. It was not as soft as Yumi's, for she felt his masculinity with the prominence of his knuckles and the roughness of the skin where his fingers bent. Yet—but, how come, why, why is she reminiscing that kind of sensation she felt almost a season ago?
To make matters worse, the subject of this memory was just sitting beside her, totally hogging the space she was actually being crushed by his hip whenever the bus moved unexpectedly in an erratic motion. She felt so foreign, fantasizing about a man's hands, which belonged to the person just next to her! Heat was rising through her, evident from the blush that she failed to suppress.
Today was just another day in summer, but he never felt this . . . bothered before. He was always used to this kind of heat, but not whenever she's near. No, literally close to her, with their thighs and knees almost touching each other. Her lithe arms were pressed against the side of his pectorals, while their shoulders were touching each other. Yes, it's already dark, but this didn't mean that the heat accumulated during the day could just vanish after the sun went down. Plus the fact that more passengers were occupying the bus, leaving him no choice but to budge next to her. No, No . . . 3.14159265358979 . . . .
Then the travel became too long again. After securing Yumi-sama's sleeping form, Touko was beginning to notice the man sitting next to him. It was still a long time before their stop. They were to separate in the K station, and as she could see outside, they were still in the suburbs. No doubt that the train station would be that far ahead. Or, was just the bus too slow? She couldn't tell anymore.
Long was the ride, and passengers were already jumping off the bus. Gone were the byestanders, however, all the seats were still full. He wanted to stand for both girl's comfort, not scavenging the little warmth from Touko's shoulder. But gone were the bystanders. He then prepared—he put his hand on the handle of his black attache, and then stand—
"You don't have to—" Touko look upward, while Yuuki clasped his free hand on a rail.
"I insist. Please be comfortable."
After his small speech, she looked away to check on the sleeping Yumi. Their hands were still intertwined. Seeing Yumi dozed off, Touko smiled secretly.
He just watched the moving scenery outside.
He saw Touko's secret smile because of Touko's blur reflection upon the slightly tinted polyester. He smiled too. He needed to thank Touko later. Properly.
-ooo-
At the time K station was near, Yumi woke up just on time. Like a fully-charged battery, she bounded up, checking herself—her face and hair—in front of the tinted window, and apologized repeatedly to Touko how irresponsible she was ("You should be the one sleeping on my shoulder! I'm the grande soeur!"). But, Touko brushed it off, and stopped Yumi with her hand on Yumi's head. It was like there was an exchange of superiority.
When they reached where they have to separate, there was still time before Touko's and the Fukuzawas' buses. By the time they need to say goodbye to Touko, Yuuki whispered to Yumi inconspicuously,
"Yumi, I need a little time."
"Alright."
Touko was still facing them, a little confused about what was happening. She looked at Yumi with question in her facial features, but Yumi replied just the same.
Yuuki stepped forward, and bowed deeply. Without lifting his head and upper torso, he said,
"Thank you for taking care of my sister. I always knew that she's always in good hands in Lillian."
"Yuuki-sama, please, you don't have to," She looked stricken, her blush was really betraying her. There were people passing, some of them not minding, some were. Lillian and Hanadera uniforms, by some means, at the most awkward of times, were appearing from nowhere. Touko noticed some white scarfs and black pleats, indicating that some high school division students were there—I hope to God no one knows who I am!
She didn't have time to act, to portray someone else—it was like her brain got mushed by his actions. Oh how, how to prevent this slow reception for things such as this!
Touko saw that Yumi was shocked too—she was stiffly planted onto the ground, her eyes wide, her mouth opened, as if her jaw dislocated. Jaw-dropping. Now, Yumi fully showed her astonishment in Yuuki's grand exhibition. She almost put her hands on his lowers shoulders as she stepped forward too.
"Yuuki—Yuuki-sama, please rise up! People are watching!"
He then followed orders.
There—their separate buses were there. They had to go now.
"Sometime, I'll return the shawl to you,"
"What?"
"When I'm ready, Touko."
He was gone before she could digest all he said. He grabbed Yumi while running to the direction of their bus. Touko even forgot to say her goodbyes to Yumi.
She turned to where her bus would be. It just stopped, but then, she ran as fast as she could, not minding the pleats of her skirt, the vertical curls of her hair, or the knot and leaves of her scarf, as she dashed to the bus.
The bus driver (she noticed he had this ridiculous mustache usually found in Mexican movies) said to her after she reached the door, "Easy there, girl, you don't have to run, we have a lot of time."
She further blushed.
TO BE CONTINUED
AUTHOR'S NOTES: There. My other supposedly a one-shot fanfic "How They Wish It Was Raining" is not related to this story.