Last chapter was short i know.. thats why i updated this one at the same time!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or other thingy-majigs in this story!

Day 65

There was a loud knock at my front door and the urgency of it made me worried, who would be coming to visit me now? As I opened it a blotchy, red and tearful Al Bed face just stared at me. Their blonde hair hanging in their eyes only caused them to look more dishevelled rather than to shield the fact they'd been crying.

I gulped hard, trying to swallow my pride, "What do you want?"

"Paine, I've been such a fool. I don't know what to do." Tear stains on their face indicated that they really needed a friend right now but I didn't feel I wanted to be that person. "Please, don't look at me like that. I know you have good reason to hate me but I'm scared and so ashamed. I didn't know who else to come to?"

Sighing deeply I stepped aside as Rikku pushed into the hallway meekly. "Do you… er, want a drink?"
"Erm, no I'll be fine. Thank you." She shivered as she took a seat and I passed her a tissue.

"What's all this about?" I wasn't sure this was genuine or just another Rikku-catastrophe.

"Well… I – I don't know who to turn to. I don't know what to do I'm just so confused and unprepared. I never think ahead do I? That's my problem the fact I never bloody think about anything."

"You've got that right." I said coldly as I took a seat next to her. I didn't know what to say. The last thing I knew she had been making moves on my boyfriend and conspiring against me. However, what I said only made her holler louder and I severely regretted not taking the passive approach. "Look, what's going Rikku?"

It took her a long time to regain her breathe but I think the time lapse was good for me as I was not prepared for what she was intent on telling. However, between her splutters the only thing I managed to ascertain was that she was "never doing it again."
"Rikku, what's going on?" I asked frustrated.

"I'm pregnant!" she blurted. I should have been more rational but the only thing I could think when she said it was 'He lied - how could he? How? He lied? He lied! He was lying to me, all of it just lies! It just repeated in my head, Gippal was a lying, cheating scumbag and he'd had the nerve to try and make me think otherwise. Rikku continued to bawl her eyes out next to me as I used every strength I had not to do the same. I felt my insides crumble and my heart was aching so much I thought it might physically burst and on many levels I sincerely hoped it would. She was pregnant, she was going to have a baby and it was going to be my ex – boyfriends. Not that anyone knew that, of course now his secrecy made perfect sense. I couldn't believe it and I found myself just staring, stunned, into space. Why was this happening?

Why had she come to me first? Was this some sort of a sick joke?! I couldn't stand the fact that she was carrying his child and even had the cheek to tell me first – surely she knew something was going on. Was this her way of "sorting things out"? Why had I sniggered at her? Why had I been so bloody minded? I felt so hurt.

"Have… ha..." I attempted to speak but my throat stung as I did so. I gulped down hard a couple of times and tried again but luckily she wasn't focusing on my speech too much. "Does the… the" could I bring myself to say it? I needed to know. "You've told the father?"

Rikku looked up to me slowly and just shook her head before replacing it back to rest on the palms of her hands.

"I don't know if I can. I'm so scared he'll reject me. He's not the committed type and I don't think a baby really fits in with his life plans." As she spoke I had to look away, with each word that reminded me more and more of Gippal I felt like I might snap.

I tried to change the subject quickly. "When did you find out about it?"

Sniffing, the girl replied, "Only yesterday evening. I didn't get any sleep I've been so frightened." Taking a deep shaky sigh, I could hear she was on the verge of hiccups, "About a week ago I started to wonder but just pushed the idea aside, then yesterday it all got too much and I just needed to know."

"Oh." Was all I could say; I felt so meek, so unimportant I didn't feel it mattered if I said the right thing or not. "Are you… er… far – far along then?"

Shrugging coldly she stated it was "about 3 weeks, I guess". Oh that's so brilliant. Perfect timing for when they were away together, I calculated. That disgusting man, how could he have done this? I hated him; my whole body shook with rage as I thought of all the deceit. "What am I going to do Paine?"
I shrugged, who was I to give advice? "I don't know Rikku." What did she expect to get from me? What could I say? "Do you want it?"

She turned and stared up at me, "Of course I do…" she started with almost shock at the prospect of anything else but by the end of her short sentence she was staring into space obviously contemplating the ideas. "I guess there would be more convenient alternatives. I hadn't really considered it before but loads of people do it don't they? Is it really so bad?" Was she asking me? If so I couldn't really answer her. "Maybe I should really think about it. I don't think I can cope alone anyway."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not responsible enough, I like my own time, I don't wanna be dedicated to someone else just yet." She explained truthfully.

"Do you think that should have been a consideration before you got into all of this?" as I said the words they hurt me just as much as I'd intended them to hurt her.

She nodded towards the ground. "I'm sorry to drag you into this but I thought maybe you wouldn't judge me."
"Why did you think that?"
"Well," she sniffed, "You have a wider perspective. You aren't directly involved and I guess I value your friendship." I couldn't help but hate her! Not directly involved! Gippal hadn't even hinted, he really was an arsehole. And now she's putting me on the guilt trip; I just wanted to scream – to get a gun and be done with it all! What was I supposed to say? "What would you do Paine? If you were me, how would you handle all of this?"

"I wouldn't let it get to that." I stated, I know accidents happen but now I was positive there was no way I would let myself get into this sort of mess – who knows who else I may be hurting in the process?

As I said this, Rikku began to cry again, but I couldn't even bring myself to fake remorse now. I just didn't want to hear anymore.

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I lay down on my sofa as I stared into nothing, I didn't want to be thinking right now but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to let these feelings get the better of me but it was so hard. I felt so betrayed, I felt distraught and I hated feeling that way. It made me feel angry and I just wanted to punch someone, no! Him, I wanted to kick him so hard he'd feel how I was feeling now.

I let out a yell from the back of my throat as I tried to get rid of my frustration but it was still there. It wasn't going to leave.

"What the hell am I doing?!" I screamed to the air.

How could he!? He'd been completely faking this whole time! He'd lied to my face and to my answer phone countless times. It hurt me right in the pit of my stomach and my heart ached as I thought about him telling me "nothing happened" and "I wouldn't look at her" – how he'd "done nothing wrong"! Did he really think I wouldn't suss him out? Rikku chatted for Spira, like I wouldn't be told what he'd done, if I was really that gullible in the first place. It made me hate him so much. All the things he'd told me had been lies; did he really want to insult me so much? All those times I'd kept throwing the situation back and forth in my mind, thinking just maybe he was telling the truth and I was being harsh – it had all been completely futile.

What else had he lied about?

"I'll still love you" – he never meant a word of it. He never loved me, ever – "I really did love you. Then and now" – he was coning me. But for what reason, he had no purpose! He made me look so stupid. I hated looking stupid, it was the one thing I could never forgive a person for, purposely embarrassing me – it was the cardinal sin! Yet he'd gone and done it right under my nose and I didn't even realise! I was so blinded! I couldn't let myself be this foolish ever again.

I can't believe I thought I loved him. I felt tears push pass their floodgates and there I was, just like I was when I thought he'd died. But this, it was worse. Yes, then I wasn't going to ever see him again but I knew he loved me. This new guy, I lost him before I ever even had him, he was a lying idiot in reality and I'd fallen for him. Why couldn't this guy die instead? I hated him!

If he wanted Rikku, then fine, he could have her. I didn't want him anyway; I was never attracted to cheaters!