14. Capture
"I don't like it in here." Gilligan said, as they traversed the poorly lit passage. "It's scary." When they had started their journey he was all for it, excitement had clouded over everything else, but now that he had time to think it over he wasn't sure he liked being so deep underground.
"Stop being such a chicken liver, Gilligan." The Skipper said. "It's just a cave, you've been in them before."
"Yeah, but what if there's an earthquake or something and the entire mountain collapses on top of us? We could die from that."
The captain gave a sarcastic roll of his eyes. "Oh, really?"
"Yeah, we'd never get out and starve to death."
"There's nothing to fear but fear itself." Max said smartly.
Gilligan stared at the spy in complete amazement. Even the Skipper got scared sometimes. "You mean you wouldn't be scared if the whole mountain fell on you?"
"No."
"Wow. Did you hear that Skipper? He wouldn't even be scared!"
The Skipper just grunted. He thought this guy was just full of hot air. But he didn't dare insult the person who was going to rescue them.
"No, I wouldn't be scared," Max continued. "I'd be too dead."
They walked in silence for a while. Then, without warning, Gilligan let out a rather loud sneeze.
Max jumped about two feet into the air, drew his pistol, whirled around and aimed at the sound. Gilligan's hands flew up in surrender. Instantly realizing it was only the first mate, Max grinned rather sheepishly and holstered his gun. "Eh, sorry about that, kid."
After they had all calmed down a bit, the Skipper grinned. He just couldn't help himself. "That looked like fear to me."
Max frowned, angry at being caught, especially by people who were supposed to admire his prowess. His quick and irritable retort was; "Can't you tell the difference between fear and lightning quick reflexes?"
As they followed him down the tunnel Max continued. "Yes, my body is a highly trained fighting machine. And my mind is like a steel trap, able to discern even the smallest details."
"My there's suddenly a lot of hot air in here." The Skipper mumbled.
Max shook his head. "Seems a little cold to me." They turned a corner and Max stopped abruptly. He put a finger to his lips, demanding silence. Just ahead there was a large steel door set into the cave wall. The door was open and light streamed from it. They could hear muffled voices from inside. He leaned close to the Skipper and whispered; "Got your gun, captain?"
"Right here."
"Good. We're going in. Follow my lead." He turned to Gilligan. "Stay behind us, kid."
He nodded. No problem there. He wasn't about to head off a raid.
Max rushed into the room gun first. "Alright everybody, hands up!"
The Skipper rolled his eyes. "Not you, Gilligan!"
"Oh."
A small oriental man bolted to his feet. "Smart! You're arive?"
"Well," Said Max smugly, as he kept the criminal covered. "If it isn't my old friend the Craw."
"Not Craw! Craw!" The KAOS agent shouted in exasperation.
"He's your friend?" Gilligan asked in disbelief.
Max frowned and shook his head. "No, no. When I say 'friend' what I mean is diabolical adversary."
Gilligan nodded. "Oh, I see."
"What's with his hand?" the Skipper asked, indicating the Claw's prostheses.
"Have you ever heard of the 'Great White Whale'?" their diminutive foe inquired.
The Skipper's eyes widened. "That was done by the 'Great White Whale'?"
"No. This was done by a small red convertible."
"Don't get too close, captain." Max held up a warning hand. "That magnet is powerful enough to rip the gun right out of your hand."
"So, my two leetle guinea pigs, we meet again!" They all turned to see Ballinkoff rise from where he had been sitting, unnoticed, in the back of the room. He bowed deeply to the captain and crew.
"Ballinkoff!" The Skipper exclaimed wide-eyed. Gilligan leapt behind his captain and peeked nervously around him.
Max frowned, glancing from the strange man in the cape to the two castaways and back again. "You two know this guy?" He was slightly irritated that these two civilians knew something about KAOS that he did not.
"Yeah," Gilligan nodded, still hiding behind the Skipper's large frame. "He's the mad scientist who lives in a creepy castle on another island."
Ballinkoff stamped a foot angrily. "I have told you time and time again: scientist, yes. Mad, no!" With that he let out a hysterical giggle, but quickly stifled it with an embarrassed shrug. "Besides, I prefer 'evil genius'."
"One time he kidnapped us and took us to his castle, and switched our minds!"
"He did what?" Max could scarcely believe his ears as Gilligan continued.
"He put us in these little glass booths and latched the door. Then he pulled this leaver and then I was Mr. Howell."
Max put a hand on Gilligan's shoulder. "You poor kid."
"You think he had it bad?" The Skipper said. "I was Mrs. Howell!"
"What are you complaining about? At least you would have lost a couple hundred pounds. Think of poor Mrs. Howell!"
The Skipper's eyes narrowed and his hands clenched into fists, but other than that gave no reply. After all, this guy was going to get them off the island.
Gilligan clamped a hand over his mouth trying to stifle a giggle. He shut up quickly when he was rewarded with a smack over the head.
Ballinkoff eyed the Skipper and Gilligan resentfully. "And my ingenious scheme for world domination would have worked too if it had not been for them!" He shot an accusing finger at the two castaways. "They were very uncooperative subjects."
"I've got a good mind to turn you into the medical board." Max said. "They'll take your license away for malpractice like that."
"Yeah," Gilligan added. "And his bedside manner was terrible."
"I don't have a license." Ballinkoff crossed his arms proudly.
"In that case we'll charge you with practicing medicine without a license."
Gilligan tugged on Max's sleeve. "He didn't give us any medicine."
"Oh." The spy looked a bit confused for a moment but shook it off quickly. "Er…yes…well, I'm sure we'll get him on something."
A strange pulsing buzz filled the room, accompanied by a large, blue, blinking light on one of the computer consoles.
"What's that?"
"Dat is Bobo. He is carring."
"Answer it." Max waved him over with his gun. "But no funny business."
The Claw nodded, moved to the computer and flipped a switch. "What is it, Bobo?"
Bobo's voice crackled over the intercom. "Intruders in D room."
Max, Gilligan and the Skipper exchanged a worried glance.
"Intruders?"
"Yes. Tree women. I capture dem."
The Skipper's jaw dropped. "Oh, no!"
"They got the girls!" Gilligan's wide blue eyes looked from Max to the Skipper. "What are we gonna do?"
A hint of fear crept across Max's face. 99. It was soon replaced by an angry glare at the sight of the Claw's smug smile.
"It seems the tables have turned, Mr. Smart."
His expression turned to on of equal smugness as he took aim with his pistol. "That's what you think." As he pulled the trigger the resounding gunshot echoed deafeningly off the cave walls.
Gilligan automatically sprang into the Skipper's arms and clamped his hands over his ears.
The Claw leapt back as smoke and sparks exploded from the console.
"What did you do that for?" The captain asked Max as he set Gilligan down.
"Huh?" The first mate wiggled a finger in his ear trying to make the ringing stop.
"When he captured them we didn't know that they'd captured the girls. He didn't either. But when he found out that he'd caught the girls he figured he could capture us because he knew he'd captured the girls. And now he knew we knew the girls were captured. So he could tell us that the girls…that we…uh…so they…er…" Max blinked hard a couple of times trying to figure out exactly what he had been trying to say.
"Could you say that again?" Gilligan asked, his hearing just beginning to return.
"Eh…I don't think so."
The Skipper thought about it for a moment. "You shot their radio so he couldn't give orders to threaten the girls?"
Max narrowed his eyes at the captain. "Isn't that was I just said?" Before anyone had a chance to answer he gestured threateningly to the two KAOS men. "Alright, Craw, Mr. Scarloff, center of the room. Now!"
The Claw obeyed but shook his magnet in frustration. "Craw, not Craw. Craw!"
"That's Ballinkoff." The scientist corrected with an indignant flourish of his cape as he moved next to his comrade.
Max ignored the criticism and nodded approvingly. "Good. Stay there."
"Somebody's got to rescue the girls!" The Skipper wrung his hands worriedly.
"That, Captain," Max tapped him casually with his pistol. "Is your assignment."
The Skipper stiffened nervously and pushed the gun away as politely as possible. Getting shot, even accidentally, was not something he had any desire to experience. "By myself? What if I'm outnumbered?"
Max looked somewhat offended by the gesture but didn't mention it. "You can enlist the Professor and the Howells if you don't think you can take it."
The Skipper scowled. " 'Can't take it'? Why I…"
"Besides, there could be up to five guys there and you'd still have them out numbered." Max glanced meaningfully at the Captain's oversized gut.
Gilligan laughed out loud but covered his mouth quickly as he saw the Skipper's face turn a deep crimson.
Count to ten, Jonas. Calm down. The Skipper told himself with gritted teeth. Count to ten. That's right, I'll count to ten and then I'll belt him!
"Oh, by the way," Max was completely oblivious to the Skipper's anger. "You'll need this." He removed his watch end handed it to the captain, who's irritation changed to confusion.
"But I already have a watch."
Max grinned knowingly. "Not like this, you haven't." As he pressed a button on the side and the hands and numbers disappeared to be replaced by a strange black screen. "You see that little red dot? That's you. Or me. Or whoever's wearing this watch. And that green dot over there is 99."
"That's amazing! It's like a radar scanner."
"Exactly. Now just follow the directions and it'll lead you to the girls."
"My Manny Moose watch plays the theme song for an alarm and his antlers tell the time." The First mate said proudly.
The Skipper rolled his eyes. "Gilligan, nobody cares about…"
Max turned to Gilligan. "Really? I used to have one of those. But the Chief took it away when the alarm got stuck on."
"I hate it when that happens."