Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed etc. it's really great to know I'm not the only one having a good time! Also another thank you to those who recommended stories (Twice Blessed Shinobi, right?) but I have a sudden change in the amount of free time I have, so reading is not going to be a priority.

Apologies for the lateness! I had some internet connection issues for the past couple of days, so today has been a quick edit before posting. Lastly, thank you to the wonderful AnFan-n-More!

Guest replies at the bottom.

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14: Making Friends (Rumours Abound)

[-]

Laurel was supervising Iruka and Naruto while they made a batch of chocolate brownie, in the middle of a seal storage theory argument. Cat had settled on the windowsill to watch the impending madness. "Why can't you make a storage seal that acts like an explosive one?"

The instructor sighed, running a finger down the recipe she written out to figure out the next step. "That's not how it works. You have to make them for a specific sized object, and said object has to be in physical contact with the scroll."

"No, but what if you made it like an explosion? Like, explosions use the energy to make a mix of heat, pressure, sound and light and release it from the seal, right? Then you'd just have to-"

"-That is not at all how explosive tags work," Iruka interrupted, and she turned to Cat in frustration.

"Come on, back me up here, it's not that complicated!" He just tilted his head consideringly, and the witch huffed at his silence. "It's just energy conversion on a release timer! That's all it is! That means you can-"

"-That's not all it is, it's-"

Ignoring him, she changed her focus from verbally deconstructing an explosive seal to verbally deconstructing a storage seal. "-The basic idea of storage seals is a pocket dimension anchored through a physical representation, bound to paper, restricted by the ink and powered by chakra," she stated, painting a storage seal as she spoke. When Laurel paused, Iruka didn't disagree.
Cat looked marginally interested, or as interested as a man in a porcelain mask could. "General sealing requires you specify the object, but that's mostly so you know what's in there and don't go for a kunai and get a river. And I know you can seal a river, because you've mentioned it before. That means there isn't a physical limit to how much you can store, it just depends on preset filters built into the shape of the ink, so if you put a water storage seal on a lake it wouldn't have fish and plants and air in it, even if they were in contact with the water."

The ginger looked up to see Naruto about to break the egg into the mixture, and stopped him before they'd have to start over. "The first couple of times it's better to do this over a bowl, that way you can fish out bits of shell. It's a fairly delicate technique," Laurel instructed the blonde, and since the recipe called for two eggs, she demonstrated with the first.

"I don't understand how you can do this so easily, Laurel-nee," Naruto complained as he tried to crack the eggs without getting shell in it.

"Practice," she told him, turning back on Iruka over the boy's head. "Now, back to what I was saying before. If you leave the storage seal unspecified, but with a timer, it's defined by the amount of chakra powering the seal." So saying, she picked up the seal, fed it a tiny spark of her magic, and threw it up so it touched the ceiling.

With her excellent timing, it activated at the peak of the throw, and with a small pop, a hemisphere was neatly cut out and the paper fluttered to the floor.

"Because of the lack of filter, anything within a certain radius of the seal is stored, and the size of the radius is determined by the power input." Laurel walked over, reactivated the seal and held the piece of wood that used to be part of the ceiling in one hand. She stomped over to put it on the table, smirking at the Academy instructor, "So don't tell me you can't make a storage seal like an explosive tag."

The brown-eyed ninja cheerfully dumped a handful of flour on her, which she forced herself not to inhale.

"Okay, that's asking for it!" So saying, she slung sugar at his face.

[-]

Anko Mitarashi bounced into the Jounin lounge, dango in one hand and a spinning kunai in the other. Unfortunately for Yuugao, she was in the middle of a conversation with her squad leader about shifts. Since Genma'd been tracking down one of the other ANBU captains for some reason or another, she couldn't ditch before the other purple-haired kunoichi pounced. That Yuugao was a genin to the wider village and she was out of uniform meant she couldn't dodge the movement without inspiring suspicion.

"I heard a rumour that you've been watching a ghost lately, Yuu-chan," Anko purred in delight, and cuddled the frozen ANBU closer. "I thought the point to ghosts was that you couldn't watch them?"

Yuugao sighed softly, knowing the only way to get the serpentine ninja off her back about rumours was either bribery via dango or just giving her the information. Well, no one ever said I couldn't feed the rumour mill. She exchanged a short glance with Genma before turning in Anko's grip, and semi-reluctantly hugged her back. "Not technically a ghost, I'd say. More a spirit possessing a body. One of which is Uzumaki. I'm not sure if it's the spirit or the body, though. Which one is more likely to result in Uzumaki chakra?" the ANBU babbled like the rookies neither of them were.

Although technically, the younger of the two had never actually reached Chuunin or higher. At least half of ANBU were Genin on paper, and when sent out on public missions had to act that level unless they could ensure no information leaks. Most of them thought it was a fun challenge, but they generally covered C ranks the Jounin-led teams didn't, while the Genin Corps did the in-village missions.

During the Academy, Anko had decided to adopt Yuugao as her friend, and later a younger sister due to their hair colour. She'd never had any other reasoning, and Yuugao had been delighted to have a mentor figure, especially one who was only two years ahead of her. The ANBU had 'graduated' from the Academy the same year Anko was promoted to Chuunin, which - amusingly enough - was actually a year earlier than Itachi's when he was inducted and later thought of as a genius for. It seemed like only males got to be genii, or maybe it was because people like him and Kakashi actually bothered with the publicly observed system of reaching Chuunin after having a Jounin-sensei before becoming part of ANBU.

"Hmm," Anko considered her question seriously. "Probably the physical coils. So does that mean that an Uzumaki sealed a foreign spirit inside their body for extra power, and the spirit took over?" They heard Genma snort in amusement at the wild theory. "When do I get to meet this spirit in the flesh?"

Yuugao didn't bother hiding her amusement at the pun. "I can give you some hints later, but I don't want them getting hounded by every single Jounin in here. That'd be too much for anyone, spirit or no."

The spiky-haired kunoichi brightened, "Hey, does that mean we can go out for dango?"

"Anko, you just came from there."

"You don't know that!"

"In saying that, you just admitted to it," Yuugao laughed. "But yes, we can. As long as I can get some melonpan, I don't mind."

"Well then what are we waiting for?" The tokujo pulled her out the door while she gave a farewell wave to Genma's sniggering face.

[-]

The witch slammed the door to Iruka's classroom, ignoring the crowd of boys observing her, "Is making me talk sense into your baby kunoichi revenge for the storage seal thing?"

The man looked up from the quiz papers he was marking, and she could see the amusement in his eyes, "No, why would you think that? And I didn't make you, I asked nicely and you agreed to show up for one lesson."

Laurel scowled, pressing back against the door as if keeping out a pack of hellhounds after her blood. He totally knew what I was in for and he didn't even warn me! "I'm going to murder you," she declared, pointing a finger threateningly. "I'm going to rip out your organs, hang them up like party decorations and then dance gleefully on your bloody corpse." The brunette just smiled at her, like she was as intimidating as a wet, shivering kitten.

"Does that mean you'll fix it?"

She cursed at him in Parseltongue, not wanting to use actual swear words in front of so many children with parents Iruka would happily throw her way. "I need reinforcements before I brave that again. I want at least two days and a training ground with a forest." Laurel narrowed her eyes, "And after all of that, you damn well better make every single student attend those so-called kunoichi lessons, because any infiltrators will need those skills, not just girls, and it might stop the Konoha males falling for those very tricks. That's blatant sexism! Some of the sneakiest people I knew were guys, and I'm proof that girls can be powerhouses." The witch growled, infuriated beyond words.

Iruka hummed in satisfaction, "So you will. Good. I have other things to deal with after you oh-so-helpfully pointed out the lack of subtlety."

"That was supposed to be something you fixed! I did not sign up for fangirls!" She made a strangling motion with rigid fingers at him, and flailed madly to expel some of her blatant aggravation. "Did you know most of them are on diets? What kind of nonsense is that, ugh!" Laurel devolved into mumbling under her breath with intermittent Parseltongue swears catching in the ear like the sibilant noise always did. The snake language was anything but subtle when sneaking, funnily enough.

The instructor muffled his laugh with one hand, drawing her focus back to the room to see a group of startled boys watching her like a human exploding tag (that's a thought, clones made to explode). The ginger ignored how Iruka was sniggering at her, and glared the students down, "If any of you so much as think of skipping, I will hunt you down and tie you to Naruto until you learn every single thing, got it?"

"She's not serious," Iruka told them, not even pretending to be sorry about undermining her threats.

"Okay, maybe not. I wouldn't tie them to Naruto, because he already knows this stuff and that's not fair for him." Laurel spoke, amused at the resulting bewildered acceptance of Naruto's stealth skills from Iruka.

When the boy put effort into something, he went so far beyond what most people even considered. Kunoichi classes were ninja training after all, and he didn't have much luck with most of his classes anyway so there hadn't been any reason for him not to try. It helped that he'd never had someone to tell him they were only for girls or ward him off.

To the boys, she clarified, "But, I will put you through the kunoichi training session from hell, and tie you to a fangirl for the duration. You will learn this if I have to literally beat it into your thick little skulls, so do not test me."

Iruka started laughing hard enough that he dropped his head into his hands, and Laurel took that as her cue to leave.

"Bloody fangirls."

[-]

Laurel had noticed every time she left the house, there was a strange purple-haired ninja in an even stranger mesh-plus-overcoat outfit following her. Well, every time is a bit of an exaggeration. But most times. She was just finishing up with grocery shopping, having just emerged from one of the shops that barely tolerated Naruto. Well, the husband barely tolerated the whiskered boy. The wife seemed to be a former-whore, and had much more sympathy.

Naruto as a street kid after 'ditching the orphanage' had tended towards the Red Light district. People didn't really care either way, and the workers there understood being down on your luck, or judged for being who you were. He had a lot of friends there, actually. They'd gone visiting one day and he'd showcased his own jutsu that had been inspired by the people there. Though, Laurel's work costumes had made a couple appearances in the few hours they'd been there.

The witch had just gotten a glimpse of the eggplant-purple hair poking out around a corner when she decided to do something about it. "Hey, purple hair, wanna help me take these home?"

The face that was attached to the strange hair was young, maybe around Laurel's age, and stretched into a wide grin. "I was wondering how long it'd take!"

"How long it'd take for what?"

"For you to say something," the ninja grabbed the offered bag but started rooting around in it, probably for a snack. Luckily I gave her the one full of vegetables.

Laurel started walking home, and when the other woman took up a position to her left, asked "So, why are you following me?"

"I've heard some very interesting things about you. Thought I'd come say hi." She pulled an innocent face that the witch could see right through. Which was probably the point.

"Well, first off, you haven't actually said that yet-"

The ninja interrupted her with a cheerful wave, "Hi!"

Laurel didn't bother hiding her amused smile, "Hi. I'm Laurel. What interesting things have you heard about me?"

"Anko. We're going to be great friends, I can tell." Anko steered Laurel around a group of rowdy children before they ran right into the pair, avoiding her question.

"How can you tell?" She raised an inquiring eyebrow

"I just know," so saying, she stopped them walking in time for a man on a horse to gallop past them.

"You sure you can't see the future?" The ginger teased, enjoying the flirty person Anko was playing as. Laurel could probably take lessons and use them in the office. That'd be even funnier. Since she'd warmed up to Shoukin's prank, she'd managed to distract half of the men that came in from their original purpose with her outrageous costumes. If any girls had been distracted, they were good enough to hide it.
Discussions with Naruto and Shoukin about whether changing the colours or going for entirely different outfits were ongoing weekly things. It had actually led to an interesting conversation about Naruto's Sexy Jutsu - where he changed into a fully-grown female version of himself, naked aside from some strategically placed mist - and the tactical uses of it.

"Hmm, I dunno." The purple-haired woman smirked, "Nobody's ever suggested that before. I definitely like you. Even you are a spirit possessing a body." The witch had no idea what her face was doing, but it was apparently pretty funny with the way Anko cackled.

"Huh?"

Calming down, the ninja pulled the shorter woman down the correct turn for Naruto's apartment. "That's the rumour going around. There are debates on whether you're an Uzumaki spirit possessing a normal woman, or an Uzumaki who sealed a ghost inside your body which has taken over."

"Uh, wow." Laurel thought about it, "That's pretty intricate. Why am I a spirit in a possessed body?"

"It's fairly obvious you aren't human, and from what we can tell you're not any kind of demon or overly malicious being, so it's either a spirit, some kind of minor kami or the result of a resurrection jutsu gone wrong." Obviously I'm nowhere near as clever as I thought I was. So much for passing under the radar, but I guess that was shot to hell when I started lecturing the Hokage. Funny how she never actually explained why they think I'm not human.

"I like the minor kami explanation. What kind of minor kami, though? A household one? Whirlpool?" She winked at Anko at the play on her supposed 'last name'. "But, then again the spirit fits better."

"How come?"

Well, let's see how she responds to unexpected information. It's not like it's an impossible thing, from what I know of ninja healthcare. "Well, I have died, technically. A few minutes, maybe, when I was younger. I got better though, obviously." They arrived at Naruto's building, which apparently was actually Naruto's building in that he owned it. It was one way of stopping the civilians from making his life even harder.

Though, the traps Naruto had set up around the first few floors helped. She'd unconsciously mimicked him whenever going up the staircase, which had definitely saved her a couple days in and out of the shower. Coming home from work to find sticky slime and sneezing powder smeared in the lower corridor had been quite the surprise, but she'd laughed it off. Now Naruto was using it to teach her the proper methods of ninja trapping and how to detect such things without magic. Making her own was one of the best things!

Laurel had to give the Hokage credit, he was trying, and he was clearly fighting an uphill battle to get the village to accept him, but the information hoarding was a trait she disliked in a leader. Sure, the witch could understand it from the perspective of a war-leader, but that didn't mean she approved or would carry that out herself. She made a point to inform Naruto as much as possible, and informed him why if she wasn't able to answer any questions.

Anko hadn't dropped her wide grin at the idea of temporary death, or even flinched so Laurel figured she was in the clear. "I'll see you 'round Anko. Feel free to come to me to confirm any more rumours, I always enjoy a good bit of harmless gossip."

The key word in her phrasing was 'harmless'. As long as she wasn't going to be ostracised, or Death-forbid venerated for one made up fact or another, it was fun to play the game.

[-]

"How often do you do this?" Laurel gasped, running behind Naruto as he lapped the training ground for the 10th time.

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, "About every two days or so, why?"

She flapped a hand and asked another question, "How many laps?"

"Uh, twenty-ish." She swore viciously, but it only made her feel a little better and left her panting for air.

"Come on, Laurel, put your back into it!" Shoukin hollered from her stationary point against a tree. She flipped the magical construct off, and pushed a little harder in order to catch up with Naruto. I'm so going to use this on those fangirls and watch them suffer.

[-]

"Yuugao, I'm going to visit Rei!"

"You shouldn't call her that," she scolded, flinging a dango stick at the tokujo while rifling through Anko's bookcase for something to borrow. Hayate had stolen her new kenjutsu scroll that morning before she'd come off shift, so now she had nothing new to practice with. Seals weren't that interesting when she'd specialised in seal storage rather than something more useful like barriers, so fiction it was!

The mesh-clad woman dodged like it was nothing. Since the younger hadn't put much force behind it - just enough to stick in the wall - it basically was nothing. "What? It's better than Kakashi's 'monster'. And! It's based in fact. Calling her a deceased soul is totally accurate! She said she'd died, everyone thinks she's a spirit, and she has a super weird acceptance of the cycle of life. The character literally means soul, spirit or departed soul. It's the perfect name for her!"

"I hope you don't call her that to her face." Yuugao grabbed one at random and started flicking through it before she actually noticed what it was. Picking a sentence on the page, the ANBU nearly dropped the book in shock, "Anko!"

The woman in question was in the middle of packing away her tea set, and didn't bother glancing over her shoulder, "What now?"

"Since when do you read Icha Icha?" The lurid orange book simply had the title 'Icha Icha Paradise' with two badly-drawn people depicted on the front. It looked more like a book for children under three than part of the mature porn series it actually was.

"Eh, it's not a big deal. I got bored and stole it from Kakashi. I don't think he's noticed yet because I snuck into his apartment, and he's been away on that mission. I'll put it back when I get bored of it."

She smiled at her older sister, "I'm so proud of you," she cooed. "Stealing from Kakashi!"

Anko snorted, shrugging into her coat and absently plucking the dango stick from the wall when she walked past. "You can't talk, Yuu-chan. How long did it take you to even talk to Hayate again? And this was when you already knew he liked you." She rolled her eyes, "He's not even gonna know it was me. He might be a genius and ex-ANBU, but he doesn't notice anyone not already in his circles, you've gotta admit."

"Yeah, I guess that's true. He noticed Laurel though."

"That's just cause she's an anomaly," Anko scoffed. "Don't give him any credit for that. All genii hate things they don't understand." She gave the younger woman a droll look, "I would know, what with having the sensei that I did. As soon as they understand something, they get bored and leave."

Yuugao caught her before she managed to open the door, and hugged her enthusiastically. "You're worth more than he would ever know. Now, I think I'm coming with you. I don't dare read that."

Anko curled her lips into a sly smirk, "Maybe it'd give you something to try out on Hayate."

"Oh, shut up," She whacked her on the arm, and slung it around her waist afterwards. "Let's go visit Laurel. I haven't 'met' her yet, though. You'll have to introduce me."

[-]

Iruka answered the Hokage's summoning with a punctual knock on the door, and went in when called, "Yes, Hokage-sama?"

He looked up from where he was sitting at the desk, the hat casting his face into shadow. "I received your request for a training ground." He paused, probably waiting for his defence or an explanation.

The chuunin held his tongue, wanting more to work with. Talking with the leader of his village was not something he thought could ever be comfortable in an official setting, strictly speaking. Talking to the Hokage was different from talking with Hiruzen, and this was clearly the latter, but that didn't mean he was going to run off with assumptions like he cautioned his students against. Just because he had a temper and wore his emotions openly didn't mean he was stupid; Iruka was a ninja and proud of it.

"Does this have anything to do with Naruto's new relative and the sudden bout of interesting quizzes I've heard about?" The Hokage asked after letting the silence stretch for a while.

Iruka decided to come right out with it, it's not like he'd been trying to hide it so far, and Hiruzen didn't seem irritated, rather more interested. "It does. Laurel pointed out a massive… lack in our education system, and I thought I should test the validity of her argument before acting on it. This is part of that, and when I asked for her help with the female half of the class and the difference in their physical performance, she asked for a training ground." He thought about what else might be worth saying, and eventually came up with, "I think she plans on pulling her ANBU guards into it, honestly. And possibly Anko. I know she's asked them, at least, and it depends on their availability and the date."

Iruka was lucky the Hokage liked him, judging by the way his eyebrows rose and the stare he got from the village leader. "Do you know what she has planned?"

"A 'training session from hell', apparently." Iruka shook his head, "But I asked her to assess the girls' skills, and she ran into my classroom like they were some kind of unholy terrors. Given her fondness for children, Laurel is going to try putting some common sense into their heads while providing strong female role models to keep them grounded. She's expressed concern that the students don't seem to understand the reality of ninja life, and the fact that they will be in real, life-threatening danger with their own skills as a buffer. In exchange for her doing this favour, she wants all students to attend kunoichi lessons, even if those are 'sub-par at best' according to her."

The Hokage hummed thoughtfully, "And what have you found yourself? Are her concerns valid?"

Nodding, the chuunin explained, "I've never really thought about the education my students receive as a whole, focusing most on my own subjects and getting feedback from my coworkers on specific students. Mostly which ones are doing well or might need help, and so on. The only true score we get is the graduation test, as you know, since every teacher assesses their students in their own ways. Because of this, Naruto's lack of education slipped through because none of them ever reported more than him being a troublemaker."

"What else?" He prompted, able to tell that was not the most important thing the teacher had to say since he'd already heard about what Laurel and Iruka had found - through Naruto himself.

"It's… quite disturbing, actually," the hickory-haired man admitted. "There's a large list of things that have gradually vanished over the years for no discernable reason I can find. Most of what the students learn has been reduced to useless bookwork, and it's fairly consistent across the whole school." The Hokage gestured for more detail, so Iruka complied. "Starting with general classes like history, apparently they exclusively learn about Konoha. The course touches on the founding, and the main members like Hashirama-sama, Madara-sama, Tobirama-sama and Mito-sama, plus the Uchiha and Senju, but aside from a list of clans that joined later there's basically no mention of the Warring Clan Era aside from 'it was bad'."

The Hokage looked appropriately confused and concerned, especially since it differed greatly from what the Academy instructor had discovered about Hiruzen's own school-days. Iruka had been talking to the older shinobi to find out what it used to be like, confirming that what he'd found was actually something to be concerned about.

Iruka continued, "Normally, that wouldn't be much of an issue, but children aren't really used to reading between the lines unless specifically told or taught how to and when it's appropriate. The same trend follows for the Shinobi Wars, the history of the Hokages, and so on. There's no mention of other villages at all, or the Capital, and I'm not sure if any of them could even name the minor countries if given a map."

It was like that for everything, as he'd said. With Iruka teaching genjutsu and ninjutsu mostly, he had assumed the previous teachers had taught chakra basics enough for him to get right into it. Apparently that was not true, and now that he was looking for it, he was finding holes all over the place. If it hadn't been so well hidden, Iruka would have despaired of his teaching skills for letting it go unchecked for so long.

After digging and asking some of the more aged shinobi what they'd learnt in their Academy days, it painted a very grim picture of what could only be sabotage. There used to be multiple training trips to deal with terrain differences, protecting versus attacking, stealth versus drawing attention. There had been weekly workshops or lectures from Tokubetsu-Jounin on their specialties (and if they picked up an especially talented kid as an apprentice, all the better) and the values of different skills.

By rights Iruka's students would know the different advantages of things like long-range, mid-range and close-range for both jutsu, and any forms of taijutsu. They'd know who to ask about different weapons, or any specialties or departments they wanted to head for after graduation.

Kunoichi would have learned poisons and herbal remedies alongside flower arrangements; physical health and exercise alongside posture; diplomacy with tea ceremonies; emotional health with seduction and misdirection; nutrients with cooking.

The new 'program' would make the graduating ninja more likely to fail missions outside Konoha or start international incidents. Screwing up a new jutsu was about three times as likely without the background for each hand sign and chakra basics, and jutsu creation was basically a thing of the past. Any subtlety was basically thrown out the window, which was what Laurel had caught onto initially, even if neither of them had even imagined the full scope of what they were dealing with.

Other not-actually-minor things like the rampant sexism and general prejudice had only been worsened, since there were no longer weekend sessions for civilian-born to get more focused advice from the teachers that Clan kids took for granted. The lack of apprenticeships was also a major setback, since generally the Tokujos went for non-clan kids to get someone able to exclusively learn their style or specialty. Clans had their own people for that and could easily provide for their members in most cases, so the apprenticeships were wasted on them.

Through the Tokujos, the graduation numbers were usually better. Alongside the general 2-5 Genin teams with Jounin-sensei graduating annually, there were also the students taken on individually who made it to Chuunin fairly easily. And because each Tokujo usually trained three or more over their lifetime, that was a lot of specialised shinobi no longer reaching their full potential, or finding like-minded ninja to carry on helping Konoha the way they did.

Most kunoichi made it to Chuunin at the highest, and only lasted out a few years before retiring to have families. There was nothing wrong with that, but the sheer amount of females dropping the career was disturbing and indicated a deeper problem. Any in infiltration or seduction tended to burn out twice as fast and vanish from public record, either logged as on long term missions, constant border patrol, or ANBU as they shattered under the mental pressure without the tools to deal with it.

To Iruka it seemed a lot like someone had pinpointed the heart of every lesson, the purpose behind each skill and ripped it out. Nothing that would immediately be noticed, but still effectively reduce the competence of their shinobi, one graduating class at a time.

That someone had been able to get such insight into the Konoha Academy, and then bring it down from the inside made Iruka's temper flare. Judging from the suspicious tones and hissing nonsense Laurel took on whenever they discussed it, she wasn't far behind him.

The instructor had been more concerned with what had been done rather than who was responsible, and collecting hard data. Now that he had enough evidence to prove that something was truly wrong, Iruka was able to hand it over to the Hokage for him to address the obvious security issues. Logically speaking, there had to be at least one person at the Academy to make sure any minor issues got dealt with before someone noticed, and the paranoia resulting from that was not something the chuunin really wanted to encourage. If he was twitchy now, having a specific target to observe would only make things worse.

Iruka took the files of collated information he'd grabbed when he'd been summoned, and handed it over while he explained everything.

"Thank you, Iruka, I will deal with this," he patted the pile of evidence. "Now, as to your request, I will allow it in the understanding that Laurel will be supervised at all times by either yourself or one of the other shinobi. If her twin is there, she must also be watched."

The Hokage paused in thought, in the way that Iruka knew was simply acting. The Sandaime could assess and formulate plans for any situation in a fraction of a second, but he played the old man unless there was a specific reason not to. People underestimated him to their detriment.

"She will be taking her civilian test soon, so we should be able to pinpoint her origins and whether she is a spy for wherever she came from. You say she has a love for children, so I want you to assess the truthfulness of this, and whether she has other motivations for bringing these issues to our attention. We both know how effective she is at hiding, and though I could brush this off as part of her personal experience, it seems more complex than that because she pointed it out so blatantly."

So the Hokage would allow this in because it was a test, of her character, skills and motivation, secondary to the one coming up after the civilian test. If she passed it, Laurel would be told she was no longer under guard, which was lie. The weeks afterward would be crucial in seeing how she acted when thought to be free from the need for masks.

Iruka nodded in confirmation and understanding, and took his leave. If he was required for anything regarding the investigation into the Academy, he would be notified. For now, he needed to tell Laurel when she had a training ground so she could tell her helpers. Iruka would have to join them, but since the instructor had already been planning to, it wasn't an issue.

[-]

Naruto was snuggled up inside the blankets she'd made for him, listening carefully while she read to him from Tales of Beedle the Bard. Laurel hadn't been able to throw it away no matter how many times she'd tried after the war. It still meant too much, a pointed hint to the time she'd spent as a member of the Wizarding World before coming across a book of traditional tales, or more recently a reminder of how the war had changed her.

Nonetheless they snuggled up together, her teaching him about the ridiculousness of her heritage through 'The Hopping Pot' and other stories. "Naruto, do you know of a place where dangerous jutsu or techniques might be kept?"

He blinked his sky-blue eyes, brow furrowing in thought. "...Maybe?"

She waited, knowing their watchers had disappeared more than half an hour ago due to the lack of glowing red auras in her range of vision for the same amount of time. Probably reporting in. That there was nothing in sight meant there was no one in earshot, a strange quirk of the magic that had required extensive testing to define. It varied across people, and the use of particular silencing spells either changed the colour or made the presence-revealing spell obsolete.

"He's talked about a forbidden scroll once," the 12-year-old murmured, lost in recollection. "I think it's jutsu created by the Hokages and dangerous things."

"Did he ever mention where?"

His focus settled on her form like a different kind of blanket. "Nee-chan, are you going to try to steal it?"

"Not so much?" Laurel cuddled him closer, even though he tried to stare her into submission. She'd seen worse from Hermione, and would not be intimidated by anything less than her muggleborn friend on a studying rampage. "I'm not going to steal it. I'm looking for more information about fuuinjutsu. There's only one book in the library, under the Jounin section and it's nothing practical, just the history of the art and how it's been used. I'm not going to steal it, I just want to know if there's more."

That's not even mentioning how suspicious it is that even in the Jounin history book, Uzushio was barely mentioned, and in the fuuinjutsu one they were an aside. By rights the book should be all about them as the pioneers in the art, rather than a brief mention of 'oh, these crazy people on a island practice it a bit' or 'the Shodaime Hokage's wife came from said island' or 'using fuuinjutsu allowed Mito Uzumaki to seal a chakra demon'. Like the last thing is anywhere near normal?!

Is there something suspicious about how Uzushio fell, or was Konoha involved somehow? They were supposed to be allies, but aside from Mito, and a 'Kushina' that I still have no information about, everything actually important has been swept under the rug and never mentioned again. The new generation doesn't know what they don't know, the older generation already know it all so don't need to look it up, but what about my age group? Shouldn't the ninja in one generation removed have noticed the massive gap of information?

Naruto didn't sound even a little bit less suspicious, "And what if there is more?"

"Then I'll copy it. I get to have it and it's not stealing," Laurel mused.

"Only technically," the boy refuted.

"Technicalities are the best things. As long as they have a copy, there's no reason to suspect it's not the only copy. It's a lot like loopholes, squishy, you know how much you like those."

Actually, maybe talking to him about the fuuinjutsu history and the giant hole in all of this might be a better bedtime story. "Time to change our storytime, I think. Then you'll agree that we need this as soon as possible. Paranoia is healthy, in this case." She bounded out of the room, fished out the 'Fuuinjutsu' book, and returned to regale him with what the book said, what she herself knew, and everything in between that was missing.

"Okay," he sighed in the end, and then they started planning out ways to find where this 'Forbidden Scroll' was kept.

[-]

Anko leaned over her shoulder, peering at the book the ginger-haired witch was scribbling in. "What'cha doing?"

She scribbled a couple more words, and grumbled, "Seal theory."

The kunoichi took that as permission, and settled on the bench next to her. Naruto was practicing his aiming by throwing paint pellets at the people in the park. It might not have been very "upstanding citizen" for Laurel to encourage it, but she wasn't officially a Konoha citizen yet, so whatever. That was next week.
For now, she could let Naruto have some fun and get revenge at the same time.

"Five points!" The boy yelled from his perch in the tree, before jumping to one a little further away.

The scoring system was five points for a lethal part on a civilian, ten for anywhere on a ninja, and fifteen for a lethal point on a ninja. By rights, he should only get points if he hit where he was aiming, but realistically accidents could be bad or good, so Laurel let him take credit for good fortune.

"What kind of seal theory?"

"Speed-boosting ones," Laurel nibbled on her lip, and added another stability rune to the array. The brown-eyed ninja nudged her side for more details. "I need a way to keep up with ninja in fights. It's got two parts to it. One is the physical speed, and the part I'm doing now is the mental comprehension."

Shoukin had told her off for slacking when the construct had finished the physical-enhancing runes first, when the witch wasn't even halfway through her part of it. I've been busy teaching Naruto! And working, and making friends and bothering Cat… She's so right. I have been wasting time. She can go to work for me! Or teach our Squishy tactics, or cooking or anatomy, or anything really. Ugh. At least we've got the kunoichi hell training this weekend.

Anko hummed in thought, "Those don't look like any seals I've ever seen before."

"That's probably because I don't think you have. These are a type of seal catered for the way I use chakra, called runes. My mother used them too, but it wasn't her focus the way I've made it mine. From what I can tell, they renew themselves through natural energy, only requiring a spark."

I think it needs another focus rune between these two, a precision one here, and two more air ones in opposition. With a translation on the clockwise edge of each elemental invocation, bound up in the overall mind rune, and I should be done! "...I might have finished it." She looked up at her friend with eyes glittering in excitement, "Shall we try it out?"

"Sure." Anko watched on as Laurel drew the mirror image on her palm in infused ink, keeping the shapes static with magic. After double checking everything was in order, she placed her hand on her neck so the rune array was resting over her pulse under the edge of her jaw. She locked eyes with the woman next to her, grinning a wild grin, which was returned.

Laurel focused the magic against the skin of her palm, using the ink as the focus for a temporary brand. She burnt the array into the first two layers of skin on her neck with the infused black pigments, and felt the way the pulse in her throat pushed her magic into and beyond the seal, carrying the slightly shaped energy to her brain.

As she breathed in, the world crystallized into clarity, and she couldn't hold in the euphoric giggle. Laurel watched the way the breeze made Anko's odd eggplant-purple hair twitch, the slight shift of her eyelashes as she blinked, every millimeter of the way her face changed for a bare moment to something just a hint softer. Even to the witch's new sense, the expression was there-and-gone almost before she could notice it.

"Kami, this is amazing," the redhead sighed, switching to watching the leaves sway in a clarity she could never have imagined.

It wasn't long before the effects faded as she slowly choked the magic flow enough to change the direction, so it went up the other side of her neck and took the rune-altered magic away from her mind. Since it was bound to the mind rune it had no effect on her body anyway, so it was completely safe.

Laurel sat and revelled in the glory of a successful rune array finished for a minute or so.

"So, it worked then?" Anko spoke up eventually, and the witch let her head loll onto the kunoichi's shoulder with a blissful sigh, still basking.

"Beyond expectation."

[-]

Laurel slammed her hands down on Iruka's desk, "Okay, you don't have to answer if it's insensitive, but I have to at least ask. How on earth did you get that scar on your face? It's been bothering me ever since we met, and I can't let it go any more."

Iruka blinked his dark chocolate eyes in bewilderment, "What, really?"

She perched herself on his desk, since it was lunch time and all the kids were going crazy outside. The woman absently neatened the piles of paper she'd disturbed with her enthusiasm. "Yes, really! It's so straight, there is literally no way I can think of that it was an accident. Seriously, how?"

"Uh…" He twitched when she swung around and put her feet on either side of his thighs. It might have had something to do with the way she shoved her bare toes underneath his legs, or the skirt of her gypsy outfit and how it barely preserved her modesty. What he didn't know was that she was wearing a pair of shorts underneath to prevent exactly that happening.

"Come on," the witch whined. "Tell me!" When he sat there and simply stared at her, she decided another route might give her what she wanted faster. "If you don't answer me in one way or another, I'll start guessing."

She watched Iruka, waiting for a sign he was going to give in, but none were to be found. With a put-upon sigh, Laurel started weaving one of the most ludicrous stories she could think of. "When you were little, you sleepwalked a lot, and one night after you escaped your house you were kidnapped by a family of rabid squirrels who decided to adopt you as one of their own. They were trying to find your fur, so they started carving in order to pull it out from under your skin. You woke up and screamed, and your parents rescued you from the rabid squirrels, but they had used a magic pottery shard that made it impossible to heal. And that is why, to this day, you have a scar across your nose," she pronounced, preening in the face of the brunette's gaping mouth.

He blinked rapidly, "...Too much like Naruto, for sure. There is literally no way you aren't some form of direct blood relation, I swear. No one can train to be that weird."

"What about Gai?"

"Everyone knows Gai isn't human." Iruka retorted reflexively.

She narrowed her eyes to assist in suppressing her smile, "According to the ninja grapevine, neither am I."

He laughed, and Laurel joined in after a second. He looked like Hermione when he laughed, and no matter how much it ached, she couldn't stop herself from revelling in it. "Fine, fine. I'll tell you." It was at that moment that the bell rung for class to start again, also signalling the end of Laurel's lunch hour.

"No!" She pouted, but Iruka only stood up so he could pick her up off his desk and set her on the ground.

"Go on, shoo."

"You're so mean," the green-eyed woman whined, tearing up in an effort to convince him to tell her anyway.

He grinned darkly, "I know. Until later, Laurel." He pushed gently between her shoulder blades and herded her out of his classroom.

She looked over her shoulder, pouting even harder and forcing the tears to leak out of her eyes. "Why would you do this to me? I thought we were friends."

"It's for your own good," Iruka patted her on the head, and she plodded despondently back to her own desk.

"I'll get it out of you one day!" Laurel vowed.

"Sure you will," the teacher called after her, deeply sarcastic before the loud calls of Academy students drowned out any other comments he might have made.

[-]

"You've gotta see this, come quick!" Yuugao dragged Anko and Naruto to hide in the bushes, where they'd have a good view of the training clearing closest to Naruto's apartment. They all crouched down, the older two combining efforts in order to hide the Jinchuuriki's chakra presence.

"What are we looking at, dattebayo?" He whispered, quiet enough the kunoichi could barely hear him.

"It's about to start, shhh."

The trio watched as Laurel and Shoukin came into view, chattering amongst themselves like normal. "...I don't know how to hide it though, it's gotta be somewhere on my throat to work effectively. That's not subtle at all, and I'm not a big fan of showcasing my rune mastery so obviously." Laurel complained, and her twin nodded in understanding.

"Maybe we can hide it when it's not in use?" Laurel shut down this suggestion with a wordless twitch of her head. "Right, it's going to be in use near-constantly. Uh, flesh-coloured bandage?" A hum of interest. Both copper-haired women focused off to the left in the next instant, though, cutting off wherever their train of thought had been heading. "Well, I guess the new one works."

"Cat!" Laurel called, and Yuugao suppressed a twitch of amusement. The twins had alerted her to their latest sealing project, and had wanted to see if they could sneak one on Cat without his notice. They'd needed the boysenberry-haired ninja to keep him distracted, and she'd been anticipating this moment for the past two days. Yuugao suppressed her chakra a little more, not wanting to ruin this.

"Hey, we know you're there. Come on, we don't bite," Shoukin smirked at the tree he was hiding in. Well, she wasn't actually sure because it was impossible to sense chakra and hide at the same time, but that's where the twins were focused.

"That is such a lie," the older whispered to her other half.

"I know," she sniggered back. "But it might convince him anyway, you never know."

Lo and behold, Tenzou shifted into the light, crouching on the second-lowest branch. His mask was tilted slightly, indicating his curiosity, but Yuugao could see the stiff way he was holding himself. I wonder why he's nervous.

Shoukin laughed a little more, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."

"Dude, don't do that, you'll scare him off. Remember last time?" They exchanged a look, and equally evil grins were mirrored on their faces. "No, never mind, do what you will."

Surprisingly, Tenzou jumped down into the clearing. When he used his full speed to appear between the smiling civilians, it made a little more sense. He sighed, "What?" and Laurel shifted her expression to that of a sheepish innocence.

"I just wanted to ask you something. Shoukin's only teasing."

"Alright," he seemed normal, but Yuugao saw the aborted twitch for the uneasy move it was. Seriously, what have these two been doing with him to make him this nervous. This is Kakashi-level of anxious anticipation. And everyone knows Kakashi on a rampage is right up there with a loose Shinigami, only resulting in mental scars and high emotions instead of actual death.

Laurel stepped into his chest, looking up at the mask with an innocent smile on her face. Wait a minute, is she…? Anko shared an amazed look with her. Nobody else had ever had the guts to flirt with him. Kami, no wonder he's so confused. "I, uh..." The older twin trailed off before Shoukin shifted until she was pressed up against one of Tenzou's arms, and Yuugao saw him stop himself from stepping away. The wood-release user had nerves of steel and an unreal kind of self control.
This was hilarious. If only Kakashi was here.

Speak of the devil, she smiled, as the man in question snuck into their hiding place. "What's happening?" He whispered in a tone even lower than Naruto had managed.

"She's flirting with Tenzou. And he hasn't run away yet."

Yuugao felt the shaking of Kakashi's shoulder where it pressed against the back of her own, and they settled back into watching the show.

Laurel licked her lips nervously, but the way her eyes never shifted belied the emotion. She was rock-steady, while Shoukin was hiding her smile by tilting her head downwards. It was fairly likely both women were containing their laughter, but she wasn't sure how perceptive they were of Tenzou's body language. That Laurel had even registered his interest spoke well of her intelligence. "Right. So." She flicked her green gaze briefly down to his shoulder, faking it properly and stretched on her tiptoes as if to whisper in his ear. She got far enough to rest a hand on his shoulder before he bailed, using a kawarimi to escape the tense moment.

Both civilians waited briefly, apparently tracking him somehow. Once he was 'out of range' or far enough that he couldn't hear them, their eyes met, and they burst into gales of delighted laughter. "Oh, holy hell, did you-"

"I know! And then when he-"

They gasped, getting more and more incoherent, though apparently still communicating with each other fine. Once they'd fallen to the ground in a puddle of amusement on the log Tenzou had left behind, they turned in unison to the bush, "Alright you can come out."

"What'd you think?"

Kakashi disappeared with a shunshin rather than confront the ginger twins, probably due to how he'd interacted with her while she was working. None of them were likely to enjoy meeting face to face. Yuugao linked hands with Naruto, who looked to be fit to bursting with questions, and Anko trailed behind them.

The spiky-haired kunoichi asked the first question, "Are you serious about it?"

Laurel looked mildly shocked at the question, "I wouldn't be doing anything if I wasn't. Why, did I give the impression I wasn't?"

Anko shook her head, and clarified, "Nah, it's just he's not used to it at all. He wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Yuu-chan knows him better than I do, and she says he's pretty guarded most of the time."

"I bet she does," Shoukin murmured, acknowledging Yuugao's job in a roundabout way. It wasn't that difficult, honestly. Even Naruto had gotten it before she'd left the first time they met with her as an actual person. The younger twin shrugged her shoulders, "Even if we haven't seen his face, he's still cute. And he takes polite to a whole new level."

"It helps that he's been watching us for over two and a half months now, and comes inside to talk when invited. The rest of his squad isn't as openly friendly. Aside from maybe Owl," Laurel hummed, winking at the boysenberry-haired kunoichi, who returned the motion.

"Hey, you wanna know the best part?" Shoukin grinned in that wolfish way she did.

The older twin's laugh chimed through the clearing, "I was just going to ask how much longer it'd take before he'd let me feed him some of my baking."

Yuugao basked in the joy that came from joking with dear friends. She'd only 'known' Laurel and Shoukin for a little more than two weeks, but the bonds that had formed were just as strong as those with her squad. Her sister grinned at her from across the circle, and she couldn't stop one of her own from brightening her face.

[-]

Shoukin glared at her from her position on the bed. The curtains were drawn, they were both in what passed as pyjamas, and Laurel was stalling. "You've put this off long enough. Naruto's graduation is next week, and we need all the information we can get."

"Hey," she protested. "Isn't this a little drastic? We've already warned Iruka about the bias, and Naruto's learnt a substitute clone from Yuugao. The Hokage is now actually fond of us after we passed the citizenship test and cleared up half of his daily paperwork. Our ANBU watchers think we're hilarious, even if apparently something tells them we're not exactly civilian-normal. Konoha ninja don't recognise us on the street unless they're actually trying, I haven't pissed off the Civilian Council in at least three days, and we solved the speed problem! We're doing okay."

"Stop messing around, Laurel. What happens when Naruto gets a sensei? We need to know our limits before we suddenly need something done and find out it's impossible. Call them!"

"No. We don't need to."

~I am here.~ Both women jumped, not expecting it. Death stood in the corner, in front of the witch's open wardrobe, and she had the slightly hysterical thought that the being had been hiding in there for the whole conversation.

Silencing spells already cast, Shoukin didn't hesitate, "What did you do to us?"

~I ensured your survival. Without the information I implanted about the Elemental Nations you would have been executed when they first noticed you. After you came back from that, there was no peaceful solution.~

Laurel's eyes narrowed, "You don't care about peace."

~I do not.~

"Then why?"

~Because that was as you wished it.~

What the- what is this nonsense. Because I wished it? She exchanged an incredulous look with her golem, and could see thoughts of a similar vein there.

"What else do you know?" As soon as the question left her mouth, the witch could see Shoukin wanting to cover her face at her own stupidity. "Never mind, don't bother. I guess the answer would be 'many things' or whatever. What else do we need to know?"

~I am not capable of altering living beings, not truly. I can influence them, but my purview is the dead, in all forms.~

"That sounds important," Laurel mused. "What kind of forms are there that we don't know of?"

Death paused, possibly running through the options and their definitions. ~You know of ordinary dead souls and split souls. In this realm it is possible for shinobi to trade their souls for a boon, through the medium of fuuinjustu. Those are stuck in Limbo, rather than Purgatory with the rendered souls. Reanimated dead are also within my control in all ways. Reincarnation is… difficult. They are comparable to split souls in that they do not count as wholly living, but are not technically dead. Depending on the new-to-old soul ratio, my influence can be strong or as obsolete as it is for any other being.~ She didn't think she'd ever heard the Primordial talk so much. Clearly Death was enthusiastic about… death. Go figure.

"How do you mean 'influence'?" The magical construct sounded curious. Admittedly, speaking to a being such as Death was so uncommon as to be impossible, so the curiosity was warranted.

The Primordial hesitated again, and spoke slowly and with great care. ~I can influence the subconscious towards certain reactions, which can, in turn, change the conscious mind. I used this on you when you first arrived by transferring information. Because you understood the source, your mind had no need to create a reason for it's existence. This is not so for the truly living.~

"Uh, am I translating that right? You mean you can tell someone they recognise something, and so they will. But if it's like, 'you know this person' they might make up memories to avoid feeling crazy?"

~It depends on the will and mental stability of the individual, but otherwise that is correct.~

Laurel's mind turned to their spun web of background. "You can influence the Uzumaki members we mentioned, then?" They inclined their head, and she exhaled in relief. That had been bothering her ever since she lectured the Hokage, and she'd felt their names slipping out of her mouth without her knowledge. "How much of what I know is true?"

~A significant amount. Your personal history is, of course, completely false, but everything else is based in fact. The people you know of do, in fact, exist, and mostly in the places you know them to be.~

That sounded like another point that required clarification, "...Mostly?"

~Nagisa Uzumaki is on the verge of death. Her daughter Karin is used as a hostage to keep her in the Kusagakure hospital. If you leave immediately you could probably save her from dying of chakra deprivation.~ The being mentioned all of this in an off-hand manner that made it seem trivial, but it stirred Laurel into readiness for action.

"Where?" The being waved a hand leisurely, and mist moved from their hand to swirl into a mirror, showing an alleyway next to a hospital. "Okay, then, I'm off. Death, I assume you heal chakra deprivation by transferring your own into the subject?" She waited barely long enough to witness a positive answer before she apparated silently to the location Death had shown.

[-]

Shoukin examined the Primordial, looking for something she didn't find. "You traded favours for souls, right? Any interesting ones?"

~I have the other half of the chakra 'demon' currently sealed inside your charge's stomach, and his father who was the one to seal it there.~

The golem gaped for a solid 30 seconds before regaining her composure, "What the hell do you mean by 'half of' a chakra demon?"

If it had been anyone else, she would have sworn Death just sighed in aggravation at her. How rude.

[-]

Guest replies:

Guest (11/07, two chapters): Thanks! I put a lot of work into figuring out pranks and such,even if you guys have only seen one. Sadly, I do not know how to play shoji, therefore Laurel does not know how to play shoji. That might not happen, but if it does it's a while away. Uzumaki things next chapter! As you guys should all be able to tell from that ending, anyway. But I'm excited for it.

I'm very glad you're enjoying yourself! I've tried my hardest to keep everyone in character, and it's going well so far. Yeah, Iruka's pretty chill. He's really good for her. Thank you for your review! It had me smiling.