Chapter 14

Disclaimer: surprise, I'm Cassandra Claire, yall fell for my prank :P

The Walls Are Down

"I wish we could take back the things we said,
Cos what we said's not always what we meant,
We lost our heads, in the moment,
And the words we used them like a weapon,
But no one wins if we both walk away,
And we hid behind the people we became,
We're warmer than that, we're better than that,
And i still cherish all the things we had" - Leona Lewis

Alec sat on the small pine bed, sulking. He was rather good at sulking, after perfecting the art during many years of being related to Isabelle. As he was mainly responsible for his siblings, he had never really been able to throw tantrums, as he'd be the one who'd have to clean up. So instead he had sulked and remained moody and cold, whilst still performing the necessary "big brother duties".

He remembered one time, after Isabelle had spilt hot chocolate all over his brand new copy of "the Great Gatsby", he had refused to talk to her for five whole days, until she apologized (although she never actually did and just he gave up in the end).

At that moment however he was at the peak of his sulking abilities. The room around him was almost black and he glared at the far wall with a ferocity that could boil lead.

He couldn't believe that Magnus would keep secrets like that. Was he ever planning on telling Alec that he enjoyed beating up strangers in his free time. It was common knowledge that only cowards, idiots and psychopaths took their anger out on random people and Alec did not want to date anyone who fell into one of those categories.

The sweet persona Magnus had around Alec was clearly just an act to hide the fact that Magnus Bane really was the good-for-nothing-loner-rebel that everyone said he was. He had probably been playing Alec from the start. Alec sighed. As much as it hurt that theory made sense, why else would the great Magnus Bane spend time with him.

"This is stupid, Magnus loves you and you know it," a small voice scolded, but he pushed it aside. Because he didn't want to acknowledge the truth, which was that he was scared.

He had seen Magnus seriously maim someone, as if it were child's play. The man hadn't even flinched or pitied his opponent. Seeing that side of Magnus terrified him and he didn't know if he would ever look at him the same way again.

A soft knock on the door interrupted his musing and he grunted something that sounded like "come in".

The door slid open and a tall boy peered round the door, his silver hair falling into his eyes. "Hey Alec," Jem smiled, stepping into the room. "I was just wondering if you wanted a drink?" he held out a Condensation covered can of coke (A/N- alliteration much) and Alec suddenly realized he hadn't yet eaten.

"Yes please," he smiled, taking the can and gulping the coke (which was not such a good idea as it was really fizzy and made his eyes water). Jem came and sat down besides him on the bed.

"Feeling better?" Jem asked, giving Alec a sympathetic look.

Alec was confused for a second- as how did Jem know about him and Magnus- before he realized that the other boy was referring to the mysterious bug Alec had claimed to have caught (or as Jace liked to say "double-volcano-itis").

"Umm, yeah" Alec said quickly in an attempt to cover up his poor lying skills, "much better. Although I doubt I'll be well enough to go out….of this room…..as I'm very tired." Alec winced as he continued to dig a metaphorical hole with his gabbling.

Jem gave him an odd look but didn't question him. Alec breathed a sigh of relief and uncrossed his fingers. "So what's everyone else doing?" Alec changed the subject abruptly.

"Well, I think Tessa said she was going to show everyone the docks, although Will wanted to go to the woods." Jem's voice sounded wistful, "I wanted to go with them but.."

"You're ill too, aren't you?" Alec said,taking in the boy's appearance. Jem looked paler than he usually did (which was very pale indeed), grey shadows circled his eyes and his bones struck out slightly on his angular face.

"Well I hope you feel better soon," Alec said, patting his friend awkwardly on the back.

"Me too," Jem whispered, "me too."

Hours later they were sat on the sofa in Jem's cabin, covered by massive blankets watching Titanic (their joint guilty pleasure) and although Jem didn't know the reason Alec felt bad, his company helped. Having someone beside him helped. Alec realized that sometimes, he didn't have to be alone.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"And then, without a flicker of fear, I leapt from the cliff top and into the churning waters below."

Clary let out another massive sigh and groaned, "yes Jace I know, I was there. And you left out the bit where you screamed like a girl on the way down."

Jace scowled at this, "that is so not true, and I'm just practising telling the story for Alec and Jem's sake. It's gonna be an epic re-enactment, with real water and we will paint the couch brown to represent the cliff and-"

"-no you won't," Tessa interrupted sternly, "it's Jem's cabin and if you mess it up then he won't invite us back again."

Jace frowned and opened his mouth to answer but Clary hastily asked, "what's wrong with Jem anyway? Does he have Alec's bug?"

"Double-volcano-itis," Jace quipped, but everyone ignored him.

Tessa and Will exchanged worried glances before Will said, "It's none of your business," the same time Tessa said, "something like that"

There was an awkward silence whilst the pair appeared to have a telepathic conversation then Tessa turned back to Clary and Jace, "he's just ill, I'm sure he'll feel better tomorrow."

This seemed to anger Will as he gave an incredulous huff and quickened his pace. Tessa sighed.

When they finally reached the cabin, Jace reached out to open the door and was confronted by an unexpected sight. Both Jem and Alec were curled up on the large couch (one at either end) swamped by two massive fluffy blankets. They were sipping what looked like hot chocolate- smothered by cream and marshmallows- and watching the large flat screen T.V. When Jace entered Alec grabbed for the remote, frantically pressing the button and making the screen go black, but not before Jace caught a glimpse of Kate Winslet giving Leonardo DiCaprio the gooey eyes.

Jace let out a snicker and lept onto the couch, in between the two. "I'm flying Jack," he sang, in a high pitched simper. He spread out his arms and closed his eyes, pretending to be Rose at the helm of Titanic.

"It's a good film," Alec growled, his voice hidden by the pillow he was facepalming.

"yeah for girls," Will smirked entering behind the blond.

"Hey, I like it too," Jem said calmly.

"It's an awesome film," Tessa added.

"Yer I swear it won at least one Oscar," Clary said.

Turned to look incredulously at the three. "You're all ganging up on me" he cried dramatically pointing a finger. "First he tries to kill me," Jace glared at Will who was sipping at a large glass of beer he got from god knows where, "now you three are trying to argue about the quality of a film we know you only watch because of the hot dude,"

"LEONARDO DICAPRIO," the girls shouted.

"What ever, the point is you are all out to get me."

"I'm out to get you, but that's 'cause you're a douche," Will smirked.

Jace gasped in mock horror, "HOW DARE YOU I-"

The sound of someone knocking on the door made them all shut up. Clary frowned and looked around, to see that everyone was in the room.

"Are we expecting someone?" Tessa asked.

"No…..My parents are away so, no we aren't." Jem replied looking equally confused. He made to get up and open the door, but Clary grabbed his arm, "wait, what if it's a psycho," she squeaked, "horror movies have taught me never to open the door after eight o'clock if you are not expecting company."

Jem rolled his eyes, "well I can bring a weapon or something." Then the silver haired boy reached over and grabbed something.

"You can't fight a psychopath with a statue of buddha," Tessa sighed, "plus you shouldn't be doing any fighting, let Jace go."

"WHAT!" Jace cried, "I can't go, the pretty ones always die first."

"For God's sake," Will groaned and stalked out of the room towards the front door. "Who are you and why are you calling so late," they heard him snap to the visitor.

"God I hope it isn't a family friend" Jem groaned falling back against the pillows.

They could hear the stranger replying but his voice was muffled by the rain that was now pouring down.

"It's funny how the weather can change from sunny to rainy in such a short period of time," Clary mused.

Jace gave her a disbelieving look, "Clary this is no time for your weird observations, I am trying to eavesdrop."

"Ok, well he's just through here," They heard Will say as footsteps approached. He rounded the corner looking fed up, followed by a dripping Magnus.

Jace's mouth fell open. He had never seen the sparkly boy so dishevelled. Magnus' hair hung in strands around his face, his cotton sweater was limp and purple Doc Martens squelched as he walked. He fiddled with his thumbs and avoided eye contact.

Jace didn't think he'd show up. Magnus knew how mad Alec was, why wasn't he giving him space to cool down. Jace glanced over at Alec to see how he was reacting to his boyfriend's sudden appearance, only to find that he wasn't even looking. Alec was, as he had been for the last ten minutes, staring into space as he sipped his hot chocolate-hands clenched around the chipped mug.

Magnus was staring at the boy too. Looking scared. "Alec," he whispered and although his voice was super quiet, Alec tensed and slowly turned. His blue eyes widened in shock and he almost dropped his drink.

"W-what are you doing here," he stuttered, scrambling to his feet and backing away slightly.

Magnus looked as if his heart was crumbling with ever word Alec said and the fear in his eyes. "Alec, darling I….I came to explain."

"I don't want to hear it" Alec said and stumbled backwards, through the back door and into the night, followed closely by Magnus.

Jace stepped forward, unsure whether he should go after the two but Clary grabbed his arm, "Leave them," she murmured, "they need to talk."

Jace bit his lip. "I know but….I don't trust him, Magnus I mean."

"He would never hurt Alec."

"Yeah, you're right" Jace said, after a pause, but he wasn't sure that she was.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Alec please, just hear me out"

Alec ignored the voice behind him and kept running, his feet slapping the wet ground and splattering mud everywhere.

"Alec!" he could hear magnus getting closer and remembered that his boyfriend was a lot fitter than him. Then he recalled the reason why and quickened his pace.

"Alec, wait," a hand closed around his wrist and he shook it off as if he had been electrocuted. "Just hear me out…..please."

Alec spun to face the other boy, his breath quickening, "hear what Magnus? That you are sorry for lying to me? Sorry for hurting people? For not being yourself?" He stared into the swirling green eyes before him, "Look I need you to tell me the truth. Do you actually want to be with me, or was this all a game to you?"

Magnus flinched back as if Alec had punched him. "What," he choked, "I-of course I want you Alec. I don't think I've ever wanted anything as much as I want you. And I am sorry…..for lying and hiding this part of me but, can't you see why? I was scared, I was ashamed. I didn't want you to see the horrible person I am sometimes, because i knew you'd react like this." He gestured to their current situation: soaking wet outside, both breathing heavy.

"WELL HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO REACT!" Alec yelled, clutching his hair at the roots. "I witness my sweet, loving, supposedly "misunderstood" boyfriend beating the living crap out of some stranger. It scares me Magnus, I thought I knew you but now…"

Magnus let out a sob and whispered, "I know" and he sat down, on the grassy verge, covered in mud. He looked so broken and hopeless that Alec found himself sitting besides him.

"Just tell me why," he whispered.

Magnus gave a ragged breath, "it's just a way to cope. I know it's a bad one, but most are, aren't they. Sometimes my life just seems so shit I just...I need to get it out. I can't keep it all in, it hurts. And yesterday...I tried to phone you, but you didn't pick up so..."

Alec felt guilt stir in his stomach. He had seen the missed calls soon after he had arrived back at his dorm room, panting, his mind reeling with what he had just seen. He had assumed that the calls had been made after Alec had witnessed the fight, so he had ignored them.

He reached out and silently took Magnus' hand, thinking about what the boy had just said. It was true that Magnus was going through a hard time, what with the anniversary of his mother's death approaching and he guessed that fighting willing butch guys was better than drugs or self-harm.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I knew you were going through shit and I shouldn't have over reacted and ran away. I should have talked to you like a mature adult; then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess." (He meant the last bit figuratively and literally, as they were sat in a lot of mud.)

"You have nothing to apologize for Alec, nothing at all. It's my problem and I promise I will try not to lose control again." He gave Alec a small smile and Alec returned it.

They sat in a comfortable silence (broken only by the pattering rain) until Alec whispered. "What made you so upset last night?" He said it softly, not wanting to pry, but unwilling to have any more secrets between them.

"Well...I remembered what happened."

Alec's breath caught in his throat and he held Magnus' hand tighter.

"My dad found out that he wasn't my dad and that my Mum had an affair twenty years ago and he went mad. They fought and...I tried to help, but I didn't get there in time and she died. My father told me she killed herself and I guess it makes sense- she'd had depression for a while- but I don't want to believe it."

Alec wasn't sure if Magnus was crying, due to the rain sliding over his skin, but the tremble in his voice broke Alec's heart. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Magnus' slender waist and pulled him close, stroking his hair softly. There was nothing he could say, but he hoped that being there was enough.

All of the remaining anger at Magnus drained away, leaving him hollow. He understood why the boy felt the need to inflict some of the pain he felt on others. Alec imagined that if he were in Magnus position, he may well do the same.

"Alec," Magnus whispered, staring into his eyes.

"yeah,"

"I-I think I'm in love with you."

There was a silence as Alec processed this.

"It's okay if you don't feel the same I just wanted you to know that-"

"Of course I love you idiot," Alec laughed and he leaned forward to kiss him.

And despite the fact that both their lips were numb from the cold and they were soaked from the rain, it was the best kiss Alec had ever had.

A/N

Awww cute ending. Malec have made up. Next Chapter(s?) will be extra fluffy before we deal with the depressing death anniversary shit.

Thanks for so many reviews, I got 29…. that's a lot.

I think in the future I will reply to reviews through the wonders of pming, except those who don't have an account.

Reviews for the accountless (this sounds like a weird charity):

Guest- Glad you liked it, I wanted to add the Infernal devices characters as I love the series and I actually read them before TMI. Will is my dream guy but unfortunately he will only be a temporary character as him and Jace are too alike.

until I die- Thanks for being so nice, I'm still not sure what to do about lemons but you guys will know soon enough. The audition went very well, I may have an all day shoot on Tuesday (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Livthereader- hello again thanks for reviewing, I do like lemons (both the fruit and the fictional style)

DanyJay- Sorry, I have a thing for cliffhangers, at least this chap ends nicely. Glad I made you laugh and I agree, it sucks when Malec fight.

Hotcisawesome- Yay, Alec forgave him! they are bbfs again!

Guest(2)- lemons are cool, and malec are all better now :)

Thhanks for everything
Lots of virtual love
Amy
xxx