AN: Two chapters for you today! Enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen

Kiss It Better-He is We

And she cried

Kiss it all better

I'm not ready to go

It's not your fault, love

You didn't know, you didn't know

She and Jesse had just got back from the hospital. Her doctor had confirmed her fears, she was getting worse, and her oxygen count was low. She would have to start wearing oxygen. She was definitely dying, and so soon after Cassidy came to town, after they'd laid bare their feelings for one another.

Shit, she thought, she'd pretty much already told him when she'd been shouting at her brother, letting out all her pent up feelings and thoughts as of late. She and Jesse had talked about it at the hospital.

When she'd woken up in the hospital room a few hours later, Jesse was asleep in the chair next to the bed. As she looked at his left hand holding her right, she started to cry. When she moved her other hand to wipe at her face, Jesse woke.

"Elain," he breathed, relieved. "How are you feelin'?"

"My head doesn't hurt anymore. Has Dr. Fitz been in yet?"

"No, but he'll be by soon." He squeezed her hand in both of his. "Elain I'm sorry I've been so overprotective, I just…"

"I know," she said, knowing he didn't really want to finish that sentence. "I know it makes you feel better to check on me, to help me. I know you wish there was more you could do."

"We could always go see-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Jesse Custer. I'm not goin' to that woman for anything. And everything comes with a price. No."

"Elain-"

"No. This is my life. It's my decision and you should respect that."

"Well if we went to her you'd at least-" he stopped and let go of her hand, wiping his face with his hands before leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

"No," she said quietly. "And that's the end of it."

They were both quiet for a while before Jesse sat back up and grabbed her hand again. "I love you Elain. We're all the family we've got," he said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I love you too Jesse," she said as she squeezed his hand back.

~O.O~

Cassidy hadn't even known she was sick to begin with. Maybe she should just cut things off now, but she didn't think she would be able to stand that. He didn't deserve this. No one did. Jesse had already lost their mother, and then their father, now this? And Tulip? She'd always been like the sister she'd never had. Emily and Tulip had come to see her the night before since Dr. Fitz decided to keep her overnight, but there was no sign of Cassidy, which had her worried.

Now she was sitting on the couch, an oxygen tank by her side, and a cannula in her nose. The doctor had written her a prescription for a portable and rechargeable oxygen machine, and the health care company was supposed to bring over a bigger one that plugged into the wall and could be wheeled from room to room within the coming week. It was all too much. She'd held together pretty well but now, as Jesse went to town to get some dinner and some whiskey, she decided to see if Cassidy was home. She went into the attic and paused at the door, staring at the mattress she'd been on with Cassidy such a short while ago. It felt like it had been longer.

She found some old empty picture frames, vases, and other glass knick-knacks that had otherwise been forgotten. She picked up a robin's egg blue vase and inspected it for a moment before throwing it at the wall and watching it shatter. She reached for another item, and then another. She screamed and cursed with each toss, barely pausing to listen to the satisfying sound as each item shattered, eager to throw the next, and let out all the anger she'd been holding in for so long.

That's how Cassidy found her, with glass and wood and ceramic shattered everywhere, screaming, with tears streaming down her face. He'd been frozen to the spot when he entered the room and saw her. He'd never seen her like that. She froze when she turned and saw him standing there.

"Cass…" she breathed.

"What's goin' on love?" he approached her, noticing her hands were cut and bleeding in several places from a lack of being cautious in her anger.

"I-I need to tell you somethin'," she said, letting the glass figure of an angel she was holding slip from between her fingers and smash onto the floor.

Elain had walked past Cassidy and he followed her, eyeing the oxygen tank she was carrying with her down the stairs. She went to the living room and sat down on the couch, where they'd spent so much time together. The only sound in the room was the sound of oxygen traveling through the clear tubing to Elain's nose.

Cassidy spoke first. "What you said, when you were yelling at Jesse…" He reached up to touch her face but she flinched, which caused him to frown.

"Sorry, I-" she sighed and looked away from him before taking a deep breath. When she looked back at him he could see the tears in her eyes and his heart pounded from the sound in her voice, the pain in her eyes as she looked at him, and the smell of her blood that she was now absentmindedly wiping on her jeans.

"I have cancer," she said.

Cassidy was quiet, his brow furrowing.

"I've had it for a few years. Chemo worked for a while, but then it stopped and Jesse and I…we talked about it with my doctor's, with each other, and decided it was better to stop the chemo. That goin' through that any more, when there was no progress…that it would be better to let the cancer run its course."

Cassidy was still quiet, but now his face was impassive.

She decided to keep going. "I've been tired a lot lately, and last week when Jesse and I were in town gettin' groceries I had to go sit down. I could barely catch my breath. I thought it was just a one-time thing. I was doin' okay for a bit, but it's progressing. I need to be on oxygen twenty-four seven now." She said all this fidgeting with her hands in her lap, scared of his reaction, and she was right to be scared as she looked at him.

Cassidy could hear her words along with the blood pounding in his ears. He'd hoped, even prayed that he'd misheard her the previous morning, that she'd misspoke in the moment, but deep down he knew the truth. All the nights where her breathing shifted and he wrote it off, the frequent naps, how she ate like a bird.

"Cass?" she asked, concerned that he hadn't said anything yet. She reached a hand up to touch his shoulder and he jumped up.

Her hand was frozen in the air as he walked across the room, went into the kitchen, and left, slamming the door.

She got up when she heard shouting.

Cassidy almost smacked into Jesse outside. He clenched his teeth as he stared at the man before him holding take-out and liquor bags. "Where's your fuckin' God Jesse? Huh? Where's your precious fuckin' God now!?"

Jesse sighed, but didn't say anything.

"Where is he!? 'CAUSE HE'S NOT FUCKIN' HERE IS HE!? And you better hope I never meet him, or I'll fuckin' kill him!" Cassidy said before shoving past Jesse.

Jesse turned around and shouted after his friend, "Where are you goin' Cassidy? Cassidy!" He watched Cassidy walk down the drive for a bit, turning around when he heard a sniffle.