Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S Meyer
A/N: Sorry about the long wait for an update.
There was a death in the family and I had to leave town.
I already had this written but needed to fix some things.
Hope you like it.
January 2007
BPOV
School had started again and I wasn't able to see much of James. He had called after New Years and told me he got the job and would be working swing shift five nights a week. I was extremely happy for him, I knew it made him feel better to be working but I was also a little sad because he wouldn't be able to come down that much anymore. I missed him like crazy, I had only seen him twice this month and it was already the 27th. We talked almost every night at first, but then as the month drug on the calls began to lessen.
I stayed busy with school work and volunteered more at the bookstore, helping to pass the time in between his visits. On the weekends that James couldn't come down I'd stay over with Alice. She and I had a lot of fun during our little slumber parties. Some weekends we would invite other girls over and we'd rent movies, play games and even dress up; Alice was turning me into a total girl. I couldn't complain though, it was a lot of fun and we were becoming friends with some pretty cool girls from school.
That was how I spent the next three weeks of school, homework, bookstore, Alice's. James had been really busy at work and couldn't call me as much as he used to. Even his text seemed to have dwindled down. I felt bad for him because they were working him so much, but James said it was just another step closer to him having his own place and we'd finally be able to tell Emmett.
Valentine's Day was very sad for me. Emmett was gone with Rosalie for the weekend so I had planned a romantic dinner with candles and music for James and me. About an hour before he was supposed to have shown up he called to tell me they called him into work. To say I was crushed would be an understatement. I worked so hard getting the place ready and spent all day cooking our dinner, I even dressed up for him.
He felt bad of course and when I started crying he told me he'd tell his boss to fuck off and he'd be here in a couple hours.
"No!" I cried into the phone. As much as I had wanted him here that night, I couldn't let him quit. "I can't let you do that baby. I'm just bummed you can't be here."
"No, Bella," he said. "I'm coming, this job ain't worth it. I'll find another one."
"Its fine, sweetie," I sobbed lightly. "We can do it again next weekend. Plus, I'm on my period so it wouldn't have been that much fun." I teased to help lighten the situation.
I convinced him to stay and told him we'd find a way to have another romantic night. He promised that he would be here next weekend and when we hung up I cried my eyes out. I didn't want him to have to quit but I had planned such a great night for us and it had been ruined. He text me all night long, and called me every day the next week, promising he'd see me on Saturday. I couldn't wait.
February 23rd 2007
Emmett left for Seattle Friday night and James was going to be showing up somewhere around noon. We planned a day for the beach, and thankfully it hadn't been too cold when I woke up. As soon as James walked through the door I attacked him with a fury I didn't know I had possessed. I missed him so much and couldn't wait any longer, I needed him right then.
We tore at our clothes and clawed at whatever flesh we could find on each other. My legs wrapped around his after he rid me of my pants and he carried me up the stairs. My hands were in his hair, my teeth were on his neck and I ground my soaked panties against the bulge protruding through his boxers.
"Slow down, baby," he calmly spoke. "We have all night."
"I… know… I just… missed… you… so … much," I mumbled through my assault on his neck.
"I love you, Bella."
He spoke again, so quiet and soft that had if it not been for the warm breath I felt on my neck, I may not have even known, his touch once again telling me to slow down. Fuck that!
"Bel-" was as far as he got, as far as I would let him get.
I took his mouth with my own, seeking his tongue. I focused all my energy on him letting myself enjoy the feel of his bare skin under my fingertips. He was hesitant at first, but I urged him on with my own touch. With his shirt and jeans already in a rumpled pile on the floor, all I had to worry about was his boxers, which I promptly removed. Chills ran through me as I heard his sharp intake of breath as I wrapped my hand around his shaft.
His kiss became more urgent, rough even, and I felt the wet heat between my legs increase. I slid my panties down my legs and stepped out of them as he worked on my bra. We broke apart, our heavy breathing the only discernable sound in the room. Our gaze on each other remained steady and unwavering; even as I felt his hands cover my breasts. He kneaded my flesh gently, his palms always in contact with my suddenly erect nipples. I let my head fall back and pushed my body into his, begging for more contact. His lips assaulted my neck as I did so, kissing and sucking in all the right places. A gasp escaped my lips when I felt his teeth next, biting my flesh, and then alternately licking the same spots, over and over.
Thank God we were right next to my bed because I couldn't wait any longer. I took the initiative, something I had never done before during sex, and pushed him down onto the soft comforter, falling down directly on top of him. His eyes were hooded with desire as he watched me straddle him, my knees landing on either side of his torso. I took him in my hand again and stroked him gently; the small drops of pre-cum dampening my hand.
"Jesus, Bella," he hissed and bucked his hips under me.
Part of me wanted to take him in my mouth then, fully and completely. But my throbbing center, hovering over his erection, was screaming out for release and in one swift movement, I removed my hands and plunged down onto him.
I swear I heard the angels sing, his bare skin mixed with my heat was fucking euphoric.
His hands immediately went to my waist, grabbing possessively and grinding me down even further onto him. I hunched over, placing my hands on his shoulders for support as I began to rock my hips slowly. His breathing started becoming ragged already and as I watched his face contort tighter and tighter, I knew he was already close to his climax.
"James," I whispered, slowing my movements to a halt. "Open your eyes."
He did as I said, though with some effort, and I stared down into those blue depths for an everlasting moment. Oh, how I loved this man, more than I ever thought possible.
He turned serious in the next instant, however, and a shiver ran through my body as one of his hands moved to where we were joined. His thumb found that most sensitive of areas on my body and massaged the bundle of nerves, flooding me with even more sensations.
"I wanna see you come, Bella," he said quietly, urgently.
At his insistence I began to move on top of him again, slow at first and leading, inevitably, to a fast pace. I rose up until he was almost completely free of me and then pounded down again until he was completely sheathed. It wasn't long before I felt the tingle in my abdomen that signaled my release was near. I could tell that he was close as well. With a few more thrusts, I came, my body literally feeling as though it were going to explode with pleasure. At the same instant, I felt his body go rigid beneath me and his fingers digging into my skin. A guttural moan escaped his lips and we rode out our orgasms together, rocking our hips against each other.
When I finally had the strength, I pried my limp body off of his and fell next to him on the bed. He pulled me to him instantly, my back pressed against his stomach. One of his arms wrapped around my waist, the other rested just above my head and I let my eyes close as I felt his hand reach down and brush the hair off of my forehead. He continued to pet me like that, slowly and languidly, and I allowed myself to drift off into contented sleep.
We made love all weekend, never once making it to the beach or out of the house for that matter. It was bittersweet saying goodbye to him Sunday, but he promised he would make it down here more often. I had offered to drive up there and we could rent a motel but he quickly dismissed it.
"No!" I jumped slightly from the alarm in his voice. His face softened immediately after seeing my surprise. "I mean… I just don't want you to have to drive that far."
"It's not that far, James," I sighed. "I don't mind doing it every now and then if it means we can be together."
"I know," he wrapped me in his arms and kissed my cheek. "But I'll worry the whole time you're driving and I think it'd just be better if I come here."
"Ok," I whispered into his chest. "I love you."
"I love you too. But I better head out now if I want to miss rush hour." He gave me a lingering kiss before we pulled apart and I watched him drive away.
March 9th, 2007
Alice and I had been in my car for almost seven hours and I couldn't wait to get home. We were going to go to a concert in Portland but it had been rained out, giving us no other option but to turn around. We were going to stay the night in a hotel but decided to cancel the reservation and drive back instead, it was still early enough.
"You want me to take you to your car first?" Alice asked as we entered Forks.
"No, you can just drop me off and get me tomorrow," I told her through a yawn. "I really want to go to sleep."
"Ok, well I'm going to stay with Jazz tonight, he texted earlier and said everyone came down for the weekend."
As we rounded the corner we could tell that there was party going on and it seemed that my house was hosting it. There were a few people outside laughing together and waved to us as we pulled in and I opened the door.
"Jazz didn't mention a party, Bella, sorry."
"Its fine, but nobody better be in my room," I laughed and told her good bye.
"Is Emmett in there?" I asked one of the girls outside as Alice drove away.
"Yea, if not, he's out back with the keg."
As I strolled through the door, I was immediately surrounded with college students yelling and carrying red cups throughout the house. I walked into the kitchen and saw Rosalie talking to a few girls.
"Hey, some party," I teased.
"We are so busted," she laughed with me. "We thought you were going to be gone."
"Yea, it got rained out," I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm gonna head upstairs before someone tries to make out in my room."
"I'll let Emmett know your back."
"K, love you," I called over my shoulder.
I walked up the stairs and was about to open my bedroom door when a noise caught my attention. I followed the sound to the hall bathroom and saw two people going at it on my bathroom counter. I cringed slightly and went to close the door, since apparently they forgot to do that but froze as I heard an all too familiar voice.
.God.
The site I was looking at slammed my heart into my throat. I felt sick. My entire body started to shake uncontrollably and I was on the verge of passing out. I wanted to run away and never be seen from again. I suddenly felt less than nothing and the despair that ran through my body threatened to knock me down, choking me as I watched the scene take place.
Her skirt was shoved up to the top of her thighs, her legs wrapped around him, one of her hands grabbed on to his waist, thin pale fingers from her other hand clawed frantically at his neck, while she arched her back against his assault. I heard his ragged breathes and her carnal moaning as he slammed into her violently. Sadness crushed down against my chest as I watched both of his hands take hold of her face and pull her head into his for a kiss. That was an act he had done to me several times, he always said it was a way of showing his love for me. I felt numb, and the moment their lips touched, tears sprang to my eyes and I was no longer able to contain the sob that had been building in my throat.
"Oh god…" it came out broken and quiet but was loud enough to interrupt their moment. The same time their heads whipped around to the look in the direction where the sound had come from, Ryan's voice shouted from behind me.
"Dammit, James, close the fucking door why don't ya," his arm reached around my stilled body to slam the door shut.
I heard James shout my name from behind the closed door the same time my brothers booming voice called for me as his heavy feet clomped up the stairs. Reality of the situation hit me full force and I quickly darted into my bedroom, Ryan trailing behind me. I felt dizzy, I felt like I was being suffocated and with barely enough time to grab the trash can by my bed, the little dinner Alice and I had moments earlier, came back up with a vengeance.
Each heave from my body felt as if my heart was being ripped out piece by piece. The image of his hands on someone else, had the contents of my stomach emptied quickly leaving me to painfully dry-heave. I had been a fool. Everything made so much sense. The distance between us, the lack of phone calls and visits. I was blind to it all. I ignored every sign, every gut feeling that something bad was going on, I dismissed it all because I was in love. I was so naïve, so pathetic to think someone like him could actually love someone like me. It was all too good to be true, I was just some stupid, manipulative kid who fell for the lies.
As my body calmed and stopped dry-heaving I became aware of several people in my bedroom all talking amongst themselves.
"What the hell happened to her?" My brother asked and I realized he was rubbing my back.
"I'm ok, Em," I croaked out. My throat felt sore and dry after my purging.
"Hey," his voice was quiet and concerned. "You sick or something, Belly Bear?"
I lifted my head enough to make eye contact and give him a tiny smile. "I'm ok, brother. I think I might have ate something bad." I lied.
"What are you doing home? I thought you were going to be gone all weekend."
Before I could answer…
"Bella!" James shouted through the hallway. "Bella!" I saw his head search frantically around trying to find something until his eyes landed on mine, sucking the air from lungs with each step closer to me. I felt like I was going to puke again and quickly closed my eyes.
"Bella…" his voice begged. "I'm so fucking sorry…. Shit!"
I squirmed in my brothers arms and buried my head into his chest trying to drown out the sound of his voice. The bed shifted on the other side of me and I stiffened, thinking it was James, he was the last person I wanted touching me. I was seconds away from pushing him off of me when I heard Edward's soothing voice asking me if I was alright and felt his gentle hands coaxing my fingers to loosen their hold on my blanket.
"Why are you apologizing?" My brother asked cautiously. "What the hell did you do to my baby sister?"
"I… Fuck... she saw… Bella, I am so sorry," he voice was pleading with me to forgive him.
Was I really so pathetic he believed I could forgive him? Yes, I was that pathetic, honestly. Hearing the remorse in his voice had me aching to touch him. The only thing I wanted in that moment was for him to wrap me in his arms and tell me he'd never do it again. I wanted his hands on me, holding me, comforting me. I wanted his lips to kiss mine, to feel our breath mix together. I wanted him to make love to me and help me forget what he had just done. That's what I wanted… but that's not what was going to happen.
I didn't want anyone to see me break down, I had no excuse if I started to cry. I needed to get out of the house fast so I assembled every ounce of strength I could muster from my body and tried to speak as evenly as possible, not wanting to sound broken and weak, even though that was exactly how I was feeling. I lifted my head off my brother's chest and willed my lips to give a small smile.
"It's ok, Em…. I'm ok."
"Are you sure? You don't look like your ok."
"I just saw James and some redhead going at it in our house," my voice was calm, indifferent. "It grossed me out a little, Em, but I'm ok."
My brother closed his eyes, shook his head and took a deep breath before looking over at James.
"I told you and Victoria not in my house, asshole," Emmett told him, clearly agitated. "It's bad enough I have to watch that shit with the two of you every time we party in Seattle, but now you subjected my baby sister to witness that shit."
Did Emmett just say every time they were in Seattle?
Several things happened at once.
It felt as if I had just been kicked in the chest and the air was stolen from my lungs. My heart stopped beating and dropped into my stomach. I felt bile slowly making its way up my throat the same time James covered his face with both hands obviously pissed his cover was blown. Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder and whispered softly so only I could hear.
"You really liked him, huh?" His comment caught me off guard and I stared at him wide eyed. "I can tell from your reaction, Bella. You really liked him." His beautiful face was frowning slightly as if it pained him to admit that. I didn't want him knowing what he obviously knew; I was going to have to lie. I didn't want anyone to find out about James and me… ever.
After everything James had said to me, the fights we had, his moments of being jealous and occasionally hurting me, I overlooked them all. I felt foolish, not only did the love of my life betray me, but he did it in my own house. I took a deep breath and tried to not feel guilty as I lied to one of the most important people in my life.
"No, Edward," my voice was firm and loud enough for the entire room to hear. "Did I expect to see James and some chic screwing in my bathroom? No." I glanced over to James and held his gaze as I continued to talk, wanting him to know I was talking to him. "But it's done, it's over with. I'm grossed out by what I saw but I'll be ok."
"You sure, Bella," Edward asked.
I nodded my head and turned to face him. "I've just been in a car for almost seven hours and would really like to get some sleep. So when I come home to a house full of people and walk in on… what I walked in on… it shook me up a little, that's all." I hated lying to people especially Edward and my brother but it's what needed to be done. I needed to pretend a little while longer.
"I can tell everyone to leave, Belly Bear," my brother walked over and stood in front of me.
"No, Em," I shook my head. "Don't stop the party, please. I'll just go stay over at Alice's tonight." Emmett pulled me off the bed and into a hug before he mumbled what a jackass James was, understatement really.
"Crap," I muttered. "I left my car over at her house, is anyone sober enough to drive me?" I looked at my brother and Emmett.
"I'll drive you, Bella," James offered quickly.
"Umm, no thanks. You stay here with your girlfriend." I tried to keep the bitterness out of my tone but my skin crawled with the thought of being alone and in that close of proximity to him, for even just a short car ride.
"I'm pretty sure she's seen enough of you, jackass," my brother quipped.
"Got that right," I mumbled to myself.
"I can drive her," he deadpanned. "I really need to apologize."
Before I could object Ryan cut in glaring away at James. "Actually, James, you had those shots earlier." I saw a scowl on his face before he turned to me. "I'm completely sober so I can drive you, Bella."
"Thank you, Ryan."
"Hey, baby, where'd you go?" A very nasally voice asked from my doorway. I could tell she had moved to his side and tried as hard as I could to keep my emotions locked up. I didn't want to look but I had to, I had to know for certain if what I saw earlier really had transpired.
I swallowed thickly as I watched her arms snake around his waist and her lips start planting kisses along his throat. His throat… my throat…. I knew how it felt to kiss that part of him. The way his stubble tickled my lips and the way his body quivered as I blew soft breaths along his jaw line. My chest tightened and I felt my eyes start to prickle with tears. I bit my lip to keep from crying out as my chest felt like it was being stabbed and I quickly walked to my closet.
"Umm, can everyone…. Like…. get out of my room, please." I congratulated myself for the steadiness in my voice.
"Bella, please… let me explain." I kept my back turned to everyone and squeezed my eyes shut tightly at the sound of his voice.
"Explain what?" Her annoying voice laughed out. "I'm sure she's old enough to know about sex, James."
"Shut up, Victoria," James snapped at her. He was the one that needed to shut up, I didn't want to hear his voice, I couldn't keep things locked up anymore if I had to hear his voice.
"Emmett," I tried to shake away the lump in my throat. "Don't let anyone other than Edward sleep in my room, please."
"I wouldn't do that, sis." I gathered a few things and shoved them into a bag before turning and hugging Emmett goodbye.
I pulled away and smiled at him. "You know it's not fair, right?" I asked him while grinning. Laughter was the best medicine and I figured if I joked around it would be a great diversion to how I was really feeling.
"What's not fair?"
"If I had a party I would be in so much trouble," I snickered and started walking out of my room.
"You were supposed to be gone," he laughed out.
I gave everyone – minus James – a hug goodbye and left my house.
We loaded into Ryan's car and as we pulled out of the driveway my phone went off.
Cause you are Beautiful inside,
so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you
I didn't say anything as the lyrics rang through the silence of the car. I searched around in my bag trying to turn it off before my heart could break any further. I didn't want to be reminded of James and having to listen to his ringtone, that song that he sang to me so many times, made my chest tighten and a lump form in my throat. That was our song, he had me listen to it almost every day, it was his idea to use as our ringtone.
"It'll be ok, Bella," Ryan said softly as he turned slightly to look at me. I glanced over confused as to what he was talking about and noticed we were at a stop sign a few blocks down the road. "You don't have to say it, but I know. I've seen the way you've looked at him. I've tried for months to get you to notice me but I knew there was someone else." He ran his hand through his hair and took a moment before he spoke again. "And after seeing your face when you stood in front of the bathroom, I knew for certain who it was and I am so fucking sorry, Bella."
The tears I had been fighting to keep at bay broke free and spilled all over my cheeks. I sobbed loud and hard after hearing him, not only confess his feelings for me but apologize for my broken heart.
"It'll be ok, Bella," he soothed and quickly wrapped me in his arms, holding tightly while I cried.
"I don't want to go to Alice's," I wept softly.
"Ok… do you want to go to my house? I can sleep on the couch and you could take my bed."
I smiled at his thoughtfulness and pulled out of his arms slowly as I pondered his offer. "Do you think you could take me somewhere else?"
"Sure… shit... I didn't mean to imply…" I stopped his rambling by gently placing my hand over his mouth.
"I meant, do you think WE could go somewhere other than Forks? I could really use the distance from this town and I don't want to be alone right now."
"Sure."
We made a quick stop at his house so he could run in and grab some things, and about an hour later we pulled into a hotel in Port Angeles.
"Should I get two rooms," Ryan started to ask but I quickly stopped him.
"No, we can share a room," I assured him with a smile and we both climbed out of his car.
"How many nights would like?" The old woman behind the counter asked. Ryan looked over at me not quite sure what to say.
I thought about it for a second and shrugged my shoulders. "Well, it's Friday night, and next week is Spring Break, do you want to stay 'til Monday?" I asked him.
He smiled and quickly paid the woman for the weekend. We got to our room, I set my bag down and told Ryan I was going to go change in the bathroom. He was sitting on his bed in a shirt and shorts with his legs folded when I opened the door.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," I replied just as quietly and sat across from him on my bed.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"I don't know what to say," my voice sounded hoarse as I tried to choke back the tears that were forming once again.
"It's ok, Bella," he said softly. "Just know that I'm here if you wanna talk."
"Thank you, Ryan," I pulled the blankets back and climbed into my bed. I didn't know if I'd be able to sleep but I needed to try and my body was extremely tired after sitting so long in a car and then going through my emotional crisis. I didn't want to think about it, it hurt so much picturing them together I needed a distraction. "Is there anything on?"
I watched a few episodes of Roseanne before I ended up falling asleep, only to wake up a short while later, feeling the effects of a broken heart. Even in my dreams I couldn't escape the image of them on the bathroom counter. The way he held her face, her hands wrapped around him, the way their bodies were molded together, it made me sick. I trusted him, I believed everything he had ever told me, I gave him something I could never get back, something I would never be able to give anyone else.
My tears fell down my face as I laid in bed thinking about how naïve I had been. Those past months of trying to get him to tell my brother should have tipped me off. He always had a reason as to why it wasn't the right time, when in fact it was because my brother knew about Victoria. I loved him so much, I planned on being with him forever and it was all shot to hell in a matter of seconds.
I felt the bed dip slightly and was soon engulfed in Ryan's strong arms. I wasn't used to being held by another man, it felt odd, but I welcomed it. He pulled my back against his chest and rested his head against mine. I felt one of his hands lightly sweep a few strands of my hair behind my ear and couldn't help but remember James doing that same thing.
The ache in my chest grew tenfold and my sobbing increased. He was supposed to love me forever that was what he always told me. I thought we loved each other, he always made me feel like he loved me, so I couldn't understand why he cheated on me. I wanted to forget him, I never wanted to feel this way again, but I couldn't forget and I continued to cry as I remembered our time together.
"I hate that you're hurting, Bella," he breathed against my neck. "I wish there was something I could do to make it stop, but I promise it won't hurt forever."
"I just feel so stupid, Ryan," I whispered through my tears. "I'm so stupid."
"Hey," he twisted his head around so I could see his face. "You are not stupid, Bella. This is not your fault." I rolled my body slightly so that we were facing each other. "James is an idiot to not have ever noticed you." I quickly turned away. Of course he would assume that, I was just a kid, a pathetic, naive, stupid kid who could never hold James' interest.
I felt his fingers on my chin, softly forcing my eyes back to his. I stared into his dark eyes, feeling my cheeks soak with my tears but too exhausted to give a shit. I was tired of lying to everyone, and from the look on Ryan's face he was fully registering why I was so upset.
"Fuck…" he sighed. "He was more than just a crush, wasn't he?" I didn't answer him, there wasn't a need to. The tears pouring from eyes said it all. He brought his hands up to my face and gently wiped my tears away.
"How long?" He asked quietly.
"About a year and a half, it was right before Halloween freshman year," my voice shook as I tried to stop crying. "We were finally going to tell Emmett, but James kept finding reasons why we needed to wait… I feel so dumb… I believed him so easily."
"Don't feel stupid, Bella… he was a good liar."
"Yeah," I angrily wiped my nose. "Or I'm just another gullible female who's too dumb to see what's really going on."
"You're not dumb," he replied. "You're one of the smartest people I know. Watching you in the bookstore is one of my favorite things to do. You seem to have that place memorized. No stupid person is that into books, Bella," he teased making me chuckle slightly. "I'm serious, you know about so many authors and poets, I've seen the size of the books you read, and you are definitely not stupid. I've watched you around that store, how you help people, its amazing how you can hear them say one or two lines from a story they liked and name which book they're looking for. You're not stupid, if anything it's a little annoying how much smarter you are than me."
I laughed softly. "You know, James never did like you."
"Really," he raised his eyebrows mockingly.
"Yeah, I'm glad I never listened to him when he said to stay away from you. You've become a great friend and I'd seriously be bawling my eyes out if you weren't here."
"I'm just glad you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about this," he paused. "Am I the only one that knows?"
I nodded and closed my eyes briefly. "Please don't tell anyone. It was different wanting to tell Emmett when I thought we were going to be together, but I really don't want anyone finding out now."
"I won't tell anyone," he promised. "Is it a little easier now though, having someone to talk to about it?"
"I guess… I mean, I wasn't prepared to make up a lie tonight to explain to Alice why I'm so upset, so in a way I'm glad you know and can understand why I'm crying. But it's also embarrassing because you were right there to see my boyfriend cheating on me."
"I can understand that, but I wish you wouldn't be embarrassed, you did nothing wrong. A year and a half is a long time to be with someone and to have it end like that is fucking awful."
He wrapped his arms around me again and I snuggled into his chest. I don't know why but I decided to be completely honest with him. He was so easy to talk to and he wasn't judging me. I told him everything that night. About the first time I met James, the night he told me he loved me, the night I lost my virginity, everything and he never judged. He did get pretty pissed when I told him about Christmas night and how James treated me but he never interrupted. He listened and wiped my tears as I cried, and then held me until I fell asleep.
We finally woke up around one the next day and neither one of us were feeling up to going anywhere so we planned on lounging around the room, Ryan volunteered to go get us some food. I took the time that he was gone to shower. My body felt drained, my eyes were bloodshot and swollen from crying all night. I tried not to think about him, every time I did, my chest would tighten and tears would prick my eyes. I couldn't get the image of him and her out of my head though. I cried in the shower as I washed my body, remembering all those times that James would do it for me when we showered together. It broke my heart all over, knowing that was never going to happen again, we were never going to be that intimate ever again.
I didn't want to turn my phone on yet but I knew I had to check in. I called Alice from the hotel and asked her to cover for me if Emmett called. I let her know I was in Port Angeles with Ryan and didn't want anyone to know. Which was the truth, I just didn't correct her when she mentioned he and I made a cute couple, I laughed and told her I'd call later.
Ryan and I watched movies and talked the rest of the weekend, with an occasional crying fit from my part. We checked out of the hotel on Monday and when he dropped my off at Alice's he promised to call me later.
"Don't forget to turn your phone back on, Bella," he teased. "Let me know what you're doing for break, maybe we could get together and do something."
I looked down slowly, I didn't want to string him along with false hopes, but a relationship was the last thing I wanted right now.
"Hey," he said softly. "I didn't mean it like that, I know what you're going through and wouldn't try to start something right now, ok."
I released a breath I didn't know I was holding and nodded my head. "Sorry, I just… maybe one day… but… right now…"
"You don't have to explain, I just like hanging out with you."
I smiled and gave him a hug before I hopped out of his car. "Call me later, k… and thanks again for everything, Ryan."
"You're welcome, see you later." I watched as he drove away and then dug my phone out of my bag. Alice told me she was going to be with Jasper all day and I didn't see any one else home, so I climbed in and started my car. As I was waiting for it to warm up I turned my phone on. In the few seconds it took for the screen to flash on, my message indicator read my voicemail and texts were full.
"Great," I sighed out loud. "Here we go."
"You have 32 new messages" the annoying robotic voice said.
"Bella, it's me, call me back please baby, I need to explain."
"Bella, call me back, please angel. I love you."
"I love you, baby, please call me back."
"I'm sorry, call me please."
"I'm so sorry, call me, I was drunk and I made a mistake."
I only listened to the first ten and then I quickly deleted them all, not wanting to hear anymore of his lies. I didn't understand what he would need to explain, I saw what I saw. I pressed end after the voice told me messages deleted and decided to look through my text. Holy cow! All the 90 new messages were from James.
Call me, angel.
I love you, please call me.
I need you to call me, please
I love you, Bella.
I'm sorry! Please call me.
The majority of the texts were all the same and I quickly deleted them, it wasn't until the last 20 that his anger started to come through.
Pick up your fucking phone.
Dammit, where are you?
I just drove by Alice's and no one is there. Where the fuck are you?
Are you with him? You are, aren't you?
Call me back, Bella!
If you are still with him, you're gonna be fucking sorry.
I drove by his house and his car is gone, quite the slut aren't you.
Ok that last one had me seething, how dare he call me a slut. He was the one that was caught cheating, I've been nothing but faithful to him our entire relationship. I didn't want to read anymore and I hit 'delete all', and then scrolled down my contacts.
Seeing his name on my phone had my stomach doing somersaults and my chest felt like a bowling ball was lodged against my sternum. I needed to make the call but my heart was beating so fast and my hands started to shake. I tried to take a few deep breaths before I hit send, hoping I could calm down before I heard his voice. One final deep breath, I pushed send and listened to the ringing.
"Bella!" He shouted thought the ear piece. "Where the fuck have you been?"
"James," I said softly.
"I've been calling you all weekend, why the hell did you have your phone turned off?"
"James," I tried again.
"I fucking told you to stay away from him and what the hell do you do? You fucking run off with him! I've been fucking worried about you, I've text you, called you, drove around trying to find you. Fucking hell, Bella, where the fuck…."
"James!" I shouted. "Listen to me." There was a pause in the line and then I heard him take a deep breath and I tried to steady my voice. "I only called to tell you that you need to stop calling and texting me. There is nothing that I want to hear from you… it's over and I don't ever want to talk to you again."
"Baby," he whimpered. "Baby, please, I am so sorry. You've got to believe me, I made a mistake and I am so fucking sorry."
"I don't care, James," I choked. "You cheated on me… in my own house… you can't… you can't take that back."
"Please, Bella, please. You gotta forgive me."
"I can't," I cried and those fucking treacherous tears flowed down my face.
"No, Bella, please. Give me another chance," he begged.
"I can't do it, James," I sobbed. "What you did hurt so fucking much… I can't go through it again."
"But baby, I promise…"
"No!" I interrupted. "No more fucking promises. I don't want them. I don't believe anything you say."
"But, Bella, please…"
"No, you lied to me, you cheated on me and I can't forgive you. I don't want to forgive you," I sobbed loudly. "You broke my fucking heart, James," I screamed into the phone. "You promised you'd never hurt me, you promised we'd be together forever and then I catch you fucking some girl."
"Bella, listen to me for a minute."
"I'm done listening to you, James," I wiped my face angrily. "I get it, you lied – I bought it… It's pathetic really… I bet you laughed about it in Seattle… but… You know… I would have stayed with you forever."
"Baby, please, what do I have to do? Tell me and I'll do it, I swear. I'll call Emmett right now and tell him about us, I'll move back here, we can go get married, please I'll do whatever you want."
I cried as I listened to him beg, I wanted so badly to tell him ok. Tell him I forgave him and we could work it out. I wanted him to hold me and make love to me and make me forget what he did, but that wasn't possible, not anymore.
"I can't, James," I cried softly. "I can't. You destroyed us when you chose to be with someone else."
"Bella, don't do this," he pleaded.
"I didn't do it, James. You did and it's done… It's over."
"Don't say that shit to me, dammit!" He growled.
"Well, I don't want to be with you anymore. Seeing you with another girl, made me realize you were nothing but a liar. It's over, James… so please stop calling me."
"You're out of your fucking mind if you think it's over," he barked. "It's not over, Bella and the sooner you realize that, the sooner we can be happy again."
"James, please," I asked quietly. "You've hurt me enough, so I'm asking you nicely to stop calling me. It is over… we are never going to be together again."
"The fuck if we're not!" He barked out a laugh.
"I gotta go, James," I sighed.
"You are mine, Bella. Don't forget that."
"I was yours, James. I gave you all of me… but you gave that up… you threw it away like it meant nothing to you."
"No, Bella. I didn't give up anything. You are mine and you will always be mine!"
"You need to stop," I begged. "You're making this harder than it has to be. We're through, so you can move on with Victoria or whatever little slut you were fucking as well. Leave me alone and stop calling."
"Bella!" I could hear the venom in his tone. "Don't even think this is over, nothings over."
"Well this is… I gotta go…. Goodbye James."
"Bella! Bella..." I hung up before he could say anything else. It took me a few minutes to stop crying and for my hands to quit shaking but I managed and then drove myself home. The phone call didn't go as well as I had hoped but I was proud of myself. I said what I had to say and I didn't let him suck me back in. My body ached for him when I heard the pain in his voice but nothing can ever fix what he destroyed.
I jumped slightly when I heard my phone ring but was relieved that it wasn't James.
"Hey Alice…. What are you doing?"
"We are getting ready to go camping, so pack your bags," she sang into the phone.
"Camping sounds great!" I was excited at first then my stomach dropped at the thought of him being there. "Umm, Alice…. Who's we?"
"All of us, silly," she paused. "Oh, except James. I guess he went back to Seattle last night."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "Ok, well it'll take me about 20 minutes to get my stuff together where are we meeting at?"
"Jasper's mom and dads'. Everyone is already here we were just waiting for you."
"Hey, wait," I said quickly. "What did you tell Emmett, when he showed up and I wasn't there?"
"Oh," I heard her laughing. "I told him you had to go to the bookstore really quick so hurry up because I want some details, missy."
"Shush it up, Alice," I teased. "K, I'll be there in a few. Love ya, bye."
"Love ya, bye."
Thirty minutes later I pulled into The Hales' driveway and grabbed my bag.
"Belly Bear!" Emmett shouted and pulled me in for a hug. "This is going to be great, we haven't camped since the summer."
"We're going to take two vehicles," Rosalie said. "The boys are driving Jazz's truck so they can carry the firewood and us girls will take his jeep with the bags and stuff."
We said good bye to Mr. and Mrs. Hale and took off for the highway. We actually got farther than I thought before Alice couldn't contain herself any longer.
"Ok, Bella, spill!"
"Yes, Bella," Rosalie sneered playfully. "What DID you do this weekend?"
I rolled my eyes at both of their attempts to get dirt and recapped my time in the hotel, minus the stuff about James. They were a little disappointed that there wasn't enough juice but it did hold them over when I mentioned he and I slept in the same bed. I was done talking about me and quickly changed the subject.
We arrived at the campsite and started setting things up, we would be here for an entire week and had a lot of stuff to unload. I was extremely happy for this distraction, if I kept myself busy I wouldn't have time to think about James. I was done crying, of course it still hurt but I wanted to enjoy the time with my family. I wanted to remember what life was like before James. I knew I neglected the relationship I had with my friends and family after James and I got together, and I really hoped that after this trip life would go back to how it was before James, before my heart was broken. Unfortunately, what I wanted and what I got were two different things.
A/N: Leave me a review...please.
I'm really interested in what you think.
I love Ryan… but this will be E/B remember