Looks like I ruffled a lot of feathers with the last chapter. Understandably we are all mad at Edward for not even asking what the hell was going on! Trust me; he pissed me off too. But not to worry, we will get this all straightened out eventually? I don't know…
slight tissue warning for some...Edward is taking it kind of hard...read on!
To Love Again Ch.14
EPOV
I walked away.
Fuck! I know I'm an asshole…but that text message really pissed me off. I don't know who the fuck that guy is but apparently there was something going on. Damn, I don't even know for sure since I didn't give her a chance to explain…but what is there to explain?
I needed some time to cool down, and I did what I thought was best. I didn't want to argue in front of Nathan, so I walked away.
Really, I was afraid of what Bella was going to say. What if it was true?
I called my mom and asked her to pick up Nathan.
"What happened, Edward? I thought Bella was gonna bring him back after your lunch?" I sighed, feeling a little frustrated. I just wanted to get this shift over with so that I could talk to Bella and sort this shit out.
"I can't talk about it right now, mom. Can you come get him?"
"Sure, honey. I'll be there right away." I could tell that she was worried, but I'm glad that she didn't pressure me for more information.
I went back to my dad's office where I had left Nathan. He was sitting on my dad's desk coloring. He looked up and smiled when I walked in.
"Oh I'm sorry, doctor. I was looking for my son, Nathan. He's this short, and he has a killer pitching arm." I joked. He giggled at my absurdity.
"Daddy! It's me, Nathan. I'm not a doctor yet." Yet. My son wanted to be a doctor? That made me incredibly proud.
"So you want to be a doctor, buddy? You never told me that." He shrugged and kept coloring.
"You and granpa are doctors, if I don't play pro baseball when I'm big, then I can be a doctor like you daddy." It came down to simple math to him.
"I hope you make it to the pro's Nate, I better get your autograph now." I grinned at him.
"Sure, I'll sign you a ball dad. And I'm gonna make you my manager too, so I hope you're up to the challenge." Where the hell did my kid get this from?
"How do you know about managers?"
"Uncle Emmett. He said he could be my manager when I grew up, but I told him no thanks, my daddy can do it." Fuck, if that didn't make my heart swell up.
"Thanks buddy." I leaned over the desk and kissed the top of his head.
"Daddy, how come Bella had to leave? Did she make you mad?" I was trying to avoid this line of questioning by distracting him with other things to talk about. I rubbed my eyes with the soles of my hands, making myself see stars.
Stars. I remember something else that makes me see stars…Bella.
"Uh yeah, we have some grown up stuff that we need to talk about, me and Bella. But it's normal for grownups to get mad, buddy. You don't have to worry about anything; we're gonna work it out, okay." And I really hoped that was true. I was not ready to have Bella out of my life, but that text was loud and clear. Fuck! I have to stop thinking about it.
"I could tell her to tell you sorry and then you guys won't be mad anymore." He offered.
"That's not necessary Nate. We're both gonna say sorry when we talk later."
Fifteen minutes later, my mom walked in, a worried expression on her face. I gave her a smile that didn't reach my eyes, but that's all I had right now. She came over to hug me and kissed my cheek. She whispered in my ear.
"I'm gonna trust that you are okay, but if you need to talk, I'm here." She said as she patted my cheek. I nodded and kissed her cheek. I walked over to Nathan and hugged him. I let him know that I would see him another day, and that I would call him at home.
When I walked out that door, I was back on doctor mode. My little patients needed my undivided attention, so that's what I gave them.
.
At 9:00pm, my shift was over. I was practically dead on my feet, but I wanted to talk to Bella. I hadn't heard from her, since she left, not that I expected it, I decided to text her first, in case she was still angry with me. Of course, she is asshole!
Bella, my shift is over.
Do you think I could come over…to talk?
Please?
-EC
Ten minutes later, she responded. I was a little scared that she wasn't going even to respond to my text.
It's not a good idea right now, Edward.
-Bella
Fuck! I expected her to say no, but I wasn't prepared for it. All I wanted to do was take back today or the last few hours and let Bella explain. Why was I such an insecure bastard? Maybe because all this shit is new to me, and…I love her. It's a devastating blow to find out that the woman you love might be seeing someone else. She said she loved me, but did she really?
I was making myself crazy, thinking all this when all I had to do was talk to Bella. I decided that if I wasn't going to talk to her tonight, then I would at least apologize for being a jerk.
I understand. I just need you to know that I'm.
Sorry for walking away. It wasn't fair to you.
Please don't shut me out, let's talk when you're ready.
I love you, babe.
-EC
.
Love you too.
-Bella
Those three words gave me hope. Probably hope that I don't deserve, but at least she said she loved me. With that, I was able to finally go home somewhat at peace. My heart still ached for hurting her, and I vowed to make it up to her.
.
Tuesday.
I slept almost half of the day; I felt like shit and not because of my long shift at the hospital.
I went into the clinic for a couple of hours.
Checked my phone every ten minutes.
No missed calls from Bella.
No texts from Bella either.
Went grocery shopping because I was running low on everything, or else I wouldn't have gone. The cashier tried talking to me, but I didn't hear a word she said. The bagger gave me the stink eye because I couldn't figure out if I wanted paper or plastic. Who gives a shit! I just wanted to pay for my groceries and go home.
Ate a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner.
Went to bed early, everything on TV bothered me.
Only slept like two hours. I tossed and turned all night. I thought of Bella and how sorry I was for not listening to her.
.
Wednesday.
Feeling groggy from sleep, I check my phone.
No missed calls from Bella.
No texts from Bella either.
I work the clinic all day. My nurse has to help me keep my head on straight. I make a mental note to give her another raise for having to deal with my pathetic ass.
My dad tells me to go home early. I don't argue; I just get in my car and drive. I don't want to go home yet, so I drive around. I'm tempted to drive by her house, but I don't.
I call Nathan, and he tells me all about his day. It cheers me up, but only for a little while until he mentions Miss Bella. I fight the urge to ask my son about Bella. I'm glad that she's able to function. I, on the other hand, am like a lost puppy.
I miss her. But I want to give her space. So I do…until bed time comes, and I decide to call her.
Straight to voicemail. Fuck!
She's probably already sleeping.
.
Thursday.
I give in and text her in the morning.
Bella, do you think we could talk today?
I miss you.
-EC
I don't get a response today.
I'm at the hospital today, and it's busy. I'm glad. Work takes my mind off Bella for a while, but my heart still aches. The fucking ache is always there. Three times, I thought I might be having a heart attack. No such luck, it is just missing her.
I have a couple of beers tonight and try to forget for at least ten minutes.
I hear my phone ring, but when it's not Bella's number flashing on the screen, I ignore it.
I lay in bed, and I know I deserve everything that I'm feeling. I never should have walked away from her like that. If she's teaching me a lesson, then a lesson well fucking learned.
I text her before going to sleep.
I love you, and I miss you.
-EC
No response.
.
Friday.
Emmett comes over and beats me down because I'm not down enough. My family knows what happened. They all gave me dirty looks.
"You're an asshole."
"I know."
"No. You're an asshole." I sigh and rub my face with my hands.
"I know! How many times are you gonna tell me that?"
"Until you get it through your thick head! You really fucked up dude. Bella is a really awesome girl." I just nod and drink my fourth beer of the night. "And stop being such a fucking prick and answer mom's calls." He booms. He talks so fucking loud. I close my eyes tight. I've been avoiding my mom because I don't want to talk to her about it. I saw the disappointment in her eyes when she found out, and I don't want to see it again. Not until I make this right, and that look won't be on her pretty face anymore. My mom is too beautiful to look anything but happy.
I groan. "I know. I'm gonna call her later." Emmett keeps looking at me and shakes his head. He's disappointed in me.
"If you think you're suffering, how do you think she feels man? You deserve this, and I should kick your ass." He doesn't do it because he knows that I'm kicking my own ass too, and that's enough for now.
I get a call from Kate.
"When are you gonna spend some time with Nathan? You said you were not gonna do this anymore…he's been asking for you all week. Calling him is not enough when you promised to see him." She's right. I haven't picked up Nathan this week. I've called every day, but made the excuse that I was working.
"I'll take him tomorrow, if that's okay with you…" I needed to get out of this funk; my son doesn't need to suffer for my mistakes.
"Are you sure you're up to it? I don't want you to back out on him." She said sternly.
"No, I'll be there, Kate. Let him know. I'm taking him out for a guy's day."
I make a call to my mom and apologize for avoiding her. She's not upset, just concerned. I reassure her that I am okay, and I promise to stop by tomorrow with Nathan.
I put on my running shoes and go for a three-mile run. I sprint the first mile hoping to clear my head.
Again before going to bed, I text her.
I love you.
I miss you.
Please talk to me.
-EC
Nothing.
.
Saturday.
I pick up Nathan bright and early. Kate opens the door still looking sleepy, and I chuckle at her. She glares at me.
"You didn't say you were gonna come this early." She grumbles.
"I know, sorry. I was too excited for today. I missed him." She leads me in, and I wait in the living room for Nathan to come down. He comes running down the stairs five minutes later.
"Daddy! You're here, finally!" That breaks my heart because he's been wanting to see me, but I'm making it up today.
I take him to the diner for breakfast. We order our usual chocolate-chip pancakes. He gets milk, and I get a large black coffee. I don't want my sleepless nights to catch up with me today. Today, it's about my son.
I take Nathan to the lake for the day. We fish and hang out.
"I'm gonna catch the biggest fish daddy!" he says as he throws his line in, just a few feet from us.
"Sorry Nate, I'm gonna catch the biggest fish." I shrug and throw my line in farther than him. He scowls, and I grin.
We feast on croissant sandwiches that I picked up at my mom's and cold watermelon slices.
We don't catch any fish in the couple of hours that we've been here, but it doesn't matter. We had fun together.
"Can we come back next week daddy?" Nathan bounces up and down in his car seat as we're driving away. His cheeks are pink from being out in the sun. I hope Kate doesn't get upset that he didn't have any sun block. I was too excited to remember to bring some.
Back at my parent's house, I let Nathan play with his Xbox before going down for a nap. My mom offered me iced tea. I assume so that we could talk. Up until then I hadn't been thinking about my situation. I focused on Nathan today as I should have, but now I'm feeling a little on edge about having to think about it.
I sit with my mom in the breakfast bar. She looks at me concerned.
"Are you ready to talk about it dear?" I take a sip of the cold drink and think it over.
"Not really mom, but I guess I can't deal with this alone." I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "I miss her. And I'm afraid I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me… I never should have walked away from her. No matter what that text said, I should have asked her about it, so she could come clean." She reaches over and holds my hand.
"Honey, you just have to hope for the best at this point. You have to understand that you pushed her away, and she might not want to continue a relationship with you." She speaks softly. "Have you talked to her?" I shake my head. "I just don't believe that she would do that to you Edward…"
"She doesn't even answer my texts. I don't know what to think anymore."
"You have to give her time sweetheart…but don't give up. If you love her, you don't give up!" I know she's right. I want to know what the hell happened with her and that guy, and I want her to know that I love her. She's everything to me, and I don't want to lose her.
A/N :This one was short, but I wanted to get E and B's point of view separate… and because I wanted E to suffer a little. Lol
We'll get Bella's point of view next chapter!
-MEL
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