Oh my goodness, you guys! Over 60 reviews (and not a flame in sight) XD Thank you!!!
I'm afraid all I have to give you is...this.
I honestly think I pretty much butchered this. I am sorry.
The large block of italics is a memory.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Sailor Moon and this fiction definitely proves it.
Phase: Anime nerd...well, actually...I butchered it to make it a Sailor Moon phase...
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Roy Mustang sighed and signed yet another paper. He wasn't sure whether to hope that Edward would show up. After his last phase of revealing clothes, Hawkeye nearly killed him. After Edward had left the office, Hawkeye had barged and nearly shot him, this time for death. She made him speed-sign on the papers.
BANG! Hawkeye shot another bullet past Roy's shoulder. "KEEP SIGNING!"
"I am; I'm going as fast as I can!!" Roy yelled, all while signing his name. A drop of blood fell on the paper. The bullet must have clipped his ear, most likely on purpose.
"Sir, I'm bleeding. May I take a break to clean it?" Roy could not believe he just had to call one of his underlings "sir", but he did it.
"NO! Wipe it on your jacket, but don't you dare stop signing while doing that!" Roy sighed; Hawkeye was heartless. Finally the paperwork was done.
"May I go home?" Roy asked, not daring to assume she would have let him just walk out.
"Yes. Sir, I would like this to be a lesson to you to never let anything distract you. Edward Elric was not only a distraction for you, but he also distracted the whole office, as we all heard him." Roy turned bright red at Hawkeye's words.
"I-I'm sorry about that." Roy stuttered in his flush. He walked out of the office with his head down and went home. Luckily, by the time he got home (several hours later than usually), Edward was wearing normal clothes again.
"Moon tiara power!" Edward Elric's loud voice cut through Roy's memories and he sighed. Of course, immediately following Edward's yell were gunshots.
"Major Elric, do not throw tiaras in the office!" Hawkeye demanded.
"I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice! On behalf of the moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means you!"
"Oh dear god..." Roy hesitantly walked out of his office, only to find exactly what he feared: Edward was in Sailor Moon cosplay. Edward was in the basic outfit (the one Sailor Moon has at the start of the series), and a tiara was lying on the floor a few feet in front of him. If one looked, they could see lines in Ed's forehead where the tiara had pressed. Ed went so far as to buy a wig, since his hair was not long enough to have Sailor Moon's style.
From his minor knowledge of Sailor Moon, Roy knew this could only get worse. He knew what Sailor Moon was, as well as the ridiculous attacks and the sometimes amazingly/annoyingly high-pitched voices. All this was thanks to having to babysit Elysia a few times.
"...Edward?" Roy finally voiced, his shock somewhat diminished.
"It's Sailor Moon." Edward automatically corrected, and then looked at Roy with a face that said he was plotting something. "Oh Darien!" He squeaked in a high-pitched voice.
"...Sir? Instructions?" Hawkeye turns to Roy, because she, for once, has no idea what to do.
"Just let me take him into my office and I'll take care of him."
"Yes, sir. However, sir: no repeats of yesterday." Hawkeye demanded with a threat in her voice.
"Yes, Hawkeye; I will make sure of that." Roy grasped a hold of Edward's shoulders; which Edward shrugged away from to get his tiara, but then allowed Roy to take him into his office.
"Fullmetal, I don't know what phase this could possibly be, but don't let it become a distraction while I am trying to work; understood?"
"Yes, Darien, my love."
"...There is no way in all hell that I am playing along to that." Roy said, and sat down to sign papers. Edward decided to sit on the couch, but he was bouncing in boredom within five minutes.
Randomly, Edward pulled a cosplay wand out of nowhere, and began pushing buttons, each of which made a different sound effect. This entertained him for a tiny bit until Roy said, "Edward, you are becoming a distraction."
"But I'm bored!" Edward exclaimed. However, he stopped playing with the wand and tried using bouncing as his entertainment. As he was bouncing, his skirt was slowly riding up, Roy noticed. Apparently Ed is not used to wearing skirts.
"Flashing more leg isn't going to do anything." Roy commented.
"What?" Ed looked down and turned bright red. His skirt was nearly to the point of baring all. Hey, wait...Roy loves miniskirts...
"Sooo..." Edward said, standing up and swishing his hips while walking to Roy's desk.
Roy looked up. Shit, he thought, Edward caught on to the good side of his uniform...
Trying to stay as professional as possible, Roy said "Yes, Fullmetal?" all while becoming very unprofessional under his desk—in his lap, to be exact.
Edward caught on and leaned forward and began to kiss Roy.
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"YOU BETTER KEEP SIGNING!! I BETTER NOT EVEN HEAR A MILLISECOND OF NO PEN SCRATCHING!" Hawkeye yelled and fired her gun, the bullet narrowly missing Roy's head. Once again, he arrived home hours later to find Edward in normal clothes. This time, however, Edward wore a smirk that said he knew exactly what he caused and he wasn't ashamed of it.
"Bastard." It seems the roles were reversed, and for once it was Roy calling the other by the name.
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Yes, Hawkeye is so OOC in this fiction. I'm just going to say that it's because she's pissed. I doubt she would want to hear Edward moaning...and she probably would feel really awkward. I know I would. Well, maybe not Edward, but other people: yeah. Ew.
The part about her not knowing what to do...well, surely that is understandable too. I doubt anyone would know what to do if someone started yelling about being Sailor Moon.