En'i'Elen
By Eugania Parvani

Summary: AU. Bilbo Baggins is a respectable hobbit leading a normal life, until one day a tall wizard invites him to partake on an adventure. Declining such an invitation makes no difference to the wizard as Bilbo finds his house invaded by dwarves and his garden ruined by a mysterious woman who fell from sky.

Over an hour had passed and Kattrin hadn't moved an inch. She remained on her knees, a few feet away from the corpse of Môrhîth, with her eyes focused upon the ground. While on the outside she appeared apathetic, on the inside a war was brewing and engulfing her emotions. Was she to cry over him? While there had been moments that her thoughts drifted to wondering of the wellbeing of Gandalf and the others, the thoughts were fleeting compared to how focused on Bilbo she was. The emptiness she felt was gnawing at her, unforgiving to her passions.

Why couldn't she cry? Why were The Guardians not allowing her the tears?

All she could picture was the hobbit's face staring back at her. She could see him sitting atop the log back in the martisan village. She could hear his voice echoing through her thoughts, telling the younglings stories about his people. Kattrin smiled softly to herself, feeling a small sense of fondness at the idea of his silly tales, she realized how similar they both were in that nature. She looked to her hand, and quickly she recalled the softness she'd felt when her fingers had gently brushed against his curls the night she'd secretly given him the feather.

And with that…the tears came.

"I'm so sorry Bilbo…" She promised to protect him, to not let anything bad happen to him. She failed him. The night air was growing cold around her, the longer she sat in place, the later it became. She laid herself down upon the ground and wrapped her arms around herself, providing herself with what little warmth such an action could attain. What was she to do? The entire journey thus far she'd felt as though she had a purpose, a motive, and intentions. Normally, even just being lost was not enough to sway her certainty. Though now, she felt more than merely lost in the way of surroundings. Now, her heart felt lost. She repeated the words to herself, weeping silently over the hobbit and eventually falling into a sleep.

"Kattrin…Kattrin…Kattrin!"

The martisan's eyes shot open to find her completely surrounded in darkness. She could see nothing except a perpetual abyss that she could feel consuming her. Her feelings of panic soon subsided when she saw Bilbo sitting on his knees across from her. She, in the same position, just stared at him. "Bilbo…" she whispered. "Is it…really you?"

Bilbo's countenance appeared saddened and replied flatly, "You're dreaming, Kattrin."

She frowned, tears welling up in her eyes, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry…if it wasn't for me…"

Bilbo quickly hushed her, "Ssh, please. It was never your fault. You did everything you could. You've already done so much to save me; I couldn't just watch that dragon kill…" He cut himself off, perceptibly distressed at the idea of finishing such a statement.

Kattrin looked to the side of Bilbo's face and noticed the blue jay feather still loosely fastened in his hair. She slowly crawled to him, the both of them just watching each other in silence. She gently brought her hand up to touch the feather. "What will I do without you…?" she whispered.

Bilbo smiled at her softly, "You're strong. So much stronger than I am. You can finish this. With or without me."

She didn't like the answer, a strong sinking feeling settling in at the bottom of her stomach. "But I need you, Bilbo…"

As much as she wanted him to, he neglected to acknowledge her statement. Instead, she watched as the feather became untangled from his curls and fluttered gently towards the ground. The more it neared the black floor, the more Bilbo became an apparition, slowly fading and disappearing. Within but a mere moment, Kattrin was alone once again.

Just herself within the darkness.

The silence became deafening; the darkness became forbidding. Kattrin searched desperately all around her but could find no means of escape. It was just like the moments before her arrival to this time. Darkness. However, in this moment, the verity that she was very much aware of her existence within these shadows made it all the more terrifying. "Bilbo!" She cried out.

No answer came.

"Bilbo!" Just darkness.

The next thing Kattrin could feel were two hands restraining her as she screamed and kicked within their grasp. Her eyes quickly opened and found the hands belonged to none other than Fili. As she slowly became aware that she was no longer dreaming, her eyes darted in every direction as if expecting to still be in the darkness. She locked eyes with Fili who watched her confused. She cried into him feverishly and shook her head madly, "He's dead, Fili. He's dead!"

He'd never seen her like this. Certainly he'd seen her upset in Rivendell, but undeniably not panic-stricken resembling this. He attempted to calm her, "Kattrin…Kattrin it's alright. Who's dead? Who?" He tried to brace her tightly enough to where the only thing she had to lock eyes with was him.

She calmed only slightly and said in between tear filled gasps, "Bilbo. He's dead. Môrhîth killed him!"

Fili appeared even more baffled, "Môrhîth?" He was not aware of the dragon's name and had not the slightest idea of what she was talking about. Though when he heard her claim Bilbo's death, Fili frowned. He, himself, could not believe such an assertion. He moved his hands from bracing her upper arms in place to clasping both of her cheeks to force her to make eye contact with him, "How do you know this?" He quickly noticed that the strange brownish substance on her cheeks was not dried mud, but instead it was dried blood. Some of it hadn't completely washed off as a result of her weeping. "Whose blood is this, Kattrin?" He didn't expect amidst her frenzy that she'd be able to answer all of his questions comprehensibly.

She faintly pointed to the dragon's carcass, "That is Môrhîth…" Still without her wits about her, she whispered once again, "He's killed Bilbo..."

Fili slowly released his grip from Kattrin and stepped over towards the dragon's body. He examined the corpse and then looked back to Kattrin, "Or so he claims." He kicked the dragon's front claw with his boot and continued to explain, "Dragon's are tricky, Kattrin. My guess is that Bilbo is not dead. Hurt, perhaps, but not dead. The beast must have bewitched you; they'll do such terrible things even as they lay dying."

While his statement did little to provide her with some form of reassurance, she did try her best to cling to the positivity. She said nothing. Words filled her, certainly. Though, she no longer felt like talking. Fili witnessed the distress and nodded firmly, "Don't worry, Miss Kattrin. We'll find the others. Do not doubt his wellbeing, for I will think the same of my brother." Kattrin nodded weakly and Fili turned his head upward to peer at what little sky showed through the trees, "It is late, but we'd be wise to move through the night and rest during the day."

It wasn't much of a plan, but it was the only plan they had. The feeling was mutual among the two of them, both pleased to have found another to travel with. As brave as both always attempted to be, the forests of Middle-Earth possessed many dangers. It was the help of a companion that often aided someone amidst an attack. Fili naturally led the two of them, he several steps ahead of her the entire time. Kattrin stayed back a ways, her head hung low and eyes tracing her footsteps as they travelled together in silence.

Fili was growing relatively anxious from the silence. He was accustomed to the boisterous group of his brother and fellow dwarven kinsmen. "Cheer up, Miss Kattrin. I have good feelings that we'll find the company soon." He smiled confidently, "What will you do when you see Mr. Baggins?"

Kattrin tensed at the question, "Is there something that I should do?"

Fili grinned, turning his head back to her, "You gave him that feather, didn't you? Balin told me the meaning behind it." He quickly took notice to her panicked expression. He chuckled to lighten the mood, "Do not worry. I would tell you that your secret is safe with me, but I'm certain it was Kili who told me. And Kili has never had the reputation of being closed-mouthed. But I would not worry, I am certain he'd never tell Bilbo."

Kattrin neglected to say anything. The more he spoke, the more defensive she felt. She quickly barked, "Who are you to assume what I feel for Bilbo...or anybody for that matter!?"

Fili laughed lightly, "Your reaction only makes it further evident." He smiled to her reassuringly. "I'm not sure if you've noticed the way you've been looking at him as of late. I won't speak on behalf the others, but I certainly noticed a particular…" he smirked and said teasingly, "twinkle in your eyes when you look his way."

"Both you and your brother are absurd. Together. Apart. It doesn't matter. Your childishness knows no bounds, does it?" The martisan scoffed, "And I never, ever, took your kind to be fond of gossip. It appears I'll have to watch my back."

Fili shook his head, "I'm only joking, Kattrin. Just keep the company in mind. We'll find them soon, I know it." She loosened up a bit and nodded to the flaxen haired dwarf. She followed close behind the remainder of the way, the both of them engaging in minimal small talk. The both of them had their minds elsewhere, Fili on Kili and Kattrin on Bilbo.

Seated around a fire, Kili sat next to Bofur as they slowly cooked a skinned hare over the fire. It wasn't much sustenance, but the company was aware of a small village not but a day's journey away from their current location. It was this knowledge that brought comfort to them, for villages had inns and inns had food. Dwalin sat atop a small boulder and played his viol softly, the music helped the dwarves feel at ease as they all continued to remain positive regarding Bilbo, Kattrin and Fili. They'd found no luck in their search for the dwarf and martisan, and Bilbo had not yet awaken. Dori had placed the unconscious hobbit before the fire, covering him with a blanket. His bruises were growing more visible the longer time had passed since the battle.

Gandalf made every attempt to reassure the group that their friends would soon be discovered and that Bilbo would wake up in due time. Ori was very worried for Bilbo and often stepped over to his body to peer at him. He recurrently endeavored to rouse him awake but never did he prevail. The songs from Dwalin's viol were soft and lamenting, providing the crowd with song that certainly fit their less than exultant demeanor.

After some time passed from their initial decision to camp for the night, Ori decided that he would check on Bilbo one last time before finally giving up. The keen dwarf stepped over to Bilbo and his eyes sparked as he saw the hobbit's body twitching slightly, only to see his eyes slowly flutter open. "Bilbo! Mister Bilbo, you're awake! I kept checking on you and I knew you'd eventually wake up!" The hobbit groaned faintly, his head suffering from sharp pains. "Everyone! Bilbo's awake!"

Gandalf looked up from his pipe and smiled widely, "My dear boy, I was beginning to think you were tricking us with how long you were out!" He chuckled, blowing a cloud of smoke from his parted lips. "With a display like that on the battlefield, we should call you a hero." He reassuringly patted the hobbit on the back. He was sincerely hoping the hobbit wasn't going to ask about Kattrin, but he knew it was inevitable.

Before he could ask the wizard, the entire group of dwarves surrounded him. They all commended him on his 'bravery'. Bofur called him a 'true warrior'. Bilbo couldn't help but turn red at the sudden bouts of attention. It was in his nature to remain modest, so it wasn't as if he could agree with them openly. Though, with such comments, it was hard for him not to feel brave or fearsome. Despite all of the flattery, there was only one thing on his mind. "How is she?" he asked, a look of longing plastered on his face.

His expectant smile soon faded as he watched the crowd of smiling faces surrounding him alter into faces of despair. No one was answering him. He looked to each and every one of them, hopeful one might give him an answer. It was Balin that was forced to break the news to him. "After the dragon attack…" He paused, trying his best to search his mind for a gracious way to put his words, "The earth adjacent to the cliff crumbled beneath us. We all fell, you included. We have seen neither Kattrin nor Fili since."

Bilbo's face scrunched, as if confused by the statement, "They are alive…aren't they? I mean…I saved Kattrin. That's what you said happened, after all." His babbling made his anxiety evident. "I saved her…you just told me…" The more he spoke, the more he realized none of them had specifically said he'd saved her. He turned to Gandalf, panic stricken, "Didn't I, Gandalf…please tell me I did."

Balin frowned, "I'm afraid not, laddy."

Gandalf chimed in, attempting to offer some optimism, "Knowing Kattrin and Fili as we know them, it is certain they are alive and well searching for us the very same way we search for them." He nodded reassuringly to the hobbit.

Bilbo wavered in his spot, looking very similar to when he'd been told of his possible death from when the journey had first begun at Bag End. They all looked on with worry, but Bilbo merely said, "I...I'm going to lie down." They didn't bother to continue speaking with him; they all knew it was best to give him some time. For the remainder of the night, Bilbo laid with his back facing the company. To their knowledge, he'd fallen asleep for the night. However, Bilbo lay silently; his eyes and ears open and his mind racing.

For a while, not much conversation was exchanged between the party. What was there to say? Everyone knew what the other was thinking. And everyone knew what the other was wishing for. A safe return. After many of them had fallen asleep, Balin and Bofur sat atop the log placed next to the flames of the campfire. Balin had been eyeing Bilbo's back for quite some time, shaking his head periodically but never actually saying anything.

Bofur began to light his pipe and took notice to the elder dwarf's gestures, "What're you shaking your head at?" He questioned, his accent thick.

Balin took in a deep sigh, his eyes not once straying from Bilbo as he thought him asleep. "Poor, lad. He's taking the news about Kattrin harder than I expected."

Bofur looked to Bilbo as well, "Aye. Kili told me about the feather." He nodded, still having no success in igniting a flame.

Bilbo's ears perked up at the mention of Kattrin. He remained very still as not to alert them that he was listening in. Balin turned his focus to Bofur and eyed him guardedly, "And what exactly did he tell you?" His reaction to Bofur's knowledge about the feather made Balin stir a bit in his spot, assuming that not many of the company knew about it.

Bofur shrugged, "Only that Kattrin gave Mister Bilbo the feather."

Kattrin gave him the feather?

How could that be? The mere idea of it made his heart pound within his chest. Why? He thought. It didn't make sense. She despised him. He had guessed that she thought he nearly despised her. If that was the way of it, why on earth would she gift him with something she'd deemed so precious?

Balin's eyes narrowed, further questioning Bofur of his opinion on the matter, "And what do you make of it?"

Finally igniting a flame to his pipe, Bofur answered without making eye contact, "Well, I'm not exactly certain, my friend. It's pretty obvious to everyone that Mister Baggins is smitten with our princess. What do you make of it?"

Bofur knew that Balin had opinions. The elder sighed again and said, "As unfortunate as it is, I sincerely feel that Bilbo may have been in over his head with that one. It's such a shame to think it true, but I just don't see the girl as the type wishing to hold a personal attachment in a world so unfamiliar to her."

Bofur eyed him oddly, "Then why give him the feather?"

Balin continued, "Who knows, lad. Perhaps she felt bad for the poor boy. Kili and Fili had plenty of those feathers to go around and maybe our Kattrin was just trying her best to be nice…"

"You believe that?" he questioned.

"Well, regardless, it's such a sad thing to lead the boy on in such a way. Even if the intention is honorable." Balin shrugged. "Anyway, it's off to sleep for me. We can only hope we find the two of them. Tomorrow brings a new day and a new search." Bilbo could feel his eyes burning, his pupils drying out from him not blinking through the duration of the conversation between the two dwarves.

Because she felt bad for him.

It was the only thing Bilbo could think about for the rest of the night. He almost wished he was still unconscious and unaware of the world around him. His memories began to make matters worse. He harked on all of the times he'd spent alone with her. The words he'd chosen any time he'd attempted to befriend her. He remembered the night in Rivendell when he'd accidentally called her beautiful. It was as true to him now as it was back then; however, now, he realized how preposterous he must have sounded to her. He cursed himself for saying it. He cursed himself for thinking he'd ever had a chance with her. His cheeks grew hot and he felt his entire body stiffen as if he would never again possess the ability to move from his spot.

He could hear her voice in his head, "I want you, Bilbo Baggins…" He wouldn't allow her memory and invasive dreams to cloud his thoughts. He couldn't. He mustn't, as unfeasible as it seemed.