Never Been Kissed

Full Summary - She's never been hip, never been cool, never been in. . . . . . until now. Now in college, Bella is given a chance to be what she's always wanted, by a certain Alice Cullen. Alice does it as a favour, for their friendship, but what happens when Edward Cullen, playboy extraordinaire decides he rather likes the new and improved Bella Swan? Sparks zoom off, and tempers fire up, of course. Will be VERY loosely based on the film.

Disclaimer – Nope, not mine, and it never will be. The OC's will be mine, but will be strongly based on real people.

Warnings – The following story will include: some swearing, mentions of sex, and crude jokes. Nothing smutty. Characters will keep some of their talents, just in milder form, like Jasper will still be able to calm people down easily. And Edward can tell what people are thinking. Will be staying rating T.

Chapter Title – Love && Loss

Chapter Quotes –

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird,
and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
~Author Unknown

I didn't want my picture taken because I was going to cry.
I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody
spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out
of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I'd cry for a week.
I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me
like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full.
~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

The usual warnings XD

Isabella Swan – January 20th – Friday Evening

You cannot really say, within reason, that you love someone when you do not know whether they love you. Because being in love, is when to people like each other to such an extent they are willing to take it further, to marriage and beyond to their ultimate deaths. I myself have never been in love and doubtless I ever will be because love is like trust. It doesn't come easily, trust comes when you know that person would jump off a bridge rather than tell your secrets. Love is much the same. Though admittedly I cannot confess I know what love is, to truly understand something so complex you need to know what it is like to be in love. I have of course before imagined myself in love; Brad Pitt was the first supposed 'love' of my life. But imaging yourself to be in love is not being in love. Because being in love, from what I have read is when you ache for someone's touch, even if it is to just reach past you and get to someone else. When you crave the sound of their voice like you long for air and when they are your world.

Love comes in all shapes and sizes, sometimes you cannot live with someone, yet at the same time you cannot live without them.

"I hate you Edward Cullen!"

"Shut up Swan!"

"Bite me."

Yes. Here we are again, it's been a long time since Cullen and I last augured, almost what, a week? Yes a long time indeed.

"No thanks, I might get poisoned."

"That was low Cullen, even for you," he smirked at me and I felt myself explode, "what the hell is your problem with me Cullen?"

The end of my sentence came out as a shriek and I realised just how alone we were. The library was deserted the lights were of courtesy of Cullen, we were in essence in total darkness. Yet I could tell what he was doing exactly, that's as how I knew at the moment he was looking at me with worried eyes but still with a smirk on his face. You may are why we are in darkness, ill tell you, because Edward freaking Cullen broke the fuse. Oh yeah, so we are currently groping around on the floor trying to find the keys that Cullen conveniently dropped.

Presently we are in the library, the librarian had left leaving us to alone with our assurances that we would look after the place and lock it up, and we even had the key. So that still leaves us with the question, how is the fuse broken? I have no idea, but I'm sure not taking the blame for something that egotistical prat has done. One minute the light was on and Cullen was leaning against it, the next we were in darkness, I had screamed, he had slammed his hand over my mouth, I had struggled to get free and the keys had gone flying somewhere.

He still hasn't answered but I felt him slide down next to the wall and I stopped my groping to turn to him. My eyes were almost accustomed to the dark so I could tell that the smirk was gone from his face and his eyebrows had creased together in this little frown while he chewed on his lower lip.

"I don't have a problem with you Swan," his voice murmured eventually after five minutes silence had drifted past us.

"Then what?"

"You're not stupid enough that you don't understand Swan?"

Well yes. But I wasn't about to admit that to him.

"You clearly don't, so don't try and deny it; I'll try to explain it," he had spoken before I could say anything in my defence and I glared at him through the inky blackness and wished a hole would appear and swallow him up.

"When I was four, my parents brought me a piano. I was shall we put it promising back then. Then when I was twelve my parents got me a dog, Rastus I called him. I loved him so much, I'd play with him everyday, then practice my piano. He was my best friend."

He paused and I waited for him to carry on. His voice had wavered towards the end but maintained a bitter sarcastic streak, but when he said was his voice had lost all emotion and I couldn't help but spare a pitying glance in his direction.

"We could say I was a neek when I was younger, a bit like you were in high school from what I understand. The thing is Swan, you got away with it. I didn't, I wasn't at all attractive when I was younger. To put it blankly I was an ugly fuck. When I was sixteen Rastus died, hit by a car while I practiced my piano. He'd been distracting me according to my parents so they let Alice take him for a walk. A boy from school hit him; he swore it was an accident, but I new it wasn't. He was everything I am now, now I think about it; a womaniser, if you forgive the expression. I wanted to get him back you know? He killed my best friend, I wanted vengeance, I was foolish."

He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and drew out a long breath.

"You can guess what happened, it became a game, I had something to prove, I was just as good as him. I joined sports teams, womanised. Everything he did I did better. It became a game for me. Then when we were eighteen things changed, we became friends, as well as enemies. One day I challenged him to a drag race, but his car had slipped, skidded off the road and into the trees below. His frightened face was the last thing I ever saw of him. He said once, before the race I was the only person he would ever do such a thing with. I'm a murderer."

He paused and I stared at him trying to understand why he was telling me this.

"You're the only person I've ever told. My childish vengeances lead to his death, though we were friends you know? I haven't been close to anyone since. But then I saw you on your first day. Exactly like him. The same terrified expression on your face as his was when I last saw him. You were exactly like him. He didn't try, but women flocked to him like bees to honey. Guys do that to you, he didn't really notice, neither do you. Please don't take it personally Isabella but I can't like you, you're to like him, even your personality is like him. I'm sorry."

A lone tear leaked from my eyes. I looked at him trying to catch his eyes, but his eyes stared at the floor and at the bit of carpet he was ripping to shreds. I tried to process the information; he didn't like me because I reminded him of some guy he had known who he had inadvertently killed? That was harsh, disregarding my own feelings entirely I looked at him, properly for the first time and saw he was just a little boy one who needed reassurance.

"Edward?" his name felt strange and unfamiliar on my tongue but I repeated it when he didn't look up, "Edward?"

He looked up his eyes blank and unreadable, tears shining in them and I made up my mind in instant. I flopped down next to him on the wall, the keys forcing themselves to the back on my mind.

"I'm nothing like him," and then I was kissing him and he was kissing me back. But unlike last time we didn't stop we kept going and nothing and nobody was going to separate us. All I knew was here and now, not the future because it didn't matter. I was his and he was mine. His lips were like a fire, a brand of heroin that I couldn't get enough of and my hands found there way onto him. One settled on his shirt pulling him closer to me, crashing his body to mine and the other mused up his hair. He was my life and I never wanted to let go, I never would. Nothing could separate us. We would be together forever, in this strange paradise where I could smell him and his scent wafted up my nose and into my brain making it foggy and my head start to spin.

Then we were separated in an instant and my new heaven had vanished. Reality was back.

His eyes were a dark green, clouded by lust; his breath was coming in short spirts. He removed a hand from my waist and ran it through his hair musing it up even more than my hand had done. I slid slowly off him so I lent against the wall again.

"I'll give you something Swan, you are nothing like him, and he would never have kissed me like that," the cocky grin was back on his face but it vanished again in an instance, "maybe I can try and be a bit nicer."

We were silent after that each of us lost in our own thoughts and neither wanting to break the silence that had fallen on us, because if truth be told, it was anything from awkward. It was nice, relaxing.

What does it mean for us now? Is there an us? Because I am totally stumped.

Edward Cullen

I never planned to tell Isabella. It's not really something you can tell someone, that you killed someone, even though it was not with your bare hands. I am a murderer and I always will be. Yet she's given me hope, something I've been lacking for years. Maybe just this once there is something worth waking up for. Even if it's just to see her walking away from me.

She's amazing she really is. It's really remarkable to think of her, how much I hated her, then how much I wanted her, before finally I settled on needing her. She's a drug; I can't get enough of her. That kiss, words cannot describe it. It was like I was on fire and she was water, quenching me satisfying my hunger. But we can never be. We are to opposite, hate cannot outweigh love. We are not in love though. Love is liking someone and them liking you back. And how can Isabella like me? After all I have done to her; I am surprised she would even touch me. So how can we be friends?

We can't, I'll just have to settle for knowing her. Wanting her. Needing her.

Because we can never be friends.

End Of Chapter

I wrote this in one day. In about an hour. And the weird thing was I felt like a writer when I wrote, it just flowed from my fingers and before I knew it I was done. Nothing has ever been more gratifying. I mean it was sort of soppy, I hope you like believe it, because believe me those sorts of things do happen. Anyways I sent a chapter to my BETA, and I didn't get it abck within a day, and I really needed to update so here it is. Besides I sent the wrong one, this draft is much better. Sorry it took so long

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that smoking hot chapter, at least we know now why Edward is a bit of a wanker. I loved the bit where they were kissing I was listening to 'love song' while writing that. Brilliant song.

With huge thanks to:

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