A/N: Okay so for some reason during this chapter I keep accidentally writing Misha, instead of Cas... lmao so I apologize in advance if I missed correcting that anywhere
OMG I have started replacing Dean with Jensen now... help me
Dean didn't like it, but they had agreed that going out in a group while being so close to this Suresh, would draw too much attention. They needed to catch him by surprise so they didn't lose him, and the three hunters asking around town... That's pretty much a flashing neon sign saying 'Hey look at us! We're hunters!' They were staying in a Cabin in Grand Canyon National Park, and Sam had gone off to check the park records, looking for any sort of cave or... Well to be honest, they really had no idea what the hell to look for.
Cas was sitting on the couch, his lips pulled down in a frown. Dean was in the open kitchen area, cooking burgers for everyone. Dean glances over at Cas, frowning slightly. An overpowering sense of guilt washes over him, and he quickly refocuses on his cooking attempting to shake off the feeling. He always seems so sad and frustrated now, he never used to be like that. Not until after Dean lost him his memories. He can't imagine what it would be like to know that there was something you were missing from your memory, and to have no idea what it was. That would definitely make Dean frustrated and send him into a spiral. And while Cas was getting his memories back one by one, he still remembered absolutely nothing of Dean... He remembers Sam completely, though, Dean thinks bitterly. The movements, the basic knowledge- all of that was there. But there was still something- someone- missing from him that made him so he was still not... Cas. Not his Cas. How could he be, when he has no idea who Dean is? The knowledge that all of this was Dean's fault to begin with, is just the icing on the cake. He doesn't deserve to miss Cas when it's his fault he's gone in the first place. He doesn't deserve anything when it comes to Cas.
Ever since the other day when Cas had remembered the kiss, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about it. What did it mean? Why would he have kissed Dean? What does it mean that Dean looked more shocked than anything else? Was that the only time that had happened? And was it that kiss that made Dean hate him? He clenched his hands in frustration at his inability to remember a single damn thing about this man he had once known well enough to have kissed. He looks up at him now, shoulders hunched and back to him as he seasoned his burgers. The hunter turns and startles when he finds Castiel's eyes already on him.
"Food's ready," He grunts, turning quickly away.
Dean was not expecting Castiel to be looking at him when he had turned. He has been trying to keep up his no eye contact rule and, as always, the sudden gaze surprises and distracts him. He turned away quickly, annoyed at the heat rising to his face- probably from the steam coming off of the burgers.
Castiel hauls himself up off the couch and makes his way towards the kitchen. The plates are located in a cupboard above and to the right of the stove and Cas reaches up around Dean to grab two down for them. Dean chooses that exact moment to turn, brushing against Castiel's arm.
"Sorry," He mumbles.
Heat flushes Castiel's face as he nods awkwardly, grabbing the plates and turning to hand one to Dean. Dean takes it from him and slides around Cas to reach the hamburger buns, this time brushing against his other arm. Also this time, Castiel notices, there is no mumbled apology. Cas looks at Dean, who is placing two hamburger buns on his plate. Dean looks up and meets his gaze, the second time in one day. Cas is surprised when Dean doesn't turn away.
"How many burgers you gonna want?" Dean asks him.
Castiel tries to contain his shock from Dean speaking to him while actually looking at him. "Um, two, I think will be fine."
Dean nods and looks away, grabbing two more buns from the package in front of him. Castiel's brain is still processing when Dean turns back around, again looking at him, and hands him the hamburger buns. Castiel manages to get out a quiet 'Thanks' amidst his shock, and then Dean smiles at him before taking a seat at the table. Castiel's mouth drops open.
After a while, Dean notices Castiel is still standing at the counter, having not moved since Dean had sat down. "You gonna eat?" Dean asks around a mouthful of burger.
Castiel startles from his thoughts, and tentatively takes the seat next to Dean. He looks over at Dean, who continues eating his burger. Castiel shakes his head, thinking he must have imagined the smile. He reaches out to grab the bottle of ketchup, just as Dean reaches out for a napkin. Their hands collide and Castiel yanks his hand back in. Dean grabs himself a napkin, and then picks up the ketchup, offering it to Castiel.
Their eyes meet again as Dean asks, "You want the ketchup?" Castiel nods dumbly as he's reaching out to take it, their fingers brushing during the hand-off. Though their fingers only touched for no more than a second, Castiel can still feel the warmth from Dean's hand. His hand tingles as he squirts the ketchup onto his patty. The heat and tingle begin to spread up his arm, and he finds himself unconsciously leaning closer to Dean. Castiel's thigh touches Dean's under the table, and Castiel pulls away, thinking that Dean would react negatively to their contact. Castiel is surprised when Dean simply continues eating, as if he hadn't even noticed. Relaxing a little, Castiel bites into his burger and they finish their meals in- for the first time since Castiel had woken up- a comfortable silence. At some point Cas notices that their legs are once again resting against each other. Since Dean doesn't seem to mind, Cas leaves it there. The warmth radiating off the hunter's leg is nice. Comfortable. Castiel smiles for the first time in what feels like weeks.
They finish eating and Dean grabs the plates, standing up to put them in the sink. Castiel stands up as well, going over to the cupboard to grab a cup for some water.
"Wanna grab me one too?" Dean asks from the sink behind him.
Cas grabs two cups out and whirls around to hand one to Dean. Dean is closer than he expected and he stops short, mere inches away. His breath catches in his throat, his heart pumping erratically. Dean's own breathing is shallow, and his eyes flicker down towards Castiel's lips, and return to his eyes. Castiel looks down at Dean's lips as well, unable to tear his gaze away. The heat from their first brushing of their fingers continues to spread through his body, as his mind brings forth the memory of Dean's lips again. Of pressing his own lips against them... Then suddenly the heat between them explodes and Cas is leaning forward pressing his lips to the hunter's like he has seen so many times in the memory.
As soon as Castiel's lips hit his, Dean's mind forgets everything but the feel of them. He lets out a startled 'mmph' as electricity shoots through his body. Dean snakes his arm around Castiel's waist, yanking him in closer. Distantly Dean hears as the glasses Castiel was holding hit the floor, shattering around them as Castiel instead brings his hands up to cup Dean's face. Dean's mouth opens up, allowing Castiel's tongue entrance. At the feel of Castiel's tongue moving with his own, Dean stutters out, "Cas." As soon as he speaks, it starts his mind up again. Slowly, so very slowly, his word echos through his head. 'Cas.' 'Cas.' Reality slams back into Dean. Not Cas. Not his Cas. Dean pushes Castiel away from him, backing up and breathing heavy.
Castiel looks up at him, more confused than ever. He decides to just go for it, not sure what else he could lose. "I've done that before," He says to Dean.
Dean's eyes widen, and then his gaze is hardening, face closing off and tensing. "No. Do you hear me? You have never done that before," Dean is shouting at him. Dean swings his fist around and punches a wall before walking well around Castiel, walking out the front door, and slamming it behind him.
Castiel sinks back down into his chair. Maybe at one point they had been something more. But there was no doubt in Castiel's mind that now, all Dean Winchester felt towards him was hate. Castiel felt cold replace the sweltering heat that had flooded his body when their lips had met. His stomach felt like it was sinking, and there was a mildly painful burning sensation in his eyes. Castiel curled in on himself, bringing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. Castiel stayed like that for the next hour until Sam returned, a small puddle forming on his sleeves.