April 2, 2007The following chapter is based off of the 'lost' segment of the previous chapter, this is nothing more than journal entries of the men and women of Rutledges. Not just of the nurses and doctors, but some of the inmates of the asylum.
This 'chapter', would have been put between the segment where Alice is blaming herself, and then when she wakes up from her total comatose state, but I wanted that (the comatose state) to be a surprise to you readers, so I edited the entries from the chapter. But the journal entries idea was too good to just drop entirely, it establishes more character background and insight of the characters we know already, and ones we don't know, and totally establishes a time line for the story. It also gave me a chance to add more of a story plot(s) than what I was originally going to do with the journal entries.
This 'lost chapter' does not progresses the story, but it helps the overall story in general.
This chapter goes out to Xeras and Ubercribe, for unknown reasons, like my story... (shrugs shoulders).
So here it is, the journal entries you almost didn't get to read.
'Lost chapter': Journal Entries
January 14th, 1860:
Dr. Ivan Howard:
The juvenile ward re-opened today, I can't guarantee when we shall receive any new patients in that wing. It has spread like wildfire throughout the city on what had happened in these walls, thank God they don't know the full story of what happened or all of the employees, including my own, lives and careers would be ruined.
On a side note, we have received our newest doctor today. Dr. Wilson's credentials are indeed quiet impressive, but I fear that he lacks...the special quality and gift to be a truly magnificent child psychologist. I originally wanted him to go to the adult ward, but I felt that removing Dr. Barr from the juvenile ward would be beneficial in the long run.
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
Today had several benefits.
First of all, I received the new electro-therapy head band today in the post, with best regards from the manufacturer, also in the post, I received the latest theories and methods in psychology from my old school. But the best news of all...Dr. Barr has been transferred to the adult ward! There is a god after all.
Paul Redcliffe:
Another day, another opportunity for Nurse M to once again to order me about like a slave. Doesn't she realize that slavery in England was ended in 1833? Oh well, enough about work, I do have good news, I've saved enough money to go to school in the fall. I don't plan on cleaning lavatories or doing the dirty work forever.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
I've been transferred to the adult ward today. Although I prefer being in the juvenile ward, I suppose I should look at bright side.
January 21st, 1860:
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
Without Dr. Barr breathing down my neck every few minutes, I've found it easier to freely talk to not only my staff members but to my coherent patients. The entire mood of the ward has changed since he transferred, and I, for one, am glad of it.
Dr. Ivan Howard:
The hospital has received three more juvenile patients today, that makes a total of six children in our care. I am pleased that we have regained not only the peoples confidence, but the laws as well. The law had threatened to shutdown the asylum, but the record of our hospital, private investments to the hospital, and the police investigations saved our skins...but at a price. Most of the private investors have left, leaving the budget slashed significantly, we will just have to manage with what little funds we have for now.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
I don't like it here in the adult ward. The patients and staff members have no respect for me as they had in the juvenile ward. This situation shall be remanded in all good time, though.
August 15th, 1860:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
I finally had a moment to spare and write my family a letter today. I wrote about my first nine months at Rutledges and about my fellow workers. I hope they write back soon.
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
One of my newest patients is a 14 year old boy named Herbert. I had a long discussion with him and I truly can't see what would be wrong with him. He is an extremely inelegant young man and has quite the sense of humor. Perhaps more time will be needed to extract any information on why his family keeps him here.
September 21st, 1860:
Paul Redcliffe:
I was packing my things to head off for school, when my mother and father came into my room and talked to me. My father slapped me on the back and told me how proud he was of me. My mother said the same thing, only through sobs and hugging me so tightly, I thought that my lungs would burst. Anna also came into the room, and gave me her favorite seashell, 'to remember' her with.
I remember when I took her to the beach and she found the seashell, the only problem was that there was still a little hermit crab inside it. She wanted me to remove it so she could keep the shell, it took some time (about two hours if I recall) for me to find a larger shell for the little thing. When I did find one, I placed the larger shell next to the hermit crab and in a manner of seconds, it scuttled out of the small shell and into the larger one. She squealed with delight and held onto the shell for weeks without putting it down.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
I've been introduced to my newest patient today. Her name is Emily. She's 23 years old, never married, brown hair and eyes. She's in here for delusional beliefs that her dead brother has been haunting her. Apparently, she is very lonely, for her family basically abandoned her when she was admitted here last month, perhaps I can quench her thirst for love and attention.
I happened to run into Malkin today; I asked how Alice Liddell was doing, he said what I expected for him to say, 'same as usual'. It makes me sad, such a young girl like that to be in the situation that she is in now.
October 16th, 1860:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
Last night, I had to go down into the cellar to fetch a bit of coal for the coal bucket by the nurses station. I detest the cellar, compared to it, the hospital floor is pollyannaish. Finding the coal room, I started to shovel the coal into the coal bucket when I heard the coal furnace's door open, I slowly walked toward the furnace and saw a man, dressed in a boiler suit, shoveling coal into the furnace. I decided to just turn around and go back to hospital floor when I stupidly bumped into several coal shovels. The man whirled around and asked who was there, I stepped out from the shadows and introduced myself sheepishly. Only then did I realize that not only that the man had an American accent, but he was also a black man. We had a small talk about what I was doing down there and what he was doing, and we soon became good friends.
Paul Redcliffe:
Today was my first day at collage. I've meet and made new friends, meet all of my professors and acquired all of my books, which has drained my savings. I thought that I had enough for the books, but my math was wrong. I suppose then, it's a good thing that I am going to school. I'll just have to work harder at Rutledges to earn extra money.
February 4th, 1861:
Dr. Ivan Howard
Jonathan's dementia has taken a turn for the worst, he's almost completely retreated into his own delusion. I've raised the dosage of his medication and called in a treatment of leaches, perhaps this may help.
I had a younger patient today, an 14 almost 15 year old boy named Herbert in my office today. After a long discussion with him, I can't see why he's even here in the Asylum. He seems as sound of mind as I am. But his parents insist that there's something wrong with him, so they pay to keep him here.
Herbert:
I'm furious that mother and father has committed me to this insane asylum. I am of sound mind and body. It's just that, I thought they would be sympathetic to my feelings.
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
I was assigned another patient today, a 12 year old girl by the name of Verne. She suffers from massive panic attacks for unknown reasons. The list that causes these attacks goes on for miles, she's easily startled, sometimes for no apparent reason. At first I thought that she was only frightened by men in general, but when I asked for Nurse Q to give her some medicine, Verne wailed and hollered as if the woman had just threatened to kill her. Its very difficult to retrieve any information out of this girl, but patients is a virtue, and slow and steady wins the race and all that.
June 3rd, 1861:
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Today I had my first private session with Emily. At first, she was very un-corporative, trying to scream and kick me, the children were much easier to handle; this woman is a feisty one, but not totally out of control. Next time, leather straps will be required.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
Father had sent another letter for me, in it he wrote how proud of me he was that I became a nurse, helping others regain their lives. Father also wrote about how the old mare had broken out of her pen again. That old horse would never stay locked up for long, she always finds a way out.
August 26th, 1861:
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
Everyday, I am slowly gaining Verne's trust. Months ago I couldn't even enter the room without her looking frightened of me, now I can at least enter the room without her even flinching. But approaching her still invokes terror. She needs more time.
Jonathan:
Dr. Howard is in total denial. I respect the man but he is completely unaware of what is truly going on. I've tried time and time again, but he refuses to believe me.
I will try once more to convince him, but I fear that he wont listen to me.
Dr. Ivan Howard:
Winter is coming, and we have several problems to fix before the first snow fall. This is a problem, however, since the budget of the asylum has been slashed by half. Preparations though, are to take place for more cold weather.
Paul Redcliffe:
I've meet a young woman today at school, her name is Marry Ann Rosebery. She and I talked for sometime underneath the old tree in the middle of the school grounds. Perhaps we'll meet again there soon.
December 13th, 1861:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
Mother sent me a letter today, she can be so frustrating. She has never accepted the fact that I did not want to be married to Mr. Tillman; that I wanted to go to school and become a nurse first. Mr. Tillman is wealthy, but far to old for me. Mother has also hated the fact that I would rather work at the Asylum rather than a regular hospital.
Today I worked with all the bedridden patients, including Alice, its strange, she has never spoken a word, yet she is one of my favorite patients.
Everard is a good man, I found out that he fills and repairs the furnace. He apparently had came to England to escape slavery in America. Speaking of which, I've just learned that America is in the middle of a civil war. It is apparently about numerous things, about whether individual states can govern certain things independently like taxes and slavery and the like. I wonder how it will end.
February 16th, 1862:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
Everard and I talk often now, he tells me stories of his childhood growing up in an southern cotton farm. He was separated from his mother and father in a auction when he was 11 years old, and he hasn't seen them since. Everard is an older man, in his fifties, he seems like he has suffered a hard life. Mother has told me when she was a little girl, her family had slaves rather than servants, said it was costlier to have servants than slaves.
April 8th, 1862:
Feather:
Dr. Howard denied my freedom from this hell-hole again! How dare he?! Can't he see that I am well enough now?! Why wont he let me go home?
Oh, God...where are you?!
Dr. Ivan Howard:
Feather came into my office today, for her six month hearing, she has tried her best to convince me to declare her sane, but she does not realize that I have no authority what so ever to release her...ever. The courts did after all, sentence her to life here. It pains my heart so, she's come such a long way since she's come to Rutledges 15 years ago.
June 14th, 1862:
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
It is Verne's 14 birthday today, and I had the kitchen staff make a small cake for her. I deiced to try actually making human contact today with her. When I entered the room, it was the same reaction I've have received for years now, she would not scream nor flinch, but she did eye me warily, watching my every move. I set down the cake and tried to make small conversation with her, but she remained silent. Then, under the watchful eyes of the orderlies outside of the cell door, I cut the small cake in two, afterward, I handed the knife to the orderlies through the cell door's bars. I then offered her a piece of the cake. She was much like a wild dog, she wanted the cake, but she didn't dare approach me or let me move in closer. Having no luck in having her come closer to me, I was forced to set the cake on the night stand and back off into the corner of the room. Even then, however, she did not eat the cake. I left the room thinking that perhaps my presence was upsetting her. I'll have to try something different next time.
October 8, 1862:
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
Everyday, I grow more dismayed of Alice's condition. It's been two years since her admittance here, and nothing mentally has changed about the girl. Physically however, she has taken for the worse. She weights almost just as much when she first came to Rutledges. Perhaps Dr. Howard is right, perhaps she'll die this winter.
Paul Redcliffe:
As I was helping another orderly today, I accidently knocked over a pile of charts all over the floor. Of course that old buzzard swooped down on me and began to screech at me, she even looked like she was ready to box my ears, like I was a child. I detest that cold-hearted bird.
Professor Hepburn is one of the best teachers at the collage, but for some reason, gives me a hard time. Every day he bombards me with questions, and if I get one wrong, he gives me extra schoolwork to do. I don't know what I did to anger him, perhaps it was the same thing I did to invoke Nurse M's wrath as well. Those two should get married.
January 6th, 1863:
Dr. Ivan Howard
The furnace has broken again. The old metal walls just keep cracking, but we just don't have enough money to fix it, too many sacrifices have already been made for that.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Jeff is very incorporative with anything I, or any of the other doctors do. I've discussed with Dr. Howard on what to do, and he thinks we should enforce 'the closet' on him whenever he is disobedient. However, I think I shall enforce it more times than that.
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
An excerpt of a discussion I had with Herbert:
"Did you have high marks at school?"
"Yes I did, sir."
"Did you have any problems in school?"
"No sir, I did not."
"Did you perhaps, have a girlfriend?"
"No sir."
"Why not, to shy?"
"No, just uninterested."
" 'Uninterested', why did you choose that word?"
"I...don't think there's any significance in my choosing of that particular word. I don't think I want to talk anymore."
It's strange, Alice's body is maturing with every year, yet the only thing that remains the same as the day she first came here is her relentless gaze. I truly wonder if she will ever return to the waking world.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
Everard said that he was going back to America to help fight in the war with the north. I asked why go back when he was a free man here and had no worries of being enslaved again. He said to me: "It's not about my own freedom that I fight for, but for my people's freedom." I told him that he has to write to me every day, so that I may know what happens to him.
Emily:
Barr...I despise that man. He's a cruel, wicked man who deserves a punishment worse than the devil himself.
Paul Redcliffe:
Mothers health is failing her, she seems to have contracted influenza. Thankfully, I've saved enough money to help the family to pay off medical bills, there goes that brown mare I've had my on.
March 23rd, 1863:
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
While in town today, I happened to run into my friend, Mr. Milton, the bank manager. We talked for quite some time, and eventually the conversation went to Mr. Linndell and his financial situation was before he died. Apparently, my old friend had parlayed what little he had into a small fortune before he died. Henry was always good with stocks, he even helped me with it more than once. But his funds are frozen until his daughter is well enough to claim them. At least she has something to fall back on if she ever gets out.
November 19th, 1863:
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Today I've enforced 'the closet' on Jeff. At first when we placed Jeff in 'the closet', he was very quiet, but then howled and wailed and banged against the metal sides of the small chamber. He continued this behavior for hours. He was however, released when he quieted down, as were my orders. The orderlies dragged him back to his cell room, where he still remained silent for several hours.
December 22nd, 1863:
Dr. Ivan Howard:
Three more patients have died in the night, they froze to death. More blankets must be distributed throughout the asylum to keep the patients warm. Nurse Danvers came into my office today with some new ideas for the asylum. Her ideas are quiet interesting and worth looking into. She reminds me so much of Nurse Maxwell when she and I first came to Rutledges.
May 25th, 1864:
Paul Redcliffe:
Anna wrote me a letter today, she was telling me about how she scored the highest in her class. She is funny in that way, but I am proud of my little sister. My grades are climbing up, I thought for sure that I would have lower marks than what I have been receiving, but I was wrong. My mother is so proud of me and my career choice.
Mary Ann and I went to the opera today, we went and saw...something of Mozart's plays, I can't recall the name, but it had a man dressed like a bird with a flute. I really, normally, don't care for these affairs, but Mary Ann adores them. I'm glad that I meet her, I've become quite fond of her.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
While Everard and I were talking, I noticed for the first time that his right hand thumb was missing. I asked what had happened and he said that he was caught reading.
June 18th, 1864:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
It's funny, every day on this date I always think back to when I first meet dad. Of course my biological father had abandoned mother and me, I hardly remember the man. Mother would work her fingers to the bone, scraping up enough money for the both of us just to make ends meet. Then one day, she came home with dad. If I recall correctly, I was about 6 years old at the time. I do remember, being terrified of him, because he was so tall, but he just smiled at me and patted my head and said, "Well, that's what you get for being so small." It took several more visits for me to adjust to him, but when I did, we became the best of friends. A year later, he proposed to mother. He was rich enough so mother didn't have to work anymore, and he had saved money to pay for my schooling. He's been good as gold to me, and truly accepts me as his own daughter.
June 23rd, 1864:
Emily:
He continues humiliating he to no avail. Every time he enters the cell, I just want to cri out in anguish, knowing what is going to take place. He makes sure that there will be no one coming to my aid, so I know screaming is now pointless.
My tormentor is finding new ways to satisfy himself, he experiments new medicine on me, in which I have no memory on what happens for several hours. I only know the pain that follows, the physical and mental.
Paul Redcliffe:
I was helping Nurse P today with a older boy named Herbert. I enjoy working with him, since he seems perfectly sane to me, and to most of the staff here. I have no idea why he's here, but he seems rather fond of me.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
For some reason, I can't stop thinking about my biological father. I know he abandoned us, but I can't help but wonder why he left. From what mother has told me throughout the years, he was happy with us. I just don't understand.
I can't shake this feeling, I have written mother a letter asking her to tell me everything about my real father. I think I would like to find and meet him.
Dr. Ivan Howard:
Paul Redcliffe, one of our youngest orderlies, is very amusing to watch whenever he interacts with the patients. When he's with any of the women, he treats them with the highest respects, as if they were the queen herself; when with the men, he also treats them with high regard. He truly shines though, when he interacts with the children. When ever he enters the room, all the younger children rush to him and want to play with him. He jokes with them and gives them piggyback rides; treats all of the children as if they were his own. This young man truly is one of the rare ones, Rutledges is lucky to have him
July 4th , 1864:
Dr. Ivan Howard:
I had another talk with Dr. Barr's patient Emily, she talks to me freely, but she is hiding something. Perhaps I'll schedule another session this week with her.
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
I've tried everything I can think of, and still, Verne wont let me get close to her. I've tried bribery, reward, praise and punishment, but all have failed. She has not said one word since her admittance here, and I speculate she may never will say anything, or let anyone help her.
I am impressed that Alice has survived this long, it has been 5 years to the day that she came to Rutledges. Perhaps, deep inside of her, there is a desire to live.
December 25th, 1864:
Jonathan:
Oh God, they've found out where I am! They're coming for me now, and there's no chance that Rutledges can protect me. I can't let them retrieve the information I know.
There's only one thing to do.
Paul Redcliffe:
it was Christmas today, and I had to work. I was sad that I had to miss out Christmas dinner with my family, but I was rather pleased at work. Nurse P was handing out gifts to all of the employees, she had knitted everyone either a sweater, a scarf, a cap, or a pair of mittens. She must care for me because she gave me a sweater, a cap and some mittens. Unfortunately, she had made them quite small, as that I can't even put on the sweater, cap and mittens. Perhaps Anna will enjoy them.
December 26th, 1864:
Dr. Ivan Howard:
I'm at a lost for words today, Jonathan has committed suicide in the night, and had left a note to me saying that it was so 'they' couldn't get 'the information' out of him and it was all for the best that he died. I couldn't help him...I truly failed this man.
March 2nd, 1865:
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
My comfort of living style is indeed a costly one, my tastes for the beautiful and rare are indeed overwhelming for my bank account. Even though I am a doctor and do make more than most men, I am always in the red when I comes to finances.
After years of treating Jeff with 'the closet' did I learn that Jeff actually has phobia of close spaces. All the more reason to enforce 'the closet' on him. But it was another successful session with Jeff, he's finally learned that I'm the boss, not him. Although his mental illness itself seems to be getting worse. I can't imagine why.
March 18th, 1865:
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Another session with Emily turned out very fruitful, she no longer cries out, nor struggles whenever our sessions take place. She has become very receptive to the treatments, perhaps we should have these sessions more often.
Paul Redcliffe:
Mother's health has recovered. And now I have enough money to purchase the mare, I'll go down to the stable where it's kept tomorrow and enquire to the owner about it.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
Received mothers letter today, she sounded angry with me, telling me that I 'upset' father, however, she did tell me the name of his best friend and pub mate and where to find him. His name is Kowin Brewer.
March 19th, 1865:
Paul Redcliffe:
I was too late, the mare was purchased only hours ago, by a coach driver. How irritating.
Of all the doctors I have to work with, it's rather hard to say wether Dr. Howard or Dr. Malkin is the most agreeable. I like Dr. Howard for his kind words of advice and his way of handling things, yet I also like Dr. Malkin's 'at ease' attitude with the patients. I can tell you, however, that Dr. Barr is the least tolerable man ever to work with.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
On my day off from Rutledges, I went into town to find the pub that mum said that Mr. Brewer would be in: The Galloping Goat. (And if you ask me, that is a stupid name for any establishment) I found the pub and entered it, it was a dark, dank place, that I would gladly never enter it again. Asking the bartender where Mr. Brewer was, he pointed down, where there was the most ghastly man I've ever seen in my life, passed out on the floor. Although I did not want to touch the man, I nudged at the man until he woke up. The man had a dreadful smell on him, both on the body and in the breath, and his speech was almost impossible to understand, but he did give me some useful information. Apparently my father had gone of to Australia years ago. I don't know why he went to Australia, but I am determined to make contact with him.
November 23rd, 1865:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
It's my 6th anniversary here at Rutledges, thinking back to all the patients that have come and gone makes my heart either joyful or sorrow filled. I enjoy working with all of the staff members and all the patents, I'm glad I work there.
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
I've received word from Dr. Howard that they're transferring Verne to another asylum, somewhere in Ireland, where she can be closer to her family that hasn't rejected her. It's truly a bittersweet moment, I am glad that she has some family who still loves her and wants to help her, but I am sorry that I couldn't help her.
December 14th, 1865:
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
As I was walking down the hall today, Nurse D stopped me and asked me to follow her. She was helping other nurses and orderlies clean out Verne's old cell, she told me to open the night stand's drawer, I did, and inside it was the slice of cake I had given her years earlier. I'm not sure what it means, perhaps I did reach out to her. I only hope she finds inner peace soon.
Herbert:
My doctor, Jack, is very kind to me. He encourages me to tell my true feelings, but I feel that the time is not right. Perhaps later, I will tell him.
Paul Redcliffe:
I finally worked enough and saved enough to purchase a wedding ring for Mary Ann. I'll propose to her tonight when the time is right. I'll write about it later.
It was the perfect romantic setup, I took Mary Ann to our favorite spot on the river and watched the sunset. I then decided to ask her to marry me. To my utter surprise and dismay, she said:
"No". She wanted to marry someone else, someone who "didn't attend to madmen all day". She broke my heart today, and doesn't even seem to care.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
I've written a letter to the Australian embassy hoping that they may help me locate dad. It will take several months for the letter, however, to reach Australia, so I may not know anything for for some time.
Emily:
I've tried to hid it from him, from everyone in the asylum, but he found out. He found out about our child. Oh God, what will happen now?
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Jeff is not as stupid as I once thought, he told me something very interesting to day. Apparently, one night, he had broken out of his cell and then broke into my office and had read my journal, and has learned all of my 'dirty linen'. He then threatened to expose me to Dr. Howard if I didn't stop 'torturing' him. He's cleaver, but very stupid for telling me this while he was in 'the closet'.
Its rather amusing, since I have no secrets to hide, perhaps some more time in the closet will quiet him down.
Emily has fallen ill, I've alerted the staff members to not enter the cell, she is very contagious, certain precautions will need to be enforced when entering the cell.
April 11th, 1866:
Dr. Ivan Howard:
Dr. Malkin is certainly different than any of the doctors here at the asylum. His methods are certainly far different than what I learned in school. But I am glad, I hope his kind approach to the patients may be how future psychologists will practice. He does remind me on how I first approached the patients when I first became a doctor, but he has yet truly learned the hardships of the practice.
Emily:
He tries to abort my baby, he strikes my belly with a cricket bat or gives me medicine to kill the baby, but I can still feel it living inside me, struggling to survive. Every failed attempt, he becomes more enraged and angered that I have to hide the pregnancy another day.
April 21st, 1866:
Paul Redcliffe:
Anna is dead. Apparently, she was walking home from school when a renegade coach horse charged round the corner and trampled over her. Her head then became entwined between the wheel spokes. I won't go into details but that is what killed her. Mother and father can't afford a proper burial, maybe it was God's will that I didn't get the horse or married ...then again, my sister's dead. She was only 11 years old.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Received word from the orderlies that Jeff had died during the night in 'the closet'. It appears 'the closet' has claimed yet another victim.
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
I've found the reason why Herbert's family has sent him to Rutledges. I finally gained his trust today and he told me that he is a homosexual. He said he couldn't hide the secret any longer, and he thought his family would understand. But they were "outraged, ashamed and humiliated", and they sent him here, demanding we "fix" him as quick as possible. It is theory that homosexuality is a mental illness, but it is still being debated. I, however, have more interest in his family, rather than is sexual preference at the time. When he told me this story, he broke down wailing sobs, he is devastated that his family has literally abandoned him. I think that this problem should be fixed first, I'll schedule an hour session with him in the morning.
Herbert:
Today, I gathered all of my courage and told Jack everything. He was very kind and understanding, I'm glad that he is my doctor. Tonight, I think that I will tell the man I love, hopefully, he will understand as well and accept me.
April 22nd, 1866:
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
I had just arrived at the asylum when one of the nurses rushed up to me and told me the dreadful news. Herbert was found dead in his cell, and the cause of death is still unknown. The coroner gave his word that he would tell the cause of death as soon as he could.
Paul Redcliffe:
I feel that its all my fault, yesterday, Herbert told me everything...and instead of politely explaining my sexual preferences to him, I reacted in a truly horrible way, upsetting the boy. Today, the nurses found him dead in his cell. The cause of death is still unknown at the time, he didn't hang himself or cut himself, perhaps he poisoned himself.
June 17th, 1866:
Paul Redcliffe:
I visited Anna's grave today. We buried her in the family burial plot, next to grandfather. I placed her favorite flowers on her grave, she would have liked that.
I've found out why Mary Ann didn't wish to marry me, apparently she fell in love with an older man who is on his way to America to mine for gold. Good luck to them, I've heard the gold in California is all but gone. The only thing they have in common is their greed.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
I remember when Henry and Edith told me about that diamond they had received as a gift. From what I remember, it was a large, uncut diamond. Perhaps it is for the best that no one found it in the rubble of the house fire. Someone could have easily taken it and broken it up into smaller diamond or diamonds and no one would have been the wiser...perhaps that has already happen.
Dr. Ivan Howard:
I keep talking to Emily and still receive no answer from her as to why she is so suddenly very shut in. I'm at a lost, I'll discontinue our sessions for a wile, perhaps time is all that is needed.
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
I received another letter from Australia today, apparently they forgot to put in the parcel a letter that had my fathers street address that he had moved into. I've made all the arraignments to go to Shrewsbury in the morning. I talked to mother again about finding dad, she still thinks I should give up this 'farce', as she put it.
It's been a year since the war in America has ended, but I have yet to hear from Everard.
July 18th, 1866:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
I Arrived at Shrewsbury today, I have found the house that my father had lived in, I write 'had' because he was no longer there. The landlord of the house had said that he had purchased the house because the previous tenant had become sick and couldn't afford the rent, and that he had gone to the hospital. I asked who it was that rented from him, he said it was Charles Danvers, my father.
I then asked him for directions to the hospital. I arrived at the hospital hoping that my father had left any more clues to his whereabouts, thankfully, the hospital still had his record on hand; it appeared he had moved in with another friend of his here in Shrewsbury, I was hopeful that I will find him soon.
I then made my way to fathers friend's house, hoping that he would be there. The man, Will Johnson, would have been a perfect match, drinking wise, for Kowin Brewer. He is a heavy drinker as Mr. Brewer, but thankfully, I caught him sober. I then told him my quest for my father and asked if he had seen him, Mr. Johnson then lowered his head and told me that father had passed away two years ago. He then gave me the address to the city cemetery and the number of his grave. I am devastated. I sought out years ago to find my father, and as I did find him, I am, unfortunately, too late.
August 21st, 1866:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
Today, I visited fathers grave. He was buried in an pauper grave here in Shrewsbury, the only thing on the small head stone was his number, 86. I don't know how long I was, standing there like a sign post, when Mr. Johnson walked up to me. He then gave me a old cigar box, saying it belonged to my father. Inside of it, I thought it was nothing more than old rubbish, but then when I looked closer, I saw that there were old letters inside it. I asked Mr. Johnson what it all meant, he said that my father 'was too ashamed to post them', meaning that the letters were addressed to me. Thanking Mr. Johnson for the gift, I then headed for home, hoping that in these old letters I may find out why dad had left after all.
Dr. Ivan Howard:
I popped by the juvenile ward to check on some of the patients there, and I can't get the Linndell girl out of my mind. It has been several years since her admittance here, but she still has the same melancholy look about her eyes.
Emily:
Tonight ended in tragedy. I started having contractions around 6 o'clock, he found out and later in the night, took me into one of the surgery rooms, where I had my beautiful baby girl. But the monster wouldn't even let me hold her. He quickly cleaned me up and flung me back into my cell, were I could see the sheer horror of what he did to my baby. He took my baby and buried it in the freshly tilled garden. I believe she was dead before he did this because she didn't move or cry out. As God as my witness, he will pay for what he did to my child. I swear to it.
September 28, 1866:
Dr. Jack Lee Malkin:
Received word from the coroner, the boy had drank cyanide. A dreadful way to go. He must have broken into the garden shed and took a drink from the rat poison.
Nurse D proved to be quite resourceful today. Earlier today, one of the women was out of control. We tried force to bring her down but she kept escaping the orderlies. She then started to threaten to hit anyone who came close to her with the nightstick she pinched off one of the orderlies. Then Nurse D, calmly and slowly talked to the her, calming the crazed woman. After ten minutes of talking, she was able to move in close enough to take the nightstick from the girl and personally escort her back to her cell. I'm glad that she was cleaver enough to reason with her.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
An most unfortunate affair has taken place with Emily, she was suffering a most dreadful hallucination, and tried to kill me. It was dinnertime, and all of the patients were receiving their meals as usual; this time however, when Sam, our youngest and most inexperienced orderly was giving her the meal, she charged past him wile grabbing the fork from the tray. She then charged out the door and ran strait to me, fork raised over her head like it was a sword. If it wasn't for the orderlies who stopped her, I may have been killed. An higher dosage of her medicine will be required, I suppose.
Paul Redcliffe:
I've finally come to terms with Anna's death. It took several months, but I'm found inner peace.
Dr. Ivan Howard:
As I walked down the halls of the juvenile ward today, I checked in on the Linndell girl. I don't know why, but all of the staff members including myself, find her the most interesting patient here at Rutledges. Something about this girl...I don't know, perhaps I'll never know.
October 31st, 1866:
Dr. Ivan Howard:
Another death in the asylum today, Emily, the young woman I tried to reach has slashed her wrists with a broken bit of concrete she somehow smuggled in from the outer walls of the asylum. I tried to retrieve the diary that I knew she was keeping, hoping to find out why she did this and perhaps uncover her secrets she refused to share, but the whereabouts of it remain a mystery.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Emily has killed herself, haven't the time to write more.
November 23rd, 1866:
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
Every time on this date, I think back to my old friend. While in my study, I opened my family photograph album and spied the one with me and him at that day at the race track. We were lucky that day and won quite the sum of money. It truly does pain me, thinking back to the day when his house burned down and killed his family, all but one...but as she is now...she may as well be dead. I truly do miss my old friend.
August 19th, 1867:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
It's been a year since I received the cigar box containing fathers letters, and I have not yet read one. I just can't bring myself to it. I'm afraid of finding out the truth. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.
Dr. Denman Cade Barr:
The housemaids and all of the other staff members of my estate are demanding a higher wage. I keep telling them that money isn't as accessible as it once was. I need an escape from this financial bind I'm in.
February 4th, 1868:
Miss. Dorathy Danvers:
I don't know why, but throughout the years I've kept a journal record of Alice Liddell. Perhaps deep inside, I really want this girl to get well, and perhaps if she ever does, she will appreciate it.
Paul Redcliffe:
I've worked with a certain patient for years now, and I've yet to write about her, despite she is my favorite patient. She is truly unique, despite her catatonic state, among the other inmates. I hope someday she will 'wake up' and perhaps we can talk.
Dr. Ivan Howard:
Dr. Barr is one of the best psychologists I've ever seen, but as a man...that may be debatable. I'm not sure, but I have my doubts wether he was or wasn't involved not only in the incident a few years ago, but in recent incidents. I can't be 100 sure, nor can I openly accuse him without proof, I'll just have to wait and see what the future holds.
February 7th, 1868:
Orderly:
Tonight was my first shift here at Rutledges. It was a quiet night, most of the patients were quiet, all for one girl. Tomorrow, I'll tell the nurse she was disobedient. Thinking back, the girl is quite charming.
Any new characters are mine.
Here is the time-line table for you guys to catch up on:
(1)May 4th, 1859: First chapter of the story.
June 15th: Second chapter of story.
November 4th:Through the Looking-Glass chapter
November 19th:Last day family is alive.
November 20th:Fire
November 22nd:First hospital and day we meet Dr. Howard.
November 23rd:Alice first arrives at Rutledges.
November 24th:Day that Dr. Barr gives Alice bad shot, first part of chapter 9.
November 26th:Pneumonia discovery.
December 2rd:The day Nurse M and Dr. Malkin start treating Alice for pneumonia.
December 3rd
to
January 6th, 1860:Children hurt, then Alice's recovery date.
January 7th:Kids die.
January 9th:Cadaver Examination
January 10th:Staff Meeting/Adult wing
January 11th:Dr. Alder and Alastair talk
January 12th:Viking man saves Alice from Dr. Barr
January 14th:Alice goes back to the Juvenile ward then goes comatose.
In short, this chapter goes from January 14th, 1860 to February 7th, 1868. Ya'all caught up?
(1) My story starts on May 4th,1859, when the real Alice Liddell is (literary) 7 years old. (May 4 was her birthday, and also the date the story itself takes place in the original book.)
The story 'Alice in Wonderland' was first told to the Liddell girls on the Thames River on July 4th, 1862, when the real Alice was 10 years old. The book was published in late 1865, but was marked 1866. Alice was then 13 years old (in '65).
This chapter is, and probably will be, the HARDEST thing I had to write yet. Writing several storylines for several characters expanding for YEARS is hard work, not to mention putting them together after you get them done, then adding dates! But its like I always say:
Any problem can be solved thru Riverdancing!
P.S. Sorry I didn't write any entries for Dr. Wilson, Nurse M, and Nurse P, it would have been way to hard otherwise, sacrifices had to be made. They do keep journals, but...they hid them from me. :)
I had a fun idea:
These 'journal entries' have quite the potentiality to becoming a entire story in itself. But as I am currently writing this one, I may not get around to writing it for...a long time. But anyone who may want to take up the offer and/or challenge to write it, you have my full permission to do so, as long as you give me credit for the characters I have created. If so, go for it, if not...I may try later in life, but not now.
If I have made any time-line, storyline inconsistencies in this chapter, please tell me and I will fix it as soon as time allows.
Any questions and/or comments are welcome, and thanks for your time and patients!