DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The sky was cold and gray the morning I said my final goodbyes to my mother. I was still numb, unable to process much information, had yet to shed a single tear since I'd stepped foot in the hospital that night. Kelsi had driven me to the funeral home where Sharpay was waiting with Taylor and her family. Every place I looked I saw people dressed starkly in black, expressions as somber as mine.

One would think I could go to my family, my brothers and sisters, in this time; instead, I found myself firmly set aside, apparently banished from all family activities including the gathering at Lisa's house planned for after the funeral. I was the black sheep, see… I was in medical, but couldn't save her; I had helped her prepare and sign her DNR; I worked at the hospital and wasn't there when she passed away…the list went on for miles.

So I sat there, cold as a stone, staring at this box, its cover closed (that was another reason I was ousted from the family circle- I had seen to it my mother's wishes were followed and her funeral casket was closed), Kelsi holding my hand. I wondered briefly, maybe close to hysteria just under the surface, if I would fall to the floor if Kelsi should happen to let go. Unconsciously I squeezed her hand as the pastor from my mother's church stood to give her eulogy.

I listened to Lisa, along with a couple other sisters of mine, sobbing audibly and I felt as if I would be physically ill. It wasn't as if they were distant with Mom, but for some reason, perhaps because the day seemed so surreal, it seemed scripted and out of place. Blocking from my mind the pastor's words I stared straight ahead at that box covered with an assortment of purple flowers…again, purple, her favorite no matter how despised by other family members… I sent a silent request to Dad that he take care of her now that she was with him again.

I rode in silence to the graveyard, the raindrops keeping my attention as Sharpay and Kelsi chatted back and forth about how beautiful the service was. Stepping out of the car to walk up to Mom's gravesite, right beside Dad, I once again reached for Kelsi's hand. With each step we took the sky seemed to brighten until we were there, under the canopy…the rain had stopped and tiny rays of sun began to peak through. Just beyond the hill I could see the most beautiful rainbow, so close, so perfect. I allowed myself one small smile.

Dad was welcoming Mom home.

"Who needs to go over to your stuffy sister's house anyhow?" Moira was saying later at my apartment that seemed overflowing with guests. She was in the kitchen with me and Sharon rearranging the counters with the abundance of food that was being brought in.

"Not us, that's for damn sure," Sharon chimed in. "You okay, baby girl?" I didn't answer, thinking she was speaking to Moira.

"Aunt Gabi?" Moira asked, breaking into my thoughts.

"What?" I asked, still moving on autopilot.

"Are you okay?" Sharon repeated.

"That was for me?" I asked, and she nodded. "I'm fine, don't worry about me."

That last statement brought another wave of recollection. In spite of his words, I hadn't heard from Troy since the night my mother had passed away. Perhaps he was letting me have my space, although I wasn't so sure. I hadn't slept well in days, I wasn't allowing myself the time, space, or luxury of grieving, and who knows what I would have said if he called me. It had to be for the best that he kept his distance.

"What's all this food for?" Kiera, Taylor's youngest daughter, asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"Well, I guess people bring lots of food when someone you love passes away," Moira tried to explain to her little sister. "So you don't have to worry about stuff like…eating."

Kiera looked perplexed as she stared around, finally her eyes met with mine. With a sincerity that couldn't be feigned she said to me, "My cat died a little bit ago, and you didn't bring me food." I smiled then as Moira and Sharon burst into laughter. Leaning down and kissing her cheek, I told her she could have any of this food she wanted.

I made my way out to my living room area which had at least 20 people milling about, which was plenty for my apartment and made it seem so much smaller. I was hugged intermittently by different people, mumbled many "I'm okay"s to concerned faces, and squeezed my friends just a little tighter than I normally would.

"You look beat," Taylor was saying to me.

"I am," I admitted. "And what's with you? No wine?"

"Well… I kinda can't right now." She grinned sheepishly. I squeezed her again, knowing yet another spawn of Taylor and Chad was on the way.

"Congratulations! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just didn't think the timing was right," she explained.

"Oh, don't hand me that crap, we could all use some good news." I heard the words come from my mouth, the truth of them washing over me. She started saying something to me, but I said quickly, "Listen, I'll be right back. I need something from upstairs," I lied. I just had to get the hell out of there, regain a little more semblance of normalcy. She smiled and nodded but I didn't catch what she was about to say as I grabbed the receiver to my phone and turned for the stairs.

I walked quickly to my bedroom, pushing the door almost closed behind me, my breathing coming in short gasps. 'Calm down, calm down.. call in reinforcements, call in reinforcements…'

For the first time ever, I dialed a number I had memorized. After two rings, his voice came through, nearly instantly calming me.

"Well, look who knows how to dial a phone." It sounded like he was in a crowded room, several people talking over each other.

"Don't hang up," I pleaded, not able to say anything else at the moment.

"Why would I do that?" I could hear him moving away from the noise, and I walked further into my room, away from the door that barely muffled the sounds from downstairs.

"I…I don't know, I just needed to talk to you, I'm sorry."

"Where are you?"

"My place," I said, confused by his question. "Why?"

"No, where are you?"

"What are you doing?" I asked, noticing the noise in the background of his phone had faded greatly. I heard his phone click about the same time my bedroom door slid open.

"Following your voice." Oh… that didn't come from my phone. I turned slowly and saw him standing there, silhouetted from the light behind him. My phone slipped from my fingers as I took my first tentative step towards him, his smile inviting. He held out one hand to me, but instead I walked straight into his arms.

There was such gentleness in his embrace as he wrapped his arms around me, lightly rubbing my back, trying to ease the tension from my aching shoulders. I simply clung to him, buried my face in his chest, inhaling the all-so-familiar smell of him, and did something I hadn't been able to do in days.

I cried.