Hey, Ladies. I have to tell you this chapter was one of the hardest thing I've ever written. I almost cried writing it :S
Thank You for the reviews. I'm pretty nervous what you think about this, so feedback, please :)
THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M BECAUSE OF VIOLENCE!!! If you can't deal with it, don't read, please. You can send me a pm and I'll tell you what happened ;)
betareader: Fleur LB
song: Maybe by Kelly Clarkson
+ a photo of how I imagine Alex: http://i140 dot photobucket dot com/albums/r22/Dareia_album/alex dot jpg
CHAPTER 13
BROKEN
Alex laid on her couch, watching Gone With The Wind, empty beer cans and a full ashtray on the table, a huge box of caramel ice cream in her hands. She wore a shabby Led Zeppelin shirt, her hair pulled up on the top of her head, her eyes red and puffy from the endless crying.
Alex realized she didn't only cry because of Tim, she cried over her dad, her mom and all the hurt she had to suffer through her life. It was like a dam cracked in her, giving free way for all of her pain to flare.
The film was about to end when somebody knocked on the door.
"Door is open," Alex said, putting a huge spoon of ice cream into her mouth, her eyes glued to the tv screen as Scarlett begged for Rhett not to leave her.
"Oh, girl, this is so not okay," Tyra groaned, looking over the room, then Alex.
"Hi to you, too, Tyra," Alex rolled her eyes.
Thank God she ran out of tears three days ago, Alex thought.
"Okay, get yourself together. You need some fresh air, I'll take you out," Tyra commanded, yanking the blanket off of Alex. "It's homecoming."
"I don't wanna go," Alex rolled her eyes, trying to get back her blanket.
"I don't remember asking you what you want," Tyra narrowed her eyes, stopping in front of the tv.
"I'll say it another way. I'm not going anywhere," Alex stated. "And now move, I wanna see Clark Gable."
"What are these?" Tyra asked, picking up some dvds from the table. "Wuthering Heights, Moulin Rouge, Casablanca, Cruel Intentions… Seriously?" Tyra raised an eyebrow.
"What? I'm in the mood to watch them," Alex shrugged.
"Alex, stop the crap. You're acting childish," Tyra groaned, frustrated, putting back the dvds to the table.
"I'm mourning, Tyra," Alex glared at Tyra, taking back her blanket. "And I don't give a damn if you think that's childish. I just wanna stay here alone, eating ice cream and pizza, finish watching Gone with the wind, then start Casablanca or Cruel Intentions or any of my fave movies," Alex raised her voice.
"Alex…"
"Just leave me alone, please," Alex sighed.
"Alright," Tyra sighed. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"No worries, I'll be fine," Alex smiled at her friend.
"'Kay. But you'd better know I'll come back tomorrow and you'll have to come out like it or not," Tyra pointed at Alex as she opened the door.
"Have a great homecoming," Alex grinned at Tyra, causing her to roll her eyes before she left.
Alex watched Cruel Intentions, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. When did I become such a loser? What am I doing? she groaned, mentally frustrated.
"What the hell am I doing?" Alex said out loud, asking herself.
She jumped up from the couch, put on her shoes and rushed out.
"So, I'm here. What now?" Alex thought to herself when she arrived to the homecoming.
Then she saw Mrs. Taylor next to the stage, talking with somebody and a fantastic idea came into her mind. She ran toward Mrs. Taylor.
"Good evening, Mrs. Taylor," Alex panted, stopping in front of Mrs. Taylor.
"Alex," Mrs. Taylor looked at her with wide eyes.
"Mrs. Taylor, I know you just tried to help me and I know I was very disrespectful and I'm so sorry about it, I really am sorry." The words rushed out of her rapidly. "And I know I don't deserve it but please let me up on the stage."
"I'm sorry, Alex but I can't," Mrs. Taylor stated. "Landry and the band are ready so…"
"Please, Mrs. Taylor," Alex practically begged. She had to be on that stage. She couldn't say with words what she felt but she could sing it.
"Fine," Mrs. Taylor sighed. "Talk to Landry and if it's okay with them, you can go."
"Thank you, Mrs. Taylor," Alex hugged her, causing Mrs. Taylor to let out a surprised gasp.
"Landry," Alex waved to Landry.
"Alex, hey. I thought you weren't coming," Landry said, watching her curiously.
"Would you mind if I go on stage before you?" Alex asked.
"No," Landry answered, raising an eyebrow. "What are you planning?"
"You'll see," Alex grinned at him.
Breathe in, breathe out, Alex repeated to herself as she stepped in front of the microphone.
"Hi," Alex said to the microphone, rocking on her heels, nervously. "Okay, this is so much harder than I thought it would be," she muttered dumbly as everybody stared at her.
"I'm Alex Sawyer. Probably most of you know me as 'that Sawyer girl'," she giggled. "So only my closest friends know that I sing." She stopped for a moment, lost in her thoughts.
"Okay, that isn't true anymore since Miss Lyla Garrity felt she has to share it with Dillon High even if she knew it would hurt me. Let's give it up for the kindhearted Miss Garrity," Alex clapped her hands, grinning as her eyes found Lyla in the crowd next to Tim.
She could see Lyla's eyes drop to the ground, then she started to leave. Well, Alex didn't plan this but it made her feel good.
"But… And this is going to be a big surprise, I'm not here to talk about her," Alex stopped again, swallowing hard. "I would like to sing a song. Oh and Landry, thanks for the guitar, I owe you." She smiled at Landry, who stood behind the stage.
"Okay, so I should start now, shouldn't I?" Alex swallowed, looking for Tim in the crowd, hoping he hadn't gone after Garrity. She smiled as her gaze met with Tim's eyes and started to play the guitar. She closed her eyes when she started to sing.
I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's OK to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe
One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe you'll love me, you'll love me then
I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe
I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you're mine
Maybe, love maybe
The crowd cheered happily when Alex finished the song. The feeling was incredible. She felt happy. Even if Tim chose Garrity, she tried, Alex thought.
Alex just got home when somebody knocked on the door. She ran excited to open it.
"Tim," Alex grinned as she opened the door but her smile faded immediately when she saw who stood there. "Ryan," she swallowed hard.
"Hello, babydoll," Ryan smirked.
Alex tried to shut the door, panic growing inside her but Ryan pushed her hard, causing her to fall back and hit the back of her head. Ryan stepped inside, closing the door behind him, putting the key in his pocket.
"Did you miss me?" Ryan turned to her, glaring.
"Go to hell," Alex groaned, trying to stand up.
"You think that's the way you should talk to me?" Ryan yelled at her, pulled her up by her arm and shook her.
Alex tried to fight back, trying to kick him, her nails digging into his face. She screamed when she felt her shoulder bail out, her legs almost gave out from under her as the pain paralyzed her body, tears starting to roll out of her eyes.
"Do you think I deserve this?" Ryan pushed her away and hit her so hard, Alex fell on the glass table in the middle of the room and it broke loudly under her.
She felt the blood running from her nose and out. Small glass chips bored into her bare arms. Her ears rang from the punch. She was ready to stand up but Ryan was faster than her.
"How could you do this to me?" Ryan shouted, kicking her in the stomach and she practically flew to the wall.
Alex gasped, she saw stars in front of her eyes, her vision became blurry, she could tell some of her ribs were broke.
"I loved you and you left me," Ryan shouted. "But I forgive you," he lowered his voice.
Alex eyes darted toward the baseball bat that was a few feet away from her. Her whole body was in pain but she knew she had to reach it somehow.
"Because I know you love me, too, I just have to remind you."
Alex started to crawl toward the bat but Ryan grabbed her and towered above her, pushing her legs apart with his knee. Alex screamed as loud as she could. She tried to kick him, and slid out from under him, but he held her tight. Ryan started to unbutton his jeans and Alex felt like she was going to be sick.
It's now or never, she thought and reached for the bat again. The bat fell hard on the floor as her fingertips touched it. Ryan lifted his head up, surprised, but Alex managed to grab it before he could react and hit him as hard as she could.
Ryan collapsed on her, the whole weight of his body pressing down on her. She whimpered, trying to push him away. Her whole body shook and she thought she would be sick as she smelled the blood surrounding them.
Finally, she slid out from under him and crawled to the bathroom, locking the door. She reached into her pocket and dialed Tim's number.
It rang out a couple of times but he didn't answer. Alex started to sob so hard she could barely breathe and her broken ribs only made it worse. She tried to call Tim again but when he didn't answer, she dialed Billy.
"Alex," Billy yelled as he made his way in the messed up room.
He stopped for a moment, staring at the body in front of him then went toward the bathroom.
"Alex, honey, are you in there?" he knocked lightly on the door. "It's me, Billy. Let me in, sweety."
The door opened in front of him and Billy gasped when he saw Alex. Her white shirt was colored with her blood, her face was bruised and she looked so scared, he was afraid she wouldn't let him touch her to take her out.
Tim was almost at Alex when he saw the blue and red lights all over the street. He stopped in front of Alex's place, seeing Billy's truck there along with the ambulance and police cars. He saw Billy and ran toward him.
He stopped as he saw Billy was standing next to Alex. She was on a stretcher in the ambulance.
"Alex…" Tim whispered, stepping next to her, reaching toward her face but she turned away, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Tim pulled his hand back, looking at his brother. Billy shook his head, silently.
"Do you want me to go with you, honey?" Billy moved his gaze to Alex, who nodded.
"Okay."
Billy got in the ambulance with the two men, leaving Tim staring after them as they pulled away.