Title: A Step Backward
Author: lightbird
Fandom: Mulan
Pairing: Li Shang/Fa Mulan
Theme: #25, fence
Disclaimer: All characters, etc. from the Disney movie belong to Disney.
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He'd opened up for just a little while.
All the tenderness and love was there in his gaze as he stood on that patio and watched her approach him. All the passion and affection had returned, all there in his tight embrace. And he'd kissed her in a way that he hadn't in a long time. Since before they'd lost Mao.
And things had seemed right again for just a little while. Until they went back inside and encountered an old acquaintance of Shang's father. The wrong subject came up much too quickly as they chatted casually.
"I'm sorry to have heard about your loss, General Li." The man laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. "If there's anything I can do…"
"Thank you," Shang had answered gruffly, doing his best to extract himself from the conversation as quickly as possible.
As they left the man behind and walked toward their bedchamber Mulan slipped her hand into Shang's, hoping to comfort him even as her own grief was stirred up again. He didn't respond, his hand remaining limp, dead weight.
The barrier had dropped down between them again like a curtain.
Title: Witnesses
Author: lightbird
Fandom: Mulan
Pairing: Li Shang/Fa Mulan
Theme: #21, violence; pillage/plunder; extortion
Disclaimer: All characters, etc. from the Disney movie belong to Disney.
xxxxxxx
Husband and wife lay awake, unable to sleep with the noise of the shouting and crying in the room above them that carried through the ceiling.
"Don't shut me out again!" the young woman's voice rang out so loud and clear that they could hear each and every word.
"Ai, such a shame," the wife sighed sadly. "We just saw them kissing in the garden earlier this evening."
"It was bound to happen. That young man looked so grim at dinner, even with the honor of sitting at the table with the Emperor."
"We are very lucky to have raised two healthy children who grew up and are on the verge of adulthood. That poor young couple was not as fortunate."
"You speak as if you know all about them," the husband chuckled. "We're not even from this province. How could you have found out so much about a couple from Chang'an in just two days?"
"Well, they're famous. She's Fa Mulan, the woman warrior who joined the army in her father's place and helped save China. And he's General Li Shang. They had a little son but he was killed a few months ago during an attack by the Tujue."
That drew a sympathetic murmur from the husband.
"No wonder that young man looks so somber."
They lay together quietly, listening to the muffled words and cries as the young couple argued violently above them.
"So sad," she murmured. "They were a lovely looking couple. It's tragic that such a thing happened, and now it tears them apart so."
"And yet there was still so much passion in their kiss."
"I…"
The thud that sounded too uncannily like a body hitting the floor cut off her sentence and made them both gasp. Suddenly it was quiet upstairs.
The wife sat up, alarmed.
"What should we do?" she whispered frantically. "What if he's killed her?"
The husband shook his head vehemently. "He may have only hit her. Or maybe someone tripped. We don't know what happened."
"Maybe we should have the guards check…"
"It's not our affair. In the morning the servants will tend to them. If anything is amiss, they'll report it. Try to go to sleep."
Sleep didn't come to either of them.
Title: Blame
Author: lightbird
Fandom: Mulan
Pairing: Li Shang/Fa Mulan
Theme: #16, invincible, unrivaled
Disclaimer: All characters, etc. from the Disney movie belong to Disney.
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Only a short time before they'd kissed in the garden, the spark of passion between them ignited again, their love as intense and ardent as ever. How had things shifted so quickly between them?
He collapsed to his knees beside her, barely noticing the hot tears that fell from his eyes, and reached out to help her. She clutched her ankle, wincing.
"Mulan, I'm sorry," he cried. "Are you alright?"
Bitter remorse and guilt flooded him. The wound had been opened up, fresh again after his encounter with his father's old friend. Grief and bitterness became so churned up inside of him that he'd wanted to scream. When she pressed him to talk, attempting to draw him out, he'd exploded and let loose a torrent of cruel words. His own shouts of how she spent so much time in Mao's room, how she wouldn't leave well enough alone, his accusations that she didn't trust him, all rang in his ears still with perfect clarity.
Some of it he could hardly remember; it was just a blur of angry, hostile epithets. She tried to take his arm and explain herself, but he was too caught up in his rage and he pushed her away too roughly. Shoved off balance from the force he used, she stumbled and went crashing to the floor, twisting her ankle in the process due to the awkward position of her body as she fell. It had cut off their argument like a blade and snapped him out of his fury.
"You may get your wish," she groaned. "If it's a sprain I might not be able to go on the mission."
She'd managed to throw his words right back in his face.
"I'm going to lift you up and carry you to the bed. Then I'll see what I can do for your ankle."
It was a statement, but he waited for a sign that it was alright. When she didn't argue he scooped her up, taking care not to jostle her ankle and cause her more pain. He carried her into the bedchamber and set her down on the bed gently, then inspected her ankle. She sat and watched him, half-reclining against a thick pile of pillows.
"Well, it's not swollen yet," he murmured, the guilt soaking into his heart like rain. "Are you in a lot of pain?"
"It's subsiding a little. Maybe I just twisted it but didn't sprain it."
"Keep it raised," he instructed, grabbing one of the throw pillows and slipping it under her foot.
"Thanks," she murmured, eyeing him steadily as he sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.
The torrential storm had passed. Now they could speak calmly, both of them too drained from the battle to fight so violently.
He lowered his head, feeling utterly ashamed of what he'd done, though it hadn't been intentional. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you."
She sighed. "It's okay. I know it was an accident. You've been pushing me away for awhile now anyway. And you've made it obvious that you don't want me on the mission."
Bitterness dripped from her voice as she spoke.
"It's not what you think, Mulan."
Shang took a deep breath, trying to find the right words, to express himself without hurting her once more. The barrier between them had lifted a little again; they'd both been shocked into a clearer state of mind and he didn't want to lose the contact with her.
"We shouldn't even be on a mission. It's only been a few months…but it's not like we can refuse the Emperor's order. And it's just the two of us, expected to escort the princess by ourselves. I don't know why the Emperor isn't dispatching more guards to do this. It seems dangerous and makes absolutely no sense to me. I'm worried about protecting both of you. I wish that at least you were home safe. I don't…" He stopped to swallow hard and force back the lump that began to form in his throat again.
"You're not invincible either, you know. First of all, we'll both be protecting the princess together. Second of all, we'll be looking out for each other. Why are you treating me like I'm helpless, Shang?"
"I don't think you're helpless," he replied indignantly. "I want to protect you. Do you think that I can't?"
She stared at him in shock. "Of course not! Why would you say something so stupid?"
He shook his head. She rested her hand on his gently and gazed at him, a meaningful expression in her eyes.
"I should have taken better care of both of you," he lamented with a deep sigh. "You and Mao. I know you blame me, Mulan…if I had been a good father and protector, he would still be alive…"
"You think I blame you?" She looked utterly stunned. "And I thought you blamed me."
"What?" he exclaimed in disbelief.
"You're so faraway all the time. When we're together, even right next to each other, it's like you're not with me at all. And you won't talk to me and tell me what's going on."
The frustration and sadness was clearly laced through her words. He stared at her as she began to laugh suddenly, almost covering a choked back sob but not quite succeeding.
"I am as much to blame for Mao's death as you." Her voice dropped to a near whisper, tight and full of pain as she tried to speak through her sobs. "I'm a warrior. It was my responsibility to protect him, too. I don't know. Maybe neither of us is to blame. But…you're taking it all out on me…"
He felt miserable as he gazed at her and listened to her pour out her heart. He'd really hurt her.
Mulan turned a tear-stained face to him and he leaned in, reaching up and beginning to stroke her cheek, ignoring his own tears that were falling.
"Mao was too young…he never even had a chance to…and I don't want to lose you too…" He trailed off, too overcome with emotion to continue speaking.
"And do you think I can bear to lose you? But I feel like I already have," she cried. "I love you so, Shang. When you shut me out the way you have been it breaks my heart."
Shang bent down and pressed his forehead against hers, bringing his arms around her shoulders.
"I've been too selfish maybe," she sobbed.
"No," he murmured. "If anyone has been selfish, it's been me. I've been so wrapped up in my own…my own troubles…I didn't even pay attention to you. And when I did I got annoyed because I saw you sitting in his room. I wish we could get rid of it. Or at least his things. I wouldn't forget him…but at least I wouldn't be reminded…always…"
She brought her fingers up and began to run them through his hair soothingly.
"Shang, the reason I sit in his room is because his spirit fills it. I feel closer to him when I'm in there. How could I ever let him go? How could you?"
Coaxing him to lay his head down on her shoulder, she embraced him, holding him as he finally lost control and completely broke down.