There are twelve chapters left after this one, so although there is some progress made, the wedding night is still not in the cards, but I assure you it will happen sometime within the next five chapters... Maybe even twice. Thank you for reading, and enjoy!
Killian is dreaming about the battle again, his heart hammering in his chest and the smell of gunpowder filling his nose along with the awful stench of blood and burnt flesh.
His entire left side feels like it is on fire, but he cannot seem to move to extinguish the flames, helpless to do anything but suffer in silence, even though he does not know why is it so important that he remains quiet.
"Killian, please wake up", somebody says and the fog lifts, his body jerking awake, but he is too tangled up in sheets to be able to free himself from the restricting cocoon.
Emma is sitting on his bed wearing nothing but a white nightgown, her hair cascading down her shoulders like a golden waterfall, his fingers twitching with the sudden urge to touch it.
She had lit a lamp by his bed and her eyes look beautifully green even in the dim lighting, and he is finally wide awake, his heart picking up speed again because she should not be here.
He does not want her to see him like this.
"It happens every night, does it not?" Emma asks him in an unbearably gentle voice, the one he had only heard her use once and that was when Owen had a chill and she held him in her arms, rocking him and telling him that soon he will feel better.
"Go back to sleep, Swan", Killian says, relieved beyond measure when he discovers that his left arm is still beneath the covers, his stump hidden from her eyes.
"I am your wife, Killian, not a servant you can easily dismiss", Emma tells him sharply and he cannot help the corner of his mouth twitching up; his Swan is a passionate lass and more than a welcome distraction after the horror of his nightmare, but the last thing he wants is discuss it with her.
Or anybody else, for that matter.
"Apologies, my lady. It was not my intention to offend you, but I am a poor company at the moment", he tells her, resisting the urge to rub his stump with his fingers in hope of easing the ache that always gets worse on the heels on his nightmares.
"You need to talk about it if you ever want to have a peaceful night", Emma tells him and gets her feet on the bed, quickly pulling the hem of her nightgown down over them.
"Love, I beg of you, go back to your room. You are going to catch your death if you remain here", he tells her but she just shakes her head and crosses her arms in front of her chest, regarding him stubbornly as he tries not to let his eyes wander over the silhouette of her body.
He does not have as much success as a gentleman that he considers himself to be should.
"If you do not wish me to catch a chill you can either let me under the covers or carry me back to my room."
"The way I did when I was a ruffian and you a princess?" He asks and lifts the covers on his good side, his entire body coming to life when she rolls over him and into the warm shelter of blankets.
"Oh this is much better", Emma says and rests her weight on her elbow, her hair spilling over her shoulder and pooling on his chest. "Now tell me about the nightmares."
"Still as bossy as ever, are we, love?" He asks with a raised eyebrow and her eyes narrow in warning.
"I know what you are doing."
"I am not doing anything aside from lying in bed next to my wife."
"Oh you are insufferable!" Emma exclaims and dramatically plops down next to him, staring at the canopy above their heads with a fierce scowl.
She is absolutely magnificent and he is anything but, so he does not want to reveal more of his weaknesses than he already has.
"I am sorry, Emma", he says and she turns her head to look at him, her eyes softening as she presses herself against his side and wraps her arm around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder and her silky hair tickling his neck.
"You do not have to be sorry. I understand that it is hard to talk about what happened to you, but someday you are going to. Someday you will tell me everything and you will feel lighter for doing so", she tells him with such conviction that he is tempted to believe her even though he knows himself well.
He is not strong enough to purposely relive that horrible day out on the sea that had cost him so dearly.
"I can be patient", Emma adds softly and presses a kiss to the opening of his shirt, prompting a tightening in his groin that makes him bite his bottom lip to keep himself from groaning.
"I do not recall you ever were before", he teases gently and smiles down at her when she tilts her head back to glare at him.
"Maybe not. But I intend to keep asking you until you relent and tell me", Emma says and wraps her arm around his, their fingers entwining as he presses a kiss to her forehead.
"Is that a promise?"
"Promise", she murmurs, her breathing evening out until she is fast asleep, her hand still holding hers.
He knows a moment of panic because he will not be able to get up without waking her, but then he remembers how restlessly she had slept when she was small, and knows that by morning she is probably going to be on the other side of bed, leaving him plenty of room to get up and get dressed before she can see anything he does not wish her to see.
Killian buries his nose in Emma's hair and closes his eyes, hoping that the nightmares are done with him for tonight.
Emma wakes up abruptly, sitting up in bed and looking around the room in search of Killian.
"Good morning, love", he says and gives her an amused smile when she runs her fingers through the mess that is her hair; she is not even surprised that he is already dressed, sitting in an armchair across the room, his hand on the armrest and his hook resting on his thigh.
"You are so unfair."
"Am I?"
"Yes, Killian, you are, and you know it", she tells him and struggles to get herself from under the blankets.
Killian looks like he might come to help her but she stops him with a look and manages to get her legs out, shivering a little when she stands up but keeping her nose in the air as she marches back to her room.
"You do not have to wait on me for breakfast. I am not hungry", she says without turning around and slams the door closed, muttering to herself about proud, stubborn men who are so stupid despite all their studies and life experience.
Emma throws herself down on her bed face first and hugs her pillow to her chest, but despite her annoyance she cannot help smiling when she inhales Killian's scent on her sleeve and remembers how wonderful it was to fall asleep with her head on his shoulder and her hand in his.
Her husband is difficult and it will take a lot of patience she does not have to climb his walls, but Emma is willing to learn because being with him makes her happy and she wants him to feel the same, wants him to be able to tell her everything like he used to do when they were children.
She ends up dozing a while longer and by the time Mary helps her dress the dining room is empty, Killian and Graham already gone.
After breakfast, Emma goes in search of Owen and finds him in the library, sitting in Killian's usual chair and turning the pages of a book she had listened Killian read to him on a few occasions even though she was supposed to be reading her own stories.
"Hello, darling. What are you doing?"
"I want to see what happens next in the book", Owen says, his shoulders slumped and his feet dancing in the air impatiently. "Killian is always busy."
"He has to make sure all the tenants are alright", Emma tells him and picks him up so that she can sit and hold him on her lap. "I could read you the book if you want."
"Oh yes please, Emma, please", he says and gives her the book, looking up at her with an adorable smile as she opens it where Killian had marked it and begins reading.
The book is familiar to her and she finds her thoughts drifting, thinking how she had never imagined her marriage to be like this; she thought she would be increasing within the first month and spend every night sleeping in her husband's arms, and here she is, a month after she and Killian had exchanged their vows, and they had only slept together last night.
And sleeping was all they had done.
"Emma, you stopped reading!" Owen says and pokes her hand impatiently, so Emma returns her attention to the book, pushing her thoughts away.
Her marriage is far from perfect, but she knows it is much better than an average marriage of convenience is, and she sees no reason why it could not get better with time.
Killian will come around eventually and realize that he does not have to hide from her.
As the clock strikes eleven the door of the library opens and Jefferson strolls in as if he owns the place, a flustered Leroy coming in after him.
"I do beg your pardon, mistress. Lord Nolan pushed his way past me before I was able to announce him properly", the butler says and scowls at the carpet because he does not dare to scowl at their guest.
"It is quite alright, Leroy", Emma says because it is not the poor man's fault that her cousin is so rude. "Please have the tea sent up."
Leroy does not seem happy to be dismissed but he takes his leave anyway and Emma looks at Jefferson with raised eyebrows.
"What brings you here?"
"Is that the welcome your dear cousin deserves?"
"You have never been my dear anything, Jeff."
"I suppose not. You were too busy running around with Jones and his brother and then mourning their absence."
"Is there something I can help you with?" Emma asks impatiently and hugs Owen closer, praying that her cousin does not make some careless comment that would hurt the child.
"And who do we have here? Have you already learned that your dear husband is not only handless but was also wounded in an unfortunate place that prevents him from doing his marital duty, and decided to adopt this grubby child?" Jefferson asks and Emma is torn between clapping her hands over Owen's ears and planting Jefferson another facer.
"If you have come to speak ill about my husband, you can take yourself off right now", Emma tells him through clenched teeth and absentmindedly rubs her hand up and down Owen's arm.
"So I was right. Your marriage is just a farce and soon everybody is going to know it", Jefferson says and Emma wants to at least kick him in the shin but she cannot do it with Owen there, so she stands up as regally as she can and orders Jefferson out of her house.
"You heard my wife. Leave right now and do not come back if you do not wish to be thrown out like the garbage you are", Killian says from the doorway and Emma meets his eyes without hesitation, wondering how much he had heard and if he intends to do anything that would prove Jefferson wrong.
She does not doubt that her cousin is lying because she had felt Killian's hardness enough times to know that everything needed for marital bliss is completely intact.
"And what are you going to do if I decide to stay a while longer?" Jefferson asks and Killian moves faster than Emma had seen him do since he came back from the war, forces Jefferson's arm behind his back and turns him toward the doorway where Leroy and Kristoff are waiting with equally terrifying stares.
Emma does not hear what is it that Killian whispers next to Jefferson's ear but whatever it is, it makes her cousin go pale before Killian gives him a shove into Kristoff's waiting arms and slams the door after him.
"Are you alright?" Killian asks after a moment, slowly turning around and limping to her side, his hand cupping her cheek while he smiles reassuringly at Owen who has not spoken a word since Jefferson's arrival.
"Who was that bad man?" Owen asks and reaches for Killian, who takes him from Emma's arms and murmurs reassurances until the little boy is smiling again.
"He will not bother us again", Killian says firmly and wraps his hooked arm around Emma's waist, pulling her close and pressing a kiss against her temple.
It is the first time he has reached for her with his bad arm, and Emma considers it a battle won.
The war is still a long way from being over.
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