Disclaimer: what? This has to inform people that I'm not the owner of VM? Well, I really thought I was…no don't bring your lawyers; I'll have to cope…sigh.
Chapter 14: trances and mood swings
"So why do I feel like I'm an invisible dead girl, who's best friend continuously disregard my very knowing advice?"
Lilly's piercing glare caused Veronica to freeze right in the middle of her shave-time (shaving Logan's face every morning was still a battle which more often then not resulted in blood.)
"Maybe," Veronica replied a bit timidly, "because said best friend didn't have a choice – maybe said best friends dead best friend's ex Latin lover is much smarter then anyone ever gave him credit for, especially the dead best friend of this transformed friend…"
Lilly's glare turned to confusement and the signature mischief glimpse in her eyes showed her reluctant amusement.
"What?"
Veronica smiled when Lilly burst out laughing and the old memories of their time together erupted in her mind.
A few moments later Lilly became her unusual serious self again, straightened up and put her hands to her sides and said in a demanding tone of voice:
"Stop confusing me Ronnie and pay attention! Although I normally like this screw-any-orders-and-do-the-complete-opposite-thing you've got going on, I'm warning you to stop it right now! You have to deal with your old memories- not make new ones - particularly not anyone involving one of my lovely Luvers! Capische?"
Veronica simply shrugged of the threat, then flinched and drew in a breath as the razor cut into her cheek and then said annoyed as the blood began to emerge:
"Look little miss slutty Kane, I don't want to deal with my memories, why can't you just get that? Forget that stupid idea and leave me alone please – or at least do something useful and help me with this; I'm massacring Logan's face and I don't think he'll be too happy when he gets it back – I will not be responsible for him turning into Freddy Krueger 2…capische?"
Lilly stood unmoving for a second, and then she stuck out her pink tongue and with a nonverbal wave she simply disappeared leaving a frowning Veronica.
Veronica was left starring into the mirror and after some time in silence it happened.
Suddenly tears developed in "Logan's" face and that sight reminded Veronica of the last time she'd seen tears in her husbands eyes and finally some of the memories were able to brake loose from Veronica's iron will.
Veronica remembered how his brown eyes had lit up in pure joy after her revelation.
"Really, aw honey I can't tell you what it means to me that you want to carry my child – our child, I'm…"
Veronica chuckled, put her index finger on his lips and whispered happily:" This talkative side of you? I like it, just not when I'm more interested in getting a kiss for my troubles."
Logan laughed and pulled her into a smouldering kiss that lasted for several minutes.
Then he pulled away and gently grabbed her chin and asked a bit worried:" So all this tiredness and getting sick was just because of our future child? I didn't know it could happen so fast."
Veronica smiled and kissed her husbands nose before yawning and stating:" I don't care how sick I get just as long as I get to birth our child."
……
Logan's happy face turned into a pale looking version of the man she loved. His eyes were wide and he looked like he'd forgotten how to breathe.
His gaze was fixated on the small plump doctor, who'd just delivered a fatal blow.
"Say that again, please?"
Veronica stared at the two men unable to come to terms with her newfound knowledge.
"Mr and Mrs Echolls, I know how you must feel", the doctor said with a professional voice, but his eyes showed his compassion," but I assure you that I'm not ruining your hopes and dreams on a whim. The fact being that your baby is no longer alive and you Mrs. Echolls - Veronica have to deliver the child before it ends up killing you from the inside."
Logan looked at her with tears filling his eyes, and Veronica looked down to avoid his crushed hopes, but her eyes fell on her big belly – the one who hadn't moved in a week and now she knew why.
Veronica looked up again and her stubbornness shone clearly through in her face as she stated:
"I wont do it!"
……
"Ronnie, you have to see him. Don't walk away from this hospital without seeing your firstborn child."
Veronica looked at her silent husband and then her father, who'd just returned from their first and only meeting with the child.
"No," Veronica whispered and turned to the side avoiding their pain – too caught up in her own devastating grief.
……
Veronica sat by the kitchen counter sipping at a cup of newly made coffee and waited for Logan to come down the stairs and say goodbye before going to another meeting regarding his new business.
Their eyes locked, and Logan smiled in a vague remembrance of his old smirk, before kissing the top of her head and whispering his goodbyes and then leaving.
Veronica followed him with her empty eyes, while her head kept screaming:" Don't go, I can't stand being alone another day, I don't want to be alone."
As though he'd heard her silent plea Logan turned in the front door and asked with a glimpse of hope in his voice:
"Do you want me to stay home with you today, bobcat?"
Veronica sighed and although her heart was ready to scream yes, her mouth forced out:
"No thanks, I'm just gonna drink this and then I'm off to bed. Have a nice day."
Logan sighed and left without further hesitation.
Veronica sighed out her sob and walked upstairs to her bedroom and laid down on the bed yawning. Right before she fell asleep Veronica wondered, when she'd stop being so tired and why her emotional pain kept making her psychically ill…
……
The doctor's eyes haunted Veronica as she pulled up in front of her house.
"Why did I go back there, he's always giving me bad news…"
Her conversation with the doctor had once again changed Veronica's life and she was so caught up in her own thoughts that at first she almost walked by it. Then the California sun broke free of one of its rare cloudy followers and sent a ray of light down on a silver Mercedes. The flash from the car hit Veronica right in the eye.
"What the…" she muttered and for once in over three months her old curiosity got the better of her and she walked over to examine the mysterious vehicle.
A licence plate forced Veronica out of her dead-woman –walking- state of mind as she recognized it.
"Gotz mine," Veronica nearly hissed the words and turned towards the house again. "What's Madison freaking Sinclair doing in my house?"
Without hesitation Veronica walked over the front lawn and fighting down the urge to run inside and chokehold the tall wanna be blonde, she gently opened the front door and entered.
……
"Veronica! Please!"
Logan cried out the plea and unable to overhear Veronica slowly turned towards him feeling bitter beyond belief.
"What? I said everything I had to say last night, remember?"
Logan's dark eyes looked even more broken then the night he'd returned from his goodbye visit with their son, but Veronica ignored it – especially because his eyes also told her that he'd been visiting some alcohol bottles too.
"Don't Logan, just don't. I can't even look at you right now."
Logan stood unmoving for a while and then he sighed and locked eyes with her. His face showed his hopelessness.
"Why can't you ever give me a break, Veronica? I'm hurting too."
Veronica teared up, but answered coldly:" Being with you was a mistake. Just go out and enjoy your life, I'm as of this moment no longer in it."
Then Veronica took off her wedding ring in one fluent movement and put it on the kitchen counter and left ignoring her husbands yells of:" Nothing happened!"…
A knocking sound broke Veronicas trance and she flew back from the mirror and tripped in the bathroom carpet and tumbled down into the empty bathtub the size of Texas.
"Yo Dude, aren't you a bit old to be playing hide and seek?"
Veronica stretched out her bended limbs and looked up at the smiling Dick and his silent shadow Cassidy and then her eyes surprisingly fell on the girl standing next to them.
Mac.
Veronica fought her way up and somewhat reluctantly took Cassidy's hand to be pulled up.
"Thanks," Veronica mumbled and turned her head to Mac.
"I didn't know she ever visited Logan?"
Dick rolled his eyes at Cassidy's helpful act and apparently decided to skip his teasing remarks for once and introduced the girl to his "best friend".
"So my weird ass friend, this little nerdy looking hottie is the Beafsters bed pal," the oldest Casablancas then turned to Mac and said in a fake friendly and slightly loud voice:
"Little miss nerdy looking hottie, this is my dear buddy through thick and thin, oh year and he's rich like Beav – so…don't you wanna hook up with him instead of my dork ass brother?"
Cassidy flinched and the hurt look he gave Dick reminded Veronica why she'd never really hated him after his suicide.
Mac however took all the insults in her usual stride and held out her hand to the infamous "Logan" and said:" Pleased to meet you for the millionth time – seeing as I've known all of you since we were kids…but still pleased."
Veronica smirked and felt her darkened mood lift as Dick's face fell at Mac's quick retort.
"Some things never change," she thought and ten minutes later they left for school.
Although Veronica played her part as the somewhat cheerful Logan Echolls to perfection her mind dwelled on her past as they entered school.
"How can do I act normal today?"
Logan felt quite pleased this morning.
He'd woken up and discovered that his menstruation had ended yet again
("thank God, I'm never calling women weak again") and "his" dad had already left for the sheriff's department.
"Life is good," Logan whistled and he jumped into the Le Baron without cursing its looks once.
A few hours later his mood became a bit darker.
"No Gia, I'm not interested in having a study group today – please just back off."
The skinny brunette had cornered him by the lockers and looked just as determined and clueless as Logan remembered.
"Why not? Daddy wants me to bond some more and I feel most closest to you."
Logan closed his eyes for a second," who ever said blondes were stupid obviously never met Gia…"
"Veronica, you've always been friendly to me and I just wanted to return the favour, I see how you struggle for that scholarship the Kane's have. Come on."
Logan sighed and knew Veronica would kill him if he ruined her plans.
"Yeah, well, ok. Later ok?"
Gia lit up like a bunch of fireworks and left just as quickly as she'd arrived.
Logan leaned up against the yellow lockers closed his eyes and sighed.
"Big bad Echolls manipulated by a chick, guess I shouldn't be surprised. V. does that stuff to you all the time."
Logan opened his eyes and looked at Weevil, who stood in front of him.
"Don't you have some detention to go to?"
Weevil smiled and handed him a piece of folded paper:" Whatever, I wanted to give you my number in case you and V. need some help. 'S not like I've got my gang to occupy my time any more."
Logan didn't get a chance to response before the former PCH leader disappeared in the oncoming crowd.
Then he saw Veronica walking in his direction next to Dick, Beav…No Cassidy, remember that, and the calm looking Mac.
Logan lifted a hand and called out to his wife.
"Hey, V…Logan!"
Veronica just gave him a sideways glance and to his surprise she picked up her pace and walked right by him.
The hard and painful look in her face reminded Logan of their past and his mood fell well below the chart and he didn't hear Dicks mock exasperated question:
"Geez Echolls, what did the skinny blonde do this time? Kill Bambi's mom?"
A/N: hi guys and girls. Sorry for the lack of update, but I've warned you before, that due to some personal business I might be a bit slow in the updating area, but I'll try my best.
Hope you liked it, I know I've jumped around in the emotions a lot this time, but it's intentional. Hopefully it's not too confusing;)
Well, tell me what you think;)
Toodles and all!
As always special thanks to my reviewers: Frost Merry Darkness Luver, christykq (I know it's confusing some times, sorry and the whole Wallace thing…later, later, trust me;)), Jenn6891 (I'm glad you didn't put it off any longer, welcome to my story!), Zoe (made it a bit longer this time, hope you like!), Ruk (not just yet lol), IluvVM (thanks!), Maiqu, bella, MarsLoVe4eVer (thanks I worried about that).