(A/N): Hooray for quick updates! And...over two hundred reviews. I am an insanely flattered little authoress. I love you guys. Oh, and there's a very short little snippit in this chapter that's an homage to a movie with the same title. I'll be truly impressed if anyone catches it.
Disclaimer: Nope.
All I Want
Roxas inhaled deeply, half-listening to Axel prattle on about the movie they'd just seen, making small noises in the back of his throat to indicate that he was still paying attention. It'd been a week since he'd talked to Sora, and he hadn't mentioned the dreams to Axel again.
And it was fine.
His eyes flicked to Axel's face when the redhead smacked the back of his head.
"You're not listening to me," Axel grumbled. Roxas scowled at him.
"Yes I am," he muttered, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. Axel sighed and bent down, pressing his lips to Roxas's ear.
"Rox, I just asked if you'd do a strip-tease in the middle of the street," he smirked. He laughed when Roxas flushed and shoved him back, digging a cigarette out of his pocket. "You okay?"
"Mm." Roxas nodded distractedly, smiling when Axel draped an arm over his shoulders and pulled the younger boy into his side. Roxas let his mind haze over as Axel began talking again, watching the pictures the smoke from the redhead's cigarette painted in the chilly air as he gestured widely.
"Are you even listening to me?" Axel demanded, sounding exasperated.
"Mm-hmm."
Sighing, Axel rolled his eyes and ruffled Roxas's hair. "Sure you are," he grinned. Frowning, Roxas ran a hand through his hair, trying to make it lie flat. Giving up, he huffed at Axel's self-satisfied expression and flicked his eyes to the side.
He froze when his gaze fell on a head of familiar blond spikes.
"Shit!" Hissing, he grabbed Axel's arm and dragged the redhead forward, past the window, ignoring Axel's startled shout.
"Roxas, what the hell?" Axel muttered a curse as he stumbled, bringing Roxas to a halt with a forceful tug. Ducking against Axel's side, Roxas tried to peek around the redhead.
"Is he looking this way?" he muttered.
"Who?"
"My brother," Roxas growled, grabbing a fistful of Axel's coat and dragging him behind him as he dashed across the street.
"Shit," Axel spit out, flinching as a car flashed by mere inches from his back. Grabbing Roxas's wrist, he jerked the blond to a stop, spinning him around to face him. "What the hell was that, Rox? You almost got us killed!" Roxas's shoulders slumped as his adrenaline ebbed.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I saw Cloud."
"So what?" Axel demanded, pulling the blond behind him as he leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath.
"So he doesn't know about…" Roxas motioned vaguely between the two of them. "This," he finished lamely. Axel scowled as he dug for a cigarette.
"He doesn't know what I look like, Roxas," he pointed out sourly. "And it's not like I had my hand down your pants." Roxas flushed and glanced away.
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I just wasn't expecting to see him – he almost never goes out." Axel snorted as he lit his cigarette, wrapping an arm tentatively around Roxas's shoulders and pulling the blond against him.
"Is he the one sitting by the window?"
"Yeah."
"He's not even looking this way, idiot," the redhead grumbled, squeezing the back of Roxas's neck. Glancing behind him, Roxas sighed when he saw that Axel was right – Cloud was seated at a table next to the restaurant's window, eyes fixed on the tablecloth, smoothing his fingers over the silverware. Sagging against Axel, Roxas laughed weakly.
"Shit," he murmured, laughing again when Axel smacked the back of his head with an amused grin. Straightening, Roxas ran a hand through his hair as he grinned up at Axel. "Sorry." Axel rolled his eyes as he took a drag on his cigarette, his eyes slipping past Roxas as a small frown tugged at his lips.
"Who's that?"
Brows lowering in confusion, Roxas glanced over his shoulder as Cloud stood to greet someone. Roxas's eyes widened as she kissed Cloud's cheek, not missing the way Cloud's hand lingered against her elbow for a second. "Miss Gainsborough," he muttered hollowly.
Axel leaned forward with a frown, tugging the blond around to face him. "Roxas?" Swallowing thickly, Roxas ducked his head, reaching out and fisting a hand in Axel's dark jacket.
"He's got a nice girl," Roxas murmured, a soft laugh escaping before he could stop it.
"What?" Axel tried to get Roxas to look at him, but Roxas cut his eyes to the side.
"He could've told me," he muttered, fingers tightening in Axel's jacket. He turned his eyes back to Axel, a small smirk on his face. "But I guess fair's fair, right? I didn't tell him about this." Axel simply stared back, brow furrowed in confusion. He laid a tentative hand over the fingers Roxas had tangled in his coat.
"Are you okay, Rox?"
Roxas threw another glance over his shoulder, a small smile spreading over his face when he saw they were seated and talking comfortably, Aerith laughing at something Cloud said. "Yeah," he grinned, turning back to Axel and resting his forehead against his chest. Axel stood awkwardly for a minute before he brought his arms up and hugged Roxas, patting the blond's back hesitantly. Chuckling, Roxas drew away and grabbed Axel's arm, pulling the redhead along behind him as he took off down the sidewalk.
"So what's up with you and your brother?" Axel asked cautiously, struggling to keep up with the blond. Roxas shrugged.
"He had a girlfriend before, you know," he muttered. "Years ago. But she had to move. It's my fault he couldn't go with her, you know that?"
"What are you talking about, Roxas?" Axel asked, cursing when he stumbled. Roxas laughed, the sound high and desperate.
"I'm talking about my idiot of a brother," he panted, tugging at Axel's arm insistently.
"Rox, slow down." Axel planted his feet and jerked Roxas to a halt, pulling the younger boy back to face him. Resting his hands on the blond's shoulders, he peered into Roxas's face warily. "What are you talking about?"
Sighing, Roxas shrugged Axel's hands away, stepping forward and leaning against the redhead. Axel immediately wrapped his arms around him, hugging the blond to him as he murmured soothing nonsense into his hair. Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and let Axel hold him, waiting until some of the tension had drained from his shoulders to step back. "He's an idiot," he muttered, ducking his head and grinning at Axel's expression. Sighing, he grabbed Axel's arm. "C'mon."
Axel let Roxas lead him to Nocturne, sliding in across from him when Roxas settled in the corner booth; propping his chin in his hand, Axel stared at Roxas, quirking an eyebrow expectantly. Roxas stared at the table, trying to order his thoughts. When his cup of coffee arrived, he wrapped his hands around it and took a deep breath.
"We're half-brothers," Roxas muttered. "Did you know that?" He didn't look up to see Axel's response – gripping his cup tightly, he scowled down into the coffee. "We didn't – we didn't even really talk to each other when I was younger. I barely saw him – he lived with his mom." He glanced up at Axel, biting at his lower lip. "He had a future, you know? He gave up everything, for something so stupid –" Axel reached out and wrapped a hand around his wrist, squeezing gently. Roxas inhaled sharply, holding his breath for a moment before he blew it out, a wry grin on his face.
"His mom and my dad split up when he was three," he started, locking his gaze with Axel's. "My dad – he wasn't the best parent, probably. Cloud never talks about when he was younger, but when I was growing up, he'd come visit a couple weekends a month. My dad always just sort of…ignored him, y'know? And I was too young – he's seven years older than I am, we didn't have anything in common. He'd just…hang around the house, and my dad would act like he wasn't really there.
"My mom always tried to be nice to him. She'd even make us eat together whenever he was over. He liked her, I think. But when he got older, he'd start skipping weekends, or finding reasons to leave the house. I hardly ever saw him for about a year and a half. Then my mom got sick." He broke off, swallowing thickly. Axel rubbed his thumb against Roxas's wrist in mindless circles, and Roxas took another deep breath.
"She should've gone to see a doctor sooner," he muttered. "But she didn't even tell us she was hurting until after she got the diagnosis. She had t-two…" He trailed off again, clenching his fingers around the coffee cup. "She wound up having to have a mastectomy," he whispered. He ducked his head with a wry chuckle. "And it didn't matter. She still died."
There was a long silence as Roxas stared down at his cup. Axel's thumb continued to wear gentle circles against his skin. Roxas lifted his eyes back to Axel's face, smiling a little at the redhead's expression. "I was ten," he sighed at last, "when she died. I was ten. Cloud started coming every weekend, and – and looking back now, he was really trying, but I just didn't want anything to do with him.
"My dad…couldn't deal with it. He started treating me the same way he treated Cloud. I mean, he still took care of me, he still fed me and stuff, but it was like he was never there. He just…ignored me. So I started leaving him alone." A small, self-deprecating grin spread over his features. "Namine used to say I got my social skills from him," he chuckled. Axel didn't say anything, his eyes resting patiently on Roxas's face.
Roxas flashed him a crooked smile before he continued. "So – we didn't talk to each other for four years," he laughed. "And Cloud kept trying to help, and I kept ignoring him. And we'd probably still be doing it today if my dad hadn't finally snapped.
"It was stupid," he muttered. "When it finally happened, it was because I was late for dinner. He'd never cared before, but he went nuts. He started screaming at me about how the food was cold, and when I yelled back at him, he hit me. And he just…kept hitting me. And then he locked himself in his study. He was still in there when Cloud found me.
"Cloud – I'd never seen him like that before. He was furious. He carried me all the way to the hospital, and he never said a word. He made them take pictures before they cleaned me up, and then he disappeared for a while. When they released me, he took me back to his apartment, and when he sued for custody, my dad didn't fight it. Cloud never talked about him after that, and I never went back to my house – Cloud moved all my stuff himself." Roxas paused again, lowering his eyes back to his coffee.
"He didn't even really know me," he muttered. "All that, when we were practically strangers." He raised his eyes back to Axel's face. "Cid told me once, when he was angry at me, that I didn't know what Cloud gave up when he did that." He hunched his shoulders, eyes wandering away from Axel's. "But I do. And it's my fault." There was a short silence, Roxas gazing at the table as Axel waited for him to sort his thoughts.
"He – he had a girlfriend," Roxas sighed, dragging his free hand through his hair. "Tifa. They'd been planning to move to Destiny Islands, for her job. Cloud was gonna sell his business – he'd gotten the start-up capital from Cid right out of high school, and it was worth enough that he would've had time to find a job out in Destiny Islands. Tifa – she offered to stay, to try and help with me, but Cloud…" He trailed off, staring vacantly at the spot over Axel's right shoulder. "Cloud felt guilty," he muttered at last. "He thought my dad had been abusing me the whole time. He – I think he still thinks I'm lying about it. He told her to go, and they – they tried to keep it going, they tried to make it survive, but…it was too far."
Roxas paused, rubbing tiredly at his temple. "It's not fair," he muttered, laughing dryly. "He had a life waiting for him, he had everything, and he just…threw it away." He glanced up when Axel snorted softly.
"You really think so?" Axel's customary smirk was plastered across his face, but he tilted his head to the side and it gentled into a smile. "Moron," he muttered affectionately, squeezing Roxas's wrist before he drew his hand back. Roxas stared at him for a moment before he frowned.
"That's it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the redhead, feeling a grudging smile spreading across his face at the light in Axel's eyes. "I just poured out my heart to you, and that's all you have to say?" Axel grinned, already levering himself out of the booth.
"I guess it is," he mused, throwing down a tip as he pulled Roxas out of the booth, tucking the blond under his arm as he walked to the cash register. Roxas sighed and hid his grin against Axel's coat. He didn't speak again until they'd left the café and Axel had dug out another cigarette.
"Hey," he muttered, poking Axel in the side. Axel glanced down at him with a raised eyebrow. Roxas smirked at him. "I just gave you my life story back there. This is the part where you break down sobbing and tell me yours." Axel's eyebrow traveled a little higher, and he grinned as he took a deep drag on his cigarette.
"No it isn't."
Roxas laughed and burrowed a little further into the redhead's side, tilting his head when Axel threaded his fingers through his hair.
Demyx was on the couch when they got back to the apartment – underneath a dark-haired stranger with one hand in the blond's pants and his mouth attached to Demyx's neck. Demyx was keening breathlessly, his fingers working at the button to the other man's jeans. Axel and Roxas froze in the doorway.
"Holy fuck!"
The couple sprang apart, Demyx turning roughly the shade of Axel's hair and the stranger retreating to the other end of the couch, crossing his arms as he shook his hair out of his face. Groaning, Axel pressed a hand to his eyes. "Damn it, Dem, are you trying to scar me for life?"
Spluttering, Demyx waved his hands helplessly in the air. "What are you doing here?" he cried at last, and Roxas had to bite his lip to keep from laughing at the musician's expression. A wicked smirk curled Axel's lips, and Demyx glanced to the side with a small pout.
"I live here," Axel reminded him, raising an eyebrow. "You might wanna zip up there, Dem." Demyx scowled as his color deepened, and Roxas worried distractedly about the guitarist's blood pressure as Demyx snatched a pillow from the floor and settled it over his lap. Axel's eyes traveled to the man on the other end of the couch. "I assume this is the reason you've been acting so damn weird lately?"
The man's visible eye narrowed, but Demyx spoke before he could open his mouth. "This is Zexion," he muttered, waving a hand in the man's direction. He couldn't quite quell the grin that flashed across his face as he glanced at the slate-haired man out of the corner of his eye. "He's a grad student at RGU."
Axel grinned, settling his hand against Roxas's neck. "Where'd you meet a grad student, Dem?"
"I met him at Nocturne," Zexion cut in coolly. He frowned when they all turned to look at him. Demyx laughed sheepishly.
"Uh, Zexion, this is Axel," he mumbled, gesturing at the grinning redhead. "He's my roommate, and uh…yeah." He scratched at the back of his head with an abashed grin before he pointed at Roxas. "That's Roxas. He practically lives here." Zexion nodded to each of them, his hair falling forward into his face again.
"Were you planning on staying?" he asked, the smallest hint of impatience in his voice. Axel's grin widened.
"We interrupt something?" he asked, smirking. Demyx groaned and threw the nearest available thing at Axel's head, laughing in spite of himself when the redhead wasn't fast enough to dodge his cell phone. "And you," Axel grumbled, rubbing where the phone had clipped him. "You could've left a piece of paper under the door or something." Demyx flushed and opened his mouth to argue, but Zexion cut him off.
"That was my fault," he said blandly. "Apparently I didn't provide proper warning before I shoved my hand down his pants." Axel blinked at the man, a smirk spreading across his face when the corner of Zexion's lips twitched slightly.
Demyx sent a pleading look toward Roxas, pulling a hand through his hair in agitation. Suppressing a grin, Roxas wrapped an arm around Axel's waist, pulling the redhead back out of the room with him. "So," he smirked, nodding in Zexion's direction. "It was nice to meet you, I guess." Zexion nodded, expression easing as Axel and Roxas backed out the door. Axel pointed at Demyx.
"You," he grinned, waving his hand in a vague circle. "Sanitize everything." Demyx squawked indignantly as they closed the door; Roxas and Axel glanced at each other and burst out laughing, tripping their way down the stairs and back into the night air.
Axel collapsed onto the front steps, tugging Roxas down to sit next to him. "Oh, man," he breathed, grinning widely as he propped his head in his hands. "I should've seen it – he's been acting so weird lately." He batted Roxas's hand away when the blond poked at the bruise forming on his temple, jerking the younger boy forward until Roxas was sprawled half-way across his lap. "That guy is going to cost me thousands of dollars in therapy," he muttered, ignoring Roxas's indignant shout.
Pushing himself up, Roxas scowled at the grinning redhead. Rolling his eyes and batting Axel's hand away when he reached for him with a mischievous smirk, he settled back on the step and tilted his head back. "So now what?" Axel shrugged.
"We could go see a movie," he offered, propping his chin in his hand.
"We just saw a movie, Axel," Roxas pointed out, scowling when Axel smirked at him.
"Yeah, but seeing as how Dem's kicked us out of the apartment, there's nowhere else we can go to fool around," he grinned, laughing and ducking the fist Roxas threw at his head.
"Moron," Roxas muttered, shaking his head and grinning.
"Oh c'mon, Rox, you know you want to," Axel smirked, tapping a finger against the blond's temple. He laughed at the look Roxas fixed him with, standing and pulling the blond to his feet. Keeping a death grip on Roxas's wrist, he dragged the younger boy behind him as he moved down the street.
Getting dragged halfway across town had been worth it, Roxas acknowledged, if only for the look on Axel's face.
The movie theater was packed.
Axel was scowling, eyes fixed sourly on the screen. Roxas had adamantly refused to leave, pointing out that he'd just spent twenty dollars for a movie he'd never even heard of, and he was damn well going to get his money's worth. Hiding his grin behind a fistful of popcorn, Roxas had to disguise a chuckle as a cough when he offered some to Axel and the redhead gave him a dirty look.
"You're an asshole," Axel muttered, but Roxas didn't miss the grin tugging at the corner of his lips. Roxas shrugged.
"You'll live," he grinned. Axel rolled his eyes, resting his head back against the wall. They were sitting in the very back, in a row that only held three seats; the third seat was empty.
"This wouldn't be an issue if we could go over to your place," Axel complained quietly, pressing a hand against Roxas's thigh. Roxas huffed and smacked it away, leaning his head against Axel's shoulder.
"Shut up," he muttered. "You know why we can't."
"Why don't you just tell him?" Axel sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. He glanced down when Roxas didn't answer him. "What, do you guys still not talk to each other?"
"It's complicated, Axel," Roxas groaned, lifting his head and kissing Axel's throat. He felt the redhead stiffen before he gently pushed Roxas back.
"Don't do that, Roxas," he murmured, frowning. Roxas scowled and turned his eyes back to the screen, trying to ignore Axel watching him.
"Do you know why he's convinced I lied about the abuse?" Roxas asked at last, sagging against the redhead. Axel shook his head, wrapping his arm around Roxas's shoulders. "The stupid fucking dreams," Roxas muttered tiredly. "I could never remember what they were about, but Cloud thought I was lying and having nightmares." His shoulders shook with a mirthless laugh.
"That's it? You're an idiot, Rox," Axel grinned, laughing softly when Roxas glared up at him. "What the hell does that have to do with this? You smacked into me on the street – that's how we met." He tightened his hold on Roxas's shoulders. "You're thinking about this way too hard," he continued. "Just tell him the truth." He paused, a wry smile crossing his features. "Well, not the whole truth," he amended, smirking. "I'm rather fond of my face just the way it is." Roxas stared at him silently, and Axel shook his head and chuckled. "You think too much, Roxas," he muttered, hugging the blond closer to him.
He glanced down when Roxas snaked an arm around his neck. His grunt of surprise disappeared into Roxas's mouth as the blond sealed their lips together.
"Well," Axel grinned, ignoring Roxas's eye roll. "You'd think they'd ban you for longer than three weeks for something like that."
"Shut up," Roxas muttered, unable to stifle the grin that curved his lips upward. Axel just laughed, flicking the ash off of his cigarette.
A comfortable silence descended as they walked along, Axel smiling to himself as Roxas buried his hands in this pockets and hunched his shoulders against the cold. Roxas let his mind haze over, watching his feet beat a steady rhythm against the pavement. He paused when Axel laid a hand against his shoulder – looking up, he saw that Axel's eyes were fixed further up the street.
Following the redhead's gaze, he saw that Cloud and Aerith were about a block ahead of them, walking arm in arm. He felt a soft smile steal over his face, leaning against Axel when he wrapped an around Roxas's shoulders. "You okay?" Axel asked.
"Yeah," Roxas breathed. "I'm happy for him. It's about time he started getting on with his life." He laughed at Axel's expression, wrapping an arm around the redhead's waist. "Come on," he grinned, pulling Axel forward as he kept his eyes fixed on Cloud's back.
"We are not spying on your brother's date," Axel groaned, smacking at Roxas's arm. Roxas scowled at him.
"This is not spying," he grumbled. "This is brotherly concern, and I wouldn't have to do it if that idiot would talk to me."
Axel pulled him to a halt with a groan, running a hand through his hair. "All right," he growled, pulling Roxas around to face him and resting his hands on the blond's shoulders. "We are not spying on your brother, we are not using weird dreams as an excuse to avoid this situation, and we –" Roxas's heart fell at Axel's wide grin, but the redhead only laughed and ruffled Roxas's hair. "Are going to meet the parents," he finished, smirking.
Straightening, he tightened his grip on Roxas's shoulders and stared at him sternly. Roxas opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out. Shaking his head, he scowled fiercely at the redhead, but Axel's smirk only widened. "I am prepared to stand here all night, Rox," Axel grinned, and as if to illustrate his point, a gust of wind chased itself down the street. Roxas shivered.
"I hate you," Roxas muttered sourly, cutting his eyes away from Axel's face. Axel shrugged.
"I can live with that."
Roxas ran a hand over his face tiredly. "Fine," he groaned, moving past Axel and heading in the direction of his apartment. He didn't miss Axel's grin as the redhead turned and fell in step beside him.
Axel settled against the apartment building across the street, pulling Roxas back to rest against his chest and wrapping his arms around the blond's shoulders. "What if he freaks out?" Roxas demanded, reluctantly relaxing against Axel. The redhead shrugged.
"We've been going behind his back this long," he muttered. "We can always do it again."
"What if hates you?" Axel snorted. "What if he freaks out and –"
Axel groaned and buried his face in Roxas's hair. "What if he's fine with it, Rox?" he muttered, and Roxas reluctantly fell silent. He stiffened when he saw Cloud coming down the street, shrinking back against Axel and biting nervously at his lip. Axel sighed and turned him around to face him. "It's fine, Roxas," he muttered, pulling the blond's head against his chest and threading his fingers through his hair. "Let's just go."
Roxas's breath caught in his throat; squeezing his eyes shut, he latched onto the front of Axel's coat. "No," he muttered, grinning. Axel's fingers stilled, and Roxas raised his head and smiled up at him. "No," he repeated, turning and pulling Axel along behind him.
Cloud turned away from unlocking the front door when he caught them in his peripheral vision. He took in everything with a single glance – Roxas's small, nervous grin, the arm Axel had flung over the younger boy's shoulders, the redhead's crooked smile, the way Roxas was leaning slightly into the older boy's warmth.
"All right," he said softly, almost to himself. Roxas's grin relaxed into a pleased smile, and he wrapped an arm around Axel's waist as Axel gently massaged the back of his neck. "All right," Cloud repeated as he clasped the hand Axel extended. "I guess you'd better come in."