A/N: An extremely special thanks goes out once again to my dear friend, GalaxyVisionary, for their generosity in allowing me to utilize words from their work. Quoted directly below to start us off! I highly suggest you read their work!

It's hard

...to get heavy...

...but...

...you have to get heavy...

...to get light...

-GalaxyVisionary, "Blackout-Chapter Three: Day And Night"

She felt so heavy. There was a heaviness in her soul that could have sank her to the very bottom of the deepest depths of the darkest ocean floor. And such a grief in her heart that all of the shed tears in the world couldn't alleviate.

And...this pain... It wasn't so much over the horrors she had just read about. These unspeakable atrocities that he had somehow managed to live through...but never survived. She had seen and heard her share of nightmares from patients within the walls of her private practice as a psychologist.

So...it wasn't merely this young man's past contained within these confidential files that had reduced Gillian to tears.

No.

It was the fact that here she was... Presented with this tormented history of horrific childhood abuse, and absolutely no hope of being able to make things right. To help. Because of the sheer permanence of this young man's final decision to take his own life. And the fact that, by this very act of despair, he had cruelly robbed himself of ever begin able to reach out and seek help. To heal these deep wounds painted and plastered in the cold, stark black and white of those classified legal files. To have lived...just long enough...to maybe one day be rescued. Saved. To become whole again.

With everything she had read about that this young man had endured... That, by far, was the most unbearably tragic crime of them all.

And it was this tragedy that left her feeling heavy.

So.

Very.

Heavy.

And it would take time. For her to wash herself clean. To rid herself of these vile, ugly stains left upon her soul. Like tiny dappled fingerprints from this child's dirty hands as they reached out to her from beyond the grave. And...the futile guilt she now shouldered, knowing she would never get the chance to help him.

Not now.

So Gillian knew... The time and toll it would take on her to eventually crawl herself back up from this dark, black abyss. Out of this deep, endless crevasse and the rubble of this young man's troubled youth. The history of a child terrorized by his father. Then abandoned by his mother.

A checkered past of pain and abuse that, she noted with some disconcerting reluctance, this young man and her business partner shared to an extent. Though he'd never disclosed it to her personally, she had overheard him. Once. When she wasn't meant to.

And she remembered... What he had said, in confidence. What he had recounted to a lost little boy who had stolen away his baby sister in order to punish his dominating, overbearing father.

...she remembered...

'You don't know what it's like.

To have a dad like him.'

...

'Alright. Try this one on for size, right?

Three nights a week, minimum...alright, he goes straight from work to the bar...

...and when he does stumble home, in the middle of the night stinking of booze, right, he's straight in the kitchen and he's yellin' at your mum,

and he...you know, maybe he's knockin' her about a bit.

Alright, you can hear all this from where you are. You're-you're hiding, in your bedroom.

Right, there's nothing you can do about it, but you're just...you're up there. You're layin' in bed. And you're waitin'.

You're waitin' because you know what's comin' next.

It's-it's footsteps on the stairs.

Alright, and you given up on God...God knows when. But you're layin' there, and you're praying...

"Make it stop."

"Please make it stop."

Sound familiar? Hm? No?

So...your dad didn't actually hit you. Or your mum.

Well, in that case, you're right.

I have absolutely no idea what that's like.'

The personal tale of abuse he had recounted to that angry boy. Along with what he had disclosed to her personally in their private sessions about the suicide of his own mother. Gillian simply couldn't ignore the startling similarities between Cal and the deceased young man who's own suicide they were now looking into. Because Cal just couldn't help himself.

There was a reason why suicide cases affected him on such a deep, personal level. Every time. Because it was suicide that had drove him head long into the study of the human face and body language. To develop the science of mapping and identifying microexpressions. It was the death of his own mother that had lead Cal down this road. To the birth and creation of The Lightman Group. And to him becoming the world's leading expert in deception.

And...in part...it had been his father's abuse that had ultimately lead to Cal's mother taking her own life. Because she would have rather died than go back to the man over the weekend she had been granted reprieve from the mental hospital for a family visit.

Gillian began to fear that this case was just a little too disturbingly close to home. And...if she were able to see these similarities that linked Cal to the deceased young man... She knew that Cal would be smart enough to make the same connections. Eventually. At some point. And then take this toxic mess into himself. Making this case personal.

Or.

Worse yet.

That he wouldn't be able to see it at all. And his self-destruction over this young man's death would come to claim him by complete surprise. Taking everyone around him down in the process.

...collateral damage...

Zoe had been right. This one was really ugly. In more ways than one. And Gillian feared that it was already too late to avoid the inevitable fallout when she told Cal about this. Because...she couldn't not tell him. That was an impossibility. She couldn't hide this from his all seeing eyes, no matter how badly she wanted to protect him.

From this...and himself.

With a small sigh of defeat, she raised herself from her desk, taking the weight of this young man's pain along with her as she gathered the files. Holding them close to her chest and tenderly coddling them as she went to meet her fate head on.

The short walk to Cal's office was just long enough for Gillian to school her features, though she knew it would do her little good. Lingering just outside of his door, Gillian gazed at him a moment. Watching him, as his attention came absorbed and completely consumed in the papers along his desk. Though she didn't know exactly what it was that had him so preoccupied, she surmised that it possibly had to do with their current case.

"Hey." This came a gentle request for the man's attention as she donned a small, soft smile.

"Mmh." Cal grunted this greeting, his gaze still riveted by what he had been working on before she had arrived to his office.

"Emily's gone already?" She asked casually with sweep of her gaze along his office.

"Mmhm. Yeah." His voice came distant and distracted, eyes down towards his desk. "Went back with her mum."

"How is she?" Gillian questioned, patiently waiting for Cal to surface and finally make his way back to her.

"Em's fine." He muttered dismissively. "Lippy as ever."

"You know she get's that from you, right?" Gillian chuckled softly, her voice warm and soothing as she spoke.

"Yeah, I know." Cal grumbled, still intently gazing along the papers of his desk. "Gets worse the more time she spends with her mum."

"She gets that from you, too." Gillian replied through a little smile laced in concern over his distraction.

"Mhm." This came another grunt of concession.

"Cal..." She murmured quietly.

"What..?"

"Cal." Her voice gained some strength to grab his attention as his eyes finally lifted from the contents of his work space.

"Gill?" Cal spat her name with the furrow his brows as he gave her the almost exasperated cant of his head from where he sat.

"How are you doing?" She asked, meeting his penetrating gaze head on as he stared at her a moment.

"Fine." He uttered quickly in a sharp, dismissive tone to her overt concern. "But you're not." This came mumbled a little lower as she watched him take in each and every minute detail of her face.

"No." She gave the faint shake of her head in an honest response. "I'm not." This admittance came murmured through those soft lips. "But I will be."

Eventually...she whispered to herself quietly.

In time.

Cal gave the swift sidebob of his head to her honesty as he muttered. His tone just a bit kinder with his next persuasive words.

"Out with it, then, love." He said, peering at her intently through a narrowed gaze as his eyes darted inquisitively along every detail of her face. "What's got you all torn up inside?"

Though Gillian knew that it was impossible to hide this from him, she found herself wishing that maybe she could have had just a little more time before he had noticed her heartache. But that never happened with him. Ever. Which often left her with a twinge of pain akin to the removal of a band-aid.

"We got a new lead in the case." She murmured quietly as she watched his gaze drop to the files cradled in her arms before flitting back to her face.

"And you don't like where it's taking us?" Cal asked with the knit of his brows, taking in her trepidation and the way she hesitated before speaking.

"I'm not so sure I like where it might take you." This came a hushed, breathless whisper.

"How bad can it be, hm?" He questioned before his eyebrows raised into his hairline with the way her eyes dropped and her lower lip tucked between her teeth. "That bad?"

"Yeah." She nodded, hugging the files a little tighter to herself as she finally met his soul exposing gaze. "It's that bad, Cal."

As she slowly approached him with an elegant step, her gaze deviated from the expression etched along his face to what he had been working on moments before she had entered his office. Along his desk were strewed printed stills from the footage they were going through. Images of the sullen young man. Dissected, picked apart, and painstakingly analyzed through black sharpy and his handwritten notes. And in the center of this chaos, unblemished by his hand, was the single photo he had received from the deceased's grief stricken girlfriend.

The first photo and informal introduction they'd had to this young man. Lean, distinctive, angular facial features. High cheekbones, thin lean lips, and dark, rich chocolate brown eyes. Eyes that looked away to avoid the camera's gaze with the slight tilt of his almost jaggedly sharp jawline and subtle hang of the head. A long, slender nose coming pierced with that signature nose ring. An unconventionally attractive style continued with the cut of his hair. Aggressively shaved on one side with bangs swept to the other and tipped in deep, vibrant electric blue. This show of anarchistic rebellion completed with black, gothic, somber attire, as if he'd dressed himself for a funeral.

And...knowing what she did about the young man now...Gillian wondered if maybe this openly hostile and somewhat unapproachable appearance and style had been adopted for more than just the stage.

Maybe it had been a way to protect and insulate himself by pushing others away.

Setting the files along one of the unoccupied chairs next to Cal's desk, Gillian tenderly fingered that photograph before lifting it from the desk. Gazing at it in the wake of this silence as she felt Cal's eyes upon her. Watching. Waiting. Knowing her well enough to be able to read in her expression and body language that she had more to say. That she needed to say. But didn't quite know how to...just yet.

So they sat in silence as she stared at that photograph. But as she looked at this young man grown to adulthood, all she could really see was that brutalized six year old little boy looking back at her. All she could see were those angry violent bruises. Those large, haunted eyes staring back at her through the forensic photos. And innocent, childlike features made completely void and lifeless. Set in an expression that showed a nearly frightening lack of emotion.

"The Assistant District Attorney was able to get us access to our guy's records." Gillian began, attempting to make this deeply personal topic of discussion less so.

"Zoe?" Cal asked with the cant of his head to her as she continued to gaze upon the photograph between her fingertips.

"Yeah." Gillian gave a small nod of concession.

"And?" Cal retorted almost impatiently with a small huff.

"And I now know more about him than I ever though I had wanted to." Her voice quavered along these words as Cal furrowed his brows to this.

"Alright. Meaning?" His tone came a bit huffy towards her hesitation and reluctance to share what she knew.

"Well..." Gillian murmured pensively, choosing her words carefully as she spoke. "...to start with, I was able to read the petition for emancipation." She said.

"Right then." Cal muttered. "Go on."

"And it turns out that he was in the state foster care system long before he petitioned to become his own guardian."

"Foster care?" Cal asked through a furrowed expression. "An orphan, love?"

"Of sorts." She admitted with a small nod. "His mother passed away when he was young. After his father was incarcerated."

"For what?" She heard him question, feeling his inquisitive gaze upon her as she decided how best to respond to this pointed inquiry.

"Domestic violence." Gillian murmured lowly with the faintest pause before she continued. "And child abuse." The subtle change in Cal's body language as he leaned forward along the desk towards her finally forced Gillian's gaze to meet his own.

And she knew by the look etched along his face that she needed to proceed quickly lest he be allowed to linger too long upon this singular disturbing fact.

"But what I don't understand, is that his music producer knew about his emancipation." She said, holding Cal's penetrating gaze as she spoke. "Which means he must have known about our guy being in the system, too." This came with the small baffled shake of her head. "But he didn't say anything about that." Her brows furrowed with the drop of her gaze and the introspective softening of her voice to a whisper. "I can't imagine he didn't know." Gillian spoke, finally relinquishing the photo between her fingertips as she placed it among the others along his desk. "And...it makes me wonder..." She whispered faintly, staring at the collection of photographs as Cal completed her thoughts for her.

"What else he's keeping from us." And Gillian nodded, lifting her eyes from the pictures.

"Yeah." She murmured lightly as Cal's lips flattened themselves into a taut line.

"Right then." He muttered, pushing himself up from his desk and the rubble of his work, wordlessly passing Gillian as she trailed behind.

"Oi! Torres!" Cal yelled down the empty hallway as Gillian followed his steps. "Bloody hell." He muttered under his breath in a quiet, disgruntled hiss before raising his voice into a shrill scream once more. "Torres!"

"Cal." Gillian murmured soothingly behind him in hopes of quelling the man's mounting irritation, to no avail as he simply continued barreling forward.

"Torres!" He hollered for a third time as the young Latina woman poked her head from the lab, Eli peering from just over her shoulder.

"What?" Ria quipped in equal parts irked trepidation.

"Didn't you here me calling you?! Torres?!" Cal snapped with a scowl as he stalked forward.

"I think the dead heard you." Ria retorted as she heard a small squeaked snort of amusement behind her from where Eli loitered.

"Cheeky." Cal gave an unamuzed, muttered grumble as he finally slowed his pace just in front of the young woman, rocking on the balls of his feet in thought before speaking again. "You got plans for tonight, Torres?" He asked, his tone blunt and to the point as Ria's brows knit together.

"Not exactly." Her words came slowed and cautious as her dark gaze flit from Cal to Gillian questioningly before eyeing her boss once more with the deepening furrow of her brows. "Why?" The slight inflection of this question gave away her nervous apprehension as Cal gave a dramatized nod to this.

"Right then. You do now."

"Wait!" Ria stammered as Eli gave the raise of his brows. "What?!"

"Change of plans, love." Cal said as he held her confused scowl. "You're going back to New York."

"Tonight?" Ria snapped, looking from Cal to Gillian, back to Cal with a bewildered gaze as he simply nodded. "Why?!"

"Like I said." Cal shrugged. "Change of plans, yeah?" He said, holding her dark brown gaze with that penetrating stare. "You go fetch your boyfriend. Get him here." This pointed jab towards Ria's strange connection with the band's producer came upon the heels of an open mouthed, gaped protest that was squashed before it could make its way past Ria's lips. "And I get him to talk."

"Wait!" Ria protested, but before she could argue with the man he turned away, breezing past Gillian as the two went into motion in the opposite direction of the lab.

Leaving Ria slack jawed and Eli grinning.

"Cal." Gillian whispered lightly again, keeping pace with the man's gate as the two made their way back to his office.

"And you..." Cal murmured just as quietly to her as they walked together. "You and I, yeah?" This came a hushed whisper. "We're going to have a look at those files together, hm?" And Gillian couldn't avoid the way her lower lip made a home between her teeth as she gave a small apprehensive nod.

"Yeah." She reluctantly agreed, though couldn't argue against this being the only course of action. "Together." And she saw from her peripheral as the two walked in tandem that Cal gave another little sidebob of the head in agreement to this show solidarity.

And his willingness to help shoulder some of the weight of her internal burden over the files contents.

"Right. Together it is, then."

A/N: First and foremost. Happy Halloween. Blessed All Saints Day, And Day Of The Dead (All Souls Day). October 31st, November 1st, and November 2nd respectfully. I feel that maybe these next three days, in a strange bizarre way, encapsulate the feeling of this story.

But I digress...

So, Cal's quote/disclosure about his father's abuse was taken directly from Lie to Me Season 3 Episode 12: "Gone."

Again, thank you all for your steadfast dedication to this particular piece. And a special thank you to Butimachrldr2, my mystery guest reviewer! I hope you enjoyed this update, and are looking forward to the next as much as I am!

And remember! Each review comes with a speedy, personalized replied 'thank you,' free of charge! So...Don't forget to review and get your thank you now!